"Say something, I'm giving up on you…"
She had yelled at him. She shouldn't have. But ever since she had come back, he had been so protective and caring and comprehensive…She couldn't take it anymore.
He had suffered so much not so long ago but acted like nothing happened. And yet, he would not accept when she said she was fine. Good. Whatever. They were both such good liars.
"… I'll be the one if you want me to…"
He had come to her house two days before. It had almost felt normal for a couple of hours. They had shared a dinner, some beers, watched TV, and bantered. But whenever he looked at her, she could see how much he was worried about her.
He thought she was broken. That Jack had broken her. She didn't want to talk about Jack. She didn't want to talk about what happened in that cave. She didn't want him to look at her like this.
"… Anywhere I would've followed you…"
So she had yelled at him, for no apparent reason. She had told him that she needed space and that it was probably better if they were not together on the field for a while. And off the field, for that matter. He hadn't spoken a word. This time, he hadn't tried to calm her down. He had taken his jacket and had left.
She had stayed home for the two following days. Hetty had not raised an objection. Everybody had been treating her like a sick child since her return. But she was ready to come back, ready to face her partner, ready to apologize to him. They were going to be okay.
"… Say something, I'm giving up on you…"
She entered the bullpen, her heart thumping in her chest. She was eager to touch him, to talk to him, to see that look on his face, the one that would tell her he wasn't mad at her and that he understood.
He wasn't there. She froze, slightly disappointed. She set down on her desk the two cups of coffee she was holding and smiled to Callen and Sam who were staring at her, "Morning guys! Where's Deeks?"
"… And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you…"
Sam took one step towards her but Callen stopped him. "Kensi…You should talk to Hetty," he said.
She looked at them both, uncertain. Her mind was racing. Something was wrong and she wasn't sure she wanted to figure out what it was. She turned her head to Hetty's desk. The petite woman was looking right at her; she was waiting for her. Kensi sat down in front of Hetty. The expression on Hetty's face was unreadable but she looked tired and old. She joined her hands in front of her and looked at them for a minute.
"Miss Blye… The liaison program between NCIS and LAPD has come to an end."
It took a moment for Kensi to process the news. "Which means?" She knew what it meant.
Hetty sighed. She really looked old. "Your partner is gone."
"… And anywhere I would've followed you …"
Sadness. Emptiness. Anger. She was hit by so many feelings. And yet for a while it seemed that all she could do was stare at Hetty, speechless. Soon though, one feeling took over. Anger.
"What happened, Hetty? Who decided this? Is it Bates? Why would he do that?!"
She knew she was yelling at her superior but she was far beyond the point she could control herself.
Deeks belonged there. This place was his home, this team his family. She would not allow this.
"Is it Bates?" She asked again. "You gotta do something! This isn't fair, Hetty! He's part of this team, we need him, I need… He's my partner, he's…"
The taste of her tears on her lips surprised her. She hadn't realized she was crying.
Hetty shook her head slowly. "It was Mr Deeks' decision."
"… Say something, I'm giving up on you…"
She knew this feeling. She had felt it before.
He had promised not to get himself killed but he hadn't promised he wouldn't leave her.
His love was so reassuring, so generous, she had assumed it would always be there.
It had taken years for him to take down the solid walls she had built around herself.
But as she stood up silently and walked out the room, she felt those walls rebuilding themselves.
"… Say something…"