My first fan fiction request! Bwah! I'm so happy. I was requested by RainbowSlider to write Oz/Gil song-fic fluff based on Oz's character song, 'Swear To' XD
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The clock's hand is noisy
and begins bending towards 0 a.m.
I feel like I can hear the footsteps
of the darkness that lurks in the inner part of the mirror.
Before I know it,
a fragment of loneliness, that was supposed to be extinguished,
closes up before my eyes and sneers at me.
Who am I? What is my purpose? How long do I have?
Why was I even born?
Emerald eyes stared up at the moon before them as Oz Vessalius reflected on his own state. Half a revolution had passed on his incuse, and he was already further down the strange path it had set him on. If B-Rabbit was not wholly the source of his powers, then what was? Why did he have powers that no human should have? And why…why should he be denied?
He let his gaze fall to his reflection in the glassy waters of the lake before him. Oz knelt down and gently traced his fingers against the surface of the water and watched as it distorted his expression.
Your sin is your very existence…that thing should never have been born…you do not belong in this world…
"No!" Oz clutched his head and closed his eyes tightly to banish the thoughts that stirred there. He belonged, he had to. He was born, he was alive, he had a place…didn't he? "Where do I belong?" he whispered to his own broken reflection.
"Oz?"
Things to lose, I thought I had none of those.
I was going to get accustomed to loneliness, but
if I'm necessary to you, then
I'll definitely never leave you alone.
I swear to you.
Forever close to you.
Every day was blank, and in my warped smiling face
there were even tears, that stayed there unshed.
Oz Vessalius stared at the black-haired boy trembling in his uncle's grasp. This boy was to be his servant? Not someone stiff and 'proper', but this terrified child? He was to belong to Oz? ….
A vase cluttered on the table and fell, and as Gilbert closed his eyes, Oz leapt over the top of him and ignored the painful slam against his head as it fell dully to the floor.
"No…you must not protect someone like me…because…it is my duty to protect my master!"
So small, so fragile…he needed someone to watch over him. Who had ever needed that of Oz? So maybe…
"…from now on, I'll protect you no matter what! 'Cos that's the Lord's Duty!" Oz held out a hand to the boy before him, the boy who needed him, his own to protect… "I'm Oz Vessalius! Nice to meet you, Gilbert!" Oz clasped his hand in Gilbert's and held it tightly, this was their bond…
Oz would have been alone, if not for Gilbert. Truly his only friend in all the world, at least back then. But even now, it was Gilbert who was most precious to him…and Gilbert who suffered the most because of him…but as long as Gilbert needed him, his 'precious young master', then he would be so.
"Oz?"
Oz stiffened slightly in surprise before he rubbed at his eyes quickly and turned to face Gilbert with a smile. "Hey, Gil…what's wrong? Couldn't sleep?"
The golden-eyed man before him furrowed his brow slightly as he looked over Oz. He had awoken to find Oz gone and with a strange feeling of ill ease. And when he'd found the other, he had been just in time to see Oz trace his fingers against the water and ask 'where do I belong'. Gilbert longed to answer, but he knew how fragile his young master truly was, he didn't want those ripples in the water to become waves of anguish like that day…the day his father had broken Oz, because of Gilbert's foolishness…
When I was like that, you murmured to me,
"Crying is not something to be ashamed of."
By turning myself into something so humble,
what did I think I was protecting? I'm a clown lost in a forest of confusion.
"Oz…you were gone when I woke up…" Gilbert finally said softly.
"Ohhh, Gil was worried, right? Heh, sorry…I just felt like going for a walk…it's okay, you can go back to bed. I'll be back soon." Oz let his smile widen as he ignored the deepening pain in his heart. He couldn't let Gilbert see, he couldn't share this pain…it was his own burden to bear and Gilbert had been hurt enough because of Oz.
Gilbert stared at his young master a moment before he stepped forward until he was just before Oz. He stood before Oz, he saw the other's faint surprise as Oz tilted his head to look up at Gilbert. And then he dropped down onto one knee.
"Gil…" Oz seemed startled.
"It's okay…if you want to cry, Oz." Gilbert whispered, and Oz's eyes widened.
When I told you, "There are no things to believe in, anywhere"
I hurt you, didn't I?
I will keep on protecting you,
who showed me that there are things that will stay unchanged.
"So regardless of what happens, or who betrays me…I accept that reality, that's all." Oz Vessalius cast a cool smile at his servant with eyes full of feigned indifference. In his heart, he had tried to close off his emotions, his loneliness, the feelings of betrayal that were repeated over and over again…but he wanted more, and Gilbert-
Averting my eyes, plugging my ears,
I was running inside a dream.
I wished for a reason to exist in this place.
"Yes, that much is true…One can never know what the future holds. But, young master…I will be with you no matter what tomorrow may bring. I know the darkness in your heart and you…know the weaknesses in mine. We are linked by our shadows, not by our light. No matter how much time passes, or even if our situations change…I wish to remain your valet always…" Gilbert spoke with his hand over his heart, bent on one knee as he gazed up at his stunned young master.
Oz stared, unable to believe what he had seen. He'd had servants before, but none had stood before him, knelt before him, none had offered him such loyalty, none spoke from their heart…but…did he dare? "I don't believe in absolutes like 'always'." he finally said, and he blinked when Gilbert laughed a bit before he spoke again.
"Of that, I am well aware…however, would it not be acceptable for there to exist at least one 'absolute'?" he saw his young master blush slightly and try to hide it behind a book. "I will never betray you. I will never let anyone hurt you. Because you are my master."
"Gil…what are you saying?" Oz forced a chuckle. "Why would I be-"
Arms slid around him and pulled him close as Oz was crushed against Gilbert's chest. He couldn't help it. The sight of his young master so small, so fragile in the moonlight, questioning his very place…he knew what it connected to. Oz had been so broken by his father, so torn by the tragedies in his life. Why did Oz have to suffer so much? And why was he so damned stubborn about trying to suffer it alone? Didn't he see how desperately Gilbert wished to stand beside him, to be relied upon? Gilbert was terrified to lose his place at Oz's side, but more terrified of what would become of Oz if he lost his belief…
"Gil." Oz's voice was a mumble pulled forth from the ache in his chest. Why so suddenly did the other's arms around him make his eyes burn and water? He never cried. Why should Gilbert be able to make him so…so… vulnerable?
"I'm beside you, Oz. However you need me…as long as you need me…if you're angry, if you're hurting, if you want to cry…even if you only want someone to hold onto you…I will always keep my promise. Our absolute." Gilbert said softly.
"…" Oz closed his eyes tightly against Gilbert's chest before he pulled back a bit and looked away. "I know, Gil…but I'm alright…you shouldn't…have to carry such a heavy burden because of me…"
"It's not a burden!" Gilbert's sudden snap caused Oz's head to jerk back in the other's direction as he stared at him in surprise. "You are my young master…my very precious young master…even so…I don't care for you because I have to. Or even because I want to… Can't you…see? I couldn't…not care…you've been the person beside me since the day I was found…all the memories I have, good and bad, are with you…and the memories of being with you, of your smile, of your laughter, of falling asleep at your side, of just being near you…even when you were sad, or hurting, or angry, or…a brat. Those memories are…more dear to me than anything…there is nothing I would change, except that I ever lost you…because the ten years without you weren't like living…my world isn't right without you in it."
Oz stared at Gilbert. His clumsy, stumbling, sissy of a servant. How did he always manage to say such things? He stammered and fidgeted when he spoke, he was quiet and soft-spoken, he was a trembling child…and yet, even then, even now…for Oz he had a different voice. For Oz he could be so warm, and so firm, and so strong…he relied on Gilbert more than the other knew, but it was because of that that he couldn't bear to be a burden. Not to him, or to anyone.
"Oz!" The other still seemed doubtful and he kept an arm around Oz's waist to keep the other held close as he lifted a hand to cup Oz's cheek and run his fingers through the other's hair lightly. "Even if there weren't me…Lord Oscar…and Ada…Break and Sharon…Elliot and Leo…those you try to help…even that stupid rabbit…they need you too…you belong here. You belong in your place as Oz Vessalius. Isn't that what you said? You'd move forward without shame, or hesitation…as Oz Vessalius…and choose your own path.."
"I did, didn't I…" Not so much a question as a murmur and emerald eyes gazed back into golden ones.
"But…there is me too…and you belong with me…at least, I think you do…I want you to." Gilbert swallowed hard now as his confidence became a bit more awkward. This was different. "It's selfish…to want you here because of me…but I do…I need you by my side, Oz…and I need to be by yours…I want you to be here…even if it's just for me…or even if it's just for that stupid rabbit, or someone else…you do belong…and I'm happy if I can just stay with you…so please…please…keep fighting…you have a place in this world…and…in…my heart.." Gilbert blushed darkly as he lowered his gaze before his head jerked up as he felt something wet and warm run over his thumb. Tears? Oz…had….tears?
"You…stupid…" Oz's fist lightly connected with Gilbert's head before his hand opened and clenched lightly around a bit of Gilbert's hair and more tears trickled down his cheeks. "Why'd you have to go and be…so…you're such a…" he let out a half-sob, half-chuckle and Gilbert stared at his master, too stunned to react a moment before Oz's arms slipped around his neck and he held the other tightly. In turn, Gilbert kept an arm around Oz's waist and slid one around his shoulders as he held his young master close and buried his face in the other's neck.
"You're in my heart too, y'know?" Oz spoke softly. "You do belong with me…always, just like…you promised…and like I believe…the only absolute I believe in…you…"
Gilbert's eyes widened, and it was his turn to feel the burn and wetness in his eyes. "Oz…you…"
"…Even if it's only for you then…I'll keep fighting…so that I can deserve to belong at your side, to belong with you, Gil."
Oz would protect the other, his precious best friend, the one with whom he belonged…who gave him a place…Gilbert needed him, then and now, and Oz had come to need him as well…perhaps Gilbert was right, and others did too…but he knew at least that with Gilbert, it was absolute.
"I want to be loved", I didn't even notice I had such a wish.
I was going to get accustomed to loneliness, but
if I'm necessary to you, then
I will keep on protecting you.
I swear to you.
Forever close to you.
Gilbert's eyes had widened and as Oz stroked his hair lightly, Gilbert leaned his head into Oz's hand lightly. Those words…those words warmed him, and the gestures…did Oz have any understanding of how happy they made Gilbert? Oz wanted to belong with him, to stay with him…his precious young master…
"Hey, Gil?"
"Yeah, Oz?"
"You're right…I do belong with you. And you belong with me too." Oz said softly.
Golden eyes widened as he pulled back just enough to stare into the emerald eyes before him and by now, a few tears of his own trickled down his cheeks. "Always, Oz…" Gilbert whispered the promise as he brushed his thumb under Oz's eyes gently, and his gaze softened when Oz smiled lightly, a small but warm and true smile as he did the same for Gilbert.
"Always." Oz agreed as hugged Gilbert tightly again and let himself draw comfort from the other as Gilbert did with him.
Maybe his existence was a sin. Maybe he was wrong in some way. But even if no one else needed or wanted him, Gilbert did. Oz belonged with Gilbert, and Gilbert with him…so he would keep fighting to exist, and to be himself…so that he could protect his place to belong….Oz could believe in one absolute, his precious best friend. Oz's place to belong…Gilbert.
Always.
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Mmm. Oh the fluffy sweetness of it. XD If it does not meet your approval, Rainbow, feel free to inform me and I shall rewrite/edit/whatever. There's no point in taking requests if I don't absolutely fulfill the requester's joy XD
Whee. I seriously woke up, saw my reviews, and started writing this. Days off kick so much kool-aid. XD It's like waking up to PH. *happy* XD~