This Will be a Mini-fic maybe about 3-5 chapters long, maybe shorter. I got inspired by an Rp reply I did recently and well I decided to use that inspiration to create this. I'm really proud of how this turned out, it's really fun to dive into Dazai's mind and try and picture how he felt during his past.
I'm not too sure where exactly this story will go, but I hope you don't mind coming along on that journey with me. I hope you enjoy and please tell me what you think.
The sky was grey, snow was falling and the tall trees were haunting and seemed to never end, near the middle of the forest you could see someone walking.
He was a tall male with dark brown hair. His clothes were tattered and torn, he had bruises and wounds practically everywhere across his body, but he still moved forward. Even with the strong wind that tried to push Dazai back, he kept walking forward through the forest.
His lips were blue and possibly other parts of his body as well. He was cold, but he wouldn't stop, he wouldn't stop until he found who he was looking for.
Squinting his eyes he saw in the distance what he was looking for, he couldn't make out every detail due to the snow storm, but he could see it, he could see the giant mirror.
It took awhile but when he got to the mirror he noticed his reflection. Unlike his tired expression, it smirked back at him, mocking him. Slowly Dazai put his hand on the mirror as he stared at his reflection.
Every single memory of Dazai's flowed into him, causing his eyes to flicker between light and dark.
His facial expressions changed as well, happy, sad, indifferent, confusion, silly. So many memories so many feelings but during certain moments he would feel nothing.
Dazai had already known this but it felt like he was realizing it for the first time. Most of his memories he couldn't remember why he acted the way he did.
His memories were clear as day, yet any emotions he felt from most of them just blurred into one big blob of grey.
He didn't like this part of his mind, it made him confused, it made him wonder if the person he was now was real? Or was he just another version of himself like part of his past was.
He cried, he felt weak, it's not that he didn't have genuine feelings from those times, it was just, in order to protect himself he would lie to himself. So much that sometimes it was hard to tell when he had put on that front of his and when he was himself.
His reflection began to talk to him, it mocks him, spouting lie after lie, telling him everything was useless. He could never have a true self, he would always hide behind some sort of mask or front.
"Come on are you serious? You know this is all a lie, he hates your guts, everyone practically does. If you truly attempted suicide everyone would be glad, they wouldn't have to deal with you. You can't even be honest with yourself, you have no clue who you are. Your just tiny fragments of a self you can never become, you don't even have a vague sense of what you will become. Look, look carefully at how your eyes flicker between light and dark, you can't even decide what you are. Are you a good person? A bad person? Just leave and save yourself the trouble, you are just useless. You are a waste of space."
It wouldn't stop, Dazai almost felt those words were true, he wanted it all to stop, he wanted himself to stop.
Just before Dazai was about to close his eyes out of fear, he noticed a rough scar on the top of his right hand. He blinked, Dazai remembered this one, it was a bit faded by now, but this was the first scar that Chuuya had ever given him.
With a tear stained face and a small smile, he brought the scar to his lips, he finally started to feel calm. One thing that Dazai new for certain was that no matter how he acted back then, putting up a front or not, his feelings for Chuuya where the same, even if he hadn't shown it properly back then.
Dazai felt courage from this scar, the words spoken from his reflection though still hurt, faded away from his worry. He took a big breath then looked up properly staring back at his reflection.
"You're wrong, even if your words hold an ounce of truth, you, my friend are wrong." Dazai then took a step back, a small smile peeked onto his face while his reflection glared at him.
"Wrong? I-"
"You are wrong, even if my morals will vary, even if my eyes flicker from light to dark, you are wrong and will always be wrong. I have someone I love, and no matter what path I take I will always care for them. My feelings for them will always be true, even if the person I am now is just another lie to protect myself." Dazai took a few steps back removing his hand from the mirror.
"What kind of nonsense is that! You can't win! Not with that indecisiveness of yours!" His reflection yelled back, it was confused, it was scared.
The cold wind still tried to push Dazai back, but that didn't stop him. As he moved his arm back he didn't hesitate as he punched the giant mirror in the center. Slowly it started to crack, and with each crack that formed it made a beautiful melody.
"It's Love, the hardest but most honest emotion in the world," Dazai smirked back at his reflection. It was mad, it was upset, and soon that version of himself cracked along with the mirror. Then suddenly as the cracks reached the ends of the mirror all the shards fell off.
His reflection perished.
The wind caught the shards and instead of merely just falling it looked as if they were dancing towards the ground. Dazai looked In front of him, before him now was a cave decorated with random crystals. Carefully he walked through, though he was weak, though he felt like he would fall over any second know he wouldn't stop.
"I'm coming for you Chuuya, I'll be there soon," Dazai mumbled as his eyesight become blurry. "I promise to find you Chuuya."