The Bear, the Caucasian, and in the Closet
a.k.a. - How the East Asian Brothers Ended Up in 'Narnia'
...
(Full) Summary: (Please ignore how many eras they are in at the same time) A screwed up Narnia Hetalia crossover. Young South Korea finds a wardrobe England put in China's house. Read as he and his brothers venture into the mystical land of Soviet Russia. Did I say Russia? I meant Narnia. There they meet other countries, er, magical creatures, and fight against the evil forces of the Caucasian Witch.
Includes: Racist thoughts, bad language, and insulting stereotypes. But if you didn't like this kind of stuff already, you wouldn't be reading this fanfiction, now would you?
Disclaimer: I don't own anything here but what the not-owned-by-me characters say. And not even all of that. If I did, would it be on fanfiction? I don't think so.
...
As told by: Professor Arthur Kirkland
To a certain 'darling' child. In hope you will finally learn the importance of a family sticking together. And finally pay me back that money you owe me, bloody wanker!
...
Chapter 1: Yong Soo Looks Into a Wardrobe
Now gather around my children and listen closely, as I tell you the story of four Asian brothers as they fight against the evil forces of the Caucasian Witch.
It was years and years ago, when the four countries (well, three and a territory/colony/special administration region/confusing place/a place that is still totally part of the Great Britannica) were in the same house that young South Korea found a particular wardrobe. A wardrobe of magic and amazement. A wardrobe of adventure and wonder. A wardrobe I did not purposely put in China's house for the sake of my own entertainment.
It had started out as any other normal day. China and Hong Kong were writing Chinese characters, Japan was ignoring everyone by reading his manga, and South Korea was trying to get their attention.
"You know what we should do? Explore the house!"
"Why?" asked China. "We've lived here for thousands of years, aru. I doubt there's anything new to see."
"But ever since England's came over to colonize, he's put in so much new stuff! Can we see if he's added anything worth looking at? Or at least breaking? We can get our small revenge on him for colonizing you!" he replied, directing it towards China and Hong Kong.
"Can't you do that by yourself?" Japan asked coldly, mad that someone interrupted the reading of his 2–D porn.
"And besides, we don't want to make Mr. England angrier. He already made my eyebrows bushier." Hong Kong said, shivering.
"But he has been such a wonderful country to us, aru." China commented. "I mean, he's given us lots of food, and taught us many things. Plus he's a rather handsome chap. I wonder if he's free on-"
...
"England, I doubt he'd say anything like that about you. I doubt anyone would say anything like that about you. Only the British say 'chap'. And have you seen your eyebrows?"
"Shut up, France! I'm trying to tell a story to my kid."
"Our kid, mother. ("Don't call me mother! You're my brother, you creeper!") And tell it to him right. Little America is already starting to get a bit bigheaded from all those fake compliments you give him. And I bet you'd like a more entertaining story about more than England's sexy eyebrows, wouldn't you?"
"Of course! I prefer the ones about me being the hero though…"
"But that's what England's stories been about for the past week, eh. Can't we have a change, America?"
"What? Did you hear something France?"
"No."
"You guys never do…"
"Let me continue the bloody story already!"
...
After much persuading on South Korea's part, the brothers went wandering about the house. They went to many of the rooms, to find where there used to be some of China's or Hong Kong's stuff, English ones were in their place.
Even if it shut Korean up, the two Chinese men felt uncomfortable watching their little brother praise the artwork of their ruler. Even if he was an absolutely invincible Briti-
...
"England!"
"Okay, okay, you guys. I'll leave out their ever so kind thoughts about me. I'll make the story historically inaccurate just for you."
"Like it wasn't already."
"The comic was politically incorrect in the first place. I think you're just making it worse."
"And don't make any more obscure references to your character songs. It's not funny."
"Fine, you bloody wankers."
...
"Hey, let's go in this room!" Korea yelled while dragging Japan by the arm to the next room, causing him to gone into his, "DAH!" mode which meant someone was touching him.
"What's so special about this?" Japan asked after recovering as the elder two joined him in the room which merely had a wardrobe in it.
"Look!" Korea said while opening the wardrobe's door. "I'm in the closet!" he joked as he climbed inside, keeping the door slightly ajar.
The other three Asians stared at the wardrobe in disgust. In the several seconds that passed, they all managed to think along the lines of, 'He is a disgrace to his own people, and I don't even think like his people,' or, 'This is why he was banned from the anime.' But they were really surprised when Korea came out (of the closet).
"I'm sorry I made you wait so long. But I just met this nice faun named Mr. –"
"What do you mean?" China asked, confused.
"You mean how long it took you to come out of the closet? Don't worry, we already knew." Japan said.
"No," Korea chuckled, the poor boy not understanding Japan's words were not a joke. "I just came back from Narnia! I guess it's the wardrobe from England's story."
"What story? I don't think that was written yet…" Hong Kong said.
"So you thought you were so far in the closet, you went to Narnia? Yong Soo, you were at the front of the closet, with the door swung wide open. Trust me." Japan said bluntly.
"Narnia…isn't that a place in Italy, aru?"
"You guys! Narnia is a beautiful land full of snow, lampposts, and fauns with funny accents. You have to come in with me!"
The reaction of each brother was different. China just burst out laughing, Hong Kong stared at him like he was crazy (well, crazier than usual). Japan, however, said, "Are you saying that there's a portal to Russia's place? 'Cause I thought I found a passage to Korea back at my place too."
"You did! Remember that tunnel you told me was unnecessary to build one? Well I-"
"Japan, you've been uncharacteristically loud in this story." China interrupted. "Or maybe I should say you've been acting more like when you were a bratty little chibi, aru. How come?"
"I don't like you guys." Japan said blatantly, and walked out of the room nonchalantly. Ooo, that rhymed.
"Ah, Japan's such a middle child. And a backstabber." Hong Kong said.
"Literally." China said while rubbing the scar Kiku had given to him.
...
"You know, I've noticed that all the island countries are middle childs that don't like anyone. Why would that be?"
"If I have to exclude British compliments and scones for you two ("Three, England. I'm still here, eh.") to eat, then you have to exclude the side comments."
"Fine, fine, my short-tempered friend."
...
"So do you guys want to go too?"
"Where, aru?"
"To Narnia, of course!"
"Yong Soo," Hong Kong sighed. "Narnia doesn't exist."
"It does too! Even Japan agrees with me. And Japan's real smart. But not as smart as me, of course. Intelligence originated in Korea."
"I thought you said stupidity originated in Japan." Hong Kong said.
"Japan was being sarcastic, Korea." China explained while Hong Kong muttered, "You should know Korea, that originated from you too. Besides, a part of Italy isn't hiding in the back of English wardrobes, aru. Even if he's really scared of the gorgeous England ("IGGY!") and was in the closet, he would at least be hiding in one of Germany's. Besides we would see him, not go to part of his country, aru."
"But it's really there! You guys try!"
"Korea, we can see the back of the wardrobe from here. There's wood." Hong Kong said.
"See! Woods! Covered in sno-"
"No, 'wood', no s, not 'woods' with an s."
"Oh…" Korea whispered, turning around to check and also wondering why they were speaking English.
"You've made some pretty screwed up ways to get our attention. And I've got to say, this is the thirty-first worse yet, aru." China scolded his little brother harshly, and then left with Hong Kong, leaving behind a very confused and bewildered South Korea.
...
*There's a city in Italy called Narni.
Thank-you for reading my first fanfiction story! And crossover. Anyways, please review. Blah blah blah.
~Xandra