AN: For the prompt: "On a dare, I licked a metal pole in freezing temperatures and you were the EMT sent to detach my tongue." Winter shenanigans. First impressions gone wrong. Romantic comedy. Sasori/Hidan
Hidan, Kakuzu, Deidara and Sasori are all college students. Sasori also has a job as an EMT. I don't know if they would actually send an ambulance if someone was stuck to a pole, but if they don't, let's just pretend they do here.
Work Text:
Crossposted on AO3 under the name 'hidanscrazylaugh'.
Hidan could hear the siren in the distance and knew it was coming for him. But at least this time, it wasn't the cops. He had bet Kakuzu twenty bucks that his tongue would not stick to the icy pole. He lost. He lost not only the money but his pride as well. And now Kakuzu was nowhere to be seen once he'd taken the cash out of Hidan's back pocket. It was freezing cold, he really couldn't blame him but he couldn't even help?!
Even Deidara had abandoned him. His friends were fucked up. He tried to pull away from the pole, but it was no use. He would tear a layer off his tongue if he kept it up. He could already taste copper. He wondered if it was from the metal pole he had licked or if his tongue was actually bleeding.
Hidan reached up to touch his tongue and brought his fingers away to look. Yes, his stupid fucking tongue was bleeding. He was going to kick Kakuzu's ass so hard the next time he saw him!
The sirens were now right behind him and Hidan heard the ambulance pull up alongside the road and park. He hoped this would be over and done with so he could go home!
"Don't they teach little boys in school not to lick frozen poles?"
Hidan couldn't see whoever had said that and would like to show whoever it was what he learned in school, with his fists.
"What's the matter? Can't talk? Cat got your tongue?"
Walking into view, Hidan saw the shortest EMT he had ever seen and could see that he clearly thought Hidan was a brainless oaf who licked a pole. And well, maybe he was, because that's exactly what he did.
In an attempt to tell him to fuck himself, Hidan made absolutely no sense and only made himself look even more like a degenerate.
"Alright, enough. Looks like you are actually going to hurt yourself here."
Looking at the nametag, Hidan saw his name was Sasori. Tiny little shrimp.
Sasori came closer and had to get up on his tip toes to inspect Hidan's tongue, "Hmm...you've been trying to pull yourself off of here…" He said mostly to himself before lowering himself back to his feet and then he smirked up at Hidan, "I'll be right back, don't go anywhere."
This only made Hidan swipe at him, though he had missed as Sasori was quick and got away. He returned with a step stool and set it down next to Hidan, then went back to the ambulance and when he returned again it was with a bottle of water, some bandages, and latex gloves on his hands.
Rolling his eyes as the little shrimp got up on the step stool, though he had to admit to himself it was kind of cute, Hidan yelped as he felt him take hold of his tongue and begin pouring the warm water slowly out. While doing so, Sasori carefully pulled Hidan's tongue off the pole with a slight grimace as he knew it must have hurt considering he was already bleeding before he even got there.
Hidan wanted his tongue back and tried to remove it unsuccessfully from the EMT's grip, earning him a glare.
"Let me do my work."
Hidan huffed and held still. His jaw was aching and he knew his tongue was going to hurt later. He was so going to get back at Kakuzu and Deidara for this! He just didn't know how yet...
Sasori poured more water over his tongue, "It's not too bad but you will be sore for a few days. Hopefully you've learned your lesson about licking icy things." He let go of Hidan's tongue with more care than he normally would have, "So, where are your friends?"
"Friends?"
"Or do you not have any?"
"Fuck you! I have friends! Their bitch asses took off after I got stuck! Deidara probably posted all over instagram by now!"
"Your friends sound like assholes. And I know Deidara, he is an asshole."
"So, who called?"
"Maybe one of your bitch ass friends or just someone who took pity on you. How long were you stuck there?"
"At least half an hour…" Hidan muttered, "Thanks man, for freeing me and my tongue."
"You're welcome." Sasori hopped off the step stool and removed his gloves, tossing them into the near by trashcan.
"Hey…" Hidan started.
"Look, it's you." Sasori held up his phone and right there on Instagram was a picture of him with a stupid filter that made Hidan's skin look paler than it normally did, his tongue stuck to the pole and he was trying to pull himself free.
"That bastard!" Hidan screamed, "I'm gonna kill him! How do you know him?!"
"We're in the same art class." Sasori said, "You want to get revenge?"
"I'm listening…"
"Meet me at the pottery room Thursday at five."
"In the morning?"
Sasori rolled his eyes, putting his phone back, "At night."
"What are we gonna do? Blow up the kiln?" His eyes sparkled with mischief, "Smash all his shit?!"
"No and no. You'll see. Here, I'll send you my number. I've been wanting to get back at him for a while now, I'll need your help."
"Oh? What'd he do to you? And why do you need my help?"
"He drew weird faces all over all my marionettes and posed them in compromising positions. I need your help because you're much taller than I am."
Hidan snickered at that, he had seen the pictures on instagram of some weird puppets giving each other oral sex. "Yeah, you're pretty short, but it's kinda cute." He grinned, "Alright, I'll see you then!" He got a notification on his phone and took it out of his pocket to see recieved a DM from Sasori on Instagram, "Hey...maybe after we get our revenge, you want to go have some drinks?"
Sasori thought it over for a moment, "Alright, but only if you keep your tongue to yourself and stop licking icy poles."
"Aw, does that mean you don't want me licking your pole, you frosty little thing?" Hidan winked, "I bet I could get you to warm up."
At that, Sasori's face went as red as his hair and he made a choked sound, "I'll see you Thursday!"