A/N: Don't own the characters, fic set post events that happened in a roleplay. Soubi went to visit his sensei and was punished, beaten, hurt and made to blind himself. Dark, with a happy ending. Well, not happy, but more hopeful. References to pre-fic events, nothing explicit.
Lost in the darkness, hoping for a sign
He couldn't see, the pain was incredible. It felt like his eyes were burning. He had no idea where he was, no sense, no way of telling
Instead there's only silence
He could feel nothing, was searching for Ritsuka, trying desperately to sense him. There was nothing.
Can't you hear my screams?
He shivered as the memories of what had just happened flashed once more through his mind. The warm blood was still soaking his shirt. He swayed on the spot, unable to control his pain and terror.
Never stop hoping
He clenched his fists, fighting to stay upright and concious, the one thought in his head that he had to find Ritsuka, had to explain, to apologise, to beg him for forgiveness.
Need to know where you are
He swayed on the spot, blind eyes clenched shut, pretending the darkness was his choice. He pictured Ritsuka in his mind, hearing his voice again "Just come back Soubi, always come back...". He had promised. Even if Ritsuka didn't want him, he had to go back, had to find him. He couldn't feel him anywhere and let out a cry of despair. He HAD to find him, had to know...
Cause one thing's for sure, you're always in my heart
"I love you" he had to believe it. Even if it wasn't true, he would always love Ritsuka. Always. Seimei had ordered it and Seimei was god.
I'll find you somewhere
He stopped. He could have sworn he felt it, a twinge of Ritsuka's presence. Distant, faint, but nonetheless, definitely Ritsuka. He felt his heart swell with hope. It was enough to follow.
I'll keep on trying
He began stumbling towards the vaguest sense he had, feeling it grow stronger.
Until my dying day
The blood was running down his back, he didn't know if he could make it this time. He had to reach him, just to hold him again. He wasn't sure if this was it, if this would be the end or not, but he had promised to die for Ritsuka. And if that was what it took, that was what he would do.
I just need to know, whatever has happened, the truth will free my soul
If he died, it wouldn't be so bad, especially if it was with Ritsuka. He would have to leave him, but he would be free. No-one would be able to hurt him anymore, even if it also meant he would never feel Ritsuka's arms again. He had to see Ritsuka one more time, to know at the very end - if the end it would be - whether he had suffered in vain, or whether Ritsuka could find it in his heart to forgive him one final time.
Lost in the darkness, trying to find your way home
He was running blindly now, feeling the blood dribbling down his back, soaking deeper into his clothes, clinging to and following that distant feeling of Ritsuka.
I want to embrace you and never let you go
He wished with all his heart that Ritsuka could have been the last thing he saw instead of that horrible smirking face, laughing at his failure and his pain.
Almost hope you're in heaven, so no-one can hurt your soul
He hoped his angel was safe somewhere no-one could hurt him. He knew he had failed to protect him, and was worse than useless now. But still he kept running, needing to know Ritsuka was safe and praying that maybe, just maybe, he could forgive him, maybe he would still want him.
Living in agony, cause I just did not know where you are
He was desperately trying to feel him, to find him. He did not know where he was, the pain in his eyes and his back was overwhelming, but he kept running.
I'll find you somewhere
He followed the innate sense - he had to find him, he HAD to, wherever. Only if he found him could he save him and be saved.
I'll keep on trying
He could feel his lungs ready to explode, his back on fire, as did the muscles in his legs. But his only chance was to keep going.
Until my dying day
"I'll give you everything... my body, my heart, my soul. I'll even give my life..." anything for him. Anything just to hold him again, anything for him to be safe.
I just need to know, whatever has happened
He tried desperately to silence the thoughts, the echoes of Sensei's voice. It was right, he was a failure. A "broken, tainted failure". But he had to believe, had to hope...
The truth will free my soul
He heard Ritsuka's voice echoing in his head "I Love You". He smiled, panting in air and fighting to stay concious, to keep running.
Wherever you are, I won't stop searching
His only chance was to fine him. If he failed him again, Ritsuka certainly would not forgive him.
Whatever it takes me to know
He had to know either way. He would either die euphoric or devastated. It was Ritsuka who could make or break him. It was his decision. It always would be.
I'll find you somewhere
he fell to the ground outside the school and managed to get his phone out of his pocket.
I'll keep on trying
From somewhere he managed to find the strength to dial Ritsuka's number and whisper one word: "outside..."
Until my dying day
At least Ritsuka knew now. He had promised him his life, and he would get it.
I just need to know, whatever has happened
Soon he felt the familiar arms around him again
The truth will free my soul.
He heard Ritsuka's voice, shaking, scared, whispering the three words he had come praying to hear...
"I Love You"
It would be okay now...