17 Reasons to Hate Jacob Black
Hello! I've already done one of these for Mike and one of the reviewers for the Mike one suggested I do something similar for Jacob Black. How right you are! So, 17 reasons to hate Jacob Black, the oversized space heater.
Here we go!
One: He smells funny.
Two: Seriously. Who wants a St. Bernard for a boyfriend?! Forget husband. Jacob will never marry. Because as Renesmee progresses into 'vampire' she will realize that he, as I stated before, smells. Funny.
Three: No one wants a homicidal space heater on their hands. In a non-perverted way.
Four: He freaking IMPRINTED on Renesmee!
Five: HE TRICKED BELLA INTO KISSING HIM! I'd punch him, but I need my hands to type.
Six: Honestly. He's Jacob. Come on.
Seven: He's a meanie pants in this one fic I read.
Eight: He runs around half naked. That is not something we need to see. Really.
Nine: He's related to a French poodle, whereas Edward here is a hottie hot McGorgeous pants. Yes. I really did just say that.
Ten: Edward suggested that he have...he does...that with Bella. We still love Edward, but the mental image of Jacob doing that with her just makes us hate him.
Eleven: He was mean to this one girl Lizzie. Hmph.
Twelve: He agreed to kill Edward in Breaking Dawn. Not cool, Jacob, not cool (A/N: Get it?! Not. Cool? Jacob? Because he's not cool? As in cold? XDDDD –Sigh- I crack my self up...)
Thirteen: Said werewolf is homicidal. "I'll kill you myself! I swear I will!" Or something along those lines.
Fourteen: He nicknamed Bella's baby after the Loch Ness Monster. Bella's baby, the sea serpent. Oyez.
Fifteen: I bet he isn't housebroken. –Crosses arms over chest defiantly- I mean, really! Running around as a werewolf only for a month had to do something to his control!
Sixteen: He's too persistent for his own good. And while we wouldn't care if Edward slipped up once in a while and punched him in the jaw, he really is too persistent.
Seventeen: He also doesn't have a god damn Volvo. Volvo best car in the world.
And that concludes the "17 Reasons To Hate Jacob Black" fic! I hope you enjoyed, and I hope even more that you people review. You know you want to.