15 ways to make the millennium earl's talking umbrella shut up!
Shoot him
Throw him in a volcano
Puree him in a blender
Tape his mouth shut
Cut him up
Stick his head in a melon
Stick his head in an onion
Stick his head in concrete
Fry im' for brunch
Bake him into bread
Mince him up into mulch
Bury him
Sic Allen on him
Sic Kanda on him
Sic Lavi on him