In Between Us
Gabrielle
sets herself apart from the others.
In her ideals was her notion
of herself - of peace and of avarice, fighting each other for
dominance so many times.
But now, with what is lost and what is
left... How
do I go on when nothing remains of me? I don't recognize who I am
becoming.
Her
love has not diminished and, yet, it is stunted now. She looks to the
warrior at her side, wanting to reach out and give up... But what is
there to share these days? Pain
that still haunts me, death that still clings to me and the shadow of
who Xena used to know always at my back...
Gabrielle
used to cherish her innocence. She even ached for it as it was
stripped away.
But
that girl is in between us, right now... and I don't know how to
forget her and I can't bring her back.
Xena
finds her war-like mind oversimplifying this moment, in darkness and
with words still unspoken. Oh, they hover around the heavy weight of
who just stirred up these ghosts and of what is yet to be resolved.
I
can't find you. You are running from me and I can't see you
anymore.
Yes,
they sidestep like masters of deception, avoiding the hurt and the
need and the want. Xena allows the weeping inside to remain there,
like a stone.
I
don't want to lose you, but I already have... haven't I? The light in
you has been snuffed out. By my hands, by my actions...
Xena
used to long for the innocence of her brief youth. She even sought it
out in Gabrielle.
But
that girl is in between us, right now... and I don't know how to let
her go and I can't save her this time.
Side
by side, but they do not touch. Waiting for the other to break this
silence, to somehow jerk away the agony and bring about...Love
again, friendship again, trust again... Waiting
for the other to say what needs to be said, waiting for the other to
make that soft contact and so set free the doubts.
Xena holds her
breath. Gabrielle stares into the night.
And they wait for each
other. Even
if it takes forever.
END