Okay so I know that I'm not going to be the only one doing these… I don't know how many others are out there, but I wrote this on a whim in class yesterday, so might as well post my version :) Hope you all enjoy~

Warning: Hints of Sherlock/John

Disclaimer: Seriously, if I owned Sherlock, Sherlock and John would be married ages ago.

Product Name: Sherlock Holmes™

Manufacturer: BBC Inc.

Thank you and congratulations on your purchase of the newest product proudly presented by BBC Inc.- the Sherlock Holmes™ unit. Please read this user's manual very carefully to maintain best condition of your Sherlock Holmes™ unit, and for you own safety.

Your standard kit includes:

a) black trench coat with upturned collar

b) deep blue scarf

c) harpoon

d) revolver

e) violin

f) lab equipments

g) various 'specimens'.

For more accessories, an additional booster pack is available in stores worldwide.

The Sherlock Holmes™ unit comes in the following modes:

(1)BORED

(2)CONSULTING DETECTIVE

(3) TANTRUM, and

(4) FLATMATE (locked)

Upon purchase, Sherlock Homes™ is automatically programmed to BORED mode. In this state, Sherlock Holmes™ will develop a dangerous urge for nicotine, and will stop at nothing to get it. You are advised to burn all cigarettes in your residence, and pay off any nearby store that might sell them to him. Be sure to stock up on nicotine patches, and turn the TV on to lousy soap operas in order to minimize potential damage. It is highly unadvised to leave your unit in BORED mode for too long. If left in BORED mode for a substantial period of time, Sherlock Holmes™ will likely cause severe damage to your property, with actions such as firing shots to your wall or wielding his harpoon about.

If given a mystery he deems worth his time, Sherlock Holmes will immediately switch into CONSULTING DETECTIVE mode. It is advised that you do not move, speak, or even think while your unit is in this mode to prevent random burst of 'Shut up!' and various insults. Be sure to feed your unit in this mode, for he will focus on the case and nothing else. For more efficient crime solving, it is recommended that you purchase the John H. Watson™ unit, and the Molly Hooper™ unit. Be prepared to pay for cab fares and a massive phone bill.

The TANTRUM mode is activated when your unit comes in contact with a Mycroft Homes™ unit. In this mode, Sherlock Holmes will become highly unreasonable and almost impossible to communicate with. Your only hope of making him listen is by getting your John H. Watson™ unit to talk to him. When you unit is in this mode, be sure to bring extra clothes with you, for Sherlock Holmes™ is likely to walk outside with nothing but a sheet on.

The FLATMATE mode can only be activate upon contact with a John H. Watson™ unit. Though Sherlock Holmes™ usually plays the violin and sleeps on the couch in this mode; you may be able to observe unusual behavior of you unit when this mode is activated, such as voluntarily making coffee, buying milk, and even showing emotion.

WARNINGS:

I. When in the company of a John H. Watson™ unit, make sure the John H. Watson™ unit does not make contact with female units other than the Mrs. Hudson™ unit (For example, the Sarah Sawyer™ unit), or risk Sherlock Holmes™ snapping into TANTRUM mode.

II. Under no circumstance should you allow your Sherlock Holmes™ to come in contact with a James Moriarty™ unit. Such contact could result in getting stalked by the James Moriarty™ unit, and your unit falling many stories off a rooftop.

The Sherlock Holmes™ unit has many featured functions:

-Analyze you potential love interests: "Is he serious about the relationship?" "Is he seeing someone else?" Never worry about these questions again, for your Sherlock Holmes™ unit will tell you everything there is to know in mere seconds!

-Live concerts: Love classical music? Simply hand Sherlock Holmes™ the violin included in the kit. He will play anything classical piece, or even compose his own.

-Free Attorney: His way of analyzing the jury and knowledge of just the right questions to ask can get you out of any trouble you get into… that or he might get charged with contempt of court.

Troubleshooting FAQ:

Q: My Sherlock Holmes™ unit won't stop belittling me, and throwing insults at me. It's driving me mad. Is there anything I can do?

A: The relentless insults might be triggered by you asking him to do your homework for you, or something similar to that. Don't bother trying again, he won't be interested. To stop this behavior, purchase a John H. Watson™ unit to keep him company, or purchase an Anderson™ unit so that he can divert his insults somewhere else.

Q: Sherlock has left my residence in a huge mess. There are lab equipments scattered in the kitchen and a head in the fridge! What should I do?

A: Customers are advised to buy a separate fridge for your unit to store his specimens. Getting him to clean up is impossible. We suggest purchasing a Mrs. Hudson™ unit and putting her in HOUSEKEEPER mode.

Q: My Sherlock™ unit won't stop playing the violin at 3 A.M. in the morning, help!

A: Purchase a John H. Watson unit, and lock him and your unit in a room without the violin. Ideally, Sherlock Holmes™ will become too preoccupied to think about the violin anymore.

For further inquiries and technical issues, feel free to call our customer service line 1800-221-895 and ask for Steven Moffat.

Thanks for reading, please leave a review~~ :)

P.S: Special thanks to the darlings that read, laughed, and wrote me reviews on post-it notes in class, I love you all ^^