After the Battle of the Burning Plains
Dear Vatalis,
Morzan – The accursed man, who betrayed all the dragon riders to Galbatorix – is my father.
Angela envisaged a betrayal from my family. A thought that it very macabre. As it turns, Murtugh is my elder brother and has shown treachery to the Varden. And I have realized that many people could have known of my heritage, like Brom, and Oromis. I am tainted, the son of such a fiend. My bloodline is forever tainted.
Ah, a horrendous nightmare that was once a beautiful contemplation, I've always thought that I wanted to meet my father; I once imagined he was a significant and wonderful man – that I'd be glad to have known his identity. However, with the knowledge I promptly know, I'm idyllic and delighted that he is dead. I expect him to be in the place where the dwarfs' god of the underworld lies, who waits to punish those who cause destruction and grief to all living creatures. To cause the monsters the same amount of pain that they inflicted upon the world of the breathing, hence that I shall never meet him.
With the final words that Murtugh gave me before he left – the words that left me hanging by a thread were like a club hitting me over the head, striking me down to unconsciousness, where my mind struggles to keep breathing. The agony of learning that my father was a cruel, wicked beast was almost too much to tolerate. I was suffocating in my own distress.
His words, his words that told me who my sire was! His words that told me that we were connected by blood. His words that forced me to plunge down to the deep seas of terror, pulling me under, anchoring me down, and knocking the air out of my lungs.
My drowning thoughts fought violently against the opposing force that told me that what Murtugh said was true. True enough to have him as my brother, shocking me enough to drag me down under the waves of despair and misery.
However, I have come to a resolve; Saphira says I have become wise, I believe it's the only way to keep my sanity. Like there is a thin patch of frozen water beneath me, and the only method of not falling through is to hang on to the sheer, delicate, thread of the philosophy that Morzan isn't my father. Aye, he may be my blood sire, but he never raised me. He never taught me how to live, to live honourably, and courageously. No, Garrow taught me that, Garrow is my true father. He made me the man I am today. And yes, Murtugh may be my blood brother, but we are nothing alike, Roran is my true brother, the brother that would help me, and aid me as I would him in times of need.
Ah! But! There are notions that threaten to crush my hopes and fling my reasoning into oblivion. Brom, Brom came back to Carvahall to watch me, like a predator would watch his prey, he came back to Carvahall to watch his foe's son. Just once ago, I thought it was good fortune that Brom happened to be there with me, to guide me and be the shadow in the middle of the desert. No, he was only being cautious, as if he was dragon protecting its young; he was protecting the people of Alagaesia from the spawn of a demon. He has a right to fear what I can become, to fear that I might follow Morzan's footsteps. A fear that would never become reality, for I am Garrow's son, I am Eragon Garrowsson.
I learnt that Murtugh won't return on the side of the Varden. And it pains me to do so, even though now he is my foe, then he was my friend. Nevertheless, I must send him to his grave. To free him of Galbatorix's grasp upon him which holds strong, like a rider's bond with his dragon. I will make Brom proud; I will avenge both Garrow's and Brom's death. I will not sit and wither away in the pain that I suffer. Like a rose would when there is no one to admire its beauty. I will hunt down the Ra'zac like a savage beast and kill them for lives they have ended, for it is the only payment that I am willing to accept. With Roran, my brother, at my side I will take vengeance as Roran takes back his fiancée, Katrina.
Ah yes...love, what pain such emotion brings. My unrequited feelings for Arya only bring my spirit down lower. But! Arya.....Arya impassive as she is, I know she has feelings beneath. However I see why she doesn't return my adoration. I infuriate her; her tolerance is quite low when she is around me. An anxious, jumpy child with his older brother is all I am to her. She doesn't have feelings for me, I'm sure of it; she is "fond" of Faolin.
I did not know what caused me to do so, when I confessed my love for her. All seemed sane during the moment – to woo Arya. But, what was unexpected was that heartbreak after Arya refused me. A forbidden act I committed, I had impelled Arya away from me. Oromis was right; all human relationships with elves will end with tragedy. One I wanted to start concluded with only my heart break. I meant every word I said to Arya, and I intend to make amends for my behaviour, for I had no power over me, it was if I was drunk, gloriously but foolishly intoxicated. I have asked for forgiveness from Arya, to which she accepted. But my feelings for her still remain, to remain hidden and lost under duty and age.
Duty has caused me so much agony and anguish, but I know that when I have completed my liability to this land of Alagaesia – to free it of the torturous creature called Galbatorix – that I may find peace and a way to find one who loves me. Until that day that I desire for, I will carry this burden of unrequited adoration.
Duty! My duty as a Dragon Rider! My duty as a Dragon Rider forces me to slaughter thousands to kill one malevolent man. My duty as a Dragon Rider forbids my heart's yearning.
Duty has tied my hands together; I have no choice but to follow the path that has been set out for me, to fight. My options are either to win and slay Galbatorix, or to die trying. And then, if I win? What would happen then? Angela's prophesy tells me that I shall leave Alagaesia forever, but who shall rule this land? Will the ruler be someone who will lead his people to happiness? Or bring them down towards misery. Like Galbatorix did, uncaring for his people.
Still, I can only pray for the best and continue putting in any and all efforts to slay Galbatorix.
May good fortune rule over you, peace live in your heart, and the stars watch over you:
Eragon Garrowsson