I got a request for a sadstuck SolKat by my buddy Tris. (who doesn't have an account, but he reads fanfiction a lot as a guest) And this train wreak is what I came up with.
I'm sorry for all the depressing stuff in the beginning, it gets hells better at the end, trust me.
Please just try to stick with it?
...
You push the razor sharp edge into your flesh until it breaks the skin and hold it there for a few seconds.
Then you jerk your hand to the side and watch as an angry red line follows the motion.
Blood drips down your leg and collects at the bottom of the tub, washed away by the scorching hot water.
Several other angry lines join the first.
The porcelain turns orange, then red, and then finally a dark crimson. That might stain again, so you are going to have to wash the bathroom again so no one sees.
You stare at the lines that stare back at you,
Mocking you.
Making you regret everything you have ever done in your life.
You gently run a finger over the letters carved into your skin.
'faggot' 'freak' 'loser' 'fatass'
The 's's are the hardest to carve, so they look more like 5's to you.
But that doesn't matter.
You slide down to the bottom and let the hot water wash away all the disgusting blood collecting around you.
Sometimes you wonder why you even do this, nothing is really wrong with your life. There are so many other people with worse lives that don't do this to themselves. They are strong enough not to, so why aren't you?
You make good grades, you have a some-what functional family (if you count the fact that Slick can even be considered your family.) you don't get into trouble that often, and most of all, you have an amazing best friend.
Who hates you right now.
Thinking about him makes you want to paint a picture in your skin with the razor as your brush.
It hurts.
Knowing that he hates you right now.
Knowing that no matter what, you will always just be scum to him.
The word 'scum' joins the others on your thigh. You don't care that the letters don't curve right.
...
Three hours before
...
You know he hates you, it is a fact.
That doesn't make the blow hurt less.
In fact, if anything it makes it hurt more.
Because the physical hurt just adds to the emotional hurt you already feel when he tells you that you're just worthless trash.
"It's not like anyone will ever love you anyways, you're so pathetic and weak." Dave* spits in your face.
You try to remember why the two of you were ever friends in the first place.
You try to remember what it felt like to be his friend.
You don't remember.
You don't, because it never happened.
He's always hated you, and you knew that.
Since day one, it has always been like this.
You made it worse.
He found out about how you like guys, and now everything is going to shit.
You can't feel your lower arm, where he twisted it behind your back.
It hurts to even move right now.
You wonder where he is right now.
What he's doing.
If he's thinking about what he did.
If he even cares.
Probably not.
You almost wish he had finished you off.
You were already pretty beat up to begin with, he just added to the pain; when he found you here, laying in a pool of your own blood, sweat and vomit.
You don't know why you expected him to do anything.
Well, anything to help you, that is.
Everything hurts.
But the screaming of your heart is blinding to the point that you don't even feel anything else. Everything else is just numb compared to the shearing pain of your blood-pumper.
You kinda wish you could just cut your heart right out, and never have to feel like this again.
Because you never want to feel like this again.
You cared abouthim. With every ounce of your broken and bruised body.
The sad part is, you still do. And you forgive him for hurting you like this.
You wish, so much, that you could hate him for what he has done to you.
But you just...
Can't.
...
"KK? Why are you limping?" Your friend, Sollux asks the next day.
You smile at him and lie through your teeth,
"You must be fucking seeing things, because I'm not." you tell him, knowing he'll probably start arguing with you and forget about it all together.
"I'm not theeing thingth. What happened?" he takes a hold of your arm to keep you from running when he asks.
You know he's serious because he never let's his lisp show. Never.
"It's nothing. Can we just go?" you try to pry your arm away from him, but his grip holds fast.
You stop struggling against him finally and his fingers loosen around your wrist, before slipping down and taking hold of your hand instead.
"Are you okay? You've been really out of it lately." he mumbles, taking your other hand is his and holding them both.
You can feel your face heating at the contact, because you've liked this asshole for almost a year now.
"I'm fine." you lie again, averting your eyes when you meet his.
You don't know what color his eyes are, and that fact kinda pisses you off. Those stupid glasses won't let you see.
"You aren't fine, tell me what'th wrong." he whispers, and you almost think you see him move forward.
"Sollux?"
"Hmm?" he hums.
"What the fuck are you doing?" you blink back at your own harsh tone, but he only smiles.
"What do you mean?" he asks, and you can't help but stare at his lips as they move to form the words he says.
"I'm not even sure." you tell him truthfully. He smiles again, and you almost melt.
You forget about Dave and all the things he's put you through. You forget about the ache in your legs from walking too far. You even forget that you are probably going to be late to school.
All you focus on right now, is Sollux.
"Hey, KK?" he pauses, and you look up into his glasses. "What would you do if I kithed you?"
His question surprises you, to say the least. You don't answer right away, and you see his face flush brightly.
"What?" you uncertainly ask. He takes a deep breath and asks again.
"What would you do...if I kithed you. Right now."
You stare at him with wide eyes before you hear yourself choke out,
"I don't know..." you drop your gaze back to his lips when he speaks again.
"Can I?" he whispers, leaning ever so slightly closer. "Kith you?"
You find that you can't breathe at the moment, so you settle for just nodding.
He hesitates, and you almost back down in fear that he's just joking around with you. But just as you are about to do so, something soft presses against your lips.
And you realize it's Sollux.
At first, it's just lip-on-lip contact, and you aren't even sure who moved first, but pretty soon your lips are flowing in sync with each other.
His lets go of your hands and wraps his arms around your waist. Pulling you against him, your arms wrap around his neck to support you and push your lips harder into his.
Out of breath, and red faced, you pull away from him.
"We...should get to school..." you whisper, resting your forehead against his.
"Probably, but I'd rather thkip." he smiles at you. "You can go, but I'll be home." he lets go of you, and start off in the direction of his house. He stops for a second and turns around to face you "Alone."
You debate your options for a moment, thinking it over.
He waits patiently for almost that whole time. Just as he's about to leave, you quickly catch up to him, taking his hand.
...
Shitty ending, I know.
Eh, leaves things up to the imagination.
*Another thing, I'm sorry I made Dave the bad guy in this. Blame Tris.
Anyways, I apologize again for all the sad stuff in the beginning. It wasn't even all that necessary for the story, but whatever.
Review?