This story is really important to me because it's plot affects me personally. I've been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder since I was three and I'm not alone. One in eight children have some sort of mental or emotional disorder and wanted to get my message heard. If you're struggling with anxiety just know; you're not alone. I'm here for anyone who needs a friend or just simply needs to be heard. Thank you :') I don't own Austin and Ally!
Ally's Pov
I've always felt like the crazy one. I'm the odd one out. I'm the one who has panic attacks when everyone else lives completely normal lives. Just that word… attack… it makes me shiver. It sounds so… intense. So… unnatural.
When I was three years old, on my way to daycare in the morning, my mom's car swevered to avoid hitting a porcupine in the road and we hit a pole. I was fine, completely untouched physically but, mentally I was never the same. For months, I refused to go into the car, no matter who was driving or where we were going. I stayed home for a total of twenty three weeks, with only a baby piano in my room to play with while all the other kids had the whole world.
The first day of that twenty fourth week, my mom left for Africa for the first time to write he first book. I had a panic attack every night for months while she was gone right before I was about to leave for school. Panic attacks for fully grown adults are terrifying but, for three year old girls, they're scaring.
Your heart races, you choke on each breath and you're petrified for no reason what so ever. Adrenaline surges through your veins and you feel like your life is in danger in the worst possible way but, when in reality, you're perfectly safe. You can't focus, you can barely mumble words, everything sounds louder, smells sour and looks over-blaringly bright. For some times even up to thirty whole minutes, life stops and panic starts.
As I aged, they got progressively less frequent, until I reached the age of twelve when I auditioned for the first time for M.U.N.Y. I had had a panic attack right in front of the talent scout. Since that fateful day, they've been getting worse and have grown more and more frequent each week. Now they come at even the most random of times.
The only ones other than me who know about my… disorder… are my mom and dad. Not Trish. Not Dez. Not even Austin. Especially not Austin. He'd think I'm a freak.
This brings us to right now, as I sit on the floor in the practice room gasping for air, reaching for my glass of water, having a full blown panic episode. I searched through my purse, pulling out a lollipop and began to suck on it. This was an old trick I've had to use more often lately.
My dad figured out when I was around five, that if I'm eating candy or anything with a lot of sugar in it that takes a long time to eat (like a lollipop or a piece of hard candy), it slows my breathing down. Ever since, I've always had something like that within a few arm's reach.
I was crazy. I sat there, on the floor, gulping water and gnawing on a sucker, breathing like I had just ran a marathon. My eyes started to water, and I started to cry. I've been doing a lot of crying lately, mostly because there was nothing else I could do.
"Ally?" a weak voice said behind me
I wiped my eyes and turned around to the door way to see Austin tearing up, looking scared and confused.
"Are you okay?" he asked unsurely
I nodded my head, the tears that I was trying so hard to hold back were starting to come through again.
"Are you sure?" he wiped his eyes
I shook my head. I was absolutely not fine.
He ran to my side, closing the door in the process, and wrapped both his arms around me. I put my head on his shoulder, weeping like a baby. I didn't know how long he'd been there, why he was there or why he didn't leave yet. At that moment, I didn't care, I was just glad he stayed.
My tears started to slow down and he looked at me in the eye;
"Ally, what just happened? I thought you were having a heart attack, I was about to call an ambulance!"
I couldn't form words… I swallowed and tried again;
"I have G.A.D"
He looked terrified;
"You're not dying, right? You'll be okay? W-what's G.A.D?" he started to stutter
"Generalized Anxiety Disorder" I frowned
"What do you mean? What happens?" he asked
"I have… panic attacks. A lot lately…" I mumbled
I felt so… broken… so… beat.
"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked
"Because you probably think I'm a freak because of it" I frowned
He held me tighter;
"I do not think you're a freak. I think you're perfect, just how you are. Now, how did this start?" he asked innocently
I explained about the car crash, the my mom leaving right after, the baby piano… everything. Everything that's happened that's lead up to this just spilt out and it felt really… good. By the end of my long winded speech, he was just holding me, reassuring me that I wasn't alone in this and that he'd always be just a phone call away.
"Ally, you're perfect. Even with your G.A.D, any guy would consider themselves lucky to call you his. I will always be here for you if you ever need somebody to talk to, help you breath or fetch you a lollipop, you're not alone"
For the first time in what had seemed like ages, I felt free. Free from my disorder and issues, just free to live. This was a feeling I'd been craving for so long and now I finally had it.
I looked Austin in the eye and said;
"Thank you, thank you for everything you've done for me"
I started to lean closer to him, waiting for his lips to reach mine when suddenly, it happened. It was more adrenaline then any panic attack and yet it felt like the best feeling in the world because right then, I knew, I'd never be alone in this again.
If anyone wants to know more about G.A.D or my story, feel free to ask, other than that, reviews are highly appreciated :')