GojiPrime: Yo! What you're about to read is a really pointless thing that millions of other people have probably done already. I don't know much about Transformers, just bits and pieces from each series. This will be a one shot, unless I get good reviews. If I do, then I'll make a list for the other characters (So please R&R).
Anywho, if you ever join the Decepticons, then remember to do half of these. They will all work, I've tried them. Seriously, I've known Megatron for a few years, and after me, he doesn't want anymore humans joining. I still have yet to ask him why he has a human on his team, but, whatever…
So anyway, let's do this bitch…
Ask him about his cube/little boy fetishes
Ask him what he'll do once nothing but Autobots are left in the world
Ask him how he went from a bucket head to a pointy-headed freak
Tell him to try picking up the All-Spark
In addition to 4, laugh as he can't pick it up cuz he only has 3 finger-claw things
Ask about his relationship with Lugnutz
Tell him that Lugnutz loves him
Show him the fan art with him and Lugnutz
Show him the fan art with him and Prime
Ask why he used to transform into a gun that he let Starscream use
Ask why he let Starscream, the traitor, use him
Tell him you want to see how Starscream cocks, shoots, and reloads Megatron
Remind him about the little girl he fell in love with in "Kiss-players"
Ask if a fishing-pole will shoot out if you kiss him
Tell him you have the All-Spark
Paint an Autobot symbol on his chest-plate
Constantly yell "Hooblah, booooooy! The cube, booooooy! I smell you, booooooy!" when he walks by
Tell Soundwave to act as Megatron's alarm, and play "I'm a Barbie Girl" when he wakes up
Tell Lugnutz that his favorite song is "I'm a Barbie Girl"
Hold a Birthday party and give him an Optimus Prime cake
Proceed to give him an Optimus Prime Masterpiece toy
Laugh at him as he cries because he didn't get the Megatron Masterpiece toy
Tell him it was Lugnutz's idea, as Lugnutz gives him the CD with "I'm a Barbie Girl" on it
Call him an old Duffer cuz of his age
When he complains that he's not that old, tell him that you're only sixteen years old
Remind him that you made him cry a few minutes ago
Tell him that you're dating the girl that he fell in love with in "Kiss-Players"
If he doesn't believe you, just laugh and walk away
Later that day, tell him that you were just with that girl again, and she told you that she thinks your "fishing pole" is bigger than his
And that's if you fold it in half
Exactly one week later, hold another birthday party for him
When he comes to ask you why you held another party, be making out with the girl he fell in love with
As he sits in disappointment and embarrassment, make sure he's watching as you grope her (Just to let you know, I have no idea how this girl looks, so if she's ugly as hell, just pretend that she's one of those girls that's so hot, it makes you angry)
After Megatron cries himself to sleep, put a bucket over his head
As he wakes up to "I'm a Barbie Girl" again, laugh as he runs around the room, thinking he's blind
When he throws it off, scream like hell and say that he ripped off his own head
If he believes you, tell him not to worry, cuz you'll fix it
Grab a bunch of tools and blindfold him, use this as an advantage to smack him with a hammer, but pretend you're reapplying his head
If he asks why he's blindfolded, don't answer
The whole time he thinks you're helping him, really just duck-tape the bucket on his face
When he asks why he still can't see, tell him the surgery left him blind
Ask him why there are no females on the Decepticon side
That night, spray paint the words "I'm a Packers fan" on his back (Emphases on "Packer")
Ask why, in the new movie, his fight with Prime consists of them rolling around on the ground
Ask why, instead of one Jazz, he wanted two
If he tells you to stop accusing him of being gay, cuz he's not, raise your fist in the air and scream "Take that, Yaoi fan girls!" (I know, I stole that from the guy who did Master Chief's piss-off list, but Yaoi fan girls should know that their opinions are WRONG!!)
A few weeks later, laugh as he realizes that a bucket was duck-taped to his head this whole time, and he isn't blind
Ask about how he masturbates with three claws for fingers
Ask about how he masturbated when he had a T-rex head for a hand in "Beast Wars" (Or whenever the hell he had it)
Tell him that you've officially pissed him of 50 times
Ask if you can ride his jet (Not intended to be sexual, seriously ask to ride his jet)
As he drives, like, 3mph, pop in a CD and play "Slow Ride"
Ask what he thinks about Elita1
As he's lost in thought about the beautiful Elita1, remind him that she's an Autobot
Also ask if he likes the Elita1 from Animated
If he says yes, then say: "Eww! Bestiality!!"
Tell him that the chick you're dating (his ex-girlfriend) is pregnant with your child
Remind him about the whole "fishing pole" thing
Tell him that the legal age to have sex for humans is eighteen, and you and her are only sixteen
After eight months, leave the girl and hide until the baby is due
In one month, make a guest star appearance back at the base and hold the girl's hand as she gives birth
Make sure neither of you act like you ever left
Pretend to freak out and yell at Megatron, saying: "I'm gonna be a parent, and you're the godfather!"
After Megatron freaks out for a few minutes, shits himself, and nearly dies of a heart attack, make him worry more and ask where the doctor is
Yell at him and say he was responsible for hiring the doctor…make sure you never told him that before
Call up Ratchet
After a few minutes, and he realizes nothing happened, laugh hysterically with Ratchet and the girl
Tell him that she was never pregnant
As he tries to shoot you, tell him that he is still the godfather of your future children, and if he kills you, then he has to take care of them…all Thirty-six. (Or, just sixty-nine your girlfriend in front of him to remind him of the number you're on)
Pay Ratchet and wish him a safe trip
Before he leaves, ask if he'd like to stay for dinner
During dinner, tell Ratchet about the "fishing poles"
Start a food fight and throw a dumbbell at Megatron's face (I don't know why, I just wanted to make it stupid)
Whenever Megatron passes you, yell "Transform and roll out!!"
When he's not looking, tell the girl to kiss him
When his fishing pole comes out, laugh
Ask how he went from Megatron to Galvetron, then back to Megatron in Kiss-players
While he's watching TV, change the channel to sports and watch football
Pat him on the back and say, "Hey, how 'bout them packers?"
When he walks away, confused, wait for him to notice the Packer thing you spray painted on his back…almost a year ago
Laugh as he yells your name in a threatening way
Watch the new movie, and constantly replay the part when he's chasing Sam and crashes through the window. Laugh when he randomly yells "HOOBLAH!!" in the movie
Yell "HOOBLAH!!"
Act surprised and ask him why there aren't any Decepticon symbols on him…or in the movie in general. And where the hell is Soundwave? And why is Brawl named the "Devastator"? Isn't the Devastator a robot that the five Constructicons turn into? (And was that Michael Bay he just flicked? Well, congratulate him for that, cuz what the hell is wrong with that guy?)
Ask if he's ever asked the girl to Ridehisfiddlestick
Run away after saying that
Tell Soundwave to turn into a tape recorder and record Megatron when he's sleeping
When Soundwave gives you the tape, he will tell you that Megatron spoke in his sleep, and apparently had a wet dream about your girlfriend
Ask if oil came out
Pretend to get very sick, and tell Megatron you are about to die
As he whimpers like a baby and tells you what a great friend you've always been, replay the tape of his fantasies with your girlfriend
Die of a heart attack (Well, just pretend. Megatron doesn't have a heart, so he wouldn't know the difference of living or dead) (Invite Optimus Prime to the funeral)
At your funeral, jump out of your coffin and scare the shit out of him
laugh as he shits a brick
If he asks how you came back to life, tell him it was the power of the All-Spark
Also tell him that, when you told him you had the All-Spark, you weren't lying
Later that day, when he holds a "Welcome back to life party", finger your girlfriend in front of him
Ask him why, in the movie, he wanted to destroy Earth, but he didn't kill a single human
Tell him that Michael Bay sucks
Explain to him your theory of his goal, saying: "So, let me get this straight. You want to destroy all of the Autobots and rule over Cybertron. After that, you want to kill everything else that isn't a Decepticon and use the All-Spark to create the ultimate-evil-army. " He will nod, and this is when you tell him the problem with his plan. "After that…what happens? You've created the ultimate army, but you have nothing to fight. Sure, now you rule over everything, but nobody will fear you, because everyone is either dead, or a mindless slave. You will one day realize that life is boring, and it is pointless to keep going. Your army will always be watching over you, and you will never have the chance to kill yourself. Along the years, you also realize that there's nothing left to do…but ass-rape your all-male-army of doom and destruction. Little do you know, that "doom and destruction" is applying to your army, as millions upon millions of robots slowly decay from not only age, but also the STDs and AIDS. You are now bored, and the only thing left to do is play checkers with Starscream until one of you dies of the disease. After Starscream dies, you begin to wish it was you, because you found out that you were never infected with any STDs. Floating in space, alone, you beg for death, but you can't kill yourself because you already destroyed everything in the universe, and your arms fell of a few years ago. Suicide is impossible, and now you wait…"
This was the day that Megatron decided to join the Autobots, and he was royally pimped out happily ever after…
The End…
?
Was it any good? Even worth your time? I'm sorry if it was just a big waste of ten minutes, but, I spent, like, an hour, so shut up. So PLEEEEEAAAAAASE R&R. I don't care if it's a complement, an insult, or if you just wanna tell me your life story, just do it. If I get some good ones, I'll consider making fun of Optimus…or Wreck Gar…Blitzwing (Animated)…or, Grimlock! C'mon, you know you can't resist Grimlock, cuz Grimlock are an badass!