A/N: My first attempt on a Zettai Hero Project story, seeing as there are so little (7 fics. WTF!). Now for those of you waiting for my Blood Plus fanfics, just a bit more. 5,000 words isn't exactly an easy task trying to maintain the atmosphere of the original anime.

That's also my plan here. I'll do my best to re-create the Z.H.P story's atmosphere, only with a sarcastic, easily-pissed off, foul-mouthed protagonist named after a musical genre.

Have fun!

"Ugh, this is a bunch of bullshit."

A teenage, bespectacled boy walked around the streets of Tokyo, cursing and swearing his mouth off. Today is the day the world ends, and yet he was forced into running errands by his parents. This understandably made him irritated.

"Ooh, Symphony. You're supposed to be more responsible. Symphony this. Symphony that. Can't those parents of mine do something for themselves? God." he rambled about on his way to the convenience store and rambled some more.

"Symphony you need to watch over your sister and not getting into trouble? Just what the hell have I been trying to do in the first place! Stupid motherfu—"

He blabbered and ranted, until his cussing was interrupted by a bird dumping its crap on his head. "Oh god a bird just crapped on me. This is the end of the world and even then it won't give me a break from my hellish life. Why do I even bother."

"Get out of the way!"

"Eh?"

A loud voice called out from behind him, dashing across him. The young boy's eyes widened at the sight. He had never seen such a majestic creature in person before.

"It's the... Unlosing Ranger...!"

Indeed it was. The white and red suit, the flowing crimson cape and the V-plate on his chest. It is the real thing. Dashing at full speed, the Unlosing Ranger turned to his side and flashed a small smile at the child, as a little autograph. The teenage boy himself smiled like he was on pot, but quickly turned into fear as the words formed in his mouth.

"Get out of the way!"

"What—OHGODOHCRAPOHGEEZ!"

CRASH!

"Aaaauuuuugh!"

A car driving at full speed ended up running over the hero, sending him flying for a few meters before finally landing flat on the sidewalk. The driver didn't even pull over to check on the run-over ranger.

"Note to self: Avoid the streets, especially pre-apocalypse." the teenage boy thought to himself before checking on the fallen ranger. "Unlosing Ranger! A-are you okay?"

"Y-y-yes... I am... but the world... guh!" the fatally-injured hero coughed out, trying his best to stand up but to no avail.

The teenage boy settled him down on a nearby fire hydrant and pulled out his phone. "Hang in there. I'll call an ambulance."

"There's no time... guh I don't have much time left so please... tell me your name..."

"Eh? My name? What for?"

"Just tell me..."

"Alright alright fine!" the boy cut to the chase and sighed in annoyance. "Symphony. The name's Symphony... why'd you ask?"

"T-that's a name fit for a hero. P-p-please... can you..." the almost-dead Unlosing Ranger handed out a strange belt to the lad. "Can you save the Earth in my stead?"

"Wait a damn second here. You're making me, a young child with no clue to what the hell just happened, no experience in saving lives, I mean sure I know basic combat skills but still!"

"P-please! I can see it in your eyes... the true soul of a hero who will save this world... please! G-guh!"

"Oh god no don't you dare die on me."

"Glarble! Urrrgh..."

He died.

Symphony watched as a small wisp floated from the hero's body and into the sky. Now with the morphing belt in his hand, he exploded into a tantrum so painful it had to be censored to meet Fanfiction's standards.

"This is bunch of c**k-sucking, c**t-licking, shit-eating, incestual-parental-butt-f**king w**re-shit! Gaaaah! F*ck you, f*ck my family, f*ck Geo Martin, f*ck the US President, f*ck Super Baby, f*ck Darkdeath Evilman, f*ck my life, f*ck the world, f*ck the universe, f*ck Overlord Zenon, f*ck it all to heaven, hell, purgatory, oblivion, the void, f*ck it all to the very ends of existence itseeelf!"

Eventually his gigantic ESRB-exterminator rant was over and he reluctantly morphed into the Unlosing Ranger and walked off into the site of Evilman's challenge.

Y-yeah... this is how we're introduced to the successor of the Unlosing Ranger's power.

We are so going to die.