Just like Asthma

Stories of Seth, Ryan and Sophie through the eyes of the parents that love them. One shots.

I don't own the o.c and I'm too tired to come up with a clever way to put that

Enjoy.

Risk

set early in season 1

Kirsten sighed placing the ice pack gingerly on the swollen lump that now took up most of her son's forehead.

He looked up with a sheepish grin making her sigh in annoyance before she rested her eyes on the other child who sat on a barstool staring at his sneakers as if they held the answers to the universe

Kirsten attempted to hide her scowl.

How many times had she reminded him not to leave that bike lying around in the middle of the drive way ?

They were just lucky all Seth did was bump his head.

Seth winced and Kirsten attempted to adjust the icepack again

"You sure you ok, sweetie? I could give you an aspirin"

"No, Mom. " Seth swatted her hand away.

"It's not that bad. I hurt myself riding my skateboard all the time"

"Yes, but you don't usually skateboard into bikes"

Seth sighed "Everybody's making a big deal out of nothing."

Her son looked pointedly over at the very guilty party, who appeared even more ashamed after Seth's comment. Kirsten resisted the urge to yell as he stammered through yet another apology.

"I'm really sorry… Seth, I didn't' mean… I'm so sorry"

"Ryan, haven't you been listening? I said it's not a big deal. I forgive you and all that other mushy crap"

The blonde boy nodded at Seth's acceptance but continued to shoot wary glances her way. Trying to put her anger aside, she relaxed enough to give him a forced smile. It wasn't fooling anybody.

Seth's eyes narrowed with disapproval while Ryan melted farther than she thought possible into the stool. She ignored both reactions, focusing on putting away the rest of the first aid kit.

The right thing to do would be to reassure Ryan, be forgiving, but every time she thought of something to say the words would get caught in her throat.

She told Sandy this would happen. That Seth hanging out with Ryan and following him around would only lead to trouble. She took a chance on him despite the model home fire, the fight the night of the fashion show and the fight he'd obviously been in before Sandy picked him up that first day. Then she'd hoped against hope that her initial fears were wrong and Ryan wasn't the dangerous criminal society thought him to be.

But she couldn't help but remember that Seth didn't get into nearly as much trouble before Ryan came around.

In her heart she knew it was unfair to judge him for a simple mistake, because most of the time he was neat, polite and stayed out of the way. But it was this incident. And the fight at cotillion. And the other fight at Luke's. And then the incident with Donny and the gun. The worry, fear and anger from those nights plus this incident all rolled into one.

Telling Sandy how she was feeling was out of the question. After all, she made the final decision to open their family to the troubled child. Besides, if Kirsten did tell him then she'd have to admit she was having some regrets.

Not all the time, not even most of the time, but times like these.

Even though the logical part of brain was telling her it was an accident and her son was not in any real danger, there was this part of her mothering side that was screaming at her to be afraid. That this bump was just the beginning of a long list of trouble that Ryan could get Seth into ending with jail or the morgue.

As angry as she was at Ryan, she was even angrier at herself, because she was willing to take that risk. And she kept making it every day she let him stay in their house.

This boy

Who was impulsive

And angry

Sometimes violent

Sweet

Loyal

Honest

An old soul if she's ever seen one

And Kirsten couldn't forget how happy she made Seth and Sandy. He had the ability connect to her son in a way she and Sandy never could; Ryan never judged him the way the other kids in Newport did. Sandy was so proud of the progress his ward was making. She could even admit, when she was pouring over blue prints and he'd 'discretely' look over her shoulder, or when he quietly added a word or two in family conversations during dinner, that he made her happy too.

It was too late to turn back now, not after she'd told him he could stay and he began to meld into her family. And she felt guilty for considering it

She took a risk and this was what she got.

The more she thought about it, the more her emotions got mixed up, and the angrier she became at herself an the boy she took in.

Her baby was hurting, a bruise on his forehead for a bike she told its owner repeatedly to put away, and all she could think about was her… Ryan.

Kirsten ignored her nagging thoughts and focused on her injured son

"Seth why don't you go rest in your room for a little while"

"I'm not tired or dizzy or anything"

"Seth , I'm not in the mood to argue with you right now"

"Mom"

"Seth"

Seth frowned but nodded his head before adding hopefully "Can Ryan come and keep me company?"

"I don't think I can handle anymore of your and Ryan's idea of company right now" She snapped

As soon as the words flew out of her mouth she regretted them. Ryan ducked his head and Seth sent him a sympathetic look before storming off to his room, looking every bit like father when he was extremely pissed or disappointed in someone.

Kirsten moved around the kitchen cleaning up around Ryan who was still planted on the stool refusing to look at her. She scolded herself, feeling slightly guilty for wishing Ryan would just leave the kitchen.

It was almost ten minutes before Kirsten was reminded of his presence, his voice soft and strained like a person dying from thirst

"Kirsten - "

" Yes, Ryan"

Her tone was flat in an effort to keep her emotions neutral.

"I'm- uh"

He faltered, wiping his hands on his jeans and straightening his shoulders before starting again, his voice hardened and more resigned

"I'm going to the pool house"

"Ok."

As he stood up she caught his eye. She didn't think he meant for her to see, but she saw it anyway. Beneath the 'It doesn't matter to me any way' mask, in his eyes, was self - loathing and undeniable desperation

The same face he had on the evening he ran away to the model home

The look he had the day Dawn left

Kirsten felt breathless as a new wave of emotions washed over her. She had no doubt that if she let him go the pool house, he would bolt and they would never see him again. Thoughts raced through her mind of what could have been had she not taken him in. And it scared the hell out of her.

"Ryan"

Ryan's hand froze at the door knob and his body sagged at the sound of her voice, before assuming a carefully crafted 'calm'. His face was the picture of nonchalance, but his eyes were crying out an entirely different story.

Kirsten's heart raced as she tried to think of something to say that would keep him from leaving and realization hit her. She'd broken the promise she made to herself the moment he walked into her home with his sad eyes and bruised face - not to get attached to the boy. Because it only made sense that one of these days his mother would come back for him, or he would get himself into deep trouble with the law, or get taken away or worse and she would have to suffer another loss. But somehow he managed to weasel his way into her heart. Open a door she thought she closed off for good when she tried and failed to have another child. Despite her best efforts to keep haway, she couldn't help but care deeply for the child.

The thought of loosing him now, to a bike in the driveway, far outweighed any risk of losing him later.

"Ryan, don't go anywhere. Just sit down a second. Please"

Ryan slouched into his stool with an ere of defiance and hostility she hadn't seen so strong in him since his mother's appearance. Another wave of guilt washed over her. Hesitating slightly, she sat on the bar stool next to him, putting a hand on his shoulder and squeezing lightly.

He looked up at her surprised. Besides the 'welcome to the family hug' neither party had made any effort to make contact until now. Ice Queen or no, she knew she had to get over her fear of being close to him or she'd really loose him.

Kirsten let the decrease of tension in Ryan's shoulders assure her and willed herself to speak

"Ryan, I overreacted"

"It's fine"

"No it really isn't. I'm sorry"

"You didn't do anything wrong, Kirsten. I hurt your son. Of course you're mad."

"You didn't mean it" Kirsten tried to keep her voice steady

"That doesn't mean much" the defeat in Ryan's voice almost made Kirsten come undone.

She choked back a sob as she realized that he wasn't running away from his mistake, but from her reaction to it. This wasn't a dangerous criminal who was leading her baby astray, this was a boy who's welcome was contingent on how happy he made everyone. As much as she tried to think of him as an old soul, a man who was much too old for any type of attention or affection she could give him, he was much younger than she made him out to be. In another moment of clarity she admitted to herself that she envisioned him as such to justify keeping her distance. Now the prospect of him going out on his own, like a man, made her sick to her stomach. If she could just keep him from running from this, she would change all of that.

"It was just a stupid accident. Next we'll all be a little more careful" She barely fought off tears as she struggled to keep her emotions in check

She felt Ryan exhale deeply even though she couldn't hear it and he looked at her with the corners of his eyes

"Next time?"

"Yeah" She smiled at him. This time it was genuine

If she could just get him to stay, for a little longer, give her a chance to give him the reassurance, faith and love more so that she selfishly withheld.

Ryan picked at his wrist cuff

"You told me, like, a thousand times not to leave my bike in the driveway"

"We'll now I'm telling you a thousand and one times." " She rose her voice slightly to make a point " Now do you see why?"

Ryan nodded and ducked his head his posture returning to its defensive stane and she knew he wouldn't let go of his guilt and uncertainty by himself . It was only fitting that since she was the major cause of the child's urge to flee, that she'd be the one to assure him of his place here.

She looked at him warily. Their relationship needed a lot of repair. She recalled all the times she let Sandy handle the lecture or refrained from disciplining Ryan for something or another even when it was called for. When she thought about it, she knew it could very well be the whole reason behind the fiasco. Had she reprimanded the child for leaving his bike lying around earlier, the incident might not have happened. Shifting to the background when Ryan was involved was wrong and she couldn't allow herself to do it anymore. Sandy was usually the one to dole out punishments, but Sandy wasn't here and if she was going to start making an effort to be a parent to this child, then that meant discipline too. She needed to talk to him, apologize, make amends and be a better mother figure; and they'd have time to do all these things. Right now, she needed to make sure Ryan didn't feel as though he had to leave but that she wasn't simply dismissing the situation.

"I think one week, no bike sounds fair, don't you?"

His face adopted its usual skeptical look "That's it?"

"Mhm. I think that fit's the crime. It was just a bump on the head Ryan" She felt her cheeks burning at the memory of her initial reaction

"See that's what I've been trying to tell you people all along!"

Both blondes turned to see Seth hanging in the doorway with an exasperated expression

"Seth how many times have I told you not to eaves drop!"

Seth pretended to count on his fingers "I could stand to hear it a couple more times, Mother"

Ryan snorted. Kirsten cheered inwardly as Seth effectively broke what little tension was left between the pair

She put her hands on her hips in mock - sternness "Go. Lie. Down"

"Ok, ok. I'm going, I'm going"

Seth headed up the stairs as Ryan stood up.

"I'm gonna just go to the pool house now. If that's ok?"

Kirsten's heart jolted

"No, Ryan. I think you should go upstairs and spend sometime with Seth. It's the only way he'll actually lie down. But I have to warn you, he might try to make you his personal servant as payback"

Ryan gave her a soft, smile in response to the joke

"Thanks. And I really am sorry"

"I know. Me too"

"- Ryan, I'm waiting!"

Ryan gave her one last glance and she nodded her head in approval

"I'm coming, Seth!"

Kirsten sighed contently as she finished cleaning up the kitchen.

Ryan would be ok for now. It was a small step, but in the right direction.

She told Sandy taking in Ryan was a risk. That they'd be getting in over their heads and she was right. More right than she anticipated or wanted. But as much as all the 'what ifs' scared her, she knew Ryan was a risk worth taking.

Kirsten mean? KInd of. Overaction to a bike in the drive way? definetly. Conflicting feelings about the new addition? yes. Finally realizing she cares about him even though he can be trouble? The main point

hoped you liked it

There's funnyness and fluff in coming later one shots. Any prompts you might have are greatly appreciated :)