This Isn't Love, But Somehow It Is.

Its been like a year since I started to like this person. So why has nothing happen ? "Fine, get his number all you want." I tell my best friend, and there she goes to 'the guy' . I can act normal when I like someone, but deep inside, I feel all stupid. Shit. That's just how I am.

She comes back with a paper with numbers. "Here, get it."

"I don't want it. He might say I'm 'FC'." You know that ? Feeling close ? Even I hate people who are 'feeling close' . Feeling close people are people who thinks your already close friends and all that he always bugs you and talks with you, even if you and most people say the two of you aren't close.

"Eee ! That`s okay Hotaru !"

"Fine." I really want to text him. But, I have to act normal, you know ? Hmp. Well, at least I have his number already, right ?

"I need to go nooow." Gah, does she have to whine all the time ? Leave already. Ugh.

After a few minutes, I went to the auditorium. Saw a friend of mine there. He looked sad. Don't know why. Okay, time to be-a-nice-friend-time.

"Hey !" I guess I startled him with that grand entrance. Haha.

"Oh. Hey." Fudge, he looks too sad.

"What's the matter ?"

"Oh, nothing. Just going all emo." Stupid Koko.

"Oh. Uh-

"I need to go. Bye, okay ?"

"Wait, let's go together. Mikan left me. Stupid best friend."

"Sure." So, he escorted me to the girl's dorm. He left immediately after escorting me. Why is everyone so sileeent ?

The next day, nothing happened special since it was a Saturday. At night, I went online. Unfortunately, Mikan was online. So she IM-ed me saying that I haven`t been texting 'the guy'.

"How did you know ?"

"I asked him. I was like, "Did Hotaru text you already ?", and he was like, "Not yet. :`(" "

"Oh."

"He was waiting for your text."

"Okay."

"See yaaa."

"Sure."

Finally, the demon has gone out of the building ! So, I decided to text him the next day. When I introduced myself, he said that he was just surprised 'cause he thought I wasn't going to text anymore. I can't believe I like someone while I'm still in a relationship. So stupid of me. Shit.

That night, I called my boyfriend. "Hello ? Yuu ?"

"Yea ?"

"Do you still love me ?"

"Well, you see, it's like this-

"Just answer me."

"I guess ?"

"Oh."

"Why ?"

"Yuu. . . There's no more us."

"Are you sure ?"

"Yea."

"Well, are you okay ?"

"Yea."

"Oh. Who else knows about this ?"

"No one ?"

"Okay. Don't tell anyone. I'll be the one to tell my friends."

"Okay."

"Well, bye."

"Bye."

Then he hang up.

"I love you." I added.

It's not easy to love someone else when you know your heart beats for another one. That sucks. Then I sent a group message that night about me needing 'serious cheering up'. I sent it to everyone from the school. Including 'the guy' .

He was the first one to ask about what happened. So, I obviously told him that I broke up with my boyfriend. Wait. Ex. Then he said, "Oh. Just tell me everything. I can help."

"No, I don't want you to get included in my mess."

"No. Just tell me. Just trust me."

"I do trust you, but I don't want you to carry a pack of problems."

"Trust me. I may not look like it, but I'm good in that"

Then I told him why I broke up with The Ex. Yes, I shall start addressing him as 'The Ex'. And he was supporting me and telling me I made the right decision. Then I asked him what he was doing. He said he was just thinking about someone. He said it was his Ex. Then I asked what happened.

"I'll tell you but you need to keep it as a secret. Promise ?"

"Of course I'll keep it as a secret. I promise. You trust me, don't you ?"

"Of course."

"Glad to hear that. (:"

Then he started to tell me his secret. It was pretty shocking really but overwhelming. After the sharing of problems and secrets, he asked me why I was still awake. Then I told him that I was still awake since I was texting. Then he asked what time I'll sleep. I told him that I'd sleep when he'll sleep. Then he said goodnight already so that we'll both get enough rest.

The next day, he texted me again saying thank you for giving him time for the previous night. Then at school, we both talked to each other. Then I left my phone on my desk. Then my best friend took it and read my messages.

She came running to me, "What's your and Ruka's secret ?"

"Nothing" then I took my phone from her.

"TELL MEEEEEE !"

"No."

"Why not ?"

"Because I promised. And he trusts me."

"EEEEEEEEE !"

"No."

Shoot. She was whining like a little kid all day. My ears hurt. Dammit. At dismissal, I was left with Nonoko in the room. Then I told him about how sweet 'the guy' has been to me. Then she said, "You're just his close friend and his so sweet. How more with his girlfriend"

"Yeaa, but has no girlfriend."

"Well, who ever becomes his girlfriend is lucky."

"Yeaaa."

"Say, what if he was to court you. How long will take for you to answer him ?"

"I guess after 1 week. I still need to see whether he'll be loyal and all those wonderful things."

"Haha, good"

So, I went to the dorm with Nonoko. Then the next day. He didn't talk to me anymore or anything. Just looks and glances. No talking, texting, IM-ing or any form of communication. Then the next day, I went to school even if it was a Holiday. I was one of the people who were assigned to fix the classroom. Then we went to Central Town in the afternoon. Without him. That night, he finally texted. It was actually a group message. But I replied to it, "Are you mad ?"

"No. Why would I be mad ?"

" 'Cause you've been avoiding me at school."

"Ahhh. Say, how did Mikan find out that we were keeping a secret ?"

"Well, she found out my password on my phone and read my messages. But she doesn't know the secret."

"Oh. Good."

"Haha. Sorry."

"It's okay."

"Seriously, do you trust me?"

"Why ?"

"I just think you don't."

"Why ?"

" 'Cause you've been avoiding me."

" I trust you. You think I wouldn't tell my secret to you if I didn't trust you ?"

" You have a point. Thanks ! :D "

" No Prob. (:"

Then he said good night. And of course, I did too.

I don't know what to do with my life now. But I'm already happy with this kind of relationship. Though I wish something would happen. I really like him. I just don't know what to do. Some people say he likes me back, so I don't really know what to do. Good luck to me.

Okay, this is a one-shot. (: I haven't updated "You Should Already Know, I Choose You", because I'm too busy with school work. I transferred to a new school. Haha. && This school is much, much harder. Though, I was able to write this one-shot because this happened in real life. From last week Friday to this week Wednesday. So, it's more of a diary that's why I was able to write it fast. :D