Zoycite 12

by Sailor Twilight

Cowritten with Cobalite A Ranma 12 and Sailor Moon crossover that will make you laugh until you cry or wet yourself, whatever comes first!

Authors' Disclaimer: **NOTE: We are not crazy, and the characters in this story (with exception of a few) are the property of many people we are not really close friends with. Please realize that we are not making money off of this (damn). Anyways, this story may contain some material that is not really great for "Barney-watchers" and contains adult language, violence, and a bit more that mild sexual content because of the relationship between Kunzite and Zoisite, Usagi and Mamoru, and (later on) Ranma and Akane. Also note that there are two old men in this story who are perverted: Rei's Grandfather and Happosai. Characters that are not familiar to you are simply created by us. Do not use them in any way without our permission, please. Thanks, and enjoy the twisted Sailormoon and Ranma 1/2 crossover we have titled: Zoisite 1/2. (P.S.- My Japanese spellings may be off, but give me a break! Also, Zoisite is spelled Zoycite when he becomes a she.)

Zoisite 1/2


Ranma Saotome was walking along the curb of the road in a huff. Akane had argued with him at breakfast, resulting with a blow to his head with a frying pan. "At least she didn't use her mallet," he said aloud, rubbing his head.


He felt a large bump and moaned. "All this over leaving the toilet seat up? Sheesh."


He continued walking along, not paying any attention to where he was going, and not really caring about it either. He didn't even notice when the car speeding toward him raced up the curb, and struck him from behind. Pain drove through his mind incoherently and he passed out.


The next thing Ranma knew, he was in a hospital in Tokyo, and wondered what had happened. Doctors murmured around his bedside, and he noticed a tube sticking from a vein, with blood coming from it. "The donor's name is Joe Shinjo, knicknamed 'Game Machine Joe'. He's a local resident who matches this young man's blood type. We were lucky to find Joe, because he is one of the few people in this world that matches this boy's blood. He was really lucky." One of the doctors was telling the others.


Ranma then looked beside his bed. Akane was sitting there, holding his hand tenderly, tears flooding from her eyes. 'I'll be glad when this is over,' Ranma thought to himself, 'and then I will have nothing to worry about except my little problem and marrying Akane.'


Or so he thought.




Zoisite woke up in his lover's arms and yawned. He turned to face Kunzite and was greeted warmly with a kiss. He smiled. When he released his lover, he stretched and sat up.


Yawning again, Zoisite thought of the night before. They were celebrating Zoisite's killing of Nephrite and his becoming Queen Beryl's next acting general. Zoisite began to put on his uniform as Kunzite began to get out of bed.
"Good luck today. I heard that you will be given the first chance to go after the Rainbow Crystals. I hope that your mission will be a sucess," Kunzite said. "But, I am already sure that you shall have a sucessfull return."


Zoisite smiled, and buttoned the last button of his stark gray uniform with green lining. "Your wishes of luck will surely grant me sucess, Kunzite-kun."


Kunzite finished putting on his cape and said, "I bet any moment now, Beryl will be calling us down and you will be searching for the first Rainbow Crystal."


At that moment, Beryl's voice echoed through Zoisite's head. "ZOISITE! REPORT TO THE THRONE ROOM IMMEDIATELY!"


Zoisite smiled at Kunzite. "You're right as usual, my love."


Zoisite kissed Kunzite on the cheek and then disappeared in a cloud of pink cherry blossoms. Kunzite followed.




"Zoisite, I present to you the Black Crystal. It has been modified to track the seven Rainbow Crystals. Bring me
back the first Rainbow Crystal. I am sure that you know what to do," said Queen Beryl.


"Of course, my Queen," said Zoisite. "Dark Crystal! I command you! Show me the first of the seven Rainbow Crystals!"


The crystal glew brightly, and in the air appeared the image of a young man in a hospital bed. "Ranma Saotome," said Zoisite. "This man shall be the first."




Ranma sat up in his hospital bed. Akane still sat by his side. She had dozed off.


Ranma smirked. 'So the Sexless Tomboy really does care for me,' he thought to himself.


Akane suddenly woke up. "I am not a Sexless Tomboy, you stupid pig," she said, "and I am not refering to P-chan."


'Maybe she is referring to Ryoga,' thought Ranma.


Akane just scowled. "After staying by your side all night, this is what I get? Hmph! I thought at least for once I could be nice to you and you are here calling me names?! I'd be better off with someone less pig-headed and idiotic like you!" Akane yelled, then stood up and walked out in a huff. "Besides, I'm going to miss my flight!"


Ranma suddenly yelled, "Wait! Akane! What flight? Where are you going?"


"To China," she said with a smirk. "Our wedding is planned for next week, and I want you to be male for our honeymoon night and for the rest of our lives. I'm going to get some water from the Nanachi-chan pool to cure your little problem, Ranma."


"No! Wait! Let me go, too! I feel better already! See?" Ranma stood up on his bed and began to flip and jump
around, then began to show off his fighting skills. "See? I'm okay."


Akane smiled slyly. "That's what I thought," she said, and she held up two tickets to China. "That's why I bought two of these."


Ranma just smiled. "You little brat."




While Ranma and Akane were on the airplane to China, Zoisite scowled on top of a building in Tokyo. "Where is this Ranma kid? I'm getting all sweaty and hot up here, and I can't see him anywhere," Zoisite said, crossing his arms over his chest. "And the Queen is becoming impatient. I'm so stressed out. If I get a pimple, I swear I will massacre that boy!"


Suddenly Kunzite appeared beside Zoisite. "Zoisite, I have located this carrier. He is on an airplane whose destination is in China. They have just arrived there and are near these mystical springs. I'd be careful if I were you." Kunzite warned.


"Shit. Does this mean that I will need bug spray?" Zoisite asked.


"It would be a good idea, but you'd better hurry. The Queen is beginning to question your position," said Kunzite. "Good luck."


"Thank you," said Zoisite.


They both disappeared, going their own ways.




"Look! There it is! That's the blasted pool that began this whole mess!" Ranma said, pointing towards one pool.


"Tell me about it," said Akane with a sigh of relief.


They were both glad that it was finally going to be over with.


Ranma raced ahead, whooping with happiness. Akane just smiled, then raced to catch up with him. Ranma picked up a rock and went over to the pool's bank. "Take this!" Ranma yelled, and hurled the rock into the "Pool of Drowned Woman".


"Now Ranma, what do you think that's going to do?" Akane asked.


"Nothing, but it felt good to do it," said Ranma.


Suddenly some pink cherry blossoms began to circle nearby. "Look at that," said Akane. "I didn't see any cherry trees around here."


"Me neither," said Ranma. "Want to check it out?"


But before they could, suddenly a man appeared, with long blond hair held back in a ponytail and emerald eyes that were glistening with evil. He wore a stark gray uniform that had green lining. The man smiled. Akane and Ranma gasped.


"Oh my god! What is that?!" Akane yelled.


"I think it is a man, but I'm not so sure..." Ranma said, noting the pond.


The man glared at them. "So you are Ranma Saotome, the martial artist from the Tendo dojo. No threat to me, but
you have something I want," said the man.


"Oh no! Don't tell me Genma engaged you to Ranma too!" Akane said.


The man raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me, but I already have the most wonderful boyfriend in all the Dark Kingdom, Kunzite-kun."


"Boyfriend?" Ranma asked. "So you're a girl."


"No I'm not!" The man said, angry and a little hurt. "I'm one hundred percent male!"


"Ohhh...." both Akane and Ranma said.


"Anyways, now give me your Rainbow Crystal!" The man pulled out a crystal and it began to glow.


"What is a Rainbow Crystal?" Akane asked.


"Nevermind that, stupid human girl!" The man yelled.


"Stupid? STUPID? HOW DARE YOU CALL ME STUPID!!!" Akane yelled, and her battle aura started to glow.


To Zoisite, the glow seemed eerily familiar, and looked like what Beryl had used to trap Jadeite in a crystal. He held to the crystal and took a tiny step back, away from the girl and the pool. Ranma was moaning and grasping his chest, confused. What was going on?


Akane released the blast of aura, and it was hurled towards Zoisite. He dodged it, and it hit a tree. The tree exploded, and Zoisite was sent sprawling to the ground.


"Damn! You bitch! You made me skin my hand! Now you will pay with your life!" Zoisite screamed in anger and pain.


"Don't you call her a bitch!" Ranma yelled at Zoisite. "Only I can make fun of her!"


Zoisite raised an eyebrow. Ranma suddenly stood forward. "DRAGON FIST!" Ranma yelled, and went after Zoisite.


Zoisite started walking backwards, to avoid Ranma's flying fists. Suddenly, Akane came flying towards his side, and then kicked him. Zoisite's wind was knocked out of him, and he fell.


Akane, however, also knocked Ranma, and both he and Zoisite fell into the pool.


Zoisite hit the water first, and then Ranma. Akane watched in horror. "Who will come out normal? Ranma or...that weird gay guy?" Akane asked herself.


Suddenly both Ranma and Zoisite emerged, splashing and coughing. Akane was relieved to see that Ranma didn't change. "Wait a minute...he didn't change?! RANMA! YOU DIDN'T CHANGE! YOU DIDN'T CHANGE!" Akane cheered.


Ranma looked himself over. He shivered in the cold water, and yelled, "Wait a minute... I didn't change! You're right Akane! I didn't change! Uh-oh..." Ranma noticed Zoisite.


Zoisite felt a tingling sensation and closed his eyes. He wasn't sure what was happening to his body, but he felt awkward and when he opened his eyes he was still not coherent of what had happened to him. He looked over his body and choked back a scream. He had BREASTS!


"Wha-WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!?!?" Zoycite screamed, and covered himself with his hands. Luckily, the uniform covered him, but the water had made it quite clear that he was now a she.


"What will Kunzite do?" Zoycite thought aloud, not sure of what to do.


Ranma had swam to the pool's bank and was climbing out. Zoycite had clearly underestimated these humans and their witchery. He pulled out the Dark Crystal. 'I'm not letting him leave without me getting the crystal!!!' Zoycite thought bitterly.


Suddenly the crystal glew, and so did Ranma's chest. A red crystal floated in the air and sparkled. Ranma moaned and collapsed. "RANMA!" Akane screamed, and raced to his side.


"ZOI!" Zoycite blasted Akane backwards and into a tree.


Akane hit the tree with a thud and fell unconsious to the ground. Zoycite smiled. She took the crystal and held it up with a smile. "I may have lost one battle, but I have won the war,":she said, then laughed. Zoycite vanished with the crystal as she had appeared, in a cloud of spinning pink cherry blossoms.




At the Crown Arcade in Tokyo, "Game Machine Joe" was playing the Toy Crane game when suddenly he didn't feel so great. He left after his last cent was spent and he walked out without his winnings. He clutched his stomach, then fell to the ground. Usagi and her new friend Makoto went over to see what was wrong with him. He moaned and suddenly was surrounded by spinning winds. Usagi raced around the corner and transformed while Makoto watched in horror.


Joe turned into "Game Machine Man" and began to attack when Sailormoon appeared and began to battle with him. When all seemed to go against Sailormoon, Luna gave Makoto her pen and she transformed to become Sailorjupiter. They battled and defeated him, then transformed him back to Joe with the Cresent Moon Wand.


Queen Beryl watched the battle on her crystal ball, confused. "Where is he? Where is Zoisite?" Queen Beryl asked.


Kunzite shrugged, but inside he secretly worried about what happened to Zoisite.


Suddenly Zoisite appeared, soaking wet and with the crystal. "Your majesty, I have brought you the crystal," said Zoisite in a different voice.


"Is something wrong, Zoisite? You seem....different," said Queen Beryl.


"Actually, yes, my Queen...umm....err....I...uh...well...it's kind of....um....the humans... they used their witchcraft and....kind of...turned me...into....a woman..." Zoycite said.


"What?" Kunzite asked, eyes bulging.


Queen Beryl looked Zoycite over. "Well....hmm....I....hmmm....well...hmmm..." Queen Beryl looked puzzled over Zoycite's new body. "Well, um...is there any way to change you back into a man again?"


"I'm not sure, my Queen," Zoycite said, near to crying.


Kunzite looked Zoycite over, up and down, and seemed to look worried.Kunzite bit his lip.


Queen Beryl rested her chin on her hand. "Well, why don't you go take a warm bath while I think this over. I am not sure what those humans did to you, Zoisite, but I am sure that we will get to the bottom of this. They will pay for this, don't you worry!"


"Thank you, my Queen," said Zoycite, but she really wasn't sure what her Queen could do to help her become a him again.


Zoycite disappeared, followed by Kunzite, who was still puzzled over Zoisite's new form.




"So Joe just...transformed into some monster, right there and then?" Ami asked Usagi.


Usagi nodded. "It was so weird. It was like nothing that ever happened to us before."


Makoto sat cross-legged on the floor. "I think that something happened. Joe was talking about giving blood to some boy from the Tendo dojo and he felt something more was missing. Now we find out that Joe was a Rainbow Crystal carrier, but where is the crystal? It should have appeared before he transformed, right? Where is it?"


Luna sat up tall. "According to Central Control, the Dark Kingdom has it. How they got it without doing anything, I am not sure, but if they do that for the next six carriers, they will have the Ginshouj (Silver crystal) and will rule the universe. We must stop them!"


"Right!" Ami, Usagi, Rei, and Makoto said.




Ranma yawned and stretched. It was good to finally be home in Tokyo, and a normal man again. Lately Akane had been much more friendly to him, and even kissed him a few times. He liked the fact that he could go swimming in the cold springs nearby and not need a girl's bathing suit. Akane and Ranma's wedding was scheduled for the following week, in Tokyo at the Cherry Hill Temple. The location was chosen by Happosai. "I'd like to see my old brother there," he had said, and so that was where the wedding would be held. They felt that if Happosai had someone to talk to, he would stay out of trouble.


Ranma flipped through the pages of a book he had been reading, looking over some tuxedos and other outfits he could wear when he would be married. He munched on some rice balls while he flipped through the book, page after page. He couldn't wait until he would get married to Akane. She made the best rice balls he'd ever tasted, and would be a good cook if she continued following the recipes.


Only one more week before they would be married.




Zoycite felt awkward as she stared at herself naked in a mirror. She still was not used to her new body, and was not sure if she would ever be used to it. She sighed, then slid into the warm tub. She closed her eyes and tried to relax. She suddenly felt tingly all over again, the same tingling she felt earlier. When she opened her eyes, Zoycite realized that she was now Zoisite again!


"Kunzite! KUNZITE!" Zoisite yelled.


Kunzite appeared and looked worried. "What's the matter, Zoisite-kun?" he asked.


Zoisite hopped out of the tub and showed his lover. "I'm back to normal!" Zoisite exclaimed cheerfully. "I'm me again! Hooray!"


Zoisite hugged Kunzite happily. Kunzite smiled. "I'm glad you are back to normal," he said, "but I love you
anyway, if you were female or not."


Zoisite kissed Kunzite happily. "I am glad that this bath cured me."


Or so he thought.


Queen Beryl was happy to see Zoisite back to normal. "So, what did you do to cure it?"


"I just did as you suggested, my Queen," said Zoisite. "I took a warm bath."


Queen Beryl looked him over. "Well, I'm glad it worked. Are you ready to go after the next crystal?"


"Of course, your majesty,"said Zoisite, pulling out the Dark Crystal. "Dark Crystal! I command you! Show me the next Rainbow Crystal carrier!"


A swirl of smoke revealed a priest. "This priest is the next carrier," Zoisite said. "I shall not fail you, my Queen."


Zoisite disappeared in a cloud of cherry blossoms.




Naru was talking to the priest when Zoisite appeared. Naru recognized him immediately as the one who killed Nephrite. Angry, she tried to fight him, but with no avail. Zoisite blasted her into a gravestone. "Stop it right now!" Sailormoon's voice sounded.


Zoisite looked annoyed. He had enough with pesky humans for the week. He used the crystal and a orange crystal appeared from the priest's chest. Before he could grab the crystal, Sailormercury yelled, "Bubble spray!"


Zoisite was surrounded in a mist of cold, wet bubble fog. He suddenly felt tingly again, and thought, 'Oh no! Not again!'


When the fog cleared, Zoisite had changed. Zoycite glared at the Sailorsenshi.


Sailormars asked, "Who are you?"


Sailormoon scratched her head with her Cresent Moon Wand. "Yeah. Where did Zoisite go? He was just here and...who are you anyway?"


Zoycite stomped her foot in anger. "Don't you see? I am Zoisite! Sailormercury's bubbles did this to me!"


Sailormercury looked surprised. "I never knew that my bubbles could do much more than confuse the enemy! But then again, most of the youma are female..." Sailormercury murmured. "I never seen my bubbles do that before!"


A sudden peel of laughter came from behind the Sailorsenshi. It was Tuxedo Kamen.


Zoycite's blood boiled. "That's it! I've had it! This is the ultimate insult! Capeboy, you are going down!" Zoycite yelled, face red with anger.


Tuxedo Kamen only laughed harder. His laughter was cut short when he had to dodge a hurling spike that was aimed at his head. He pulled out a rose, and flung it at Zoycite.


Zoycite blocked herself by hurling another spike into it, and the two powers cancelled eachother out. Zoycite smiled evilly. "Now you die, Capeboy!" Zoycite yelled, then formed a sword in her hands. "ZOI!"


Tuxedo Kamen barely dodged the blast, then was struck in the arm by Zoycite's sword. He fell to the ground, writhing in pain. Zoycite smiled, and held her sword up for the kill.


"NO! MOON TIARA ACTION!" Sailormoon threw her tiara towards Zoycite.


Zoycite suddenly couldn't move in the tiara's bright light. It engulfed her. She held her breath and closed her eyes, waiting for the pain to hit her body and kill her.


She waited. She waited, and nothing happened. She opened her eyes and realized a Sailorsenshi in a very dark green fuku in front of her. It was even darker that Sailorjupiter's fuku, almost a black. Zoycite looked up at her. The senshi only smiled, then turned to Sailormoon.


"Another Sailorsenshi? Which one are you? Are you Venus? Or are you the Moon Princess?" Sailormoon asked.


The senshi smiled. "I am the soldier of forever, Sailorpluto," she said.


"But Sailorpluto is just a legend," Luna said, staring at her in awe.


"I may be a legend, but one thing is for certain: Legends never die," Sailorpluto said.


Zoycite looked scared and confused. She looked around and noticed that there was now eight senshi, four that she could not recognize. She rubbed her head. That tiara really messed her up, or so she thought. Maybe it was just a dream.


"Who are you three?" Sailormars asked the other three new senshi.


"I am the soldier of the wind, Sailoruranus," said Sailoruranus.


"I am the guardian of the seas, Sailorneptune," said Sailorneptune.


"I am the messiah of silence, Sailorsaturn," said Sailorsaturn.


"The outer senshi?" Luna looked about to faint. "You were rumored dead, killed at the outer reaches of the solar
system, trying to stop the Dark Kingdom from entering."


Sailorpluto smiled. "We have come here for a reason. There has been an extreme time flux in the future. It is really, really, really bad. Otherwise we would not be here now."


"Time flux? What kind of time flux?" Sailorjupiter asked.


"Well, we believe it has something to do with the Dark Kingdom, but we aren't sure because the flux suddenly happened, and it was terrible." Sailoruranus said.


"All of the Sailorsenshi just..." Sailorneptune began.


"...Disappeared," finished Sailorsaturn.


"What happened to them?" asked Sailormoon.


"They had to prematurely Eternalize you, to save the universe," said Sailorpluto.


"Eternalize?" Sailormoon looked confused.


"Your highest state of power that we know of," said Sailorsaturn.


"You mean there is more after the Dark Kingdom?" Sailormoon looked a little annoyed.


"Yes," said Sailorsaturn. "So many that it would take an eternity to tell you about them. Let's leave it at that."


"Oh my..." said Sailormercury.


"Damn," said Sailormars.


"Damn, too," Sailorjupiter added.


"Oh boy....more of this," Sailormoon said. "I don't think I can handle that!"


Zoycite began to slink away. She was not sure what to do. She was outnumbered greatly. She took the orange crystal and vanished, leaving her trademark of spinning cherry blossoms behind. Sailorsaturn watched her leave.


"I think I found the cause of the time flux...I thought General Zoisite was a man," Sailorsaturn said.


"He was...until Sailormercury's bubbles covered him, and then she was here," said Sailormars. "Then he -er, she- fought Tuxedo Kamen."


"Hmm...this sounds oddly familiar," said Sailorpluto. "Like something we watched when Hotaru-chan was a little girl on television...what was it called? Rumna? Renma?"


"Ranma!" Sailorsaturn exclaimed. "Wasn't it during my second childhood?"


"I don't want to know," said Sailormoon and Luna.


"Believe me," said Sailorsaturn, "you don't."


"Okay..." Sailormoon said. "Now where did Zoisite-chan go to?"


"She just left," Sailorsaturn said. "We have to find her. I just figured something out- if Zoisite-chan becomes pregnant, it will be the end of the universe as we know it."


"Why?" Sailormoon asked.


"Well, let's just say that their child would be more destructive than the sun going super-nova, or Mistressnine on a bad day." Sailorsaturn said.


"Who would have a child with Zoisite-chan?" asked Sailormars.


"Kunzite would probably be heterosexual with her," said Sailoruranus.


Sailorsaturn gave her a strange look, but declined to say anything. "How do we prevent that?" Sailorjupiter asked. "And who is Kunzite?"


"Nevermind," said Sailorpluto. "He is just the most powerful man in the Dark Kingdom, and Beryl's second in command. Now, we have to formulate a plan to control Kunzite's hormones. We must prevent Zoisite-chan from having a child."


All of the senshi nodded in agreement.




"Have you ever thought of having a baby, Kunzite?" asked Zoycite.


Kunzite turned around and looked over his lover. "How did you go back into that form again, Zoisite-kun? What did the Sailorsenshi do to you?"


"I'm not so sure, Kunzite-kun. I am sure of one thing, however- do not ever underestimate the power of Sailormercury's bubble spray," Zoycite said. "Now, answer my question. Have you ever thought of having a child, Kunzite-kun?"


Kunzite just blinked. He wasn't sure how to answer his lover's question. "The thought never crossed my mind. It wouldn't be too bad to have a child around, but I'm not too fond of the idea of a child around while we are battling the Sailorsenshi. Maybe after the Dark Kingdom wins and Empress Metallia rules the universe..." Kunzite's voice trailed off. "Why do you ask?"


"It's nothing...I was just thinking about what if I stay female forever..." Zoycite said.


"Oh...I see, my love...come here..." Kunzite said.


Zoycite went to Kunzite and sat on his lap, just as she always did when she was male.


"A child....a child...hmm....it is a rather appealing idea...but let me think it over, alright, hon? Children take alot of time and money." Kunzite said.


"True, my love," Zoycite said. She kissed Kunzite and he returned the kiss.




At the Tendo dojo, not everyone knew that Ranma had been cured. Happosai didnt' even know. Only Ranma and Akane knew of the incident with Zoisite/Zoycite.


Happosai was feeling really sneaky, and so he snuck behind Ranma and threw a bucket of cold water on his head. He laughed, and clung to Ranma's chest while Ranma screetched, "Hey you old leach! Get off of my chest!"


Happosai opened his eyes and realized he was clinging onto male-type Ranma. "What the- how did you....are you using that soap again?" Happosai asked.


Ranma grinned. "Nope."


"Did you go to China and cure yourself?"


Ranma nodded.


"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOUN WILL BE SO HAPPY, BUT WHAT WILL I DO FOR FUN NOW????" Happosai asked.


"Well, you could always collect Shampoo's panties and her bras," said Akane with a sly little smile.


"Good idea!" Happosai said, then raced off.


Shampoo, however, was hiding in the bushes nearby. She had seen Ranma's entire incident at the pool from a distance, over a crystal ball. She had gotten it for her birthday, and was quite pleased that Ranma would stay male from now on. 'Now Shampoo has chance with Ranma,' Shampoo thought in the bushes, with a smile. 'And if Shampoo keep Ranma male, Ranma will love Shampoo. Yeah! Ranma love Shampoo and not Akane.'


Shampoo went off to tell Cologne the good news.




Cologne was brewing up something unidentifiable when Shampoo rushed in. "Great-grandmother! Shampoo know that Ranma is cured! He no change anymore!" Shampoo said.


"What? Is this true? Hmm...." Cologne said. "Excellent. Now you shall be married to Ranma, but only after we make sure that Ranma stays male permanately."


Cologne pulled up her staff. "We must go to this Dark Kingdom and find this Zoycite. If we can catch him in his female form, we can cure Ranma forever, and you shall become his bride!"


"Shampoo bride of Ranma! Shampoo bride of Ranma!" Shampoo chanted, jumping up and down in the air.


"Shampoo Saotome...it does sound rather nice, eh, great-granddaughter?"


"Yes! Yes! Shampoo name Shampoo Saotome! Bride of Ranma!"


"We'll meet my old aquaintaince Beryl. She gave me this," said Cologne.


Cologne pulled out a necklace with a pendant hanging on it. The symbol used by Nephrite was on it, and encrusted with rubies and diamonds.


"BLACK MAGIC TELEPORT!" Cologne yelled, and disappeared in a red flash with Shampoo.


They appeared in the Dark Kingdom, in front of Kunzite's castle. "This is where we will find this Zoisite and keep him female forever!" Cologne cackled, and then both she and Shampoo went into Kunzite's palace.




Zoycite and Kunzite were having a cup of hot coffee when a sudden knock at the castle's main door startled them and Zoycite spilled the hot coffee over herself, initiating the change. She felt tingling all over her body and before Kunzite's eyes became male again. "What the-" Kunzite began. "You are male again! But how-"


"It must be hot water," Zoisite said. "When I fell into the pool, I turned female, but when I took a hot bath, I turned male again. Then when Sailormercury's bubbles hit me, and they were cold, I turned female again, but now that I've spilled this hot coffee on my lap, I turned back into a man! Now we just have to figure out how to release me from this curse permanately!"


"Maybe if we go back to that pool. I can analyze the water and see what's behind this wacky curse you have," Kunzite said. "That pool is the answer to the problem, and also the cause."


"Not so fast," an old woman about two feet tall hopped in on a staff.


"Yeah. Shampoo no let you leave," said a girl with odd violet hair.


"Who the hell are you, and what are you doing in my castle?" Kunzite asked, annoyed.


"My name is Cologne. That is not important," Cologne said. "We are here to insure that Son-in-law stays male. Right, Shampoo?"


"Yes, Great-grandmother," said Shampoo.


"What the hell are you talking about?" Zoisite asked.


Cologne pulls out a flask of cold water and pours it on Zoisite's head. Zoisite becomes Zoycite again, yelling, "HEY! CRAZY OLD BAG!"


Cologne growled. "ACIENT AMAZON PRESSURE POINT TECHNIQUE!" Cologne tapped her staff on Zoycite's chest. "FULL BODY CAT TONGUE!"


"What the hell did you do to my boyfriend?" Kunzite demanded.


"Great-grandmother turn boyfriend into girlfriend. Now you straight." Shampoo said.


"What? For your information, I liked my boyfriend just the way he was. Besides, we know how to turn her back to
a him," Kunzite said, then poured his coffee on Zoycite.


Nothing happened.


"What?! What did you do to him, you old bag?!" Kunzite demanded.


"Don't call me OLD BAG! RESPECT YOUR ELDERS! I WAS AROUND WHEN METALLIA WAS PRINCESS OF THE DARK KINGDOM! SO DON'T YOU GO CALLING ME NAMES! I HAVE MORE POWER IN MY LITTLE FINGER THAN YOU HAVE IN YOUR ENTIRE BODY!" Cologne yelled, enraged.


"I have only respect for my Queen, not some weak, shriveled, old, two-foot-high bag of bones," Kunzite said, then stood up.


Cologne did not look the least bit intimidated, even though Kunzite was over six feet tall.


"Your Queen was taught everything she knew in my village," Cologne said. "Now where is she? I'd like to see her before we leave."


Zoycite glared at the old woman. "How dare you turn me into a woman! How dare you keep me as a woman? Turn me back now, or else!"


"Or else what?" Cologne asked, raising an eyebrow.


"Or else I will tell my Queen what you have done to me, and she will put you into an Eternal Sleep Crystal, that's what," Zoycite said, folding her arms over her chest.


"Go ahead. Tell Perfume I'm here before we go," Cologne said.


"FINE..." Zoycite disappeared, and went to Queen Beryl's throne.


"Your majesty, some wacky lady is here, and just when Kunzite and I figured how the change is triggered, she hit me with her staff and now I'm stuck female," Zoycite said. "And to top it all off, she is insulting you by calling you 'Perfume', my Queen."


"Cologne?! When did she get here? Bring her in for me. And there is nothing wrong with being female, Zoycite," said Queen Beryl.


"But Queen Beryl--"


"DON'T QUESTION ME, ZOISITE! By the way, did she bring a girl with purple hair with her?" Queen Beryl asked.


"Yes, my Queen," Zoycite said, hurt.


"Good. Now go get them," said Queen Beryl.


"Yes, your majesty," Zoycite said, bitterly.


She reappeared back at Kunzite's castle morose. "The Queen wishes to see you, Old Bag."


"Now you're in for it! The Queen will deal with you for turning him into a her!" Kunzite said. "She'll probably even give Zoisite the pleasure of killing you."


"Um....Kunzite-kun...she did not wish to see them to punish them," Zoycite said.


"What do you mean?" Kunzite asked.


"Apparently, this OLD BAG is one of the Queen's old friends." Zoycite said.


Cologne growled, but merely stated, "I would not call me 'Old Bag' if I were you. After all, I am one of your Queen's friends."


Zoycite clenched her hands into fists and bit her tongue from cursing the old woman, for she was right, and Queen Beryl would not be pleased if Zoycite was angering her guest.


Shampoo, in the meantime, had taken interest in Kunzite. "If things no work out, you can count on Shampoo for good time," Shampoo was telling Kunzite.


Zoycite snarled. "OKAY! THAT WAS THE STRAW THAT BROKE THE CAMEL'S BACK! OKAY, SO THE OLD BAG TURNED ME INTO THE OPPOSITE SEX, AND THE QUEEN WON'T PUNISH HER, BUT YOU HAVE GONE TOO FAR WHEN YOU HIT ON MY BOYFRIEND!!! ZOI!"


Zoycite sent a blast of spikes at Shampoo just as Queen Beryl appeared. Shampoo fell to the ground, wounded.


"ZOISITE! GET ME SOME COLD WATER!" Queen Beryl demanded.


"Yes, your majesty," Zoycite spat, and disappeared.


"Hello, Perfume," said Cologne. "Long time no see. The first thing your wimpy general does is shoot my great-granddaughter with spikes!"


Kunzite was about protest, tell the old woman that he had trained Zoisite well, and how Zoisite was one of his best pupils, but silenced on account of his Queen there.


Zoycite returned with some cold water. Cologne dumped it on Shampoo and she turned into a small kitten. There was no injuries on the kitten. Zoycite slunk behind Kunzite.


"Zoisite, why did you spike Shampoo Was she hitting on your boyfriend?" Queen Beryl asked sarcastically.


"Actually...." Zoycite began, then silenced.


"Actually what?" Beryl asked.


"Well....she was hitting on Kunzite...and I....being his pupil....felt it necessary to deal with such pests..." Zoycite asked.


"Can you manage to do it without maiming her next time?" asked Beryl.


"I will try my best, my Queen," Zoycite said between her teeth.


"Good. Now Cologne, what are you here for?" asked Beryl.


"Well, I am here to insure my great-granddaughter's happiness," said Cologne, "and your general, Zoisite, has made that possible. Now that he possesses the curse of the Drowned Woman, Ranma Saotome is one hundred percent male, and finally able to marry Shampoo."


"But is it really necessary to keep Zoisite in female form?" Kunzite chirped in.


"Yes. I should think that you would be happy. After all, I did do you a favor," Cologne said smugly.


Zoycite growled, then finally exploded. "SO WHAT? SO WHAT IF I WAS MALE? KUNZITE THOUGHT THE SEX WAS GOOD, SO WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GO AND MESS WITH OUR PERSONAL LIFE, YOU OLD BAG? HOW COME EITHER WAY, I GET SCREWED OUT OF SOMETHING, THIS TIME MY SEXUALITY?!"


"Zoisite? Is there something you neglected to tell me? Kunzite? Anybody want to share this news, before I put you
on the shelf with Jadeite?" Queen Beryl demanded.


"Well, um...your majesty..." Kunzite began. "You see... Zoisite and I became...very close while I trained him..and...um....err....I...and he.....then we...."


"Oh, is that all? Is that why you always seem so nervous? I thought this was something serious, like you two were plotting to overthrow me or something." Queen Beryl said. "I have no problem with two of my generals being gay."


"You no have to worry of that anymore," said Shampoo.


"Why?" Beryl asked.


"Zoisite Zoycite now," Shampoo said.


"Doesn't matter. Let me get this straight...no pun intended...you thought this would upset me. What would have upset me is if you hadn't gotten those first two crystals. Then, I would have killed you, but I'm in too good of a mood now." Beryl said.


"Well, we'll be leaving now. We have a wedding to attend to. Come along, Shampoo. See you next millenium, Perfume," said Cologne, who then began to hop towards the door.


"Bye-bye, Kunzite. See you when thing go bad," said Shampoo.


Zoycite hurled a spike at her head. They disappeared before it hit her.


"That wasn't nice, Zoisite...er, Zoycite. I'm going to go back to my throne room. Be there in one hour to search for the third crystal carrier," Beryl said.


"But my Queen! I don't want to be female!" Zoycite said.


"Deal with it, Zoycite! Trust me, it could be worse. MUCH worse. You could be a duck, like Mousse, or a pig, like Ryoga. Or even worse, a cat like Shampoo, especially around Kunzite. His favorite food is cat, you know," said Beryl, who disappeared.


Zoycite just slunk down to the floor. Beryl wouldn't help her.


But maybe....




Usagi was pigging out on icecream and spying on Ami and Urwa when Zoycite appeared behind Ami and Urwa and pulled out the familiar crystal. "AMI! URWA! WATCH OUT!" Usagi yelled, then said, "ZOISITE...er...ZOYCITE!"


Ami turned and so did Urwa. "I thought I sensed him....oh wait...her?!" Urwa looked rather surprised. "Who is this?"


Zoycite glared. "I'm Zoycite! But that's not important! What is important is that you've got something I want! The third Rainbow Crystal!"


"Rainbow Crystal?!" Ami exclaimed.


"MOON PRISM POWER...MAKE UP!" Usagi yelled, then transformed.


"MERCURY PLANET POWER....MAKE UP!" Ami yelled, then transformed.


Zoycite yawned, then used her crystal to get the crystal. Urwa fell to the sidewalk and Zoycite had the third crystal. "Hand over that crystal! I am Sailormoon, the champion of justice! In place of the moon, I will punish you! Zoycite, male or female, hand over the crystal or pay!" Sailormoon said.


Zoycite looked rather smug. "So you are Sailormoon? Just some ditzy highschool girl with pretty ponytails and dumplings? Hmm...no real threat against the Dark Kingdom! Go get 'em, Bumboo!!!" Urwa got up and had transformed into a monster. While the Sailorsenshi fought with him, Zoycite vanished with the Rainbow Crystal.




"I'm impressed, Zoycite. You have three out of three crystals. Can you get the next four?" Queen Beryl asked.


"I think that there is no contest, my Queen, but I think I would work a little better if I was still in my male form," Zoycite hinted.


"Zoycite, get me all the crystals, and I will try to talk Cologne into turning you back into a man," Beryl said.


"Oh, thank you Queen Beryl! Thank you! I shall not fail you!" Zoycite disappeared happy.


Queen Beryl, however, smiled slyly and uncrossed her fingers from behind her back.




Meanwhile, Ranma and Akane were planning their wedding when Shampoo walked in. "Shampoo Saotome here!" Shampoo said, walking in wearing a wedding gown.


"SHAMPOO! YOU ARE NOT MARRYING RANMA! I AM!" Akane pulled out her mallot. "HOW DARE
YOU CALL YOURSELF SHAMPOO SAOTOME!"


"I hope you don't ruin her beautiful dress, Akane," said Kasumi, "it looks expensive. Tea, anyone?"


"Um...sure," said Ranma, sitting back to literally watch a cat fight.


"Not so fast Akane Tendo," said Cologne. "We have made it possible so that Ranma is free from the curse
forever. We made Zoisite female Zoycite and broke the curse forever!"


"Cologne, you and I both know that the Cat Tongue is not permanant," said Akane. "Once they get the medallion
on your neck, she can become a he again."


"But they don't know that, and this time, I have one of the Amazons to help insure that she will never become he again!" Cologne said sharply, then she cackled like a witch.


"Shampoo Saotome! Shampoo Saotome!" Shampoo chanted. "Shampoo marry Ranma!"


"Wait a second....I don't want to marry Shampoo," said Ranma. "What makes you think that I will marry her over Akane, anyways, Cologne?"


"According to Amazon Law, you defeated Shampoo in battle, so you must marry her," said Cologne. "And the Amazons are more powerful than you, so I suggest that you take the law very seriously, Son-in-law."


Akane sneered. "DON'T CALL HIM SON-IN-LAW!"


"Temper, temper. Come along, Shampoo. We shall return later, when Ranma is alone and we can discuss this with him in peace." Cologne said, hopping off.


Shampoo blew Ranma a kiss and winked at him before walking after her Great-grandmother who was hopping ahead.


Ranma looked to Akane, who was still fuming. "Akane, what if Zoycite comes here to try to get us to talk and tell him...er, her...how to cure the Cat Tongue?"


"I don't know, Ranma," said Akane, looking to him. "I don't know."




Luna was pacing back and forth. "The Dark Kingdom has the first three crystals. Already they have a majority of the crystals, so we must get the next four or we will be outnumbered greatly. We all must try our hardest to preserve the future!"


"I agree," said Sailorpluto, who was now in her regular form as Sensuna.


"But how will we get the next four crystals, then get the three crystals that the Dark Kingdom has?" Usagi asked.


"And what about Zoisite? He is now a she. Maybe he does not want to be a she, and we could use this at our
advantage," suggested Ami.


"Yeah," agreed Rei.


"The Dark Kingdom already has three crystals? This is bad," said Sensuna. "They are only supposed to have one by now."


"Uh-oh," said Makoto.


"The more I hear about this, the more this Zoisite character is sounding like Ranma," said Hotaru. "He changed sexes, too."


"Do you think that is the reason for the time flux?" asked Haruka.


"It could be," said Sensuna.


"Either way, we must stop the Dark Kingdom from getting the next four crystals, and we have to before another time flux occurs!" Luna said.


"Right!" All of the Sailorsenshi agreed, and they prepared to make a plan to get the next four crystals.




An hour later in Dark Kingdom time, Zoycite appeared before Queen Beryl, looking rather depressed. "What's wrong, Zoycite?" asked Beryl.


"Well, I don't have anymore self-esteem because I know the Sailorsenshi will laugh at me in my female form, and I'll get all distracted, and they will get the crystal!" Zoycite stated.


"Well, why don't you bring Kunzite with you?" Beryl asked.


"That's a good idea," said Zoycite. "We have a plan, anyway. I'll disguise myself as Sailormoon, and we will trap all of the Sailorsenshi in a Dark Dome and we will not only find out who Tuxedo Kamen is, but we shall get all four of the crystals back and I will be a man again!"


"Sure, Zoycite. Now go, and do this plan of yours."


"Dark Crystal! I command you! Show me the fourth crystal carrier! Some female artist named Peggy Jones...this girl shall be my next victim..."




"I have a very bad feeling all of a sudden," said Sensuna.


"Me too," said Michuru.


"Me three!" said Hotaru.


"I just had the same feeling also," said Rei. "Like the Dark Kingdom is going to go after another crystal. Some girl
named Peggy....Peggy Jones...that's right....hmm...I think it's Sailorsenshi time!"


"Right!"


All of the Sailorsenshi transformed, they ran off.




Zoycite had cleverly disguised herself as Sailormoon, and had just saved some poor sap from plunging to his doom when she was surrounded by the Sailorsenshi.


"We know what you're up too, Zoycite!" said Sailormoon.


Zoycite realized that she was greatly outnumbered...there was now eight Sailorsenshi to deal with. Without questioning, Zoycite yelled, "NOW, KUNZITE-KUN!"


Suddenly all of the Sailorsenshi were surrounded by a dark dome, and Kunzite appeared, laughing and saying, "I told you that this plan was easy as pie! Look how they are all cornered, like mice in a jar! Say goodbye, now, Sailorsenshi!!!"


The dome began to close up on them.


"What are we going to do?" asked Sailormoon to the outer senshi.


"DEAD SCREAM!" Pluto said, then the dome blasted open.


"What the-" Kunzite looked confused. "That was one of my best tricks! It couldn't have failed! It couldn't have!"


"I control a dark dome of my own," said Sailorpluto. "For I control time itself."


"What- nevermind," said Zoycite. "I think I will just slip into my old uniform since there is no point in wearing this stupid fuku anymore."


"Why not, Zoisite?" asked a familiar man's voice. "It is rather becoming."


Tuxedo Kamen swooped down. "Damn," said Kunzite and Zoycite.


The two of them were outnumbered greatly. Suddenly a bright light shot down from the sky, and the light became
a constant beam. A girl floated down, with pink hair and a matching fuku. A small lavendar kitten with a cresent moon floated down on to the child's head. "Hello!" The pink-haired girl said. "My name is Chibi-usa, better known as Supersailorchibimoon!"


"Whoa. Another senshi. I can't take much more of this," said Kunzite. "I have a major headache. Zoisite, let's ditch these Sailorsenshi with a surprise, and then go find that Rainbow crystal, eh? I am really sick of all these new people falling from the sky like rain every five minutes. Excuse us, ladies-" Kunzite paused to look at Tuxedo Kamen. "- but we must leave now."


Zoycite and Kunzite vanished, and suddenly another surprise fell from the sky, and all of the Sailorsenshi were covered in a tangled mass of slime. Not one of them could free themselves from the goop, and it was covering them so tight that they could barely breathe. It became clear to all of them that time was running out, and their only hope on the clear day was for rain.


"VENUS LOVE AND BEAUTY SHOCK!" Supersailorvenus along with Artemis lept off a nearby building and cleared away the slime.


"Thank you, Sailorvenus," said Sailorpluto. "You were late, however, as usual."


"We tried to hurry as fast as we could," said Artemis, "but we got caught in traffic, as usual. The 22nd Street
school for young men just let out its students and they happened to catch Minako's eye on our way here."


"Oh, I see," said Sailorpluto.


"Something is not quite right. Sailormoon! Your fuku! It is... blue?! It hasn't been blue since the end of Sailormoon S!" Sailorvenus said.


"Sailormoon S? But we are fighting the Dark Kingdom!" Sailormoon said. "Are you Sailorvenus? How come you're dressed differently? Your bow is longer and your ribbon is in the shape of a heart! Hey! You kinda look like Sailor V!"


"Is she for real? Usako, get a grip!" said Artemis.


"You know who I am?!" Sailormoon gasped.


Luna smiled. "Artemis! Is it really you and Sailorvenus? Where have you been for a thousand years?!"


"I was in England, training Minako to become Sailor V, and then Sailorvenus! You know that, Luna! Where are
we, anyway? This is the place that Sailorvenus first showed up!"


"But we haven't seen you at all this lifetime," said Luna.


"Oh, just nevermind! Why don't you authors go to the Tendo dojo while we bicker about this, okay? This might drag on for awhile..." Artemis said.




At the Tendo dojo, all was going well until Ranma opened his mouth and said, "What are we going to do about my other fiancees?"


"Oh yeah....let's see....we could beat Genma into a stupor first...it is his fault after all...I'll go get you an extra mallot," said Akane.


Genma leapt into a pool of cold water and ran to the road side in his panda form. Akane and Ranma chased him. When some tourists saw two kids beating a rare Giant Panda, they leapt out from the tour bus and chased after Akane and Ranma. Akane and Ranma dashed off and Genma darted into a bamboo thicket.


When they caught up to them, they saw Mount Fuji and stopped to take pictures. Akane and Ranma ran further into the woods, not knowing where they were headed, and it was near night.


"Great, we're lost. Now I know how Ryoga feels...." Akane said, then a familiar squealing sound caught her ears.


P-chan came dashing out of the bushes, sqealing in terror. Someone...or something...had spooked the little black pig, and he was not going back in there.


"P-chan, what are you doing out here?" asked Akane.


"Squeee! Squeeee!" P-chan squealed, and pointed his trotter to the bushes.


Ranma and Akane eyed eachother, not sure what to do- go see what scared P-chan, or to run for their lives.




Zoycite had grinned as Peggy fell to the floor, and the crystal fell into the palm of her hand. This was almost too easy. She felt that Jadeite and Nephrite were pure idiots if they could not fool these sappy Sailorsenshi.


Feeling satisfied, Zoycite tucked the crystal in her "new hiding spot". Her idea came from a remark she once got from one of her youma. She had distroyed that youma, but she did like the idea. That way not even Tuxedo Kamen could take the crystal without groping her. And if he did grope her, Kunzite would kill him. Zoycite smiled. She had it made.


Still, she could not wait until this whole escapade was over, and she was male again.


She was about to disappear when the Sailorsenshi appeared, all ten of them.


"What the-" Zoycite said, then shook her head. "You are too late again. The Dark Kingdom has the one foot ahead! And now they have four crystals! How many do you have, hmm? Hahahahahaha!"


"Haruka, do you mind getting the crystal back?" asked Sailorvenus.


Haruka looked to Michuru, but she just nodded. "With...pleasure?" Haruka said.


Haruka walked up to Zoycite, who took a step back. "You stay away...I'm leaving now," said Zoycite. "Go have fun with... Sailormoon or something."


"Actually, Sailorneptune," Sailoruranus growled.


"Whatever! Now I'm leaving..." Zoycite began, but then Sailoruranus grabbed her by the shoulders. "OW!"


Kunzite appeared. "Put my boyfriend...er....lover down!"


"Kunzite-kun!" Zoycite said happily. "I am so glad you came!"


Sailoruranus raised an eyebrow, and began to grope Zoycite for the crystal.


Zoycite shreiked. Kunzite hollered. Tuxedo Kamen laughed his head off.


Kunzite blasted Sailoruranus into a wall with his power, just as Sailoruranus felt the crystal. Zoycite disappeared quickly, still holding the crystal. Kunzite followed her.


"Whoa," said Sailorjupiter. "What now?"


"Am I missing something here?" Sailormoon asked. "I have a feeling that I'm not quite grasping something..."


"Like what?" asked Sailormercury.


"Something....something odd...it's there, I just can't place it," said Sailormoon.


"Not odd, but queer," said Capeboy in his corner.


"Ohhhh...I see," said Sailormoon.




Zoycite grasped her chest. "How could she? I mean, when I was male, no woman would do that, and now that I'm female, they're all over me! How can this be?"


"Well, you are rather attractive, male or female," said Kunzite. "And I think that she was, um, a less-being. They had them on Jerry Springer the other day."


"Oh," said Zoycite. "Aren't you still jealous?"


"Why would I be jealous, my love? I mean, you are my lover," said Kunzite.


"True, but I still.... I'm not so sure anymore," said Zoycite. "The Queen won't turn me back, so who will?"


"Maybe it's a long shot, but I have an idea..." Kunzite said.




Ranma and Akane were sitting together near a creek watching the sunset when suddenly another man appeared, only with white hair and ice blue eyes. "What the-" Ranma yelled.


The man scooped Ranma up by his collar. "You turn my boyfriend back the way he was or else I am gonna hurt you worse than anyone in the universe, Ranma Saotome."


Ranma gulped and a sweatdrop formed over his head. "Help Akane," he squeaked.


"I don't know who you are, or where your boyfriend is, but you'd better put him down!" Akane said, crossing her arms over her chest.


The man raised an eyebrow and ignored her. "Now, Mister Saotome, tell me where I can cure my boyfriend!!!" The man demanded, pushing Ranma against a thick tree trunk.


"Cure?" asked Akane.


"Yes, you stupid human girl, a cure for my boyfriend to turn back once again to his male state!" The man said.


"Oh! Did a wrinkled old woman show up and say something about a cat tongue?"


"Yes. Her name is...Cologne... and she is a friend of my Queen's and she let her get away with it and now we're
trying to find a cure for her to become a him again," he said.


"So that is why the curse left Ranma," said Akane.


"What are you talking about?" he asked.


Ranma still had a sweatdrop hanging from his forehead. He gulped again.


"Well, you see, Ranma used to have the problem your boyfriend has now. Only he could become female when splashed with cold water, and hot water turned him back into a male again. Cologne, however, has a spell that is curable if treated correctly. She has a medallion around her neck that has pills in it that can cure her curses. If you get the medallion, you can save your boyfriend and he will be male again but only if he has been splashed with hot water." Akane said.


"I see.... at least then he will be male half the time," said the man.


"By the way....what's your name?" Akane asked.


The man looked her over. "I....my name...if you tell no one, I will tell you it."


"Okay."


"Promise?"


"Alright, I promise," said Akane.


"My name is Kunzite," Kunzite said. "And my boyfriend's name is Zoisite."


"Oh. I remember him," said Akane. "Now could you please set down Ranma so we can conclude our date here?"


"Oh. Sorry," said Kunzite, setting Ranma down on the ground.


Ranma breathed a sigh of relief and the sweatdrop vanished. "Thanks."


"No. Thank you. Zoisite will be so happy when he hears the news," said Kunzite.


Kunzite disappeared, and just to be safe, erased their meeting from their minds.




"I can't believe I couldn't grasp that," said Usagi, stuffing a riceball down her throat.


"Well, you only have an I.Q. of five!" said Rei.


The senshi were at the Cherryhill Temple for yet another meeting. So far, it was carrying on as usual. With the new (and very odd) senshi around, it was not the "usual-usual" meeting, but otherwise things were running much the same. Chibi-usa and Diana were munching on riceballs too. Artemis and Luna were talking about the time paradox with Pluto and Saturn. Makoto and Minako were gushing about boys, and Haruka and Michuru were listening with Pluto and Saturn.


Ami, for some strange reason, had not shown up yet. Usagi brought this tidbit of information up first. "Where's Ami-chan?"


"Yeah, I wonder what happened to her.... she is never ever late," said Rei.


"Maybe she is in trouble," said Makoto, jumping to her feet.


"I think we should go look for her," said Minako.


"Right!" All of the senshi said, and ran off.




Zoycite stood over the girl's body, hand out-stretched and gathering her energy, when the Sailorsenshi arrived. "Damn it! How come every time I do something they have to show up?" Zoycite pouted. "Stupid senshi."


"Let Ami go, you bastard....err....bitch!" Sailormoon said. "Or in place of the moon, I will punish you, Zoisite!"


Zoycite raised her eyebrow. "I've got what I want, so I'm hitting the road. I don't play with little girls, especially while outnumbered."


"That's right! You don't play with girls because you are a homosexual!" Sailormoon said.


"I am not!" Zoycite said, folding her arms over her chest.


"You are a man, right?"


"I was a man, but that's not your business. What do I know or care that you are homosexual, Sailormoon. After all, look at that Sailoruranus and Sailorneptune. Now what? You all wear tiny fukus, and for who? Not Tuxedo Kamen, he's probably gay. I've never seen him come onto you. He just runs away after I leave. Does that not make you think?"


"Well, there was Fiore...." said Pluto, who then shut up.


"Who? Who is going after my Tuxedo Kamen?!" Sailormoon demanded.


"Oh, he is just some guy from Tux's past whom you shall encounter in Sailormoon R."


"Sailormoon what?! Nevermind!" Sailormoon threw her hands up, disgusted.


Zoycite smiled. "Good bye, Sailorbrats. Have fun playing with eachother!"


Zoycite vanished, laughing. "Hey! What was that supposed to mean?" Sailormoon scorned.


Ami began to wake up. "What happened?" she asked, rubbing a bump on her head.


"Well, we just had a close encounter with Zoycite....and it wasn't very pretty." Sailormoon said, crossing her arms
on her chest.


"Oh." Ami said. "Sorry I was late."


"Forget it," said Rei. "We all thought you were making out with Urwa."




Zoycite appeared in Kunzite's chamber and plopped down on a chair. She was exhausted, and buried her face in her hands. She was confused, and wondered what this was leading to. The senshi were always against her, and some of her own (Nephrite and sometimes that toady Jadeite), and now her own Queen was against her. Sometimes she wondered if Kunzite would ever go against her. She shook away the thought, afraid that it would come true. She knocked a piece of wood, then chided to herself not to follow stupid human ideas. The idea of Kunzite betraying her was simply ridiculous. He loved her, and she loved him. Nothing would ever change that, ever.


Suddenly strong arms held her by the waist. She gasped and turned around. Kunzite stood there, smiling. "Hello, Kunzite-sama," said Zoycite, stammering. "You startled me, my love."


"Mmm...really?" he asked, nuzzling her neck with his face. "I am sorry."


"Don't be," Zoycite said, kissing her lover's lips quickly. "I was thinking about you."


"Mmm...really?" Kunzite licked her earlobe, then whispered huskiliy in her ear, "And what exactly were you thinking about, hmm? Me.... or us?" He tenderly kissed her face, then hard on the lips, pulling her into his arms.


"Well, a little bit of both," Zoycite said. "So, did you talk to them?"


"Yes," Kunzite said, pulling her tighter against him.


"And what did you find out?" Zoycite asked.


"Well, the cure for this is in a medallion around the old bag's neck. We'd have to take the necklace and find a way to get these pills out of her medallion. I hope that it is much easier than it sounds," said Kunzite. "We would have to wait until tomarrow before we could attack her, but in the meantime.... we could keep ourselves out of trouble...by doing....something 'occupying'?"


Zoycite smiled. "I don't know....how good have you been today?"


"Oh, very very good," Kunzite smiled. "So what do you say?"


Zoycite smiled and ran her finger down his chest, which was still covered in the gray jacket of his uniform. "I would say no, but I was thinking about having a baby again, and while in this position, what the hell? I mean, why not? What have we got to lose?"


Kunzite's grin grew. "Besides your virginity? Nothing."


Zoycite pulled Kunzite into her arms, and they kissed roughly. When they pulled away, Zoycite panted, "I think that we should catch up. Last night we did absolutely nothing."


Kunzite said nothing, but he smiled, and began to kiss down Zoycite's face, unbuttoning her uniform so his mouth could travel further down her body. To Kunzite, the feeling was very new to him. Never had he imagined his lover, Zoisite, to be a female. But now that he was a she, Kunzite knew that the sex he and Zoisite had before was totally different from now.


Zoycite felt different also. She could feel his kisses much deeper than she had used to, because her female flesh was much more delicate. His touch aroused her in ways she would never be able to explain, like electricity flowing over her skin. When Kunzite traced her breasts with his tongue, she gasped and moaned. Zoycite was trembling, not from fear but a unique excitement that she had never before felt. She almost caught herself thinking, 'Maybe it's not so bad to be female after all.'


Kunzite had removed all of Zoycite's clothing, and was kissing her body all over now. Zoycite loved it all, and held him tightly when his kissing reached new and different areas to her.


Finally Kunzite pulled away after licking her body to a sweat, and Zoycite began to take off his gray jacket slowly.
Kunzite's blue eyes locked onto her emerald green eyes for a moment. A new light was in each of their eyes. They both could see it. He watched her remove the rest of his clothes and throw them to the floor into a heap. She kissed his chest up and down, until she progressed further down, and when she did, Kunzite moaned and sweat. He was loving this, Zoycite knew. She traveled back up to his face again and he kissed her passionately. Then, once again, he began to lick her body and breasts, until they both were ready.


When he first entered her, it hurt like hell, and Zoycite cried out in pain a couple times. But after a couple slow, deep thrusts Zoycite moaned in pleasure, taking each breath in quickly.


Once they had achieved their climax, they both fell heavily upon the sofa, sweaty and panting. Zoycite laid on top of Kunzite, still holding him tightly. They kissed passionately once again, and then laid there for awhile. They both felt drowzy now, but neither of them wished to fall asleep. "Kunzite-sama?" Zoycite asked sleepily.


"Mmm?" he responded.


"Did it feel different to you? I mean, me being a woman?"


"Well....yes, at first.... What about you?"


"Mmm-hmm. Everything felt so different, like it was our very first time together."


"Yes, it did feel like that, didn't it?"


There was a short pause.


"I wonder why...probably because I am a woman now."


"Yes, that would be the reason," Kunzite yawned, and closed his eyes.


Zoycite snuggled closer to him. "Do you think that I am pregnant now?"


Kunzite's eyes fluttered open wide. "Well....I am not sure, but if you are.... we will find out tomarrow, that's for sure."


"Why tomarrow?" Zoycite asked, looking him in the eye.


"Well, the Negaversian gestation period is very short, because we must go to battle often. I'd say we could tell by
tomarrow if you were really pregnant. You will give birth within this week. We must keep this very discreet, though, my love. Beryl might not appreciate you being out of action to attend to a child."


Zoycite bit her lip, worried. "I hope that she will not kill our baby."


"Right now I am more concerned with her killing you while you are pregnant. If we were to lose a baby, I would be upset for awhile; but if I lost you, I would be upset for all eternity."


Zoycite smiled. She knew that every word of that was sincere, and she loved him even more than ever. She began to stroke his head, and kissed his sweaty forehead. She began to think that being female wasn't so bad, and that she could adapt to it.


Still, one part of her cried for her old body, although at this moment she could not hear those cries anymore. She laid her cheek on his chest and began to doze off.




"Oh no." Sensuna suddenly said. "It has happened. And now I know what the future is like. Dark and dreary. Zoisite and Kunzite have made love. If she is pregnant, the universe is forever doomed. We must turn she back into a he within the next three days, when she will give birth to her daughter, filled with such evil that will overcome this universe, only the Eternal moonlight can stop such a force.... and to eternalize Sailormoon will destroy all of us, even I, who am eternal myself. Hotaru will not be reborn as an infant, and none of us will. We will do what must be done and turn Zoisite back into his regular state."


"How can we do that?" asked Usagi.


"I am not sure," said Sensuna sadly. "But there must be a way. There has to be a way."




Ranma and Akane were having their bachelor and bachelorette parties not too far from the Cherryhill Temple. In fact, that was where they were to be married that next night. Rei was at Akane's bachelorette party. All of the girls were wondering when the male stripper would arrive.


Rei went to the bathroom, knowing who the stripper was. Chad.


Wanting to keep down her munchies, she left the room.


Ranma was ducking under a table while Happosai and Rei's grandfather were chasing their stripper with yen flying everywhere. It was a familiar scene. 'I can't wait for the wedding, when this is all over with,' Ranma thought to himself. 'Oh, well. Just one more night left.'




Unbeknownst to all was that Shampoo was watching all of this, smiling. While they were celebrating their wedding, she and Cologne were planning to destroy their wedding. The plan was perfect. And soon, if all went according to plan, Shampoo Saotome would be finally Shampoo's real name. Shampoo smiled and went to prepare for what was soon to be "her and Ranma's" wedding.




Zoycite woke up beside Kunzite, only now they were in bed. 'Kunzite must have carried me into here, otherwise we would still be on the sofa.' Zoycite thought.


She looked at Kunzite. He was still sleeping, snoring lightly. Zoycite smiled. He only snored quietly after they made love, and Zoycite tired him out. She sat up, leaned foreward and kissed her lover on the forehead, brushing away a few silver strands of hair away with her long fingers. She smiled still gazing at him. She then turned her attention towards her stomach.


'Am I pregnant?' Zoycite wondered. 'Could it be true? I am not sure how I can tell...'


Kunzite's eyes slowly fluttered open. He looked at her and smiled. "Good morning, Zoisite. Did you sleep well, hmm?"


"Like a log, love," Zoycite said. "You really wore me out."


Kunzite smiled, and sat up. He kissed Zoycite passionately, then looked to her stomach.


"Do you think-" Zoycite began.


"I don't know. Let me take a look." Kunzite said, placing his hand on her bare stomach.


His hands were cold, and made her tremble. Kunzite spread out his fingers and her stomach began to glow lightly. Kunzite's eyes lit up, and he smiled. "Zoisite....you are pregnant."


Zoycite gasped, and smiled. Her eyes filled with tears. "Oh, Kunzy..." Zoycite wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. It was a fiery, passionate, loving kiss.


When she let go of him, they were both flushed red in the face. They both still embraced, laughing to the point of tears of joy. Zoycite rested her head on his shoulder. She closed her eyes and thought for a moment, then she asked him, "So...do you think it'll be a boy or a girl?"


Kunzite's response was a smile, and then another fiery kiss.




"A wedding?! At your temple?! And we're invited?! YIPPEE!!!" Usagi jumped up and down. "That is so, so cool, Rei!!!"


"Yeah. My great-great cousin Ranma is marrying his fiancee, Akane," Rei said.


"So cool!!!" Usagi still bounced up and down.


Sensuna did not look up. She and Hotaru were looking over their plans to turn Zoycite back into Zoisite. "Did you
say Ranma and Akane?" Hotaru looked at Rei.


"Yeah. Ranma is my cousin," said Rei.


Hotaru's jaw dropped. "It all makes sense now. Only one curse from one pool is valid at one time."


"What do you mean?"


"On Ranma 1/2, Ranma changed into a girl, and he was engaged to Akane, and about the other half of Tokyo and parts of China. He's your....Happosai..."


"What about my great-uncle?"


"You poor thing," said Hotaru. "He's even worse than your grandfather."


"Happosai is my grandfather's brother," said Rei.


"Oh. That clears everything up," said Hotaru.


"Will everyone please stay on track?" Sensuna said impatiently. "If we do not fix Zoycite, she will give birth to a power far worse than we have ever encountered. Even Mistress Nine trembles to her name.... Augite...the dark stone..."


Hotaru passes out. "See?" said Sensuna.


"So what can we do about this?" asked Minako.


"If everything Hotaru says is true, then Zoycite will be there at the wedding to get the medallion Cologne has. Even if she is pregnant, Zoycite will still want the pills for later."


Hotaru began to wake up, still shaky. "Chestnuts roasting over an open fire...that's the episode!" she said.


"Are you alright?" asked Makoto.


"Never say that name in front of me again," said Hotaru.


"Oh! I just remembered something!" Artemis chipped in. "When we went to fight the Dark Kingdom originally, we went in this cave on the outskirts of Tokyo. We were able to get to the Dark Kingdom very easily....well, compared to our other fights."


"Other?" Usagi asked.


"Just don't try to think about it. Your brain is too small," said a voice from behind her.


"Mamoru-san! Ooooo!!!" Usagi stuck out her tongue.


"Hard to believe what will happen to them in the future, eh Sensuna?" Hotaru says.


Sensuna shot her a look that said clearly "SHUT UP".


"Let's go check it out," said Minako. "What do we have to lose? If it comes to it, we will have to give Zoycite an abortion. Anything to make sure that kind of evil stays out of our universe."


Mamoru raised an eyebrow. 'How does she know about Zoycite? Maybe she is Sailormoon. They do both have blond hair and blue eyes....'


"You are ruining our identity thing...." Rei whispered to Minako.


"Oh! Sorry! I keep thinking like I am in the future!"


"Strange girl. Even stranger than you, dumpling head. Chao." Mamoru left.


"OOOoooooo! I really hate that jerk!" Usagi said, stomping her foot.


Sensuna and the others from the future, especially Chibi-usa, just smiled.


"Well, let's get going!" Artemis said. "SAILOR TELEPORT!!!!"


All of the sailors disappeared.




They all reappeared in a dark, cold cave. Shadows danced along the walls in the dim light of Usagi's cresent wand. "Spooky," said Usagi.


Meanwhile, Beryl was looking at her crystal ball when it began to glow brightly. "Sailorsenhi!!! Zoisite! Kunzite!!!"


However, Zoycite and Kunzite were getting dressed when this announcement was made. "Oh shit," said Kunzite. "Not now! Ugh!"


They both hurriedly got dressed and appeared before their Queen.


"What took you so long- no. I don't want to know. Go get those Sailorsenshi!"


"Where are they, majesty?" asked Zoycite.


"IN THE DARK KINGDOM!"


"Geez. You have got to calm down, majesty. You're gonna have a stroke if you don't."


"I DO NOT HAVE TO CALM DOWN, I AM THE QUEEN OF THE DARK KINGDOM! NOW GO GET THOSE SENSHI!!!" Beryl yelled.




The wedding was almost about to begin. Only there was one problem: Ranma and Akane were both missing. And nobody knew where they had run off to.


Shampoo was worried, hiding in the bushes nearby, wearing a beautiful wedding gown. She was going to marry Ranma, no matter what. Cologne was sitting on her pogo stick next to her.


"Where is that halfwit son-in-law of mine?" Cologne asked herself. "How am I supposed to get him and Shampoo to marry otherwise? No groom, no husband. It is that simple. But...maybe I can get some help....Perfume has a magic crystal ball, and great powers...maybe she can 'teleport' son-in-law, but not that 'Violent-girl'. And then you shall be married to the one you love, dear Shampoo."


Shampoo smiled. "Shampoo marry Ranma," was her only reply.


In a nearby tree, Mousse sat on a high branch with tears in his eyes. "Shampoo can't marry Saotome. And why is a koala on a broom next to her? Oh! That's just the Old Bag."


When they both disappeared, Mousse fell out of the tree. "That's beyond the hidden weapons technique!!! Where did they go?"




Back in the Dark Kingdom, Cologne and Shampoo appear in Beryl's throne room.


"Cologne-san! What brings you back so soon?" Beryl asked.


"We need your assistance. Can you teleport this young man here?" Cologne holds up a picture of Ranma for her to see.


"I will try," says Beryl, then she begins to concentrate as her crystal ball glows to life.




"Owwwieee!!! I stubbed my toe!" Sailormoon cried, and fell face first to the ground.


"Whoa! I'm having flashbacks all of a sudden," Supersailorvenus smiled.


Sailormars just scoffs. "Get to your feet, Sailormoon! We don't have all day!"


"Rei!!! Why do you have to be so mean???" Usagi whined.


"Usagi! Rei! We don't have time for this! We've already been spotted!" said Sailorneptune who was glancing at her mirror.


"Hold it, Sailorsenshi!!!"


"Who's that?" Sailormoon asked.


"It's some woman....I...think..." said Sailorjupiter.


Zoycite stepped into the light. "Right, Sailorsenshi! And now, I will eliminate all of you!! ZOOOOIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


Zoycite held out her hand, and a strong blast of tiny spikes was hurled toward them.


"SILENCE WALL!!!" Sailorsaturn held out her glave and created a barrier around all of the senshi.


"Damn!" Zoycite watched as her spikes hit the shield and vanished.


"We are the Sailor Soldiers! We fight for love and justice! In place of the moon, we will punish sex-changing freaks like you!" Sailormoon recited.


"Well! For your information, it wasn't exactly my choice to become female! But of course you wouldn't care about that!" Zoycite yelled.


Saturn spoke up, "I know how to change you back."


"Good. I'll change back then...but only after the baby is born," Zoycite said.


"I'm afraid we can't let that happen," said Sailorsaturn.


"Oh? And why not? I am already pregnant, and you're not taking my baby from me unless you take it from my cold, white corpse!!!" Zoycite said, stepping back.


"The Dark Kingdom wants to rule the universe, right? Well, if that child is born, there won't be a universe left to rule!"


"Queen Beryl wants to rule the universe. I don't really care about her stupid mission, I just do it so that I will be free in the future. With my baby..." Zoycite said.


"There won't be a Dark Kingdom, either!"


"And why not?"


"Because your child will destroy it."


Zoycite pondered that, then said, "Well, it is too late then. I am pregnant, and I refuse to let you take away my baby while I'm alive. And if you manage to kill me, you'll have to deal with the baby's father. By then, I'm sure there will be no more Soldiers of love and justice and all of that bullshit, so I guess, like I said earlier, it's too late. So sorry."


"I'm sorry, but I don't even care," said Sailorsaturn. "And neither do the rest of the outers. We lost all of our morals a long time ago."


Zoycite's eyes narrowed. "There is no way I will let you take away my baby! ZOI!!!"


Zoycite's anger was released in the form of a blast of large spikes, which dissolved Sailorsaturn's silence wall. They were open targets now.




Ranma started to materialize in Beryl's throne room. "What the- where am I?!" Ranma gasped as he appeared. "Cologne! What did you do to me this time??"


Cologne smiled. "Good work, Perfume."


Shampoo wrapped her arms around Ranma. "Now we marry, Ranma!!!"


"Shampoo!" He pulled away from her. "Even if I did want to marry you, which I don't, there is still the matter of my nekophobia."


"Not problem, Ranma. We just get someone else curse." Shampoo smiled.


"Perfume, do you think you can loan us one of your youma or something to put a curse into?" Cologne asked.


"Sure, let me think...." Beryl began to think aloud, then she said, "Why don't you put it on Kunzite? Then they'll be a matched set."


"You wish your strongest warrior to become a cat?" Cologne looked confused.


"He is replacable," Beryl said.


"Are you certain?" Cologne asked again.


"Yes, besides, it's a dramatic irony....Kunzite just loves cats...." Beryl cackled evilly.




"Now what are we going to do?" Sailormoon asked.


"Pray for a miracle?" suggested Sailorpluto.


"No! We must fight!" Sailorjupiter and Sailoruranus agreed.


Zoycite just glared at them, and if looks could kill....


Suddenly Kunzite appeared. "Zoisite, we must go. The Queen wishes to see us for some reason." Kunzite just
shot a look of evil at the senshi. "But don't you worry. We'll be back to deal with you little girls later."


Zoycite and Kunzite disappeared.


"Ooooo....that guy has some nerve, huh?" Sailorjupiter seethed.




Kunzite and Zoycite reappeared in the throne room. "What's wrong, your majesty? We were winning!" Zoycite stated, crossing her arms over her chest. "We finally get an upper hand, victory just a step away, when you call us back? Why, your majesty? Having second thoughts?"


"No, Zoisite. I just needed Kunzite here for a moment, but I wanted you to see something, too, so be quiet and watch the show." Beryl smiled. "Cologne?"


Cologne hopped up to Kunzite on her pogo stick cane and held up a vial of water. She poured it on his head and said, "Instant kitty-cat."


"What?! What the hell are you doing?!" Zoycite yelled as Kunzite turned into a small, fuzzy, white haired cat with light blue siamese cat markings and Kunzite's eyes. Zoycite held her hands to her mouth. "Oh no!!!"


Cologne smiled. "Now you are both freaks."


"You...you...." Zoycite seethed with anger. "YOU LITTLE OLD BAG BITCH!!! I'LL KILL YOU!!! NOW YOU'VE GONE TOO FAR!!! I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU DID TO ME, BUT TO MAKE MY KUNZY INTO A CAT IS WAY, WAY, WAAAYYY OVER MY LIMIT TO HOLD IN MY ANGER TOWARDS ANYBODY! INCLUDING QUEEN BERYL!!! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO YOUR FINEST WARRIOR?! I HOPE YOU BOTH BURN IN HELL FOR THIS....NOW YOU'VE GONE TO FAR YOU RED HAIRED PRIMADONNA BITCH!!!! QUEEN OR NOT, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO DO THIS TO ANYONE!!! KUNZITE DID NOTHING BUT OBEY YOUR EVERY COMMAND, AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY HIM?! UGH! I HOPE THOSE SENSHI HAVE FUN PLAYING WITH YOUR HEAD AS A VOLLEYBALL WHEN THEY DEFEAT YOU!!!!"


Queen Beryl just stared. She tried to speak, but at first she could say nothing. Then she said, "Zoisite...LEAVE. YOU HAVE FIVE SECONDS STARTING NOW!!!!"


"FINE!!! BUT I'LL BE BACK!!!! YOU'LL LIVE...NO, DIE TO REGRET THIS!!!"


Zoycite picked up Kunzite the cat and vanished, without her spinning pink petals.


Ranma gulped. 'Whoa...she was pissed off....' was all he thought.


"He," said Cologne. "You forget my powers. That is the one who switched with you."




Zoycite reappeared before the Sailorsenshi, without her petals and catching them all by surprise. "You name it, I'll do it to defeat that Queen Bitch and her little Old Bag on a stick."


"Did you say 'Old bag on a stick'?" Sailorsaturn asked.


"Yeah, am suddenly talking in stereo?"


"This is turning into an episode of Ranma half! Who's the cat?"


Zoycite looked as though she would cry. "This...is Kunzite....the Old bag and Beryl turned him into a cat! Please
help me get my revenge...I will do anything you ask of me."


"Anything?" asked Sailorpluto.


"Anything."


"Even giving up your child?" asked Sailormoon.


"Well...I......" Zoycite looked down at Kunzite, who mewed sadly. "Yes."


"You know, we don't have to abort the child," said Sailormercury. "We can simply turn Zoycite back into Zoisite-
sama and then everything will delete itself."


"Can you turn Kunzite back as well?" Zoycite looked hopefully.


"Of course. I scanned the water sample on Kunzite's fur, and I analyzed it. The antidote is around this Cologne's
neck and is a pill. It's called the Phoenix pill, and it will cure you and return the curse back to the pond it came from." Sailormercury said. "The hard part is getting the necklace from Cologne and Beryl, now that they've teamed up."


"But we can do it! We're the pretty soldiers of love and justice, the Sailorsenshi!!!" said Sailormoon with a sudden
boost of confidence now that Zoycite was their ally...sort of. "But we need the silver crystal to defeat Beryl."


"I can get the crystals that we have and give them to you. Only if you promise not to use the crystal on us," said Zoycite.


"We promise."


"Only...there's one problem...if I return to the Dark Kingdom, Beryl will notice me and kill me. We would need someone small and fast to get the crystals....Kunzite! He knows where they are, and he's small and fast!" Zoycite said.


"We'll go with him," said Luna. "We'll bring the crystals here, and then we'll be able to locate the Moon Princess so we can finally defeat Queen Beryl."


"Yeah," said Artemis. "Let's go!"




The three cats appeared in Kunzite's palace, in his and Zoycite's bedroom.


Kunzite dashed under his bed and pulled out a pouch. He then leapt onto the bed, and then onto his dresser. He used his paws to open the top drawer, and then scooped up a black velvet case that held the crystals. With that in the pouch, he then dashed over to Zoisite's dresser and slid his picture of the two of them together, back when they were normal, and a few other personal belongings into the pouch. He mewed to Luna and Artemis that he was finished, when all of a sudden the door burst open. Luna, Artemis, and Kunzite all dashed under the bed. They laid still, listening quietly.


"Shampoo make love to her Ranma!"


"Help!!! Help me someone!!!"


It was then Kunzite realised that he had been in such a rush that he had left the pouch on Zoycite's dresser...all the way across the room!!!


Shampoo threw Ranma onto the bed, and then leapt onto him...like a cat. She forced him into a kiss, then she smiled. "Shampoo take your clothes away."


Ranma gulped, praying that someone would stop this insanity before it started.


But it was too late. Although he struggled, she had overpowered him, and his clothes landed across the room. He wished that something would stop this...anything.


Shampoo was all over him though, and suddenly he couldn't breathe. She was kissing him again, harder. He soon thought that there was no way he would get out of this, so he just gave in to her. He prayed that Akane would forgive him.


Kunzite knew that he had to go and get that pouch. He soon decided that they were "occupied" and silently stalked out from under the bed and towards Zoisite's dresser.


It seemed and eternity, but he soon reached the dresser, and he leapt up on it.


Suddenly his tail knocked off a glass perfume bottle. It shattered into a thousand pieces after falling in what seemed slow-motion. The sound was like a sonic boom to Kunzite, Luna and Artemis, but it was loud enough to catch at least Ranma's attention, then Shampoo's.


Ranma's eyes grew to the size of saucers. Flying saucers.


"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! IT'S A CAT
CATCATCATCATCATCATCATCATCATCATCATCATCAT!!!!!!!!" Ranma screetched at the top of his lungs and leapt from Shampoo's grasp. He threw Shampoo across the room and she screamed as she hit Zoycite's mirror and smashed it into billions of pieces. Blood spurted from her mouth as she attempted to scream, but she gargled and stayed silent as she passed out.


Luckily, Kunzite managed to dodge her and with the pouch in his mouth, he ran under the bed. Suddenly the door burst open again, only this time Cologne and Beryl came in.


"What is going on here?!" Beryl demanded.


Ranma, who was still naked, purred loudly and rubbed against her leg. Cologne saw Ranma, shook with fear, and then she saw Shampoo's limp and bloody form on the ground, surrounded by shattered mirror pieces. "No....Shampoo...."


Cologne hopped over to Shampoo's body. Blood covered the bottom of her cane.


"Oh god....noo..." Cologne whimpered. "It can not be....Shampoo was the strongest fighter of her generation...and the last of my heirs....dear gods, no!!!"


Shampoo opened her eyes one last time. "Grandmother.....no let me die....no....Shampoo Saotome....will no....die...Wo ai no Ranma...."


Shampoo sucked in her last bloody breath, and shuddered into her eternal sleep.


"Congradulations, Beryl. You managed to get her killed."


"Oh? And how did I do that, Cologne? I was with you the entire time of this event, and please stop rubbing against my legs!!!!" Beryl kicked at Ranma, and he hissed.


"Do you see any cats in here? You are no longer in the tribe, Beryl. I am leaving," said Cologne.


"Wait! I don't see any cats!" Beryl said.


"You're the only one who had teleport technology," said Cologne.


"But I didn't see any cats here! Just wait a moment....Cologne, please! Give me a chance to prove myself!"


"In your own words, Beryl, 'Punishment for treason is death'," said Cologne.


Suddenly, Artemis accidentally yawned and it came out like a meow.


"Did you hear that?!" Beryl exclaimed.


"Hear what?"


"Meow," Ranma said.


"That!"


"That's just Ranma. Come on Ranma. We're leaving. We'll go find Akane to get you out of Cat mode. Let's go," Cologne said.


Ranma dashed under the bed. When he saw the cats there, he jumped up, smashing the bed. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S A
CATCATCATCATCATCATCAT!!!!"


The bed demolished, it revealed Kunzite, Luna and Artemis. They all gulped.


Cologne walked over to them. "Kunzite...and two little kitties...let's see.....how many ways are there to skin a cat?"


Ranma had passed out from all the comotion he caused. The three cats were cornered, and for some reason Kunzite couldn't teleport away. He knew Beryl had placed a shield over the room.


"Well, Kunzite...if I have to die, you're going with me," said Beryl.




"I have a bad feeling all of a sudden," said Rei.


"What? What is it? Did something go wrong? Is Kunzite alright? What happened?" Zoycite asked, worried.


"I don't know, but I do know this much: Kunzite, Luna, and Artemis are in grave danger." Rei said. "We need to
help them...but how?"


"We could teleport, but who knows where we'll end up?" Sailorpluto said.


"Yeah," said Zoycite, "it took me forever to learn how to control where I was going when I teleported. I could teleport there, but I can only bring three people with me."


"Take Sailorsaturn, Sailormoon, and....Sailorvenus," said Sailorpluto. "They are the strongest of all of us."


"Okay," said Zoycite.


Zoycite formed a barrier around the three of them and they disappeared.




Queen Beryl was holding Kunzite up by the scruff of his neck when they appeared.


"I was wondering when you would return for your Kunzite, Zoisite-chan. But now you are all too late, I am afraid, and you all shall die." Beryl smiled wickedly.


Kunzite gave a small meow and pointed one paw to a pouch by Luna and Artemis. As soon as Sailormoon looked at it, the pouch began to glow brightly. The crystals in the pouch floated up into the sky and melded together, forming the Silver Crystal. "Oh!" Beryl said, tossing Kunzite to Cologne and she headed towards the crystal's blinding light. "I finally have it!!! Ha ha ha ha ha!!! I have the crystal!!!!"


"No you don't!!! ZOI!" Zoycite blasted Queen Beryl with a tiny shower of spikes.


Beryl dodged them, and suddenly the crytal flew over to Sailormoon's Cresent Wand.


She began to glow brightly, like a star. When the light faded, the Moon Princess was revealed to be...Sailormoon.


Both Sailorsaturn and Sailorvenus smiled. "You are the Princess, Sailormoon," said Sailorvenus.


"No!!! NOO!!! That's my crystal!!! Give it to me!!!" Beryl yelled.


"Oh, I'll give it to you!!! COSMIC MOON POWER!!!" Sailormoon blasted Beryl into the wall, then through it.


Suddenly Cologne created a barrier around Beryl and herself. "You can not defeat the Amazon Warriors!!!"


"The Amazon Quartet, and the Amazon Trio were both defeated by the Sailorsenshi, Old Bag!!!" Sailorvenus said. "Now eat this!!! VENUS LOVE AND BEAUTY SHOCK!!!!"


The blast sent Cologne and Beryl against the wall. In the meantime, Zoycite had run over to Kunzite, and then picked him up in her arms. "Kunzite-sama," Zoycite smiled. "I'm glad that you're alright."


Kunzite just began to purr loudly. He rubbed against Zoycite's cheek.


Beryl weakly got up to her feet and growled, "Sailormoon, you will not defeat me. I killed your mother, and I killed you, and I can do it again."


"Not this time! I am the pretty sailor-suited warrior of justice, Sailormoon! And in place of the moon-"


"And Venus!"


"And Saturn!"


"We'll punish you!!!" The three of them ended together.


"Oh, come on! I've heard Mousse give better speeches!" Cologne said.


"Ooohh... you Amazon witch!!!" Saturn glared. "We give better speeches than that duck!"


"What did you say? What are you, a seer?" Cologne looked surprised and nervous.


"No. I am the messiah of silence, Sailorsaturn!!!" Saturn held up her glave majestically.


"Agent of love and beauty, I am Supersailorvenus!!!" Venus yelled.


"You've already heard my speech, I'm not gonna do it again!" Sailormoon declared. "MOON TIARA ACTION!!!"


Her tiara blasted Beryl in the gut, and smashed Cologne's staff. "YOU SHATTERED MY THREE THOUSAND YEAR OLD AMAZON STAFF, YOU MOON BRAT!!!"


Cologne hopped up and down, and her pendant from around her neck flew into the air and cracked upon the hard floor. Suddenly Zoycite and Kunzite began to glow.


"Uh-oh!" Saturn gasped.


Zoycite watched her body slowly transform back into his male form, and Kunzite suddenly became a person again. In the corner, Shampoo stirs back to life as a cat, but now she is forever trapped as a cat. If she was to ever change back, she would die.


"Oh, my Shampoo!!!" Cologne bounced on her feet over to her cat granddaughter. "You are okay, but now you are stuck as a cat forever... FULL BODY CAT TONGUE.....it is for the best, Shampoo. You no longer have to marry him... and you are freed of your obligations to the tribe. Someday maybe I will find a way to change you back safely....but until then..."


Shampoo just mewed. She was tired.


"Sailormoon!!! Use your new Cresent Wand and heal Beryl, Cologne, and Shampoo!" said Luna, holding one paw up in the air.


"Right," said Sailormoon. "MOON HEALING ESCALATION!!!!"


"NOOOOOO!!!!" Beryl howled in pain, and as the evil was torn from her body, she lost her already fragile mind, and became totally harmless.


Cologne and Shampoo looked the same, only Shampoo was human again, but she still had her curse with her.


"What have you done to me?" Beryl pleaded. "Who am I?! Who are you?! What am I doing here? Oh....oh....heh heh heh heh heh....hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Hohoho!!!"


"Ohmigosh....she's lost her mind...that is Kondachi's laugh!!" Cologne said. "Come along, Perfume....time to train to be an Amazon again! Let's go!"


"Wait just one second....you still have one thing left to do..." Zoisite said.


"Oh? And what's that?" Cologne asked, raising an eyebrow.


"CHANGE!!!" Zoisite splashed water on Cologne and Beryl.


Suddenly they were covered in light. When it faded, Cologne was a frog, and Beryl was newt. Zoisite's laughter filled the air, along with the other senshi who had just appeared along with Endymion.


"Endymion, just a quick question- who are you in this life?" Sailormoon asked.


No answer, just laughter.


And they laughed all the rest of that night, and most of the next morning.




**EPILOGUE-



In the end, Akane and Ranma were married (curseless, too, I might add). The curse once placed upon Ranma was now upon Kuno, and he realized who the pigtailed girl really was, and was thrown into a psychiatric ward with his sister. Akane and Ranma had two children, a boy and a girl. Funny. The girl looked just like her father did when...nevermind.


Shampoo and Mousse married after she was freed from the Amazons because of her death, and he finally beat her, and they hatched four kittens and two ducklings.


Ryoga went to hike in the Lost Woods and was never heard from again.


Akane always wondered what happened to P-chan, and refused to eat pork ever again.


Ranma kept his oath, and didn't tell Akane about Ryoga's little secret.



Usagi and Mamoru eventually married at the end of Sailormoon Sailorstars, Rei ran off with some guy she met named 'Dameon'. Ami went off to study abroad, and eventually married Urwa. Naru and Umino also married, and named their first son Nefrite, in his memory. Makoto eventually broke it off with 'Andrew' and 'Rita' and is currently dating him. Minako went off to become the new Spice girl, and eventually married the man she left back in England.



Zoisite and Kunzite were healed that day, are currently living in San Fransisco together with their adopted twins, Cobalite(female) and Zincite(male). They live happily together.



Beryl regained her mind, became a great Amazon warrior, but was defeated in a game of Yoshi's Cookie by a man named Lazarus, and they married and had a few kids of their own.



Cologne and Happosai got back together, and after threating him like Lorena Bobbit, he has stopped pursuing other women.





THE END