AUTHOR'S NOTES:

Although I am not completely new to writing, this is my first ever attempt at any kind of fan fiction. It is written generally true to the show's universe (canon), but please don't let that put you off. I hope I have done my job well and that you enjoy it. (23Oct07)

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

The Story:

This is a novel-length alternative version of the Kyle XY story following the events in the episode Leap of Faith. Traumatized by betrayal, Kyle has reached a crisis point in his development. More mysteries, confusion, and challenges threaten to send him over the edge as he begins to unlock the mystery of his full potential. And what effect will the exposure of all the secrets surrounding his existence, and the true purpose of his creation, have on his relationships with his friends and family and their relationships with each other?

The Chapters: (TO GO STRAIGHT TO Chapter 1: The Hardest Lesson, PLEASE SCROLL DOWN BELOW THIS LIST)

Because this story is so long, quite a few people have mentioned that they get confused when trying to find their place...so I have added this table of contents which may help to remind you of the previous and subsequent chapters (without spoiling!):

01 - The Hardest Lesson (Prologue) - Kyle realizes something very important about himself. (23Oct07)
02 - Faith - Kyle performs a startling calculation. (23Oct07)
03 - Numb - Kyle struggles with confusion, while Declan struggles with fear. (27Oct07)
04 - The Same - Nicole questions everything about Kyle. (19Nov07)
05 - Cold - Declan has to deal with a terrifying discovery. (22Nov07)
06 - Vows - Very different promises are made. (24Nov07)
07 - Changes - Something important about Kyle's time at ZZYZX is revealed. (27Nov07)
08 - Hurting - Lori struggles with her feelings. (01Dec07)
09 - Burdens - The race is on to help Kyle. (03Dec07)
10 - Connection - Amanda struggles with her thoughts and feelings. (05Dec07)
11 - Orders - Tension is high as Foss gives the orders. (09Dec07)
12 - Disconnection - Lori makes a serious misjudgment. (10Dec07)
13 - Trust - Declan acts on his instincts. (11Dec07)
14 - Revelations (Part 1) - Josh provides something that is desperately needed. (14Dec07)
15 - Revelations (Part 2) - Kyle fears the reaction of his family. (15Dec07)
16 - Revelations (Part 3) - The Tragers have an extraordinary experience. (17Dec07)
17 - Undone - Amends must be made. (19Dec07)
18 - Regression - Nicole has a sense of déjà vu. (22Dec07)
19 - Pain - Kyle struggles to understand his feelings. (30Dec07)
20 - Thresholds - Kyle attempts to clear his head. (02Jan08)
21 - Confessions - Kyle finds comfort with Amanda. (05Jan08)
22 - Fallout - The Tragers awaken to panic. (07Jan08)
23 - Lacunas - Nicole makes a diagnosis. (10Jan08)
24 - Misunderstandings - Something makes everyone stop and stare. (13Jan08)
25 - Needs - Things are not always as they seem. (15Jan08)
26 - Opportunism - Lori makes the most of an opportunity. (16Jan08)
27 - Powwow (Part 1) - Kyle tries to take control of his future. (20Jan08)
28 - Powwow (Part 2) - The Tragers have some tough decisions to make. (22Jan08)
29 - Powwow (Part 3) - Stephen's frustration leads to action. (28Jan08)
30 - Sanctuary - Kyle seeks comfort. (02Feb08)
31 - Mental Notes - Kyle receives a strange message. (04Feb08)
32 - Morning - Kyle makes a decision. (08Feb08)
33 - Smokescreen - School doesn't go exactly as planned. (10Feb08)
34 - Unexpected - A surprise visitor causes some apprehension. (11Feb08)
35 - Persuasion - Difficult choices must be made. (18Feb08)
36 - Calls - Things are not going well for anybody, least of all for Kyle. (24Feb08)
37 - Missing - Amanda and Kyle experience the distance between them. (25Feb08)
38 - Likenesses - Declan is forced to look at some things differently. (03Mar08)
39 - Memories - Kyle begins to accept what has to be done. (10Mar08)
40 - Resignation - While Kyle is prepared for the inevitable, he tries to prepare Stephen. (17Mar08)
41 - Q & A - Kyle has his first encounter with the Cerebral Impulse Relay. (25Mar08)
42 - Stimulation - Kyle's boundaries are sorely tested. (31Mar08)
43 - Lost - Kyle's concern about Amanda increases. (06Apr08)
44 - Discoveries - Kyle and Jessi embark on a strange and dangerous journey. (21Apr08)
45 - Atrium - Kyle is at the centre of several different agendas. (11May08)

Chapter 1:
The Hardest Lesson (Prologue)

There had been many times in my short conscious life when I had felt confused, but never like this. I was now standing precariously close to the edges of two precipices at once. One was achingly physical, where peering over the edge made my stomach heave and my head spin. The other was psychological, where facing one simple truth threatened to shatter my fragile sense of purpose in the world. Of all the things I had learned since waking in the forest, this most obvious thing had been the longest – and the hardest – lesson of all: that even the most extraordinary mind is no match for the power of human feeling. The bewilderment and pain of Jessi's betrayal had completely severed me from my own extraordinary abilities; just as my desperation to understand how Adam Baylin was still alive had blinded me to the threat Jessi herself had warned me of earlier in the day. Now I was rendered incapable of anything at all except trying to catch my breath, because Jessi had just thrown herself into the chasm below me…

Jessi's last words still echoed in Kyle's mind with crystal clarity: you shouldn't have trusted me.

It didn't seem real. He teetered on the edge in more ways than one. In a split-second Kyle's faculties returned to him and he reached out with his mind, but there was no hint of the presence he felt when Jessi was near. He reassured himself that it didn't mean she wasn't alive somewhere below; she could simply be out of the range of his senses. In another split-second he had analyzed the physics of her jump before he'd realized it. Could Jessi survive such a fall? Assuming that her extraordinary abilities were like his own, he reasoned, there was a possibility, though it was unlikely. Nevertheless, for some moments he scanned the area below with wild eyes, desperate for some evidence of the miracles Amanda so firmly believed in. His own fragile faith was now wavering with every ragged breath. It was all out of his control. For the second time ever in his life, Kyle prayed. Please look after Jessi.

His failure to help her stabbed painfully at his conscience, which was already overburdened with the guilt of having put his family and friends in grave danger. The truth of his hardest lesson slapped his mind mercilessly. He was starting to understand something important about himself and what prevented him using his mind in the way it had been developed to work during the sixteen years spent inside the chamber at ZZYZX. You shouldn't have trusted me. Those words again. People had died because of him. Some had gone to extraordinary lengths to protect him – and others to try to kill him. How could he differentiate between them with certainty?

Kyle sobbed just once. Nothing made sense to him anymore. Nothing. His thoughts and memories ran amok stirring up wild ghosts inside his head. They turned into white flashes of searing pain. The sound of the rushing water below became deafening as he lost control of his hearing. The pain! It was all much too much. Nausea gripped his stomach and his knees buckled. He felt himself falling. Instinct thrust his arms out but there was nothing to grab hold of. No lifeline. No Nicole. No Stephen. No Amanda. No Declan. No Foss. No Adam Baylin. No Jessi…He had failed all of them. You shouldn't have trusted me.

And above everything, for all his amazing abilities, Kyle couldn't even save himself. He would die here in the forest as he had begun: alone and confused. As he squeezed his eyes shut and let go of himself, he prayed for the third time in his life. Please look after my family…

(Next chapter: Faith)