Just for the Shock Value
A Harry Potter Fic based on Complete Asinity and A Writer's Need to Express Comedy and Do Something About Insomnia
Spoilers: Um. All or none, depending on opinion.
Some slash, not spoiling who though (Reread Title)
Disclaimer: I Wish It Were Mine; I Could Use the Money and I Want a Moony to hug.
Have Fun!
Chapter 1: Summer Vacation. Another year forced with them.
The Dursleys. The complete opposite of everything Harry was.
Well, this summer would be different.
Although Harry had no idea how different indeed.
Happy Birthday.
Again. But Harry wasn't concerned about the next morning. It would be bad, sure, but his friends would pull through. Ron, Hermione, Hagrid, and Sirius should be sending him packages about now.
At 1:30 A.M. July 31st, he sat at his window, waiting.
'Here they come', he thought as he watched the small flying figures in a path that cut off his view of the full moon.
Full moon. He spared a moment to think about his father's old friend and his ex-professor, Remus Lupin. He then remember his godfather was staying with him, and he smiled at the image of Padfoot and Moony running playfully in some secluded woods like they would with the rest of their childhood gang.
He then realized that maybe Professor Lupin- Try as he might he just couldn't call the man Remus, and certainly not Moony- might have sent him a present along with Sirius's.
He opened the window for the owls. A school issue owl, which would be Hagrid's, Ron's owl Pig, and Hedwig carrying several letters and parcels. He gave them some water and opened up Ron's package first.
A small bottle with bluish liquid and small red bubbles flowing through it like a lava lamp, some candy and Mrs. Weasley's snacks, a small drawstring bag from Fred and George with a note saying, "A token of appreciation for our most generous sponsor," a letter and a newspaper clipping. Harry read his letter.
Happy Birthday!
Wow, things have been crazy here. Mum's been worried sick, Dad's overworked by the Ministry and Dumbledore, Bill, Charlie and Percy are all here insisting on letting them protect us while they cast a bunch of charms and wards, Fred and George have been working hard on their joke shop merchandise, and Ginny's been going nuts over her new crush. She keeps sending him owls, and he finally responded back. She framed it and giggles as she walks by it, but personally I don't like seeing a note saying "Get lost Weasel!" every time I use the stairs.
The thing I got you is called a Faerie Tube. It changes colors, shapes and spins when it's turned on. Try it out.
By the way, I know you don't get the Daily Prophet so I thought I'd send you an article my family couldn't stop laughing about. Apparently Sirius Black has been spotted.
Read this, Harry, and try not to think of Snuffles like this. Something tells me this is his real personality though. Poor Mr. Moony.
Anyway, see you at school.
Ron
Harry smiled as he put the letter on his table top. He put the lamp next to it, turning it on and marveling at the light display spiraling and twisting across his room. He then began reading the article, unable to stop from laughing hysterically.
Black Spotted Across Seas! Eludes Ministry.
Sirius Black, 37, infamous Azkaban escapee, was spotted by several Muggles in Toronto, Ontario, Canada.
According to them, he suddenly appeared in the middle of of a Muggle nightclub, running circles singing some song they labeled "Kum Ba Yah" while wearing nothing but a Santa hat, a pair of red sneakers and a pair of Muggle boxer shorts with black dog paw prints on them. When the Muggles had confronted him about this obviously odd behavior, he looked shocked and exclaimed "This isn't Amsterdam!" before apparating away.
The Ministry has posted agents in both Canada and the Netherlands to insure his capture.
The Muggles begged to assist because, quote, "He looked like a guy who knew how to have a helluva party!" As most of the club goers were on heavy mind altering substances, it was allowed, but it is the personal opinion of this writer that Black was either drunk, had finally snapped from Azkaban or he was just searching for a good time.
Harry found this extremely funny. He was wheezing hysterically as he opened Hermione's package.
An official World Cup Snitch signed by the Bulgarian Quidditch team, and he smiled as he saw the message Viktor Krum, the Bulgarian Seeker, had written, "One dai we shal haf tu fli aganst one another, Harry!" He read Hermione's letter.
I hope you like this, I asked Viktor if he would give you an autograph but he insisted on this for you and one for Ron, too. It's great here with his family, and my Bulgarian is quite good now, which is amazing since I only knew several words before I came here. I hope this summer is a bit better than your last. Are you staying with Sirius or the Dursleys? Either way, I hope you are well and keeping up your studies, we have O.W.L.s this year. Anyway, we should meet again to buy our supplies. Send a time you can come, I'll check it with Ron. Until then,
Hermione
Harry put her letter by Ron's and pulled over Hagrid's.
Some of Hagrid's rather good birthday cake, not his usual hard rock cake, and a small wooden dragon he carved. Another card.
Harry
I 'ope ye enjoy yer present.
I tried t' make it look like tha' Horntail ye fought las' year.
Ye could prob'bly use some snacks, so I sen' ye this.
'Ave a Happy Birthday, Harry!
Harry lovingly put the statue next to his other gifts and pulled out his Horntail statue. It did bear a remarkable resemblance. He smiled as he looked at his letters and gifts, then he reached for the last two parcels.
He opened one letter, surprised to see it wasn't from Sirius or Remus, but from Viktor Krum.
Harry,
Her-mi-knee sayd that it was yor beerthdai, so I got you this. I thot you coold use it against that Faret Boi Malfoi if he geves you ani mor trobl. Hapii beerthdai.
Viktor.
After translating the words so he could understand completely, he opened the package. It was a book by a Bulgarian writer, translated to English, called "Advanced Dueling, Curses, Counter-Curses and Wards, Level 1." He flipped through it, imaging the many ways he could use them against his school rival. He laughed when he saw that Viktor had circled one, "Rodent Transformation: Ferrets".
The last package had to be from Sirius, at least, if not Remus as well, so he ripped open the letter-
And read Fleur Delacour's small writing.
Bonjour! I felt tha' I owed you a gift, an' I decided tha' I woul' start by senging a birthday presen' an' asking if you woul' li' to be owl amis. It woul' no' only hel' moi wit mon English, bu' it woul' be goo' to be in touch wit some one who I ha' a goo' match agains'. I hope this letter fin's you in goo' health, an' please respon' soon.
Au Revour, Mon Ami,
Fleur.
She had sent him a small glowing globe that when held in his palm gave off soft, soothing rhythmic noises and a pleasant smell. The lights helped the effect, and it was a wonderful relaxation tool- Which with his amount of stress was a very welcome gift.
But he hadn't found anything from Sirius or Remus. He wasn't exactly expecting a gift from Remus- Well, actually, Remus had given him the Map for his fourteenth birthday, even if it was early, so Remus actually did owe him something this year-but to be denied by his own godfather.!
He felt like crying, but he realized he still had a lot of friends, some of whom he didn't even realize were his friends.
And he still had one last present. He picked up the bag from the twins and sighed. He was a bit nervous about this one, and he slowly opened up the bag.
Fireworks. "Weasley's Color Bang Fireworks" as the label said. He read the small letter that came with it, describing it. "These'll shoot up with the usual bang, but they'll paint anything within three feet of it a random color, which won't go away for six hours. It's an idea we had been tossing around for a while but could never quite purchase the right ingredients for- one of many that you've helped us create. As this is the only one we've tested fully, we decided to give you an assortment for your birthday. Thank you for the help, Harry."
Harry was glad to see his generosity hadn't been wasted. He closed the bag, then packed all his gifts into the loose floorboard.
But still, how could Sirius of all people forget him?
He fell asleep, dreaming about a rabid clown that had stolen Sirius's old motorcycle and looked surprisingly like Neville. The Neville-Clown preformed several Evil Canival stunts while juggling some of the twin's fireworks- which exploded everywhere- a Snitch and a white-blonde ferret that had been painted many colors. For some odd reason, a little girl kept yelling about missing her Velcro buckle shoes and blew bubbles at the clown. A black man came up to Harry and told him this was all a part of the Matrix, and if he took the red pill he could learn more but if he took the blue pill he could ignore all this. As he had been taught never to accept strange pills from strange men, he merely walked away. Sirius started to stand on his head, dressed like he had in Toronto, and Remus was fishing with a carrot for bait wearing only a kilt and mismatched socks. Hermione had been transfigured into a large stack of books, and only spoke in Mandarin but with an oddly Scottish accent. And Ron was flying in circles above them all yelling "I'm a birdie, I'm a birdie!"
Harry woke with the sun and realized immediately the dream had meant he would should be concerned about the day ahead because anything could happen. But he certainly hoped he would never see Snape wearing a white basketball uniform and frilly pink tutu and holding a wand with a star on the top that played music when tapped.
A Harry Potter Fic based on Complete Asinity and A Writer's Need to Express Comedy and Do Something About Insomnia
Spoilers: Um. All or none, depending on opinion.
Some slash, not spoiling who though (Reread Title)
Disclaimer: I Wish It Were Mine; I Could Use the Money and I Want a Moony to hug.
Have Fun!
Chapter 1: Summer Vacation. Another year forced with them.
The Dursleys. The complete opposite of everything Harry was.
Well, this summer would be different.
Although Harry had no idea how different indeed.
Happy Birthday.
Again. But Harry wasn't concerned about the next morning. It would be bad, sure, but his friends would pull through. Ron, Hermione, Hagrid, and Sirius should be sending him packages about now.
At 1:30 A.M. July 31st, he sat at his window, waiting.
'Here they come', he thought as he watched the small flying figures in a path that cut off his view of the full moon.
Full moon. He spared a moment to think about his father's old friend and his ex-professor, Remus Lupin. He then remember his godfather was staying with him, and he smiled at the image of Padfoot and Moony running playfully in some secluded woods like they would with the rest of their childhood gang.
He then realized that maybe Professor Lupin- Try as he might he just couldn't call the man Remus, and certainly not Moony- might have sent him a present along with Sirius's.
He opened the window for the owls. A school issue owl, which would be Hagrid's, Ron's owl Pig, and Hedwig carrying several letters and parcels. He gave them some water and opened up Ron's package first.
A small bottle with bluish liquid and small red bubbles flowing through it like a lava lamp, some candy and Mrs. Weasley's snacks, a small drawstring bag from Fred and George with a note saying, "A token of appreciation for our most generous sponsor," a letter and a newspaper clipping. Harry read his letter.
Happy Birthday!
Wow, things have been crazy here. Mum's been worried sick, Dad's overworked by the Ministry and Dumbledore, Bill, Charlie and Percy are all here insisting on letting them protect us while they cast a bunch of charms and wards, Fred and George have been working hard on their joke shop merchandise, and Ginny's been going nuts over her new crush. She keeps sending him owls, and he finally responded back. She framed it and giggles as she walks by it, but personally I don't like seeing a note saying "Get lost Weasel!" every time I use the stairs.
The thing I got you is called a Faerie Tube. It changes colors, shapes and spins when it's turned on. Try it out.
By the way, I know you don't get the Daily Prophet so I thought I'd send you an article my family couldn't stop laughing about. Apparently Sirius Black has been spotted.
Read this, Harry, and try not to think of Snuffles like this. Something tells me this is his real personality though. Poor Mr. Moony.
Anyway, see you at school.
Ron
Harry smiled as he put the letter on his table top. He put the lamp next to it, turning it on and marveling at the light display spiraling and twisting across his room. He then began reading the article, unable to stop from laughing hysterically.
Black Spotted Across Seas! Eludes Ministry.
Sirius Black, 37, infamous Azkaban escapee, was spotted by several Muggles in Toronto, Ontario, Canada.
According to them, he suddenly appeared in the middle of of a Muggle nightclub, running circles singing some song they labeled "Kum Ba Yah" while wearing nothing but a Santa hat, a pair of red sneakers and a pair of Muggle boxer shorts with black dog paw prints on them. When the Muggles had confronted him about this obviously odd behavior, he looked shocked and exclaimed "This isn't Amsterdam!" before apparating away.
The Ministry has posted agents in both Canada and the Netherlands to insure his capture.
The Muggles begged to assist because, quote, "He looked like a guy who knew how to have a helluva party!" As most of the club goers were on heavy mind altering substances, it was allowed, but it is the personal opinion of this writer that Black was either drunk, had finally snapped from Azkaban or he was just searching for a good time.
Harry found this extremely funny. He was wheezing hysterically as he opened Hermione's package.
An official World Cup Snitch signed by the Bulgarian Quidditch team, and he smiled as he saw the message Viktor Krum, the Bulgarian Seeker, had written, "One dai we shal haf tu fli aganst one another, Harry!" He read Hermione's letter.
I hope you like this, I asked Viktor if he would give you an autograph but he insisted on this for you and one for Ron, too. It's great here with his family, and my Bulgarian is quite good now, which is amazing since I only knew several words before I came here. I hope this summer is a bit better than your last. Are you staying with Sirius or the Dursleys? Either way, I hope you are well and keeping up your studies, we have O.W.L.s this year. Anyway, we should meet again to buy our supplies. Send a time you can come, I'll check it with Ron. Until then,
Hermione
Harry put her letter by Ron's and pulled over Hagrid's.
Some of Hagrid's rather good birthday cake, not his usual hard rock cake, and a small wooden dragon he carved. Another card.
Harry
I 'ope ye enjoy yer present.
I tried t' make it look like tha' Horntail ye fought las' year.
Ye could prob'bly use some snacks, so I sen' ye this.
'Ave a Happy Birthday, Harry!
Harry lovingly put the statue next to his other gifts and pulled out his Horntail statue. It did bear a remarkable resemblance. He smiled as he looked at his letters and gifts, then he reached for the last two parcels.
He opened one letter, surprised to see it wasn't from Sirius or Remus, but from Viktor Krum.
Harry,
Her-mi-knee sayd that it was yor beerthdai, so I got you this. I thot you coold use it against that Faret Boi Malfoi if he geves you ani mor trobl. Hapii beerthdai.
Viktor.
After translating the words so he could understand completely, he opened the package. It was a book by a Bulgarian writer, translated to English, called "Advanced Dueling, Curses, Counter-Curses and Wards, Level 1." He flipped through it, imaging the many ways he could use them against his school rival. He laughed when he saw that Viktor had circled one, "Rodent Transformation: Ferrets".
The last package had to be from Sirius, at least, if not Remus as well, so he ripped open the letter-
And read Fleur Delacour's small writing.
Bonjour! I felt tha' I owed you a gift, an' I decided tha' I woul' start by senging a birthday presen' an' asking if you woul' li' to be owl amis. It woul' no' only hel' moi wit mon English, bu' it woul' be goo' to be in touch wit some one who I ha' a goo' match agains'. I hope this letter fin's you in goo' health, an' please respon' soon.
Au Revour, Mon Ami,
Fleur.
She had sent him a small glowing globe that when held in his palm gave off soft, soothing rhythmic noises and a pleasant smell. The lights helped the effect, and it was a wonderful relaxation tool- Which with his amount of stress was a very welcome gift.
But he hadn't found anything from Sirius or Remus. He wasn't exactly expecting a gift from Remus- Well, actually, Remus had given him the Map for his fourteenth birthday, even if it was early, so Remus actually did owe him something this year-but to be denied by his own godfather.!
He felt like crying, but he realized he still had a lot of friends, some of whom he didn't even realize were his friends.
And he still had one last present. He picked up the bag from the twins and sighed. He was a bit nervous about this one, and he slowly opened up the bag.
Fireworks. "Weasley's Color Bang Fireworks" as the label said. He read the small letter that came with it, describing it. "These'll shoot up with the usual bang, but they'll paint anything within three feet of it a random color, which won't go away for six hours. It's an idea we had been tossing around for a while but could never quite purchase the right ingredients for- one of many that you've helped us create. As this is the only one we've tested fully, we decided to give you an assortment for your birthday. Thank you for the help, Harry."
Harry was glad to see his generosity hadn't been wasted. He closed the bag, then packed all his gifts into the loose floorboard.
But still, how could Sirius of all people forget him?
He fell asleep, dreaming about a rabid clown that had stolen Sirius's old motorcycle and looked surprisingly like Neville. The Neville-Clown preformed several Evil Canival stunts while juggling some of the twin's fireworks- which exploded everywhere- a Snitch and a white-blonde ferret that had been painted many colors. For some odd reason, a little girl kept yelling about missing her Velcro buckle shoes and blew bubbles at the clown. A black man came up to Harry and told him this was all a part of the Matrix, and if he took the red pill he could learn more but if he took the blue pill he could ignore all this. As he had been taught never to accept strange pills from strange men, he merely walked away. Sirius started to stand on his head, dressed like he had in Toronto, and Remus was fishing with a carrot for bait wearing only a kilt and mismatched socks. Hermione had been transfigured into a large stack of books, and only spoke in Mandarin but with an oddly Scottish accent. And Ron was flying in circles above them all yelling "I'm a birdie, I'm a birdie!"
Harry woke with the sun and realized immediately the dream had meant he would should be concerned about the day ahead because anything could happen. But he certainly hoped he would never see Snape wearing a white basketball uniform and frilly pink tutu and holding a wand with a star on the top that played music when tapped.