Feelings

1. Ted

There's a moment, a turn, a twist in time… and in that instant, Ted just knows.

He knows, not for a hundred intellectual reasons, or clues, or even because he's known Barney for seven years. Ted knows because he feels it.

He knows, not because of the cleaning, or the stamps or even (and, WTF?) the dishwasher. He just does.

It's like when you're a little kid and you first see those pictures in an encyclopaedia - the illustrations about perception: There's one with the candlestick that's actually two faces when you look at it the right way. There's also the one with the old lady's face that's actual a young girl when you tilt it.

Yeah, it's like that, so Ted has to say something because it's Barney and he's always been the candlestick. "It bothers you that Robin and I are hooking up, doesn't it?"

Hey! There it is - bam! - that reaction! It's all Ted can do not to laugh. He's known Barney for seven years and a lie from him is clearer than the truth. It more than bothers Barney that he and Robin hooked up.

"Are you in love with Robin?" Ted says. It's not a question - it's a revelation. Ted can feel himself smiling, which is weird. And because Barney's rendered speechless, his silence is louder than his lies. This isn't just about sex. Ted's seen Barney cut up like this before; only a couple of times but he's seen it.

Two faces… a candlestick… two faces… when he was a kid, Ted used to stare at that picture for hours trying to see both images at the same time - trying to trick his brain. He's never been able to do it before now.

Two faces (panic in Barney's eyes)… a candlestick (he's talking about bros)… two faces (he's freaking out and spraying him with cleaning fluid, a defensive tick)… a candlestick (he's talking about sleeping with other girls? Really?)

Ted tries, he really does, he tries to get Barney to admit it. But everything he says just pushes his friend into a corner; just makes him deny it more stridently. It makes Ted laugh because he remembers all the times that Barney and Robin danced around each other and.. this shouldn't make him feel happy - why is he not unhappy/jealous/angry?

Then Ted realises why and it almost physically hurts him. Barney's never going to admit it! Barney's hopelessly in love with Robin and he's never going to say anything. And maybe Robin likes Barney too? After all, she'd be better for Barney than she was for him. All the things that broke them as a couple are the same reasons that would make it possible for Robin to have a relationship with Barney.

But Barney is never going to tell her how he feels and because Ted's a hopeless romantic, the idea makes him ache inside.

Hours later, when Robin comes back, Ted blurts - "I can't sleep with you any more." He couldn't do that to Barney, he knows. Not when he's seen the pain radiating out of his friend so brightly that it practically blinded him.

Robin grins. "Sure, buddy. Until the next time I forget to get milk, right?" She goes into the kitchen, laughing and opening the fridge, then she lets out a stream of obscenities. Ted follows her and he can't stop smiling. He remembers a couple of years ago when he went to a matchmaker who told him how remote the chances were of finding true love in New York City. At the time, he'd refused to believe her but now he's older, wiser; he knows how rare love is. He knows that you can't judge everything against the Marshall-and-Lily gold standard of relationships.

"Ted, when did you buy a dishwasher?" Robin asks, giving him a quizzical look as she inspects the gleaming appliance.

"Didn't." Ted grins, crossing his arms over his chest. He feels weirdly smug, knowing something that she doesn't. "Barney did."

Robin turns around, frowning, giving him a half shrug that says "Why?"

"Because he's hopelessly in love with you…"

2. Robin

She snorts. It's unattractive but he's Ted and he feels weirdly like a brother to her. A brother she has sex with, maybe, but a brother all the same.

Ew.

He's teasing her like a big, dorky brother.

"Ted, stop it!"

"I'm serious, Robin. Barney really does like you! Haven't you notice how he's been totally freaking out over the last couple of weeks? Exactly as long as we've been hooking up again. Robin, it's obvious! He's jealous. He's going out of his mind!"

She punches him in the arm with a "Shut up!" It's cruel, what he's saying. It's not even funny. She knows she should be laughing but it's not funny, dammit! Not even!

"You shut up!" He laughs at her. If he was serious, he wouldn't be laughing. Last time she and Barney hooked up, it took both Ted and Barney nearly dying to get things back to normal. Why is he laughing?

"Ted, I'm tired. I don't have time for this." She grabs some milk and pours herself a glass. Her hands aren't shaking, she tells herself. She's not blushing. She's not having this totally stupid, inappropriate reaction to Ted's lame joke.

"Robin…" Ted comes up behind her and puts a hand on her shoulder. She shrugs it off. "Robin, I'm sorry. I just… I thought you should know, okay? I thought it was weird at first too. But think about it? If Barney was going to fall for anyone, it'd be you, right? You're perfect for each other. Neither of you wants marriage or kids and you love hanging out together. And, okay, so I wasn't the biggest fan of you two hooking up before but now I realise it makes a certain amount of sense."

She feels tearful and that's so lame that she wants to kick herself in the shin. Robin doesn't do tears, she just doesn't. Okay, so she has a couple of times - over Ted. And that's the trouble, she realises. She opened herself up to Ted and how did it end? A summer in Argentina and her heart in pieces over the floor.

"Ted, this is utterly ridiculous!" She says, spinning around to glare at him. "Even if Barney really was capable of feeling anything for a woman beyond the obvious, what makes you think he'd… he'd…?" Her brain does an angry stutter. "And anyway, it's not like we'd need your permission to get together!" (Jesus, did she just say that?) "And you can just keep your nose out of this, Ted Mosby!"

Robin storms off to her room, slamming the door. Maybe they should just have sex? If Ted's not serious then they could solve this with sex. Angry, makeup sex. Because Barney doesn't like her! Barney doesn't… She doesn't… She doesn't even think about him in that way - she's never… (maybe once) and Ted's got no right to mess with her like this.

Barney doesn't like her.

(she could ask him)

Barney doesn't like her…

(she could test him)

Even if he did, she doesn't like him.

(she's never felt... she feels... oh god!)

Why can't she even think of the word l- lo- lov-?

3. Barney

Everything he's ever worked for. Everything he's ever wanted…

Wealth, pleasure, endless hedonistic whirling ecstasy…

Everything he wants to be.

Fully loaded, fully awesome.

All the armour, all the defences, all the bitterness and spite and anger he hides behind.

Everything that protects him from the world.

Everything that weighs him down and shields him like he's a solitary soldier inside of a fucking huge armoured tank.

Every word, carefully chosen, every piece of clothing, selected lovingly, every decision, planned and calculated.

Every barrier he (hides behind).

All gone…

All gone with one smile, ghosting across her lips.

All gone with one twinkle of her blue eyes - deadly as the coldest ocean depths.

All gone with one sentence that should have crushed him.

But he's still here, feeling a little remote, feeling a little shell shocked, because the secret is out there now and too many people know. He's not stupid, he knows Ted's worked it out. He's not a moron, he knows Lily told Marshall the day he first confessed it.

He should run for the hills but he sits there and she lights up his life and even though he should feel crushed and wrecked and wounded and hateful he doesn't.

Because he loves her.