Cross posting from my AO3 under the same name, just without the dash in the middle. Enjoy!
They were about halfway through a meeting at S.H.I.E.L.D. when Bruce suddenly remembered that he had a science experiment he needed to check on asap. Standing up abruptly Bruce announces "Sorry guys, there's somewhere I need to be."
This causes Tony to look up from his phone, and after realizing what exactly is happening, follows suit. "Thanks for reminding me, Bruce; there's somewhere I have to be as well. Which is to say, not here! What say we head out together, Doctor?" Tony says as he gets up to join his friend.
"After you, Sir." Bruce responds as they make their way to the exit, both smirking at one another.
A quiet protests was made and ignored as Steve tried to call at least one of them back "Tony, shouldn't you at least-"
But it is Fury's raised hand that silences him "Let 'em be." He somehow says somewhat enigmatically.
The Captain hesitantly sits down and the meeting continues without the two geniuses.
~•*•~
"How come I'm the only non suped-up human on the team who hasn't been trained to kill someone in 17 different ways with a spoon?" Tony begins as he saunters into the lab where Bruce is working on his experiment. "I thought I might've gotten used to it by now, but I guess the world doesn't always work like I want it to."
Bruce wonders why Tony is bringing this up suddenly, but figures he'll find out why if he keeps listening. He looks over his shoulder in Tony's direction to let his friend know he has his attention, then redirects his gaze back to his project. He grabs the metal bar he brought to the table after it finally came out of their state-of-the-art 3D printer and -using his bare hands- bends it over the anvil on the desk to measure the heat level and length of heat distribution the new alloy mix makes when under intense pressure.
"Just one of the downsides of this fact is that it makes me the go-to target for kidnapping. I mean, they might not be able to get a ransom for me, but I could be snatched on my way to buy doughnuts and then used as bait! But I digress, what I was getting to is that it's totally unfair. I mean, what if suddenly the team thinks I'm too annoying to deal with? Barton could snap my neck, Natashalie could castrate me, and then snap my neck before I had the chance to say 'Ow, fuck', Rogers could crush my skull with his bare hands, and Thor... Thor could probably kill me on accident." By the time Tony finished saying this he was right behind Bruce, attempting to peer over his shoulder to see what he was working on.
"Hey, watcha got there, buddy?"
Realizing what he'd just done and how it would probably freak out Tony considering what he was just talking about Bruce quickly grabs the nearest rag and tosses it over the anvil and bent bar, then turns to face Tony "Um, nothing that should interest you. How about we go over here?" Bruce turns Tony around and grabs him by the shoulders to guide him towards another part of the lab in hopes of distracting him with something shiny.
"Ooh, does that mean it's something that wouldinterest me?"
Tony asks as he keeps trying to get a look around Bruce by craning his neck.
"Probably, but let's just call it a secret experiment and move on, okay?" Please, Bruce added in his mind, mental fingers crossed. Their progress to the other side of the room was slow-going because Tony was digging in his heels and Bruce didn't want to push too hard.
"Um, Brucie?"
"What?"
"Is your super secret experiment supposed to randomly combust? Because something behind you is on fire."
Before Bruce had quite finished turning round the two geniuses heard a sudden "FIRE?!" coming from the direction of the entrance to the lab.
Their eyes quickly lock onto Thor who spots where the flames are, lunges for the nearest fire extinguisher (Bruce supposes someone's told him by now that those'll put out a fire), rips it (and some of the wall) off its holder, and proceeds to...throw it at the fire.
Both geniuses' eyes go about as wide as saucers before Bruce -much like Thor and the fire extinguisher- lunges at Tony and (as gently as he can) takes him to the ground, while at the same time transforming into the Hulk.
Just in time too, as the extinguisher explodes outwards, foam and deadly (to mortals & normal humans, anyway) shrapnel flying in all directions.
"Well, at least the fire's out." Tony says after the noise dies down and he recovers from his initial shock. "I think." He then once again cranes his neck to see around his friend. "Yeah, we're good." And flops back down.
Hulk huffs in reaction and just kind of stares at Tony, looking him over for injuries.
Thor brushes himself off, the shrapnel falling off him without leaving any marks, yet sticking into the wall behind him (and the ceiling). "How fare thee, Man of Iron?" His fate was sealed once he spoke, though (or when he threw the extinguisher -with Tony in the room-, really).
The Hulk snaps his head around to glare at Thor, who realizes now that he is in big trouble -judging by the way the Hulk's muscles are bunched, much the same way as a cheetah getting ready to pounce- and that it might be too late to make a quick escape before incurring the rage monster's wrath.
Luckily (for the blonde behemoth) a whimpering noise from Tony snaps the Hulk's attention back to the recumbent engineer, and Thor capitalizes on the opportunity to keep his life for at least a little longer by hightailing it outta there!
Hulk follows Tony's gaze to a rather large but thin piece of metal sticking out of the brunette's arm. "I hope that's not deep." He then reaches over to it with his other arm but stops short when the Hulk makes a noise of protest. "Don't worry buddy, I've got it." And then proceeds to pull it out the tenth of an inch it was in. "Ah, must've been a rebound."
The reason Hulk didn't see the piece of metal sticking out of Tony was that it was in the side of his arm, just out of Hulk's line of sight. Tony, however, noticed it because he could feel it (after the adrenaline subsided partially, anyway) and turned his arm over to see it.
He then flings the scrap of slightly bloody metal away and casts his gaze around the room, taking in the huge mess that little incident made, until he spots some foam on the ceiling about to fall and tracks its descent to Hulk's nose. Tony just stares at it for a few seconds before he starts to laugh, considering it quite the hilarious counterbalance to the gravity of the situation. Eventually Hulk joins in and slowly transforms back into Bruce as the laughter continues.
"That sure could have ended badly." Bruce says after his own laughter finally dies down a bit.
"Yeah, I could've gotten covered in foam like you." Tony manages to giggle out.
"Hmm, I don't know" Bruce says as he wipes some foam off his nose. "You still might; the night is young." Then he boops Tony's nose so he now has foam on him.
I'm planning a second chapter, so keep an eye out for that! And please drop me a review to let me know what you thought!