Can love really be so painful, a story of loving someone who isn't sure if they feel the same.

Bechloe story, it's my first one please be nice!

A.N: hi to anyone reading this first of all thank you and secondly, please feel free to comment below and hints or tips on improving my writing :)

P.s there will be spelling mistakes! I'm dyslexic :(

Chapter 1 : Hopes and dreams.

For once things seemed to be going my way, I was seeing her name pop up in every social media app I opened, could this finally be it? Does she finally realise I'm here and she that she really does love me?

No of course not, things are never that simple and they never will be... it's best to start right at the beginning, you see I have been in love with this girl for 4 years now, I still remember the day we matched on tinder I remember viewing her profile and thinking to myself that she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen... she was curvy, tall, with amazing features and in every single picture had the most breathtakingly beautiful smile... not to mention she was ginger.

I remember swiping right and it instantly said we had matched each other, we hit it off straight away and started talking and getting to know about each other, I quickly learned that she was at the same university that I was going to be starting, the one place I had been dreading to go was finally going to become the place I wanted to be. We spoke every day from the second we woke up until the moment we fell asleep, we FaceTimed and spoke on the phone every opportunity we had and it was fair to say we had a connection a very strong one for that matter, one I knew I wasn't ready for.

My problem was this, I came from a strict home and I was always labelled the troubled child because i always did the opposite to what my family wanted from me, this then became an issue when I wanted to follow my dream and there were two things stoping me... my family and my secret, you see my mother wanted me to study and get a job working in a beauty salon (which would never in a million years happen) and my dad, well he was a lecturer at Barden University so he of course wanted me to go to uni, however I wanted to be a DJ or a big shot music producer, Apart from the small problem of me not being able to afford the L.A life so therefore I had to choose one or the other of my parents Choices, luckily for me if I went to university I could study what I wanted and my dad would support me in moving to L.A if I completed 1 year the only downside... I had to go to Barden where my dad would be watching every move I made, thus creating problem number 2 my secret.

You see I'm great at keeping things secret and hiding things but this was something I'd been hiding for a very long time and now I was stuck, I had a plan on how to get around it but once again my family stepped in and stopped it, I was going to go university but I was going to go to one in L.A where I would never have to tell my secret and just live a very quiet, peaceful and an gay life, without my family knowing, yes that's right I am gay that's my secret and my family have no idea and I want it to stay that way too. If they knew my life would be hell, so many questions, doubts and most indefinitely unreasonable arguments where I would be told it's wrong and discusting to be gay.

So back to this girl, her name is Chloe Beale she's a major in foreign languages, she's in her 2nd year of uni and she's also apart of an accapella group I mean I've seen videos on the internet of it and they seem pretty cool, well apart from the time that one of the girls threw up all over the audience!! Now that was funny! However Chloe has the voice of an angel ive often sat there listening to her practice for her competitions over FaceTime a few times and every time I'm lost listening to sound of her soft melodies and the soothing sound of her voice, even when she talks it's nothing but beautiful.

phone buzzes*

I realise this whole time I've been lost in thought thinking over everything trying to find a solution to this mess I hadn't even realised I had 1 missed call and 2 texts

Chloe: I've finished lecture now I'll ring you in 5 minutes!! Xoxo

Missed call- Chloe

10 minutes passed

Chloe: Everything okay? You normally answer straight away? Xoxo

I stare down at my phone, I should probably reply I really needed to talk to her.

Beca: Hey you! How was your lecture? Sorry I was sorting something out! So I was wondering do you fancy meeting up this week when you're free?? Xxxx

Chloe: I cant this month I have too much planned I've got loads of assessments maybe next month? Xoxo

There it was again the excuse she always uses, I've been trying to see her for months, I've asked her on a date and she always lets me down, yet she always texts and calls me. I needed to see her before I started at Barden I had 5 1/2 months left to meet her before I started uni, why did she always blow me off? I stared down at my phone blankly looking at Chloe's reply, I had no idea what to put so I typed the one thing I could think to reply, however I knew from that I'd kill the conversation.

Beca: Okayyy xxxx

No reply, just as I thought. I lay down on my bed and looked up at the posters on the ceiling, somethings not right. I lay there for hours thinking to myself moving only to get dinner then I fell asleep in a pillow of thoughts and questions all to which there were no answers.

The next 2 months were the same and the conversations became less and less, I couldn't understand, until I saw it... the post she put on instagram with all her uni friends at a frat party I wish I could say they were all friends but there was this girl she was beautiful tall and blonde piecing blue eyes, she was stood there with her arms around Chloe. The caption hurt more :

"last night with my faves and my one Jess "

It was simple and sweet but it made my heart ache I wanted to cry but I couldn't. It all makes sense now she had been putting off meeting me because I wasn't the only person she was talking too, in fact I was just another number on a list of other girls... I honestly didn't know what to do, my heart was breaking I could feel it in my chest I needed to stop this pain. I needed someone to talk to, so I did the only thing I could and called Jesse my best friend.

"Becawww how you doing?"

He paused he could obviously hear the sniffling sound I made as he answered

"Not good can you come see me?" I was fighting the tears so much he gave a simple of course as a reply and hung up, that's the thing I liked about Jesse if I needed him he would always be there as quick as he could.

Jesse turned up at my house within 20 minutes of our phone call, he was great he just sat and listened whilst I told him everything not to mention whilst I sat there crying for what felt like forever. He was so sweet he told me the best thing to do was to distance myself and try to meet someone new and be happy without her.

When Jesse left I just threw my cover over me and cried, I wanted to message her and tell her how angry and hurt I was, I wanted to call her and scream and cry down the phone! How could she do this to me?! But I knew better than to blow up like that like Jesse said "it makes you look desperate if you kick off at her" he was right I needed to take his advice so I knew this was my time to move on I needed to for my own sake I needed to heal this heart and find someone who truly valued my worth. So I did I got my phone, back to tinder back to swiping.

I spent the next few month distancing myself and attempting to get over her, it was hard we had a connection and I cared about her but I couldn't do this I couldn't be the girl who was used by someone who doesn't care about me back. I avoided conversations that lasted longer than the standard "hey how are you?" As I didnt want to hear or care about her and Jess. I had tried moving on and don't get me wrong I matched a few but it never went far and I just sorta gave up, it wasn't the right thing to do I was still thinking about her, that's when It hit me... I was in love with someone who I hadn't met in person, how could i be so stupid? this has never happened to me before.

1 month later.

My one fear was coming up quickly ... University not just university but Chloe Beale. I had gotten into Barden doing English literature and I had chosen which dorms I wanted I just had to hope she wasn't there, she wasn't near me I didn't want to see her I didn't want to fall ... not again. The past month I had thrown myself into packing and planning my time wisely at uni and I had invested the last few weeks with my family and friends who unfortunately I couldn't take with me ... I had a week to go before I left home, I can do this and I'll be living in LA in no time.

A.N: okay so this chapter is only small as I wanted to give a bit of background on Beca's character and her relationship with Chloe.

I'll try and bring you chapter 2 when I can I'm super busy with work and Christmas at the moment!

Thanks xoxo