Lost and Found
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Hi! This is my first fanfiction all in English! I tried to do it very carefully, since my mother tongue is pretty different… And yes, I kept Zoë gender neutral. And no, I didn't use neutral pronouns to do so. In other words, you can read Hange as male, female or non-binary. Also, I would like to say I used all names in the form they're here (and I used 'Levi' because this name was one of my favorites even before SNK existed). Well, I hope you like it!
It was a beautiful day. The sun brightened magnificently on a sky without a trace of clouds. There was a light breeze flowing through the leaves, a peace that was pretty much difficult to feel in all those five years after the fall of Wall Maria. And specially on that day, the day of their public defeat, it was even harder to recognize any good sensation the nature could provide.
At the Southern of Wall Rose, there were the headquarters of the Scouting Legion. It was a huge construction, not much different from the previous one, a big castle with nine stories. As usual, the first floor was the medical area, full of big rooms to accommodate all the injured soldiers. For four years, after Erwin took over as the Commander, they were not used very often. However, this changed.
In one of the smallest wards, a dark-haired young man was sat down on a simple bed, his body turned to the window. He seemed to be thinking about something that wasn't making him happy. His mildly slanted eyes stared unfocused at nothing, and he gave an almost inaudible sigh.
"Yo." A well-known voice brought him out of his trance.
"What are you doing here?" He asked sharply, still looking at the window.
"I came to visit you. Erwin said you would be waiting for a doctor to come." The brown-haired person answered with a shrug.
The young man rolled his eyes. "This is ridiculous." He murmured.
"What? I didn't hear you." The bespectacled visitor said in an exaggerated high-pitched voice.
"This. Is. Ridiculous." It was almost a yell, with traces of pure anger.
"You have such a low opinion of me that you think I can't see you here because it's ridiculous?" The acquaintance asked in a mocking tone.
"I'm not talking about you, shitty glasses. It's that Mikasa girl... She could simply have killed all of us with her irresponsibility." He said aggressively.
The coworker knew exactly where his anger came from. After adjusting the glasses and walking past him to also stare at the window, the brown-haired one breathed heavily. "Your current condition isn't totally Mikasa's fault. You can't blame her for being worried because of Eren. Also, you know, as the best soldier, your leadership and team work are the worst."
The comment hit him like acid. He, Lance Corporal Levi, the best of the best in the whole Military, has failed for the first time. Furthermore, he was blaming someone else for his own fault. He didn't need someone like Squad Leader Hange Zoë to remind him of this.
"Well, if you were the one to make me almost break my leg, at least the excuse of losing your glasses would have been more convincible." He tried to joke, but his laugh came dry and sour.
The visitor gave a small smile. Hange was already accustomed to his sharp tongue, but this wasn't the Corporal's usual self. He was darker and more introspective, avoiding eye contact at all costs.
The Squad Leader turned the face to see the view outside. People on the streets were in their ordinary routine, most of them simply ignoring the fact they were enclosed in three big walls — now two — and the possibility to see the beautiful world outside at the current condition was near zero.
A brief blow of wind came through the window.
"We're investigating. Soon we'll find out this Female Titan's identity with the help of Eren and the others." The researcher commented while walking to a chair next to the simple bed and sitting on it.
Levi snickered in response. With this, Hange sighed heavily.
"At least you're not capable of fighting right now. It would be a pain to try to stop you from killing such an impressive specimen." The Squad Leader spoke again.
"Like I would kill our possibility of finding out the secrets of the Titans. I wouldn't do this even to provoke you." The Corporal stood up and leant on the balcony, his full body turned to face Hange, but his teal eyes glued to the ground.
"That's better, then." The brown-haired soldier breathed with a twitch in the corners of the mouth.
The conversation faded away, and silence spread all over the ward. Both of them just seemed to be lost in thought, maybe trying to avoid a possible unwanted outcome.
It would be hard to forget what Hange saw earlier. How Petra's father came to talk happily to Levi about an arrangement of marriage between his daughter and the Corporal. The scientist also remembered them going to Erwin's office for a conversation. Yells and sobbing could be heard all over the headquarters, but none came from Levi. He didn't shed a tear. It was typical of a hard-bitten man like him to have such reaction.
Nobody ever doubted that he cared for his subordinates, though. It was obvious that the loss would leave cureless wounds in his heart. And this made his lack of physical expression sadder and more pitiful.
The absence of sound in the room was becoming more and more suffocating, until the Squad Leader wasn't able to bear it anymore and asked the first thing in mind.
"How do you think I will die?" It came with a quick pronunciation and shrill intonation.
There was no doubt about Hange's knowledge when it came to Titans, but dealing with people was another story. However, this was a usual behavior among members of the Legion. Since they were destined to have a short period of life, saying what was in mind was pretty acceptable. Also, the Squad Leader was truly the master of not having tact.
"What's that question all of sudden, bloody specs?" He replied indignantly, but not really surprised.
"No... Forget it." The bespectacled soldier corrected before the Corporal started to say something more, probably an offensive statement. This conversation was going too far in a sensitive subject.
"Where the fuck is the doctor?" Levi said out of nowhere.
"Dunno. But I can look for him. Or her." The brown-haired one answered, already standing up from the chair.
"No. You stay here." He demanded, finally making eye contact with the researcher. It was just for a few seconds, but now it became obvious why he avoided looking at Hange. The shield that kept his demeanor always calm and stoic was broken. His teal eyes were more slanted and full of feelings nobody knew the insensitive and cold-blooded Corporal would ever have.
As Levi averted his eyes, someone entered the room.
"I'm sorry for my delay, sir, there are many people injured in the other ward." The doctor apologized, giving a shy smile.
"You can say the truth. You were taking a shit and it didn't come. I see no problem, unless, of course, you didn't wash your hands." He answered bluntly, walking back to the bed.
The doctor, a blonde woman in her thirties, was caught by surprise.
"Uh... Sir, I wasn't..." She stuttered and blushed because of the embarrassing comment.
Then, a loud laugh spread all over the room. It was Hange.
"... Even if you say you weren't, he won't listen to you, sweetheart." And again the Squad Leader burst out laughing, making the woman more and more flushed.
"Stop this annoying noise, shitty glasses, this is a fucking ward, not your bloody office full of dust and food decomposing because you didn't clean it at all." He said as the doctor looked for something in the cabinet.
Yes, that was the real Corporal Levi: a man without common sense, a clean freak and a foul-mouthed dork. He was going back to himself. Maybe too early for an ordinary being that had just lost so many dear people all at once, but he was far away from being ordinary.
Hange stopped laughing and sighed. "Hopefully nobody knows you are the one who has to clean this up, hm?" The brown-haired soldier said playfully, hands already on the doorknob.
"Hopefully I clean this up, or else you would die of food poisoning, you dirty pig." He almost yelled as the blonde doctor started examining carefully his leg. The Squad Leader grinned.
"Yes, yes, I will certainly die of food poisoning, midget!" The sound of the voice died away as the researcher got out of the room, leaving an irate Levi sat on the bed.
He calmed down a little after, just waiting for the diagnosis. Then, the blonde gave a muffled giggle.
"What?!" The raven-haired man asked confused.
"I'm sorry, sir… It's just… Uh…" The woman avoided any explanations, since the Corporal was known as an unforgiving person.
"Dammit, stop apologizing for everything and say what was so funny that made you laugh!" Levi commanded.
"I… didn't know there was really someone in this world who could… Uh, make the most powerful soldier lose his cool." She said shyly, packing some medicines.
"Well, there were indeed more people like the bloody specs, but… All of them are dead by now." He stated as he looked intensely at the floor.
Levi could still see the faces of Erd, Gunter, Auruo and specially Petra in front of him. The images of their smiles blended with the scenes of their bodies full of blood. He had already seen so many comrades dying in front of him, then how could it be different? This question kept repeating in his mind, but the answer never came. The only thing he was sure was that he didn't want to talk to anyone related to these four. He didn't wish to give a purpose for their deaths, when even in his mind he wasn't able to find one reason that would convince himself.
"Oh, I'm… Sorry, sir…" The doctor tried to offer her sympathy, but was cut off by the Corporal.
"For fuck's sake, stop saying sorry for everything! A soldier can't apologize all the time!" He roared, standing up from the bed.
"Actually, I'm not a soldier, just a doctor…" The woman corrected nervously.
"Fuck it." He gave her a death glare.
The blonde adjusted her messy locks and gave Levi a package with a piece of paper. "These are your medicines. You should take them regularly, as it is said here."
The dark-haired man took the package and nodded seriously. When he was almost at the door, the doctor stopped him.
"One more thing, sir." She started, letting the Corporal curious. "Have you ever thought about retiring?" The woman asked as it was a common question.
Levi stared perplexed at the blonde. What was that question for? She couldn't be hiding something about his physical condition, could she? Or maybe he was visibly affected by his subordinates' deaths, and it could jeopardize all of the Legion's plans... No, it couldn't be possible. He was the most powerful soldier, after all. The human race saw him as their hope… May it have changed after Eren's arrival? Wasn't he useful anymore? Wasn't he trustworthy anymore?
"Of course not. I won't rest until humanity defeats all the titans." He answered in the middle of his confused thoughts.
"Yes, sir. Good luck, then." The doctor said eventually.
The Corporal got out of the ward. He wanted desperately to take a long bath and to clean his probable dirty room after a long time outside the walls. While walking to the closest stairs, he saw many relatives of soldiers, some of them sobbing, some yelling, and some simply sat on the floor quietly. He remembered his first mission, and the fear that was long enclosed in his heart made him almost cry. Levi, who was always so self-assured, didn't know if humanity stood a chance of winning anymore.
When the Corporal got to the second floor, he changed his route and went quickly to his office. As expected, Hange was there, making a big mess with reports and writing like crazy. He gave a cold stare, and the Squad Leader knew exactly he wanted an answer.
"I didn't have papers in my office." That was the only thing said.
The Corporal grunted and sat down on the couch next to his desk. Why was he thinking about defeat? Just because his subordinates, no, his friends, were dead, it didn't mean humanity was doomed, did it?
He looked up to Hange. That science freak was certainly something. How could this shitty glasses be so clever and see the world so straightforwardly? How could someone lose everything and gain strength from it?
Then, the dark-haired man remembered the promise he made once: he would keep the spirit of every deceased soldier with him, in order to gain more and more strength to beat these monsters. Levi had to be alive until the very end, so all of these spirits, including the ones he held most dear, could finally see mankind's victory by his eyes. No, he wouldn't stop fighting.
FINAL WORDS: You read it until the end uh? Or maybe you just came to the final part to see what happened in the end, hmm… Well, either way, thank you for giving your attention to this fanfic. If you find some grammar mistake, please tell me, so I can learn from it!
Until next time o/