Be My Friend

Disclaimer and notes: I own nothing, just had an idea of how character interactions could have gone in "Professor Layton vs. Phoenix Wright" and went with it.

Among the past few week's many, many miracles and odd events, it was Constantine staying on the bow of the boat for the entire ride to shore that distracted the company the most. The little poodle-y puppy, possibly bichon frise, too pedigree to exist in a true Labyrinthia, balanced on the highest edge of a speedboat riding the bumps and wave as if it were second nature was just the right amount of tension and cute to keep everyone's minds off the events they had just lived. Labyrinthia was far away and growing even farther. Arthur Cantabella's face was long out of sight. Halfway through the ride, Phoenix Wright's energy plummeted, and lulled to sleep by the humming motor he leaned onto an obliging Professor Layton and kept his eyes desperately open just watching Constantine be alive. Maya's voice faded to silence. Luke's laughter was nowhere to be heard. Even Barnham simply drove, not attempting anymore conversation, until they finally pulled ashore and left the boat on shaking legs.

Midday, on a wooden pier on the other side of a great lake, stood a gaggle of adventurers back from a land of magic and witchcraft, finally back to their normal lives.

Maya took a long, deep breath.

"WORST. VACATION. EVER!"

"Trust Maya to say what we're all thinking," Phoenix groaned. "Loudly. Where people can still hear us."

"I mean, come on, I can't be the ONLY one thinking that!" Maya punctuated her thoughts with a light strike to her cheek. "I don't know if it's the air or what, but halfway back I suddenly got swamped with all these feelings..."

"Like..." Luke began, hesitant. He spoke as if he didn't want to admit it, as if it would make everything more real. "About halfway back, did you suddenly feel... very angry?"

"YES! At everything! And everyone!" Maya responded. "Like- like they could erase memories, right? Why did they erase me and Nick's memories and then kidnap us?! And brainwash us?!"

"And he only did it to you two!" Luke corrected. "The professor and I didn't get a hint of that!"

Maya stomped her foot. "And the witches! Why could they only be women?! They could've had evil warlocks, too!"

"You know, the more I think about it," Phoenix pondered. "The more I wonder how many people got put into identities they weren't right for, like how we got made into bakers..."

"And how the Shades followed the witches everywhere they went!" Luke said with a point. "What if they wanted to cast a spell in the bath?"

The group collectively shuddered, the silent Professor pulling his top hat further down his face.

"I swear, if they put some kind of hypnotic hoogy-joogy in the air," Maya growled, "I'm suing that whole town!"

"Hoogy-joogy, Maya? Really?" Phoenix barely had the strength to wipe the sweat off his brow. "Hoogy-joogy."

Before Maya could elaborate on 'hoogy-joogy', Phoenix caught the sound of sirens. Lights peeked out from around a copse of trees; police cars rolled out from a nearby gravel road. The four ran to meet them like children to an ice cream truck, Maya leading with a chattering Luke caught in her iron grip. The first officer out of the car, a man in a khaki suit and more mustache than mouth, caught the Professor's eyes before anyone else. "Oi! Layton! There you are!"

The Professor stepped his way to the front, meeting the Inspector in a firm handshake and a smile. "Inspector Chelmey. What a relief to see you."

Chelmey returned the shake, but not the smile. In fact, he looked a bit peeved about the whole thing. "Relieved to see me indeed! You and your bunch have been causing a small panic over at the yard. Where with the lot of you go, anyway? I didn't even think you fished."

"Fished, Inspector?" The Professor didn't look away, but the three behind him exchanged glances with each other, murmuring to themselves. "What on Earth do you mean?"

"We had a call come into the station not long ago!" Chelmey explained. "Said that you had left on a fishing trip with your friends about two weeks ago and never came back. Isn't that where you've been?"

Wind rustled in the trees. Somewhere far in the distance, cars passed over a bridge, and a fish jumped in a far corner of the lake.

"NO!"

"We got kidnapped by a book and forced to work in a bakery!" Maya screamed.

"A woman got dropped into a firepit and mindwiped and then she tried to blow up me and Luke!" Phoenix hollered.

"They tried to frame Maya for murder by statue and then left her in a forest to die with the Professor!" Luke whimpered.

"My dear Inspector," Layton said as he pulled down his top hat. "I believe the circumstances of our disappearance is much more... convoluted than your informant would suggest. I believe a short summary is in order."

The short summary took 20 minutes at the lakeside, another 40 in the car ride back to the station, and a final hour and a half at the station with a short break for vending machine snacks despite Chelmey's initial offer of bread and- ("NO BREAD, please! … sir. Thank you," said Luke.)- tea. Chelmey had never seen Layton so passionately eat anything, much less an ordinary packet of Jaffa cakes.

"Well... well then. That's..." Chelmey coughed. "That's... very involved."

"And you weren't even there," Phoenix grumbled. "Imagine living that for about two weeks..."

"Well... I'll have to let the Legal League of Attorneys know about this..." Chelmey refreshed himself with a sip of tea. "They were the ones asking where Mr. Wright and Ms. Fey had gone."

Phoenix took a moment to rub his temples. "I feel so loved and cherished right now..."

"But knowing there's... an island that's kidnapping folks... removin' their memories, making them work without electricity or indoor plumbing, drinkin' non-pasteurized milk, that's breakin' a whole bunch of laws there... This'll be a full-on investigation, at this rate."

Phoenix's head dramatically met the table. The Professor gasped from his seat beside Phoenix and laid a soft hand on a his shoulder.

"And until that's some sort of wrapped up, you lot won't be free to leave the country."

"Wait, wait!" Maya exclaimed. "You mean we get to stay in London for more time? On extended vacay?"

Chelmey stroked his mustache. "Well, the League did mention something about your expense account running out-"

Phoenix's groan shook the table, and even Maya drooped. "Oh... so no more free room and meals on the League's dime..."

"How unfortunate." The Professor gave Phoenix another gentle pat and finally removed his hand. "Not to mention rude of this League. I insist that you stay with Luke and I while this whole fiasco is settled."

Luke's cup met the table in delight. "Oo! They can stay in my room!"

"Yeah! We'll stay up late!" Maya nearly squealed. "Swappin' manly stories!"

Phoenix finally sat back up, a nice red mark across his forehead. "I don't want to put you out of your way, Professor. I'm sorry for the trouble."

"It's no trouble at all." The Professor's finger leaped into the air, and Phoenix knew that his mind was made up on this. "Besides, a proper gentleman always makes his friend's comfort a priority."

The Professor was playing the gentleman card, and Phoenix swallowed a lump forming in his throat. Right, the gentleman card, he thought to himself. Layton was a gentleman through and through, and suddenly Maya and Luke's meandering talk about waffles for breakfast and every little tick of slang caught on his ears. He and Maya had such a casual, dare he call it "American" relationship. The thought of being in close quarters with Professor Layton, gentleman hero and master of all things high class, suddenly made him very self-conscious.

Somewhere off in a fog, he heard Chelmey saying something about getting testimony, and the rock finally settled into his gut. At least this long week would have television and flush toilets.