Clerks: The Cartoon - Lesbians for Hire
The following television show is entirely fictitious. Any similarity to the history of any person, living or dead, or any actual events is entirely coincidental and unintentional.
Except where specifically noted otherwise in the cast and crew credits, all celebrity voices are impersonated and no celebrities have endorsed any aspect of this show.
Number 6, your order is up.
[Scene - Dante's room. The phone rings, and no one answers for a second. A hand reaches from above and answers the phone.]
[Pan up to see Randal, dressed like Willy Wonka.]
Randal: [floating in the air] AH! So you BURP to get down, then?
[Opening credits]
[Scene - Dante's kitchen, which strikingly resembles his room, but with no bed, and a coffee machine. The machine starts percolating and we see that the sun is rising through the window. Dante enters the shot a few seconds later, looking quite disheveled.]
Dante: Why don't I ever get a day off?
Randal: [emerging from behind the counter] You got me.
Dante: [jumps a little] You have a home, you know.
Randal: Not anymore, not ever since my mom found out you were gay. They threw me out, I suppose because they think your disorder is contagious or something.
Dante: I am not gay!!
Randal: Yeah, sure, whatever. I also wanted to borrow your car.
Dante: [pouring him and Randal a cup of coffee] What for?
Randal: I wanted to get to the video store early. [Dante gives him a "you liar" look.] Ok, FINE..I accidentally set part of the store on fire again.
Dante: Well, I'm going to Quick Stop today anyway. Randal: Oh, great! [Tosses his keys to Dante] Clean up that mess for me.
[A few minutes and an entire roll of duct tape later...]
[We see Dante driving his car, looking pleased with himself. We pan out a bit, and see Randal, unconscious, duct taped to the roof of the car.]
[Scene- inside the Quick Stop.]
Dante: [writing on a clipboard as Randal comes to] I told you that chloroform would come in handy someday.
Randal: Oh, yeah...[Flashback]
[We see our Clerks in school, in Chemistry, mixing chemicals.]
Dante: [Runs his hand through his mullet] Almost finished.
Randal: [Looks the same as he does now, except he wears a shirt saying, "Hoverboards are the destroyers of Communism!"] Yeah, sure. [Flips through his porn mag] What are we making, anyway? A cure for your terminal homosexuality?
Dante: For the last time, I am not gay!
Randal: Alright, alright. That's the last you'll hear THAT from me.
Dante: It's chloroform, so I can use it to knock people who try to push their own problems on me out!
[Back to the future! ::rimshot::]
Dante: Well, that was oddly specific of me. [Randal shrugs]
[An attractive girl walks to the counter and starts making eyes at Dante.]
Randal: Well, hello there..
[A puff of red smoke, and the woman is a hard core lesbian. The lesbian leaves the store after paying for a porn mag.]
Dante: How do you do that?
Randal: Beats me. Maybe I'm a superhero!
[Jay walks in.]
Jay: Yo, Clerks, which one of you made Lunchbox's sister gay?
[Randal raises his hand, looking proud of himself.]
Jay: Good Job, dude. I thought I might've had to break up with her or something. [Hands Randal a fifty dollar bill.]
Randal: Well, this plot line could be interesting for a while.
[Fade to commercial.]
The following television show is entirely fictitious. Any similarity to the history of any person, living or dead, or any actual events is entirely coincidental and unintentional.
Except where specifically noted otherwise in the cast and crew credits, all celebrity voices are impersonated and no celebrities have endorsed any aspect of this show.
Number 6, your order is up.
[Scene - Dante's room. The phone rings, and no one answers for a second. A hand reaches from above and answers the phone.]
[Pan up to see Randal, dressed like Willy Wonka.]
Randal: [floating in the air] AH! So you BURP to get down, then?
[Opening credits]
[Scene - Dante's kitchen, which strikingly resembles his room, but with no bed, and a coffee machine. The machine starts percolating and we see that the sun is rising through the window. Dante enters the shot a few seconds later, looking quite disheveled.]
Dante: Why don't I ever get a day off?
Randal: [emerging from behind the counter] You got me.
Dante: [jumps a little] You have a home, you know.
Randal: Not anymore, not ever since my mom found out you were gay. They threw me out, I suppose because they think your disorder is contagious or something.
Dante: I am not gay!!
Randal: Yeah, sure, whatever. I also wanted to borrow your car.
Dante: [pouring him and Randal a cup of coffee] What for?
Randal: I wanted to get to the video store early. [Dante gives him a "you liar" look.] Ok, FINE..I accidentally set part of the store on fire again.
Dante: Well, I'm going to Quick Stop today anyway. Randal: Oh, great! [Tosses his keys to Dante] Clean up that mess for me.
[A few minutes and an entire roll of duct tape later...]
[We see Dante driving his car, looking pleased with himself. We pan out a bit, and see Randal, unconscious, duct taped to the roof of the car.]
[Scene- inside the Quick Stop.]
Dante: [writing on a clipboard as Randal comes to] I told you that chloroform would come in handy someday.
Randal: Oh, yeah...[Flashback]
[We see our Clerks in school, in Chemistry, mixing chemicals.]
Dante: [Runs his hand through his mullet] Almost finished.
Randal: [Looks the same as he does now, except he wears a shirt saying, "Hoverboards are the destroyers of Communism!"] Yeah, sure. [Flips through his porn mag] What are we making, anyway? A cure for your terminal homosexuality?
Dante: For the last time, I am not gay!
Randal: Alright, alright. That's the last you'll hear THAT from me.
Dante: It's chloroform, so I can use it to knock people who try to push their own problems on me out!
[Back to the future! ::rimshot::]
Dante: Well, that was oddly specific of me. [Randal shrugs]
[An attractive girl walks to the counter and starts making eyes at Dante.]
Randal: Well, hello there..
[A puff of red smoke, and the woman is a hard core lesbian. The lesbian leaves the store after paying for a porn mag.]
Dante: How do you do that?
Randal: Beats me. Maybe I'm a superhero!
[Jay walks in.]
Jay: Yo, Clerks, which one of you made Lunchbox's sister gay?
[Randal raises his hand, looking proud of himself.]
Jay: Good Job, dude. I thought I might've had to break up with her or something. [Hands Randal a fifty dollar bill.]
Randal: Well, this plot line could be interesting for a while.
[Fade to commercial.]