First of all, let me remind you yet again that this is based on the TV show!!! Better yet, the first season of the TV show. Oh, and by the way, the parts in italics aren't memories, they're just internal thoughts or narration by the same person...
Crossing Paths #4
When the Dead Return
~~
I've heard people say that there's no escaping death. That once it comes for you, there's nothing you can do. They say that death is unavoidable, they say that when you start to fade, your life is over. Then how come I'm here? I know I'm alive, how else could I be able to save, to hurt, to kill. But I remember dying, I remember the pain increasing unbearably, I remember thinking I'd never see my family again, never see another sunrise, never feel another kiss, a soft touch. I remember wanting to cry, to scream, I remember wanting revenge. I remember not feeling the pain anymore, my body going numb. 'Where's the light at the end of the tunnel? Where are the eternal fires of hell?'. I remember wanting nothing more than my enemy's blood upon my hands. I remember wanting to live just long enough to see his lifeless body laying before me. Then I remember the darkness surrounding me, the will to live, the pain returning, the thirst for vengeance... But most of all, I remember waking up...
~~
***
Zack
I rolled over and started to remove the bandages covering the wounds on my right arm. I was waiting for her to come back, she said she would. I wondered if she would really return, but she hadn't lied to me yet. She told me I would die, and it was true; or at least she thought it was... The explosion had wiped out the Kandrona and killed many Controllers. Everything had gone as planned. But up to what point? She hadn't planned on getting me out, she hadn't expected it, or had she? I didn't know, I couldn't tell. She was a mystery to me, no face, no name, all lies and half-sentences and deceit...
I winced as I cleaned the wound, it was still pretty bad. My eyes slowly drifted from one corner of the room to the other. I threw the old blood stained gaze on the floor. Strange, she hadn't treated her injuries, at least not right after we had gotten out. She had no injuries, none that I could see that is. While me? I was laying here on the floor, my ribs broken by a Hork-Bajir and my arm scorched by a close blow of a dracon beam. She had treated me, but not herself. I knew she possibly just didn't want me to see her face, but still. She had to treat her injuries sometime, so maybe she had none. There was no way for me to even see if she was hurt. I finished bandaging up the wound and proceeded to carefully pick up the gazes and anything that could have indicated we, or I was once here. We were supposed to leave today, or at least, that's what I assumed. We had been here far too long, almost a week already. They were looking for me, for us. I knew she wasn't worried, she knew they wouldn't find her. Or was she worried, and she just didn't show it? I wasn't so calm, I didn't even pretend to be. The hooded figure was standing there, I would have fallen back if I hadn't been already on the floor. I had been so worried with my own thoughts, I hadn't realized she had come in. I hadn't even heard the door open.
"You startled me." - I let out with a sigh.
I then realized that the door was still open and someone was standing there. I tensed up naturally, expecting it to be a load of Controllers. If I could have moved, I would have been preparing to fight. I'm not someone who sits around and waits for something. I go after it, I can take whatever is thrown at me and I can give it back in the same coin. I'm a fighter, but I was in no condition to defend myself. All I could manage was a wince and an inaudible groan from the pain that I felt while I tried to move. Once I saw clearly who it was, I relaxed a bit, but still kept a hard expression on my face. It was a girl, black hair, somewhat grayish blue eyes, wearing worn out jeans and a purple sweatshirt. She was carrying a bag and a backpack. She had somewhat of a lost look about her and something else. Something I couldn't quite put my finger on. My attention then drifted to the other person coming in. A young man, maybe in his 20's, black hair also, and bluish green eyes. He was wearing dirty jeans and T-shirt, and a jacket, which I had seen Phoenix take with her. He worried me for some reason. Maybe it was the fact that he seemed at ease with all this, like everything was normal, like everything was fine. The girl kept looking at him, confused. And he kept looking at our hooded friend, no fear, no confusion... I didn't like it, I didn't like him. The girl looked at me for a while and put her stuff down on the floor, reluctantly coming my way. She kneeled down next to me and looked at the wounds I had bandaged.
"What did that?" - she asked, pointing at my arm.
"Dracon beam." - the guy answered for me - "Were you fighting against or for?"
"Against." - I answered just as seriously as he had asked.
Our hooded friend walked out of the room and said nothing at all. The girl looked at her friend and laughed a forged laugh.
"What, no good-bye?"
"She doesn't talk much." - I said, ignoring the pain.
"Gina, could you check in that pouch Phoenix left and see what's in there?" - the guy said.
"What pouch?" - Gina and I asked at the same time.
"The one in the corner..."
"Oh, ok." - she got up and went over to get it.
He kneeled down next to me - "Hi, I'm Chris. You are?"
"Zack. No last names, right? Like it matters..."
"How long were you a Controller?" - he asked.
"Four months. You?"
"Too long."
Even inspite of the pain, I couldn't help but let out a small laugh - "You sound like her... What did you call her?"
"Phoenix."
"Nice name, prodigy... and your friend, Gina?"
"As far as I know, she's just a runaway living on the streets."
"Oookay, what's this?" - she asked us from across the room.
We both looked. She was pointing to a dracon beam. That meant she wasn't a Controller, question became, what was she doing here? I coughed. The girl took her attention off the weapon for a moment and stared at me.
"Are you ok?"
"No, not really."
"What happened?" - she asked, curious.
"It's a long story..."
"...time... is always on my side... make you an offer, you can't refuse, you've only got your soul to loose..." -she sang for a while, then let her voice drift off and she paid attention to me again. Either she had no idea of the seriousness of the situation, or she was a fruitcake...
"Ok, I'll start at the beginning."
And so I started telling her the story we all knew so well, that of horror, death, slavery and survival... And in the end, I realized just how appropriate those lyrics had been and I knew we had found another ally...
~~
As a fool, I wished upon a star and I cried wondering why my wish wasn't granted. I wished for years and cried for more. I cried until the day my wish was given to me. And then I cried no more, and then I lived no more. My existence was torn apart, my life destroyed, my wish come true. I have never wished again...
~~
***
Alyssa
I was going back to the woods. In my jacket pocket, my hand fiddled with the object I had gotten this time. It was kindda great to be able to get it and finally take it with me. Ok, so what I did wasn't right, and I basically helped the low life of this place. I'm calling them that for the lack of a better word. I don't think the others would be really happy about what I did, but... it paid off, I think. Anyway, this girl called Meg had bought my lies up to every last word. I felt kindda bad for lying to her, but it wasn't really that important. I knew I had chosen the right person to befriend. She was someone who associated other people's problems with her own and I knew what her problem was, so it wasn't hard getting her sympathy. She'd been helping me for more than weeks now. And I really think I was getting better at stuff, sure, I'd have to practice.
I had already gone into the woods, I checked around, making sure no one had followed. I had only ten more minutes in morph. I hated coming close, I'd rather always have at least twenty minutes to spare. I demorphed and went on walking towards the shack. I planned on putting my new acquisition away and going in search of Ax or Tobias or maybe one of the others. But I had been basically practicing with the bird and the alien, so the humans would be a little strange. I laughed by myself for thinking stupid thoughts again.
I got to the shack, but the door was open. I was sure I closed it, I always did. I walked up slowly to the side and heard voices. I was relieved to hear that it was only Jake and the others.
"Yep, and Tobias is looking for her."
"How long has she been gone?"
'Ooops', I thought as I looked at my watch. I had been gone for a long while, but I didn't think they would come looking for me. They rarely do on week days.
I believe she has arrived.
Damn, I thought. I stepped into the shack and they all looked at me.
"Where were you?" - Cassie asked, looking me over as if I were hurt.
"I went for a walk..."
"In the city." - Jake supplied.
And then the curtain fell on act one. Yep, it was out. I just stared at him for a while and I saw Ax be discreetly dragged out by Cassie. Rachel still lingered a bit, but finally left.
"Uh, ok, so Ax told you guys already?"
"Yeah, he got worried when you didn't come back in two hours."
"I know. I demorphed and morphed over there."
"There, where?" - he asked.
He had a hard stare fixated on me. I tried to look away, but I couldn't. I just stared at him in silence, even though I knew he expected an explanation. He didn't look mad, he just looked serious. I tried to think of where to begin explaining, how much they already knew. He waited patiently.
"I know I should have said something..." - I started slowly, then stopped.
"Yes, you should have."
"Sorry. I was wrong not to tell you. It's just that every time I..." - I started going hyper, guess it was one of those days...
Jake raised his hand and gave me a funny look and I just shut up. He succeeded in stopping me from going into an apologizing spree. He sighed and sat down on one of the boxes.
"I get the picture. But just how many times have you gone into town?"
"About 5 or 15 times..." - I said with a childish smile.
I looked away, expecting a reprimand of some sort, or maybe just a criticism...
"And who did you talk to?"
"Two or three people. But I went morphed, so they wouldn't associate me with... well, me."
I smiled and he did the same.
"And would you please tell me why you did that? Or do you just enjoy having us run around looking for you?"
"Could be." - I joked.
I got up and took the switchblade from my pocket and showed it to Jake.
"Where did you get that?" - he asked.
I put the blade down and smiled sheepishly - "Come here." - I signaled for him to come closer.
"Why?" - he asked suspiciously.
"Because. Geez, be a good sport."
"You're freaking me out here. What's going on?"
"I'm gonna show you what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to be able to defend myself."
"Yeah, I know. So, what? You went looking for a fight?"
"No. I'm not that stupid, you know."
I grinned and he smiled.
"Fine, and you want to show me something you learned?"
I nodded.
"Okay, but if you fight like that girl that looked like you, you're set for life."
"Ha ha, I still say you guys must have hit your head somewhere. And no, I wouldn't be able to beat the three of you up at the same time."
He laughed a bit.
"Hey! Wait a minute, why were you guys here?"
"We were going to the mall. There's no homework, and we came to see if you wanted to come along..."
"Oh."
I heard the door open and Marco came in - "Y' know, next time you wanna disappear, warn us."
"Where are the girls?" - Jake asked him
"They went ahead, said they were gonna tell Tobias where we were going and that we found Cleo here... You still wanna go?" - he asked Jake.
"Sure. You coming?" - he asked me.
"Yeah, why not?" - I said, putting the blade back in my pocket.
"Good. May I have the pleasure of accompanying you, your highness?" -Marco laughed, handing out his arm and making a half bow.
I smiled - "But of course."
Jake rolled his eyes and walked off, smiling. Marco and I ran along and caught up with him. Well, well, it all turned out to be just another normal day after all...
~~
I survived, nothing more, nothing less. I simply survived. I stole, I cheated, I lied, I did what I had to do. I met many, hurt most. I learned, I endured, I improved. I hunted and killed my prey. How was I to survive if I did not eat? I lived in a cave, like an animal. For all intents and purposes, I was an animal. I am an animal, a natural predator with rage and reason. I plan and kill. I am the perfect killer, the predator, the murderer. After all, I am human...
~~
***
Jacob
I went into the apartment and closed the door, locking it. But I knew it wasn't enough. If they did ever come for me, I knew there would be no way out. I took the small capsule out of my pocket and played with it in my hand. Poison, if they ever got me again, my mind was set. But I didn't regret for one minute the choice I had made. I wanted to live, even if only for a little while more, even if it was in fear; fear of being found, of being captured... fear of becoming a Controller again. I opened a small drawer and took out a vial. If anyone read the label, it would just look like any normal medicine for asthma, but the contents had nothing harmless about them. Deadly stuff, overdose in a capsule. My guarantee that they wouldn't put a slug in my head again. Trust me, once was enough. I put the capsule in the vial and closed the drawer. Then I froze. My eyes caught sight of a slight movement in the room. Someone was there. I acted normally, placing a hand in my pocket I found another capsule, the other one. I always carried two or three with me at once. One in each front pocket of my jeans and one in my shirt pocket. I was ready to take it to my mouth when I heard the voice.
"That's not necessary."
I spun around, almost dropping the capsule, there was someone there, but not who I expected. It was a girl whose face I had never seen, but whose voice I would never forget, it was burned into my memory. She sat in a chair in the corner, the hood covering her face, as it always did.
I almost blurted out the words - "How'd you find me?"
"You're useful."
"What do you want?"
"I need you to build something..."
She pointed to the small bed, there was a folder lying on it. I tossed the girl a curious look and picked it up. I skimmed the first page with amazing speed. When I finished, my mouth was half-open, my heart was pounding, my hands beginning to sweat. I looked at the girl, she was calmly awaiting my reaction. She got one.
"Are you nuts!?! You want me to mak... I can't, I wouldn't know where to begin with... I don't have the manpower, the material... why do you want it?"
"I'll provide what I can. I need it in one month."
"One month! There is no way... I couldn't possibly... why do you need it?"
Se didn't answer, I was on the verge of a break down. I couldn't do what she was asking, how could I even be sure what she wanted it for... had they gotten her? In a flash of lighting, the question came to my mind. Was she one of them now? Where they trying to use me until they could infest me? I would have to play along with it and try to find out what she was planning.
"Fine, I'll try, but there are no guarantees, and... I cannot do it in one month, i... it's impossible... maybe in a year or two... where would I work?"
She got up and opened the door, motioning for me to follow. I hesitated for a moment, but if she found me, they could too. I grabbed my stuff, which was always ready and packed under the bed. I put the vial of pills in my pocket and followed her outside. Something told me that I'd regret it, maybe it was just the sinking feeling in my stomach, or maybe it was the realization of the impossible task I had just accepted to undertake...
~~
A warrior afraid to enjoy the kill; a killer who wants to live but is willing to die; a scientist who puts feeling above reason; a follower who predicts the leader's moves; and a leader hunted by none and all. We are what destiny has caused us to be. One of a kind, each of a kind. A loose canon, a mystery, a genius, a survivor, and someone who shouldn't be alive.
~~
***
Weeks Later
Ax
I galloped towards the river where I was supposed to meet with Tobias. I felt the wind graze my fur as I went faster and faster. I looked up at the skies but did not see the red-tailed hawk. As I approached our meeting place I slowed down. I was still behind the trees when I heard a human voice, breathing heavily. Alyssa's voice.
"Almost there..."
I considered for a moment if I should interrupt or not. I walked up to her anyway, she was alone, no sign of Tobias.
Hello Alyssa. Who are you talking to?
She laughed, still doing the pushups, her voice came out in intervals - "I'm... talking... to my... self" - she let herself fall on the ground and rolled over, laying on her back and facing me - "Done..."
Could you inform me as to where Tobias has gone? We were supposed to meet here
She stood up and started walking to the riverside, I followed her.
"Sorry, we went flying and sortta lost track of time. He said he'd meet you up later at the shack, he went hunting."
Have you eaten?
"No. The guys are going to bring me something in..." - she glanced down at her wristwatch - "In about twenty minutes."
She kneeled down on the rocks and splashed her face with water. She sat down on the rocks and looked up at the skies for a while, and sighed. I looked up and searched for what she was staring at, but I found nothing. She noticed I was observing and laughed, getting up.
"I'm not watching anything in particular Ax, just the clouds."
I see, and what is so special about these clouds?
"Nothing really... They're just there... Well, I'm going. And by the way, thanks for practicing with me yesterday."
It was my honor to assist you.
She frowned - "Uh, yeah, whatever... Anyway, are you gonna meet him later?"
Of course.
"Okay, I'll tell him if he shows up. Bye."
Good-bye Alyssa.
She started walking towards the shack. I looked again at the skies and at the clouds. What was so special about the clouds? Yes, they were there, but so were the trees, the sun, the river, the rocks, it was all there... When I had finished absorbing the quantity of water that my system required, I decided to start heading towards the shack. I must have been almost there when a slightly unusual noise startled me. I stood still, my eyes examining the surrounding woods and sky. I could not locate anything that would be considered as not belonging there. I continued on my path, my pace slightly diminished, and trying to focus on any detail. Again, I heard the sound. I pretended not to, I was almost at the shack. I could hear the laughter coming from the inside. The strange noise again, and then a different one, accompanied by pain. I knew I had been shot...
~~
We do what we must, even if we don't want to. I always questioned what it was I had to do. I always had doubts, but now my path is clear. I was meant to fight this war that was tossed on my lap when I wasn't looking. I was meant to become what I am today. Have I changed much? Maybe I have always been like this, just never noticed... I can't answer who I am, I can't give a name. Names don't mean anything. They don't reflect who you are, the changes you undergo. I could say my name was Mary, or Angela, or Hannah, or maybe Sarah or Anne, would that make me any less of a murderer?
~~
***
Jake
Alyssa was training in the shack every chance she got, which, as I stated before is very often since they don't have much to do in the woods and it gets kind of tiring to come into town because she has to morph and demorph every two hours. I guess the rest of us never really gave it much thought, I mean, we've learned to use our morphs as a means of defense. But Alyssa, she had to be able to handle herself both ways. She was getting pretty good at fighting and she had the habit of wanting to practice with us. In fact, at that moment, when we were all at the shack, she was trying to get Marco to fight with her, and he was desperately trying to find a way out of it. Needless to say, we all found the situation very funny...
Alyssa looked at Marco and smiled - "Oh, come on, I won't really hit you."
"That's what you said the last time. And as I recall, I ended up on the floor." - Marco protested
Alyssa smiled while the rest of us tried to hide a laugh - "That was a small mistake... and besides, I told you not to move..."
"If I hadn't moved, your fist would have ended up making direct contact with my face." - Marco said, gaining distance. He turned to Tobias - "Why can't you be the guinea pig?"
Tobias smirked but didn't say anything. Marco looked around for another option, he turned away from Rachel almost immediately, and Cassie, I don't think she looks like the type of person you'd invite to be a punching bag. And I was not willing to accept. He looked around pleadingly - "Why can't you get a non-human target?"
"Because that wouldn't be much fun, now would it?"
"To me it would." - Marco mumbled under his breath.
"Ah, c'mon Marco. Quit being such a chicken. You know I gotta try to fight with people..."
"Ok, but this time I get to fight back..." - he agreed.
"Fine." - Alyssa nodded.
We all backed up into the corners. The shack was small, and Alyssa and Marco were standing in the dead center, both simply looking at each other. Marco was obviously wondering how he could get out of this, but he was looking forward to showing Alyssa just how hard the ground really was.
"You wanna go first, or should I?" - he asked.
"Since I was the one who wanted to fight in the first place, I guess I should go first" - she said as a matter-of-factly.
She pretended like she was going to punch him, he prepared for a defense, instead, she just dove and tripped him, he fell back, hard. She smiled and taunted him while we did our best not to laugh.
"C'mon, Marco. You're not paying attention, is that the best you can do?"
He gave her a dirty look and got up, charging at her, he managed to grab her arm and twist it behind her back, she threw him over her and again he landed quite roughly on the floor. She put on a sheepish grin and mouthed "sorry"
Not only Marco, but the rest of us turned to her with puzzled looks.
I whispered to Tobias - "I thought you said she couldn't do that."
Tobias looked as surprised as I did - "She couldn't." - he said. Then he looked at her - "Alyssa, when did you get it right?"
"I believe that would have been yesterday afternoon when you went flying." - she supplied calmly.
"Man, you guys have got to get this girl a hobby." - Marco complained, getting up.
"I have one... trying to beat you up." - and with that, they both laughed, even as Marco tried to pin her down and she tried to hold him still or hold him down, one or the other...
Suddenly, Alyssa stopped laughing. She stopped, period, exactly when Marco was about to trip her. She fell, hitting her back on the ground. Marco went over.
"Are you ok? Weren't you paying attention?"
She didn't answer him, Tobias and I were next to her, we helped her up, but she didn't even look like she was aware she had fallen. Her face showed a puzzled, faraway expression. She whispered, as if she didn't want to be heard, as if it were a secret.
"Did you guys hear that?"
We all looked at one another, I for one, hadn't heard anything. I turned to the others, Rachel shrugged, Cassie frowned.
"Hear what?" - Tobias asked, encouraging her to sit down on the floor. She obliged and we released her gently. She rubbed her head as if she were confused.
"Someone called my name... a girl... I'm sure I heard it."
We naturally turned to Rachel and Cassie, the only two girls there. Cassie shook her head, Rachel did the same - "I didn't say anything."
Marco sat down on one of the boxes, grinning - "You're just looking for an excuse so you don't have to admit that I beat you fair and square. I beat you..."
"Hell must have frozen over." - Rachel whispered, tossing him a defiant look and smiling. He was silent.
Alyssa gave Marco a dirty look and shook her head - "No, I did hear something..."
In the second it took us to process the information, the shack door opened and Ax staggered in, falling halfway. We saw the blood that covered his blue fur and left it a weird color. We all started hurrying towards him, but halted when we saw he was not alone. A hooded figure walked in, calmly stepping over his body, as if he wasn't there. I saw recognition in Marco's face, but it was Rachel's voice I heard.
"You again." - she said, anger surfacing in her tone.
The figure nodded - "We meet again... Andalite bandits."
We froze, she knew who we were. Tobias was helping Alyssa up, he took a step forward as if trying to see the girl's face.
"An... what bandits?" - he asked, trying to sound as if he had never heard the words before.
It was a useless and, I dare say, silly attempt to trick her. The figure didn't move. Maybe she was waiting for something. Silence seemed to take over. I knew who she was. She was the same girl we had met in town, the one we had mistaken for Alyssa. Not many people walk around town wearing a cloak and hood. Now that I looked at her like this, without seeing her face, she didn't look like she could ever pass as Alyssa. She was taller, her voice had a cold, somewhat harsh tone in it.
I caught glimpse of a slight movement under the cape, then I heard the girl's voice, a whisper really - "Tiger, don't you remember me?" - she asked.
I frowned, were would I remember her from? Then the answer came to me, just as fast as the loud noise broke the silence and I staggered backwards in pain.
~~
Examine, learn, remember... So many faces, so many people, so many reactions. The way their eyes focus on you just before they die; the way their fists close in rage, the way the surprise turns so easily to understanding. The way the laughter is held back or let go, the way a smile is meant to be shared or not. The way they react when you call their name, the place they look when they try not to. A glimpse with the corner of the eye, a slight closing of the hand. It's all there if you look for it. It comes from who they are and it shows who they are...
~~
***
Marco
A shot was fired, the girl fired it. We didn't even see the gun, but with that much cloth, we wouldn't see an elephant. I saw Jake go back against the wall. Another shot. He began to slide down, leaving a trail of blood on the wall behind him. What was this lunatic doing? I could see Jake's expression, contorted with pain. Cassie ran up to him, completely ignoring the crazy girl. We all started to move, but the girl removed the part of the robe that covered her hand, revealing the weapon and pointing it at us. We couldn't tell where she was looking, her face was covered, and we didn't dare move. Tobias took a step forward anyway, keeping his distance a bit. I saw Rachel start to move behind the fence, she was next to the boxes where I was sitting.
"What do you want from us?" - Tobias asked.
There was no answer, I heard Cassie's voice, almost a plea. I thought she was about to cry - "We have to get him a doctor, he's bleeding a lot."
"Tell him to morph before he passes out. Do it Cassie. I'm sure you can tell him I hit some internal organs, and he is loosing too much blood." - the girl's voice was calm, as if she didn't care whether Jake lived or not.
We didn't even worry about the fact that she knew Cassie's name. That wasn't the priority on our mind at the moment, nor was it Cassie's. She turned to Jake - "She's right, Jake. You have to morph, it's pretty bad. You'll probably faint."
But Jake didn't morph, he just stared at the girl with a defiant glance. I felt like screaming to him "Morph..." but I didn't. My voice came out as a whisper. He had to morph, and it was no use, the girl obviously already knew who we were and what we could do. There was no point in this charade anymore, not if it might cost him his life.
"Jake, morph. Do it now!" - It was Alyssa's voice, she had reached the same conclusion. Jake slowly closed his eyes and we watched as his wounds disappeared, his hurt expression gave way to the tiger's tranquility for a moment, then Jake was back. And Cassie was right, he had barely finished the morph, he passed out.
"Why did you do that?" - I asked.
"Surprise, command, bravery... initiative." - either she was just saying random words or I had no idea what the hell she was talking about...
Only then I realized with the corner of my eye that Rachel was sprouting fur, she was growing, falling to all fours... I stood up and started moving away, trying to divert attention, couldn't know if it worked. It didn't. We heard another shot, Rachel let out a mixture of scream and roar and the lion fell. I think I let out a gasp, we seemed to be caught, not by an army, but by one person... I started to focus, if I was gonna get shot, it would be for a good reason. I saw Cassie had her eyes closed and I sure as hell knew she wasn't praying. I tried to control the morph, start it slow, begin at the unseen places, forgetting the clothes, they would hide the initial changes. The girl wasn't a fool, she had her aim on me. I could see the gun, her finger on the trigger, but I could do little or nothing to stop her. That's when I saw Alyssa jump, and as she jumped, she morphed, as fast as she could, faster still. I heard a shot, Alyssa screamed, but kept on morphing. They both fell backwards, a jumble of fur and black cloth. They staggered outside as another shot was fired.
I wondered if the girl had put in more bullets at one point or another without us noticing. Cassie was almost wolf, Tobias ran outside, I followed him, forgetting about the morph. What I saw was a full grown puma getting ready to jump the girl, who had somehow managed to get up and was facing the large feline. Just as Alyssa prepared to charge; the girl, instead of firing, took off her hood. But it wasn't a girl anymore, it was a man, early forties, dark brown hair, blue eyes. Alyssa literally froze. The puma halted all of a sudden and demorphed as fast as she could, which is pretty fast. They both stood there, facing each other. For a moment I think Alyssa forgot that three of us had been shot, that this person knew who we were, that she/he would shoot us, and that her life was in danger. I felt like asking if she was taking a break from the excitement. Why else do you demorph in front of the enemy when you're about to attack??
I saw Cassie getting out and circling around, getting behind the girl/guy. Her eyes showed something as powerful as hate in them, if that were possible.
Alyssa shouted, for the first time since this whole thing had begun - "No!" - stopping Cassie from doing anything and warning the figure.
I swear I was ready to really punch her this time. What was she doing? We were already screwed and she was only making it worse. We all stared at her.
The man/girl had pointed the gun at Cassie - "Demorph."
Cassie hesitated, but gave in, she knew we had lost.
The man/girl turned the gun to Alyssa - "It took you long enough to react. I saw you training and thought I'd give you a real battle. Your friends will heal."
We stared in awe at that. Who the hell was this guy/girl, whatever? Alyssa's eyes were fixated on him, her face drained of all color, as if she had just seen a ghost.
"Who is it, Alyssa?" - Tobias whispered coming up right next to her, but she didn't look like she was listening anymore.
She took a step back, almost tripping.
"You're dead." - she whispered.
Then her confusion gave way to anger and she screamed - "You're dead... He's dead! Change back, you bitch! I don't want ghosts!! He's dead!!! Who are you?"
The girl ignored the last question - "Yes, he is dead."
We stared at her, not knowing what she was talking about. I looked back through the open door and saw Rachel demorphing; the bullets hadn't done much good for her health. I let out a sigh of relief, at least two of them were fine, I had no idea how Ax was doing. Rachel tried to stand, but found she couldn't. I had a feeling that as soon as she was feeling better, this girl would have a big fight on her hands. I saw her start crawling towards the others, I moved aside a bit, trying to stand between the girl's line of sight and my friends. Meanwhile, the girl pulled back up the hood. It was feeling like a show. Maybe it was that, all I know is, it was really upsetting Alyssa, I had never seen her this angry. The girl removed the hood again, I heard Alyssa let out a gasp.
"What do you want of me?" - she asked weakly.
"No more than I can get... Now, is this a better sight?" - the girl asked calmly, almost mockingly.
Alyssa lunged forward, landing the girl a punch before Tobias could pull her back. I reluctantly edged forward and helped him restrain her. It took us both to hold her steady. She tried to push us away, but we wouldn't let go. I think even Rachel would agree it's not a good idea to punch someone who just shot three of your friends for no apparent reason and has a gun aimed at you. And yet it looked as if she were playing a game with Alyssa, slowly getting closer to the point, slowly pushing Alyssa towards the edge. If she wasn't there already. She was screaming bloody murder. Tobias and I twisted her arms to her back as the girl just watched.
I heard Tobias whisper firmly, almost as an order - "Alyssa, this is not like you. Get a grip."
That seemed to get the woman/girl's attention - "Not like you? You've changed then. But then again, seeing your whole family killed right in front of you might be traumatic."
"Might be? Ya think? Nah... really?" - I asked sarcastically.
"Why are you doing this?" - Cassie demanded.
"Consider it a test... or trial if you will."
"Who are you?" - I asked.
"No easy answer for that..."
"What's your name?" - I asked again, this time, more forcefully.
"Most people call me Phoenix. You may call me that."
We were trying very hard to carry on a conversation with Phoenix, thinking that maybe she'd forget why she was here and that she still had a gun aimed at us. Or maybe we were hoping she'd just decide to thank us for a job well done, get our autographs and leave... All this while Alyssa tried to say something we couldn't understand. I only heard bits and pieces between the sobs.
"D. J..... no, I saw..... I heard... em.... not.... she... dead... they... dead... dead! Dead! Dead! Dead!" - she ended up repeating the last word over and over again while looking up at the woman/girl and ignoring any efforts of Tobias' to calm her down.
The girl noticed her stare and morphed again. She looked like she was melting. From a woman in her late thirties, with green eyes and reddish hair into a girl. She looked like she couldn't be more than twenty years old, but her expression aged her a decade, if not more. Her eyes seemed drowned in sorrow, they were green, light green, her auburn hair was cut unleveled short, right at ear level on the front and getting a little longer in the back. She had a strange expression on her face, as if she was devoid of all emotion. As if she were incapable of any smile, of shedding any tears. It was a strange sight. That's why it all looked like an act to me. Her voice was always so lacking in emotion, it didn't match her actions, every hate filled sentence seemed unreal, every defiant look would seem fake, she seemed to be wearing a mask, and yet this was her... no mistake about it, this was the true Phoenix.
I saw Alyssa freeze, she separated herself abruptly from Tobias and stared at the girl, her eyes widened, her mouth half opened. She looked as if she were about to faint. The hint of a smile washed over Phoenix's face, but like I said, it looked so unreal, like it had no place being there.
And I was right, her voice came out cold, almost lifeless - "Triggered your memory yet, Liss?" - she asked.
"What did you call me?" - Alyssa managed to say.
"Liss... or would you rather I called you Alyssa T. Howell? Too formal?"
Everything she did convinced me it was all an act, just a performance, the light tone she used before slipping back to the harsh way of speaking. It all sounded made up. And I didn't particularly like the fact that she hadn't put the gun down. Alyssa was puzzled, her eyes seemed to try to focus on the girl's face, analyze it, try to recognize it. Suddenly she faltered, the blood drained from her face.
"You're dead, you're all dead... I'm going crazy aren't I? I'm seeing things... you're dead. Oh god, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, it's all my fault, you're dead... I know you are... I saw you die..." - her voice was weak, it trembled.
"Did you Liss? Did you really see me die? Did you see me take my last breath? What did you see? The final strike? The blade penetrating my skin, perforating my internal organs? What did you see?"
Alyssa's mouth was open, but no sounds came out, her eyes were filled with tears. I stared at the figure, Cassie seemed mesmerized, I also noticed slight recognition on Tobias' face.
He was the one who spoke - "She saw the final blow, the Andalite tail striking, the panther bleeding on the floor..."
The girl turned to him, surprised if not puzzled. Apparently that was the reaction he was expecting, but what he was trying to do, whatever it was, didn't help us with the immediate problem. I tried to look into the shack again; I saw the door was half closed, the others must be trying to get Ax to wake up and morph. As for the girl, she was staring at Tobias, analyzing him, but she was only momentarily driven off course, she faced Alyssa again
"Don't you remember, Alyssa? That night, the fighting, the blood, the death?" - she paused for a moment, but went on before Alyssa said anything - "But maybe you're right, I did die that night..."
And with that she put the gun down and covered her face again with the hood, while Alyssa still couldn't find her words between the tears.
"Would someone explain to me what's going on?" - Cassie demanded as a whisper while getting close to us.
"I don't have a clue." - I whispered back.
Marco. Ax and Jake are awake, but they can't morph for a while. I'm gonna try and get behind her. - I heard Rachel say.
I wanted to scream at her, hold her back, keep her from getting herself shot at... again. The girl seemed to be content in just torturing Alyssa, not shooting us anymore. I tried to look around, but I couldn't see Rachel, no lions or tigers or bears, oh my. Stupid joke at a time like this. Tobias was still facing the girl, she tried to come closer to Alyssa, but he got in between them.
"Who are you really, Phoenix?" - he asked, with as much authority as he could manage.
"I'm merely someone who got into something bigger than she could handle, who saw her father killed, her sister and mother taken away and was thrown into the lake, left for dead in the freezing water."
"Sarah..." - I heard Alyssa whisper suddenly, realization dawning on all of us.
"Sarah died that night, Liss. She died alongside D.J. and Kirsten."
"Mom's dead?"
"Yes." - her voice was as cold as her words.
"Where have you been all this time?" - Cassie asked suspiciously.
There was no answer, not even the slightest movement under the cape.
I whispered to Tobias - "Hey, maybe we should get Alyssa inside... I think she won't take it very well if..." - I left it hanging, but I'm sure Rachel had said something to him and Cassie too.
He nodded and started walking Alyssa towards the shack. Phoenix made slight mention to stand in their way, but Tobias didn't budge, he just stared at her, challenge in his expression. For a moment, I thought I would hear another shot, but no, nothing. Phoenix, for that's who she was to me, didn't show any sign of further objection. Alyssa however, didn't look exactly thrilled at leaving. But would you if someone came back claming to be a dead sister or mother or father? She struggled, but she was in such a state of shock that she couldn't have stayed if she tried to fight us for it.
"Ok, now that she's out of here. Why are you doing this?" - I asked.
"If you really are Alyssa's sister, why torture her like that? Do you want her to go mad?" - Cassie asked.
"She has to remain sane. I wanted to make sure she was." - Phoenix stated plainly.
Jake is awake, and fine. Ax passed out again. Can't see Rachel. - Tobias informed once he and Alyssa were inside the shack.
"A test? This was just to see if she could hold up?" - Cassie was asking Phoenix.
"I think you're the one who's insane." - I let out.
"Am I?"
I saw slight movement in the bushes behind Phoenix, I got glimpse of light fur behind the green of the trees.
"How do we even know you're who you say you are. You could be an impostor, or maybe you are Sarah, but the yeerks got you, just like they got Alyssa." - Cassie tried to reason.
"If that were true, you'd be dead by now." - Phoenix said.
I saw Rachel jump out from behind the bushes and charge at Phoenix. Phoenix somehow had heard her or seen her, I don't know, it just looked as if she had been prepared. She whirled around, letting herself drop, the lion passed over her, but still managed to strike a blow to her shoulder. Phoenix stood up, removing the cape, she was wearing black stretch pants and a black shirt. She ignored the strands of hair that had fallen on her face and started to morph. Rachel was coming back for another blow. The gun was nowhere in sight, it must have fallen somewhere. Rachel jumped on Phoenix again, but she was already morphing, and the first thing that appeared was the tail, the andalite tail. She struck the lion and they both fell awkwardly. Phoenix was a mixture of blue fur and black clothes. She lost her balance of course and fell, but still morphing. Soon, she was a full grown andalite. She charged Rachel, not waiting for the lion to prepare itself again. I hadn't even seen it, but Jake was now standing there, he had picked up her gun and fired a warning shot. Rachel had already stopped, and surprisingly enough, so had Phoenix, the andalite tail still next to the lion's throat. She demorphed and put on her cape again, ignoring the gun Jake had pointed at her.
"Maybe some other day." - she said to Rachel.
"Where did you get an andalite morph?" - I asked.
She didn't answer, just turned to leave, like the first time we met her. I didn't make the mistake of trying to hold her this time. I tried to get Rachel to her feet while she demorphed.
"Where are you going?" - Cassie asked.
"Tell Liss I'll be back." - she called out without answering Cassie's question.
"We can't let you leave." - I heard Jake say, he was still pointing the gun at her, but she had her back to him.
She stopped for a brief moment, then just kept on walking. I'll never know if Jake would have fired the gun or not, and maybe it's best I don't, because at that moment, Cassie came up behind him and took the gun away from his hands. And Phoenix was already going behind the bushes. I raced in the same direction, but I knew I'd probably find nothing. And I was right. Whoever she was, Phoenix, Sarah... she was gone. And something told me she'd be back.
~~
What does feeling matter? What is it really? Something that clouds our reason. It keeps us from doing what we must. Fear will keep us from fighting, despair will cloud our reason, guilt will stop us from living, compassion will stop us from killing. We must fight, therefore we must not fear; we must reason, therefore we must not despair; we must live, therefore we must not feel guilt; we must kill, therefore we must not care... It sounds so simple, but what the mind says, does the heart always follow? Mine does... mine always does...
~~
***
Alyssa
Tobias literally dragged me into the shack and forced me to sit down. I barely noticed Ax was still there and Jake seemed to be trying to get up. I didn't see Rachel though. My mind was a jumble, my thoughts kept going around in circles, could that be Sarah? Of course it could, she morphed mom and dad... and she knew my full name... but Sarah was dead, how could she have survived? I knew it was too much to try to understand everything at once... Why was she trying to make me insane, why do that to me if she really was Sarah... She couldn't be Sarah, could she? I had to make sure, I wanted to go back and ask her where she had been all this time. Why did she come and talk to me like that. She couldn't have possibly thought I was a Controller, she knew they could morph... How did she know, had she been spying on us? She didn't seem to be a Controller... why was she here? Why did she show herself that way? Why try to make me go crazy? All the questions just danced around in my brain in what felt like a whirlwind... slowly a voice started to pierce the confusion and get my attention. Arms were holding me in place. I tried to get up but they wouldn't let me.
"Alyssa, stay here...y--" - Tobias was saying, while he released me slowly.
"Let go of me!" - I yelled at him, trying to break away.
He held me, not letting go, I saw Jake and him exchange glances.
"Alyssa, is she really Sarah? I mean, I saw her, that time... in your memories. He got her, I saw it..." - he said, as confused as I was.
"She is Sarah... but she can't be. She said she was dead... what's wrong with her?" - I wondered out loud.
He just looked at me and shrugged. I tried to look through the half-open door and see my friends and the stranger claiming to be my sister. I started to get up. Tobias held me down. I tried to hit him - "Let me go!! Don't you understand? I have to see if that's really her..."
He held my hand steady and looked at me for a while like he had no idea who I was. I let myself weaken and he released my arm. I started to cry and he held my head to his shoulder and kept saying we would find out what happened to her. I believed him, I honestly did. I just wasn't so sure I wanted to know... Could I live with myself knowing that for all this time she had been alive and I never even bothered to look for her? I had never considered that possibility for even a second... I had always assumed she had died, that she had died asking for my help... Why was she here, why did she come back?
I heard noises outside, fighting, I saw Jake stand up and stagger out, Ax was still unconscious. Tobias started to release me to get up, but I hugged him as tight as I could. I didn't want him to let go, I didn't want to be alone at that time... I felt my breathing speed up, I felt as if I was running out of air, I couldn't hold on anymore, my body was weakening.
'Great', I thought, 'now I'm gonna faint'. I just tried to keep the darkness of unconsciousness from taking over the darkness of my closed eyes...
I heard a loud shot, it seemed so far away. If I blacked out or not, I only knew that I was still sitting on the ground, my head resting on Tobias' shoulder, I wasn't crying anymore. Had it all been a dream, a nightmare, a hallucination, had I really seen Sarah there... did the others see her too? I heard footsteps and opened my eyes, Cassie was coming in.
"How's Rachel and Jake?" - Tobias asked, still not letting me go.
"They're ok, just a bit tired, but the morphing took away the wounds." - she tried to reassure us - "Are you ok Alyssa?"
I nodded, not bothering to try and forge a smile - "Where is she? Is she still there?"
Cassie shook her head - "No, she... she left, we didn't get a chance to ask her much..."
She knelt down and checked on Ax. Where did Sarah go, I wondered. Where had she been hiding all this time, how did she find me? So many questions, I could only hope she would come back and give me the answers. I slowly got up and sat on one of the boxes.
"So, Alyssa, is that really your sister?" - Cassie asked.
"Looks like her, but doesn't act like her."
"I searched around, she's gone." - Marco commented, helping Rachel to walk in and sit down. I went over and helped.
"How'd she get an Andalite morph?" - Rachel managed to ask.
"My father... just proves it even more that she is Sarah."
"Now would be a good time for you guys to tell me what's going on." - Jake pointed out while Ax started to awaken again.
Tobias took the liberty of explaining - "Phoenix said she's Alyssa's sister, Sarah."
Alyssa, didn't your sister die? - Ax asked, coming to.
"I thought she did..." - I said.
"Oh great, now we have ghosts after us too. As if aliens weren't enough." - Rachel said with a grin.
"Anyway, she seems to know everything about Alyssa..." - Tobias went on.
"Well, either your sister has a big grudge against you and is trying to drive you insane and get your friends killed... or Phoenix is not who she says she is." - Marco told me.
"Think she'll be back?" - Cassie asked.
"I think it's safe to say we haven't seen the last of 'Phoenix' yet." - Jake said.
Why would she choose this way to show herself? - Ax asked.
"She seemed to indicate it was a test of some sort." - Cassie said.
"I couldn't make sense out of half of what she told us."
"Great, now we have a morph-capable lunatic who carries a gun, goes around shooting at people for no apparent reason, can morph a grown Andalite among, I suspect, other things, and says that she's a dead person. As if our lives weren't too messed up already." - Marco joked.
"We've gotta find her before she causes us more trouble." - Tobias pointed out.
"And how do you suggest we do that? Stay out on the streets looking for a girl in a black coat and hood?" - Rachel asked.
"That's not a bad idea... I'm joking. I think we should first of all check to see if anyone has been looking for us at home... it would be nice to know if she's just after Alyssa, or all of us. I mean, why wait until we were all gathered here if she just wanted to get to Alyssa?" - Jake wondered.
"What's that suppose to mean? Is she deranged? Crazy perhaps, or is there a reason for all she's done?" - Cassie asked.
"Since when are we psychologists?" - I let out.
"Got a better idea on what to do?" - Jake asked.
"I do, we take Rachel home, she's not looking very well." - Marco suggested.
"I can get home by myself, don't need escorts." - Rachel shot out.
"Well, too bad, you've got 'em anyway, let's go." - Jake said.
"Bye guys."
"Be careful, I suspect she followed you guys that day you saw her as me..." - I reminded them.
"Okay, try to stay away from crazy girls with loaded guns, okay?"
Marco turned to me - "Do you really think she's your sister?"
"I don't know..."
"What if she's not?"
"Then she... Phoenix owes me one hell of a big explanation."
"And what if she is?"
"Well, then Sarah owes me one hell of a big explanation."
"But you're feeling alright now, aren't you?"
"Yeah, guess it was just the shock and everything. I think I lost it there for a moment... Actually thought I was seeing things."
"Y' know, if you wanna talk or anything..."
"Thanks."
They all left, even Ax. I was alone with Tobias again, he didn't look like he was leaving. He demorphed and morphed human again, then just sat down next to me. Looking in his eyes, I couldn't tell what he was thinking, what was on his mind at that moment. I knew what I was thinking. I was wondering who that girl was, that stranger. The more I thought about it, the more she seemed to be, and not be, Sarah, all at the same time... And every time my mind replayed the scene that had taken place earlier, I failed to recognize her as much as I tried. I felt like running around in the streets looking for her, demanding an explanation for the way she came to talk to me... If I did find her, what would I do? Would I run to her with my arms open and my eyes closed or would I ask her all the questions I had before letting her into my heart again? I didn't know, and for some reason that scared me. I just sat there and tried to place it all in the back of my mind until she came back... Because whoever she was, I knew she was coming back...
~~
We all get second chances, this is mine. Second chance at life, second chance at death, only time will tell... They have called me many things recently, they have called me Phoenix, murderer, savage, savior, hero... They say I'm a cold-blooded killer, maybe they're right. They say I'll never stop killing, that I know nothing else, I believe they're right. They say I'm a murderer, that I feel no remorse for the lives I've taken, I know they're right.
~~
***
Zack
Jacob walked into the small room, the gang was all gathered here. I was checking the guns; Gina was sitting on the floor next to Chris. They were talking. Well, actually, Gina was asking him a lot of questions and he was trying to get away from answering. She occasionally would start to sing something or recite some poem we'd never heard before. Jacob walked across the room, we barely looked at him. Jacob looked worried, as always. If there is one word I'd use to describe him, it would be paranoid. He was smart. Heck, he was more than that. The guy was a genius to say the least. Made me sort of wonder what the rest of us were doing here. I never really got any good grades, Gina didn't look like she could focus much. As for Christopher, I didn't like him much, he seemed to be Phoenix's unconditional helper. As for knowing if he was smart or not, anyone's guess was as good as mine.
"Where is she? I need her to tell me what to d..." - Jacob started, his voice raising until he got cut off by our very polite lady.
"She's out. Usually takes a while to get back. Wherever she goes, she damn well takes her time." - Gina said while playing with her hair.
"She usually stays out a few days." - Christopher pointed out while he watched Gina.
"It's been more than a week since she left." - I said seriously.
"Do you think anything happened? Do you think she'll be back?"
"You always think the worst, Gina. I'm sure she'll come back. She always does." - I let out with a sigh.
Sometimes I wonder what would be worst, if she came back, or if she got killed and we never saw her again.
Christopher stared at me - "You make it sound like a bad thing, Zack."
"Isn't it?" - I asked with a bit of scorn in my voice.
He ignored it and spoke seriously - "I don't think so."
"C'mon Chris, you can't be serious." - Gina laughed shoving him slightly.
"I am. I don't mind being around her."
"Ooohh, someone has a crush on Hades' daughter." - Gina said, laughing all the way through the phrase.
"I do not." - Christopher tossed back, then frowned - "And who the hell is Hades?"
"Exactly." - Gina said while we all joined in the laughter.
"What?" - Christopher let out, turning a pleading look at Jacob while I laughed as hard as I could.
"Hades, as in, hell, also lord of the underworld, aka hell. Guess you could say they're calling her the devil's daughter." - Jacob explained between the laughter.
"I think you guys overreact. I mean, she's not evil, she's not even mean." - Christopher tried to reason, but the rest of us were too busy laughing to take him seriously.
"Yeah right, like: Não és bom nem és mal. És triste e humano. It's more like: É a encarnação do mal. Pulsa-lhe o peito. Ermo de amor, deserto de piedade..." - Gina said grinning, not really caring if we understood her or not.
We all stared at her while the laughter died down. Gina had the same neck for starting a joke as she had of making one go away. As for the verses or whatever they were, she kept saying them every time we talked about Phoenix. It was kindda annoying since we had no idea what she was saying. Makes me wish I had stayed awake during Spanish class.
I settled myself with annoying Christopher a bit more - "What world have you been living in, she's the ice queen for heaven's sake."
Gina started to sing something. Every time someone said something in particular, she started to sing. We were already used to it. Now she was singing a sortta slow song with a sweet melody. Her voice was beautiful and I could understand the words perfectly.
"... if I could melt your heart..." - and then she broke into laughter.
"C'mon Gina, stop torturing him... Although, you should be careful not to like her too much, Chris" - Jacob said with mock seriousness while we started laughing again.
Christopher just gave us all a disapproving look and smiled, ruffling his hair. Gina stopped humming and laughed. I went back to checking the guns and asked Jacob for help with some Dracon beams. It was fun, joking once in a while. It really makes a difference for them. I don't mind it much one way or another. Everything calmed down as it always did. We're a weird bunch, the five of us. Phoenix came and went as she pleased, never telling us anything. Christopher did whatever she asked without question, like a trained puppy. Maybe he liked her, maybe he was afraid of her, how would I know? Gina didn't like Phoenix, didn't even trust her. But she went along with it, why, I don't know... Jacob thanked Phoenix for his freedom, but he disliked her methods. And yet he was here, doing as she asked or commanded, reluctantly, but hurriedly. For his safety or his conscience, he does it... And why am I still here? What keeps me from walking out that door and never looking back? My broken ribs for one. But if I were well, what would keep me here? Pride? Honor? Do I even know the meaning of the word? I like the fight, the adrenaline, the moment of the kill. I like being free. I like being able to fight back. I will fight back. I will heal, then I'll get my revenge. Phoenix is the means for that. I use her as much as she uses me, us. We all want the same thing, and we all do what we must to get it... Yeah, that's why I'd stay, for revenge.
~~
Why? It's always an important question. It always deserves an answer... But what happens when there is no answer? If you don't know it, you look for it until you find it. But what of the things which have no answer. You can look forever, everywhere you want and you won't find it. There are so many questions like that, more than can be counted. Every person has their own set of demons to fight and their own collection of questions to answer. I have one... Why? Why am I still alive? Is there an answer to that?
~~
***
Gina
I got close to him and whispered, trying not to be overheard by the others - "So, you like her, huh?"
It wasn't a real question. I was just bored and decided to continue the 'annoying the cute guy' routine. Chris just looked at me with his dreamy eyes for a moment and frowned.
"What?" - he asked, trying to figure out what I was talking about.
I just laughed - "Phoenix, you like her, right?"
"I don't hate her if that's what you mean."
I felt like I had received a blow to the back of my head. He was so serious. I guess the joke had gone too far. Maybe he did like her...
"Listen Chris; you're the only one that actually likes to spend time with her. There's gotta be a sign in there somewhere." - I looked at him, his fake smile dimmed a bit - "Chris, she can't feel anything."
"Why does everyone say that?"
"Where should I start? Have you ever seen her smile? Have you ever heard her laugh? Seen her cry? You haven't, have you? That's 'cause none of us have. Don't fall for her."
"I'm not... I won't..."
"Fine. I'm just... I just don't want you to get hurt. She'll break your heart."
"She won't, don't worry."
He smiled and I smiled back. But the smiles were empty, and so were the people behind them.
"Hey, what are you two whispering about over there?" - Zack shouted from the other side of the room - "Get over here and help me, will ya?"
"Yeah, yeah, stop whining. Can't you handle a few broken ribs by yourself?" - I teased, smiling at Chris and getting up.
I was worried about him. Sure, I knew he couldn't possibly love Phoenix, but he did like her, at least as a friend. He trusted her. That could be dangerous to him. I don't think it would mean a damn to her if he considered her his friend or even if he said he loved her. She's cold, she'd leave him behind in any mission if it was necessary, she'd leave any of us behind. She didn't give a rat's ass what happened to us. I don't know what bothered me the most, the fact that she'd do it and feel no remorse whatsoever, or the fact that he knew she'd do it and he didn't seem to think it would be wrong. That always got me angry at her.
At that moment, Phoenix came in. Her hood was up. I don't know why, but every time I saw her something came back to mind. A poem, by someone, I couldn't remember his name. But I could remember the words, and Phoenix brought those words right to the tip of my tongue. I had said them out loud many times. It bothered Jacob, although I'm sure he had no idea what I was saying; Chris and Zack didn't care, and as for Phoenix, I have no idea if she knew what I was saying or not. Frankly, I could never tell what she was thinking...
She went straight to Jacob - "Is it ready?"
Jacob half opened his mouth for a full twenty seconds before any sound actually came out - "No, I need a lot more time..."
Phoenix didn't say a thing, she just seemed to stand there.
"Do I just leave it there?" - Jacob asked, a bit confused.
"Yes." - she replied quickly.
"When will you use it? Maybe if I got more help..." - Jacob insisted.
She just ignored him. - "Zack, I need a gun."
"What happened with yours?" - Chris asked.
She didn't answer.
I decided to ask the same question we had all asked before - "Why did you want Jacob to build that thing when w..."
Phoenix didn't even wait for me to finish the sentence, she took the gun and started to leave, not saying anything. She removed the hood and cape and folded it up. She was going into town then. Without saying anything, she left.
~~
We keep our bargains if nothing else, we play games with those who love us, and whom we once loved. We deceive, we fool, we fight. We always do what needs to be done, right or wrong... It has to be accomplished, it has to be carried out. We cannot let feeling interfere, we cannot let ourselves interfere...
~~
***
Jake
We had made sure Ax and Rachel got home okay. Rachel kept insisting she didn't need our help, that she could get home on her own, but she was tired. The shots had really done some damage and she had morphed after that. We dropped her off and went back to my house, I wasn't feeling so great myself. Marco kept looking around the streets, searching for Phoenix, I'm sure. Truth is, I was doing it too. She could be anywhere, she could be anyone. That's why she was dangerous to us. She knew our secrets, she knew where to find us, what we did. But how did she know? She called us Andalite bandits. That meant she knew what the Yeerks thought we were. Had she known we were human all along? Was it a threat, was she saying she could turn us in if she wanted to? She wasn't a Controller; we would have been caught if she was. And as for her being Alyssa's supposedly dead sister, I hate to say it, but I think she is. Who else in this world would be able to know so much about Alyssa, acquire her, her mother and father, and most importantly acquire a grown Andalite. As much as I hate to think it, she is Sarah. But she's crazy, insane, something along those lines. The way she acted, it scared me. The way she was so cold, so harsh with Alyssa when she should have been running up to her and hugging her and saying how glad she was that Alyssa was alive.
Marco and I got to my house in silence, neither of us seemed to find the words we wanted to say. We walked into the house and started going to my room, I hoped Tom was out. Strangely enough, I heard laughter coming from the kitchen. Marco and I exchanged glances and suddenly I felt a slight craving for... anything in the fridge. We walked naturally into the room, Tom was sitting down, eating pizza with a girl. She had long brown hair coming down to her waist, and honey colored eyes.
"Uh, hey Jake... This is Karen, a friend of mine." - Tom said.
"Hi Jake." - the girl greeted me with a smile.
"Hi, nice to meet you." - I replied politely.
"And this is his friend Marco."
"Hi Marco." - the girl said cheerfully.
"Hi."
The girl looked back at Tom and laughed, picking up another slice of pizza. Tom asked us if we wanted any, I thought about it for a moment, my mind screaming that no, I didn't want to sit down at the same table as a slug, but on the outside I smiled and pulled up a chair. Marco reluctantly did the same.
"So, where did you two meet?" - Marco asked the girl, Karen.
"I almost ran him over with my bike." - she said, laughing.
"Good way to meet someone as any." - I joked.
"So, Tom, is your brother a member of the Sharing too?" - she asked him.
My face must have showed something, because she turned to me again - "He was just telling me he was a member."
I jumped in immediately - "Oh, no, I'm not a member. Not my style."
"Yeah, he'd rather just hang out with his friends and do nothing all day." - Tom said.
"Exactly." - I tossed back, smiling. On the inside, I wanted nothing more than to grab him and tie him up somewhere until the three days went by.
"So, Karen, would you be interested in going to the Sharing with me one of these days?"
"Sure, I'd love to."
When she said that, Marco almost choked on a bite of pizza. Both her and Tom laughed and after a while I joined in.
"I've gotta go. It's been nice running into you, Tom..." - Karen said, getting up.
"I'll walk you home." - Tom offered.
"Thanks, but you don't have to. Besides, I'm going to visit a friend of mine."
"I'll walk you to the door then. Make sure you don't run over anyone else..."
They both laughed - "That I accept... Bye Jake, Marco, it was great meeting the two of you."
"Yeah, same here."
"Bye."
When they both left the room, Marco whispered - "Sorry, man."
"No. That's ok, they just think you choked normally."
"Anyway, about Phoenix..."
"Wait a minute. Let's get away from the door..."
We put away the remaining slices of pizza and went to my room. I closed the door, making sure Tom wasn't back yet.
"What about Phoenix?" - I asked.
"Where do you want me to start? Fine, she says she is a dead person, she's obviously nuts; she carries around a gun even though she can morph, and she just shot us in some whacked out way of trying to see how her sister was holding up."
"I think she is Sarah. It's too much stuff for someone to fake."
"I think so too. How do you think Alyssa's taking it?"
"Not very well. How would you feel if someone you loved came back from the dead..." - I stopped myself in mid-sentence. For a moment there, I had forgotten who I was talking to - "Sorry Marco."
"That's ok. I know what you mean, and the worst part is, I do understand how she feels. Still, I think she totally freaked out."
"Why do you think she did that? Phoenix, I mean... Why try and torture Alyssa, 'cause that's what it looked like."
"I don't know... Maybe she does blame Alyssa for what happened."
"You think she wants to get back at her for all that's happened? That she thinks it's Alyssa's fault?"
"By the way she was acting, yes. But it doesn't make sense..."
"I think we should be really careful, avoid going to the woods alone, and avoid leaving Alyssa by herself. We've seen this girl is dangerous... oh shit!"
"What is it?"
"How could I have forgotten that? Stupid! She was there, she was the little girl..."
"Woah, slow down... start again, what in the world are you talking about?"
"Before she shot me, Phoenix asked if the tiger remembered her. She wasn't addressing me, she didn't know the tiger was me until she saw our reaction..."
"But how did she know one of us was a tiger?"
"Because she was the little girl I saw before that explosion at the Kandrona... That was her. How could I have forgotten?"
We heard the door open, Tom was here again. Marco and I stopped talking for a moment, we had had enough close calls for one day. I walked with him outside.
"See you tomorrow." - he said with a significant glance.
"I'll call Rachel and Cassie later and try to explain to them what we talked about."
Marco walked off, still looking from one side of the street to another. I unconsciously was doing the same, every person in black called my attention, every black spot, every black backpack, everything that was dark caught my eye. But she wasn't here, and if she was, I wouldn't be able to see her.
~~
During the war, what did the soldiers feel when they surrounded the enemy? What did the enemy feel while being observed and not being able to do anything... Did they know they were being surrounded, watched? When you walk down the streets, do you look over your shoulder for that set of eyes you think are there? Are they really? Do you stop to tie your shoelaces that are already tied? Do they see me watching them? Do they feel me here? Do they know what I want? Do they really know what I want? No... they couldn't possibly...
~~
***
Tobias
Alyssa was sitting on one of the boxes, staring out the open door. Cassie had gone to get some cloths and stuff for us to try and clean up the blood that had stained the shack. Alyssa didn't seem to care. She just kept looking straight at nothing, nodding once in a while. And I was staring at her. For a moment there, I didn't recognize her. She acted in a way I hadn't seen before. Phoenix triggered something in her. I don't think I like it. What will we do when Phoenix comes back? When will she come back? She seemed to be the one Phoenix was most interested in. But then again, I really think Phoenix is Sarah. It makes sense. She knows Alyssa's real name, all the stuff that happened, she has to be Sarah, who else would she be? The strange thing is that she doesn't act much like the person Alyssa told us about. Much like the person I saw... I felt uncomfortable discussing this with Alyssa, the things I had seen in her thoughts. But the fact still remained. I had seen Sarah. I had seen her angry, lashing out, laughing, teasing, begging for help... And in none of those times did she remind me of Phoenix. Sarah seemed emotional, impulsive, but Phoenix gave me the impression of being anything but that. She seemed cruel, and the word evil came to mind, but cold. I looked at Alyssa again, wondering what was going on in her mind, what thoughts were racing around. She seemed to finally be aware that I was still there with her. Or maybe she was paying attention all along and I had been the one to space out...
"Shouldn't someone have gone with Ax?" - she asked calmly.
"He seemed fine. I'll go check on him when Cassie comes back."
"Thanks, but I think you should check on Ax. I can take care of myself for a few lousy minutes... I'm worried about him. He should have stayed here with us... but he was so set on leaving... You should have gone with him..."
"We agreed that we wouldn't leave you alone. Sa... Phoenix seems to have some unfinished business with you."
"You think she's Sarah, don't you?"
I didn't say anything, I just nodded. I couldn't lie to her, there was no reason for it. I went outside and looked around to see if Cassie was there yet. She wasn't. I wanted to go and see how Ax was feeling, but I knew I shouldn't leave Alyssa alone. I really didn't think any of us should be walking alone after the close call we had. If it was Sarah, she seemed to blame Alyssa for what happened, or maybe for something else, I don't know. She tortured Alyssa mentally, but she never actually hurt her. As for us, she ignored us as long as we stayed out of it and she took out those who could and would fight her on the spot. It was as if she wanted revenge for something, as if she wanted to make Alyssa suffer. After all, with all she knew, she could have just turned us in to the Yeerks, but she didn't. But then again, she probably hates the Yeerks more than anything.
"Go... it's okay. I promise I'll stay away from dead relatives with psychopathic notions until Cassie comes."
I smiled a bit, even thought it was obvious she was only trying to make me laugh. I started to demorph, even if I wasn't going, I had been in human form for quite a while. As soon as I had finished morphing, Alyssa stood up and walked to the door.
"See, there's no one out there... Ok, maybe a few rabbits and mice and Hansel and Grettel, but no lunatic dressed in black."
I still think you shouldn't be alone.
"I'm worried about Ax, he looked pretty bad."
Nah, that's the way he always looks.
She grinned and pointed at the hole in the ceiling - "You're making me feel guilty... Go already... Or do I have to throw you out?"
I reluctantly gave in and started to leave. I guess she would be fine, the girl was probably far away and Cassie was coming back. Everything would be fine... With that thought in mind, I took off.
~~
We all have different faces, different masks. We choose which to show and which to hide. But there is always that true expression behind the masks. Where is mine? Which is mine? I don't know anymore. Who am I? Truly, really? Inside, beneath all the blood that's accumulated, behind the face of this girl who's already dead. I could be any person, I could be any animal, but I'd still be me...
~~
***
Alyssa
Tobias finally left. The smile on my lips slowly vanished and I continued to stare into whatever lay out there. I sat down on one of the boxes and stared at the smudges on the walls and floor. I didn't mind staring at so much blood. I had seen worse...
The white walls were red, the carpet was soaked, the bodies laid sprawled...
I know I should have gotten a grip on my thoughts and try not to let the memories flood me again, but seeing... her made a lot surface. I stared at the walls. We had tried to remove the stains, but they were still there. Maybe that was right, they matched the stains in my soul. And mine were still there. I laid back a bit, looking at the sky through the hole and just closed my eyes. I didn't want to sleep, I just wanted to see the darkness. Minutes went by. They could have been two or they could have been twenty, I didn't know. I didn't really care. These past days, I didn't care about anything much. I heard footsteps coming into the shack. Cassie must have come back already to help try and clean the blood. I opened my eyes and sat up. To my shock and surprise I found myself staring at Phoenix. A hint of fear must have showed in my eyes for a moment, but I'm sure I masked it well. She didn't move and neither did I. Was this really Sarah? She just stood there, totally silent, her hood covering her face. I slowly searched my mind for what to do. I decided to get to the point, the only point that mattered to me.
"Are you really Sarah?"
She took off her hood and stared at me. The answer made itself present. But I wanted more proof. Appearances can be changed. No one knows that better than someone who morphs.
"What was your first morph?" - I asked.
"Patches." - she answered.
"Who was Allan?"
"A boy chased home by a Doberman."
"When did I last morph the panther?"
"You never morphed a panther. That was my favorite morph."
"Sorry, I need more. Prove you're Sarah."
"Sarah Travis Howell was born on July 22nd 1980. You were born three years later on January 26th . During the car crash, you didn't morph. D.J. and I did. The first guy who asked me out was named Matthew. I took your final exam in Spanish last year, and got an A."
Well, I was satisfied. More like picking my jaw off the floor...
"What happened to you Sarah? Where have you been all this time?"
I felt like running to her and hugging her and telling how much I missed her. But the expression on her face barely let me give out a smile. She didn't answer my question. Instead, she posed one of her own.
"How did you escape the Yeerks?"
That got me mad. I don't know why, it just did.
"How do you think?" - I snapped.
"Why didn't they know you could morph?"
"Well, I ne... wait a minute! How'd you know that?"
She didn't answer. I was getting mad. I was getting really angry. For a moment, I considered shouting at her for not answering my questions; I considered saying she always kept secrets, and demanding to know why she tried to give me a heart attack. In the end, I just fell silent. I wanted to tell her everything, but I still didn't trust her. There was something about her...
"I saw him do it. I saw him kill you. I remember so clearly... The blade penetrating the flesh, the panther bleeding... I know what I saw... How could you have survived? Tell me that and I'll tell you what you want to know."
She seemed to consider it for a while. Checking if it was a worthy trade.
"I really don't know what happened. I thought I was never going to wake up. I felt myself die, let go of everything. I didn't want to let go. I must have morphed somehow, next thing I knew, I woke up in the lake. I was sure to die in the freezing water. But I didn't. I morphed to fish and swam as close to shore as I could. The rest was easy."
She talked about it in the same tone someone would say 'I cut my finger and put a Band-Aid on it'. I was staring and I'm sure she noticed.
I asked quickly, before she reminded me that it was my turn for show and tell - "Why the lake?"
"They had taken the boat to the other side."
"And how do you know that?"
Again, no answer. I'm not sure how much of her story I actually believed. Maybe all of it, maybe none of it. I knew I should probably tell her what happened to me, it was only fair. I was about to start when she raised a hand, silencing me. For a moment, I remembered my dream...
What is it? - I asked in thought-speech to avoid breaking the silence.
Someone. - she replied in the same way.
I think it's Cassie.
We soon found I was right, as Cassie walked in and dropped the bottle and cloths she was carrying.
"It's okay. She just came to talk" - I said, automatically helping her pick everything up.
"Is she Sa...?" - Cassie started slowly.
"Yes, she is." - I answered before she could finish.
"Why attack us the other day? Was this..." - she pointed at the stains - "was all this really necessary?"
"I had to be sure." - Phoenix said simply.
"Sure about what?" - I asked.
"What you remembered."
"You thought I forgot... cause they didn't know... but how did you..."
Cassie cut me off - "Where have you been?"
"Searching."
"And now that you found her?"
There wasn't an answer. I don't know what that meant. Did she not know, did she not want to tell me, us... I still had a weird feeling about her. But at least one thing was sure. She was my sister, she was Sarah. I was sure of it. I just wasn't sure about all the rest.
~~
I'm here, I'm alive. But I died. Well, I didn't really die. Sarah died, and I was born in her place. Chris couldn't have picked a better name, Phoenix, like that Egyptian legend. Except I didn't rise from my own ashes. I arose from filth, from blood, from hatred. Hate filled my system and vengeance poured itself into my veins and I lived once more. No heart, no feelings, no remorse, no Sarah. Just me, just the warrior, the killer, the monster, the Phoenix...
~~
To be continued in
Crossing Paths #5 - Fallen Masks