He had just asked her to marry him. At first she was horrified and completely caught off-guard. All she wanted was to make a change in her life, move away, switch jobs, but was not ready to marry this man who was going to make this all a reality for her. He quickly assured her that he did not mean to pressure her and that she could take her time and let him know when she made her decision. She felt relieved as she wanted and needed this to work out. Standing by the elevator, he asked her if she had told Jane yet that she was leaving. Her face turned crestfallen as she thought of Jane. This would be one of the hardest things she would have to do, but she knew it was a necessary evil. She told him that she hadn't yet. He said now would probably be the best time as she would be leaving in just a few days. He told her he would wait for her downstairs and that she should feel no pressure to rush through it. They had worked together a long time and not seeing him again deserved the time and attention it needed to tell him the news. She agreed, but before entering the elevator he leaned over to give her a quick parting kiss, as lovers do. Although she was not in the mood to kiss him at the moment she hesitated, but quickly put on a faint smile as she leaned in to comply. She did not want to give over any inkling of the uncertainty that was resurfacing in her again. Why couldn't she just move on and love this man? He was giving her all he had and she would learn to appreciate it. Once she was out of Austin, her memories of her past would quickly fade and she would be able to attach herself more to him. She had no doubt of that.
With that in mind, she took the next steps forward to approach Jane, her friend and partner for over 10 years. He was sitting there peacefully, still on his couch, with his arm leaning on the armrest and reading a book by the lamp. He seemed as if he did not take notice of her, but as she approached her he tenderly said, "hey Lisbon."
She replied back in the same tone, "hey Jane," both having a stirring feeling of awkwardness between them as though they were meeting for the first time. There was so much water under the bridge that who could possibly know where to start. You could slice the tension in the room with a knife. Lisbon did not know that inside, Jane was in as much turmoil as she was, but he didn't let on. She decided to open the conversation as it was she who was doing the leaving.
"Jane," she said. "I need to tell you something. This is not going to be easy for me and it may be hard for you to hear as well. I have someone waiting for me downstairs, so I will try to get it out quickly." Jane knew very well who was "waiting for her downstairs." Although she knew the man waiting for her downstairs told her to take her time, she needed an excuse to make this quick.
Still standing, Lisbon looked down at Jane who had still not lifted his eyes from his book. He knew what was coming and did not want to look up and hear it. Lisbon proceeded, as she knew she needed to be straightforward, but would still lay it on as gently as possible. Ignoring the fact that he was not looking up at her, she continued. "Jane, we've worked together a long time, and it's damn hard to tell you this, but I accepted the transfer to DC and plan to move there in a couple of days." She did not wait for his response. "This is a decision I had to make albeit a hard one. Please understand that this is very important to me and that I wish you the best of luck here and with your future." She knew this sounded impersonal, but she dared get too emotional. She had buried her feelings for him so deep down inside of her that she was beginning to get used to mustering up that cold non-nonchalant way of speaking to him. Jane, still focused on his book, replied, "I understand Lisbon, this is something you need to do. As I have said before, you deserve happiness and if this is what you want then…" He finally picked up his head slowly and met her eyes. He had a pained look on him, but he continued, "it's something that I would want for you as well." Lisbon could not believe how well he was taking the news. Or at least that is what she let herself believe. She felt a bit relieved that she had gotten that out of her way and could now move on without any feelings of regret or guilt by avoiding the issue with Jane. She was not about to press on with the conversation as she knew it would not be a productive one. She said what she said and there was nothing more she felt obliged to say.
She turned around to leave, still feeling sorry for what had just transpired between them, but once she was out of there and downstairs, she would be able to put it out of her mind, and soon enough it would be a distant memory.
She was almost by the elevator, when she heard Jane faintly call her, "Lisbon?" She turned around begrudgingly as she already thought she was off the hook. She had fooled herself into thinking it could be that easy. She knew she could not reply with some impatient remark or the excuse that someone was waiting for her downstairs. She owed it to him to let him get in his word. Plus, "the man downstairs" said she should take her time and he would wait for her for as long as it took. He had his iPad with him and lots of work to catch up on and as always wanted to please Lisbon with his patience.
She proceeded hesitantly back to Jane and as she got closer she said "what is it?" His head was looking down, but this time he was not pretending to be looking at his book. He was just staring blankly at the floor below him. Lisbon, sensing his trepidation, gently prodded, "Jane? What's goin' on? It's ok, I will wait here until you say what you need to say." She was usually short with Jane throughout the years of working together, but whenever she sensed his inner turmoil bubbling up inside of him, her compassionate side would surface and she would somehow have all of the time and patience for him. Although for the past few months she had been blocking him out of her mind by keeping her distance, her deep care and concern for him was provoked yet again. She could not help it.
Jane began to shiver a little and his face was burning up with emotion. Lisbon realized this was not going to be an easy one. She did not know what he was trying to say, but whatever it was going to be seemed like it was something that had been weighing on him for a long time. She pulled her desk chair over to his couch and gently said, "Jane, please look at me…please?" He began to lift his head and made a fleeting glance in her direction, then looked down again. She put her hand on his back and rubbed it ever so gently to make him feel safer to express himself. She assumed he was going to tell her how difficult this was going to be for him. She knew he couldn't be as ok with her leaving like he had let on. So she waited for him to say it so he can get the load off his back. Yes, it was going to be hard for her as well, but she was moving on and was mentally prepared for this, no matter what would stand in her way.
"Jane, I am not going to leave until you are able to tell me what you need to say," letting herself forget the fact that "someone" was still waiting for her downstairs. Jane broke his silence. "Forget it Lisbon, I'll see you tomorrow, someone is waiting for you, I'll be o.k." There was no way Lisbon was leaving now. She was moving in a couple of days and decided that for one last time she could give him her patience. "No, Jane, I am not going until you let go. You don't seem to be in a good state right now and I am still going to wait." He finally looked up again and intensely looked into her beckoning eyes without breaking his gaze. He felt the lump in his throat grow bigger as he tried to summon his words to come out. She saw him struggling so she moved to sit beside him on his couch and continued to stroke his back, comforting him that he had nothing to worry about and could feel safe to tell her anything, without any idea of what he was going to say next.
She felt relieved again when he started to talk. "Lisbon, this is it, it's now or never. I need to tell you something. I need to say it. I need to tell you that…I…I… I love you," his voice cracking. He continued on, without noticing the expression on Lisbon's face as she stopped stroking his back. He had to finish what he set out to say and was almost oblivious to her even sitting beside him now as he was so focused on his own release. "Lisbon, I know you didn't expect me to say this and I know you found the man with whom you are going to spend the rest of your life with, but I needed to let you know that I have loved you for so long. I could never admit it because I was scared you wouldn't feel the same way. For obvious reasons, you know I am terrified of exposing my feelings. Lisbon, I love you so much- I love you, I love you, I love you. My heart is completely filled with my love for you." Jane began to weep uncontrollably as he finally let loose all of his pent up emotions that had been locked inside of him for too long. He was proud of himself as he crossed this milestone and while still in disbelief of what he just admitted, already started to feel the relief take over.
It was now Lisbon's turn to express her shock. She sat there with her jaw wide open staring at Jane, her heart beating faster and faster. She almost could not catch her breath. Jane finally took note of her state. "Lisbon? Oy, I am sorry for laying this on you now, but I could not let you go without knowing I said this to you. I am truly sorry if I caused you any pain." "Don't be sorry Jane, please, don't be sorry." She started to take deep breaths in. She was completely caught off guard and could not believe the reaction his words were evoking in her. She did not think her feelings for him were still inside of her, or at least didn't want to believe they were, but now she realized how wrong she was. She wanted to fight them so badly, as she became an expert at doing, but there was no way around it. Her damn finally broke as well. "Jane…Jane, I… I… I… I feel the same way. Oh my gosh Jane, this is too much for me to handle. Jane—" she flung her arms around his neck for support as she wept away uncontrollably. He gently put his arms around her and caressed her back letting her cry and shh-shed her softly. She buried her head in his chest, sobbing. Hard tears were unleashed from her eyes as she took loud breaths, her heart palpitating. Oddly enough, Jane was the calm one now. He felt so at peace that he had gotten over his hurdle. Lisbon, however, was not at that point yet. She didn't want to let go of him or look at him in the eye, feeling a bit abashed at her reaction. She slowly maneuvered their position where she was now lying directly on top of him, her arms still around his neck hugging him as if her life depended on it, her head still buried in his chest. She was beginning to calm down. Both of them were completely oblivious to the world going on around them and forgot for a moment that someone was still waiting for Lisbon downstairs. If he only knew what was going on with his girlfriend up there. Lisbon's phone began to vibrate in her pocket. She picked up her head trying to get a grip on herself. They both knew who it was and for a moment were brought back to reality. They stole a quick glance at each other before she picked up her phone. She knew she had to or else he would, no doubt, come up to check on her. "Hey," she said as if everything was under control. "Yea, I know, this is taking longer than I thought it would. He's having a hard time dealing with this," she said, giving Jane a quick wink. "You should go, I'll be ready soon, but I don't want you to wait any longer. I'll grab a taxi." He said o.k. and that he would check in with her in the morning to make sure she got home alright. This last sentence made her cringe a little as she had had it with this charade. She did not want him in her life anymore and wanted Jane to be the one to look after her and be the one to worry for her safety. The man downstairs, whom she had been with for the past month or two was now beginning to feel like a complete stranger to her. She took a deep breath in and looked back at Jane. She was still lying on him and he was there peacefully looking at the woman on top of him. This was Lisbon. Lisbon was actually lying on top of him, on his couch. It felt so natural, yet surreal at the same time. The two of them, still fully dressed in their slacks and jackets, felt their bodies pressing against one another. Lisbon needed to feel the security of being close to Jane, and Jane loved hugging Lisbon back assuring her that she was safe and loved. Lisbon picked up her head from his chest and gazed into his eyes. She slowly lowered her head until their lips met. They shared a tender kiss, their lips interlocking, as their hearts began to beat fast again. She felt a tingling feeling running up her arms. She released herself slowly from the kiss, their lips fighting back from the separation. She needed to say it again, "I love you Patrick. Thank you. Thank you for what you have just done to me." Patrick was so happy to hear those words. He could not be happier. He was so proud of himself for facing his fears as he saw the results unfold in front of him. Both felt so content, but emotionally and physically drained from the ordeal that they fell peacefully asleep on each other without a stir. At the first sign of daybreak they realized they needed to get moving. What a sight this would be when the team started to stroll in. They decided that they had to get out there, go home and get refreshed before beginning their day at work.
This is where I originally intended to end the story.
It can be read alone without moving on to the next section.
My temptation got to the better of me and I ended up finishing it off with the next half.
- You can stop here if you wish not to read an M- rated chapter-
Still not wanting to separate, Jane drove them straight to Lisbon's house. They needed to be with each other. This new-found love was still too surreal for them. Lisbon went upstairs to shower while Jane went to the kitchen to fix her a cup of coffee and found some tea for himself. Lisbon called down to him when she was out so that he could come up to take his own. Feeling a bit strange about entering Lisbon's room and showering in her bathroom, he complied as he desperately needed to rinse himself off.
When he came out, she handed him a men's undershirt that she would sometimes wear to sleep and a pair of sweats that were too big on her. He walked around barefoot feeling the plush carpet of her room under his feet. She was walking around in an oversized t-shirt that made it halfway down her thigh. She looked so adorable that his heart skipped a beat. Trying hard to act as naturally as possible in this new reality, they went downstairs to have their coffee. There was some awkwardness in the air, but they pressed on, knowing that this new chapter in their life was not going to be such a simple one to navigate. They both knew though, how badly they wanted it and that it was going to take some time to adjust. They exchanged very few words as they sipped their morning drinks together. They would knowingly steal glances at each other with an understanding of what the other was thinking. There was no more hiding after making themselves vulnerable to each other that night, but they were still shying away from conversation. Conversation between them was unnecessary at this point. Their years of being together put them ahead by a lot and they would be able to skip a few steps in the process. Lisbon admitted that she was tired and wanted to rest before heading back to work. Jane agreed and began fluffing a pillow for himself on Lisbon's couch to rest as well, while she took her nap. She looked at him longingly, not wanting to go upstairs alone and be separated from him. He got the picture and stood up to join her. She reached out her hand to him and he gently took it as she led him upstairs. Jane did not want to take advantage of the situation, he was not going there, not yet. He wasn't sure they were ready for it.
They crawled into bed and pulled the plush white covers up to their necks. "Jane, I am so happy," she said with a big smile across her face. He looked at her and stroked her cheek saying, "me too, me too." She felt a tingling feeling inside her and wanted to move her body closer to his. He held her close to him and kissed her on her head. She needed more. She tilted her head up and kissed his chin and then the corners of his mouth. The heat between them was rising. They hugged each other tighter as their kissing became more intense. She began rocking up against him and he squeezed her body even closer to his own. He began to sweat. He felt it coming. He slowly lifted up her t-shirt and started feeling his way around her soft abdomen. She became still with delight letting him do his thing. His fingers moved up making their way to her breasts. She was so sensitive to his touch, that she felt she was going to orgasm from the foreplay alone. Jane's touch was making her go wild inside. "Please take it off already she said," with a slightly impatient laugh. He looked at her and gave a wide devious Jane-smile, as if she had given him permission to act completely on his own volition. He lifted her t-shirt above her head and kissed her neck as it he slid it off. He proceeded to kiss her underarms as his pelvis rubbed against her faster and faster. She reached down and pulled at his pants. It was her turn to have some fun. She went down and as she slowly exposed his genitals fondled them with her hands. Jane was in heaven. Lisbon was down there- this was a dream come true. She made her way back up to him and they began to kiss again. This kiss triggered his arousal again and Jane could not control himself any longer. It was happening too fast. He entered her fully and began rocking slowly and steadily in an up and down motion. Lisbon felt another orgasm coming on. In fact, the entire act was like one big orgasm for her. They had been denied of each other's love for so long that this was more than just rough sex. It was two people who were gasping for this love as if they were each other's oxygen. They could not hold back. Jane could not help but feel a tinge of guilt that the intensity of this feeling of being with Lisbon was stronger than it had been his first time with his previous wife. The love he and Lisbon shared came from a deep and mature place. They had been through so much together, which intensified their relationship in a way that could not be replicated.
Jane finally extricated himself from Lisbon, even though she looked like she could still take in more. Both of them looked at each other in utter disbelief of what had just transpired between them. Feeling a bit bad that he ended it sooner than she had wanted to, he calmed her down by pecking his lips over every inch of her face. He could not stop. She basked in it with the biggest smile on her face feeling Patrick's unending love for her. He did not want to stop, but they both realized that they needed to report to work shortly. If they were late, they would be questioned as to where they were and did not want to raise any eyebrows. The day was still young as it had started out in the wee hours of the morning for them. If they got moving, their lateness would not arouse much attention. Feeling satisfied, they both got out of bed. Lisbon got dressed quickly and they drove to Jane's airstream so he could change his clothing. They had an understanding between them that they would not share this with anyone. They were not ready to go public until they let it sink into themselves first. Lisbon looked at her cellphone for the first time that day. Five missed calls from Pike and two from Abbott. They realized she would have to deal with Pike as soon as possible. They did not want to hurt him, but he needed to know that Teresa was off-limits now. They weren't sure how to do this, but would deal with that issue later.
They strolled into the office as if nothing happened. Lisbon made for her desk and Jane for his couch. Abbott entered the bullpen after seeing that they had arrived. "Always together those two", he thought, "What a damn shame they are both so stubborn about their feelings." Although he had been silently rooting for the two of them to hook up, it went completely over his head that it had happened last night. He did look at them suspiciously though, but decided not to comment on their lateness. He briefed them on the new case and they nodded along as he gave them the details. After he walked away, Jane and Lisbon did not dare to look at each other. Lisbon began typing at her desk and Jane, as usual, sat on his couch looking deep in contemplation. He knew Lisbon could not have been focusing on her work, but she sat there putting on a good show. After a few minutes, they both fell into work mode and were able to push their secret to the back of their minds for the time being. They knew they could not let this affect their work and they were both strong enough to realize that it would be unhealthy to their relationship if it did. Things were proceeding well so far. The only change was in their moods. Both felt lighter and they saw the world with more clarity now.
Lisbon's phone began to vibrate. It was Pike. She and Jane were just about to leave with Cho on the case, which gave her an excuse to cut the call short. Nonetheless, he told her he would come down to her and pick her up for a quick lunch. She said she would meet him in the lobby instead. Before going down, she stopped by Jane with a look of, "o.k., now what do I do?" Jane had already come up with a plan and started giving it over to her in an undertone. "Tell him you decided the move was too big of a leap for you and that you are happy where you are. Keep it simple. No need to explain yourself any further. Yes, you should lay it down nicely, but if you show any sign of doubt, he will not let you walk away Lisbon." She agreed with him and took a dramatic breath in and out and then shot him a winning smile. He melted inside, knowing that Lisbon was now his. He would never have to worry again. Their commitment was unbreakable. Their bond was so deep. He called her back, "one last thing!" She swiveled around to hear his last words. "Don't leave the lobby or take a walk of any sort. Not a good idea. Leave it at that, in a public place so he does not try to get too intimate with you and try to tug on your heart strings." "Thanks for the advice deary, but I think I know what I am doing," she said with a smile. "Plus, you know, you have nothing to worry about." Her smile even wider this time. "I know," he replied. His smile just as big as hers.