Princess
Hawaii. April 22nd.
The Palace - Hawaii Five-0 Quarter.
Today is April 22nd. The realization hit him that today is also Catherine's birthday. More than anything else, Steve wants to hear her voice, wants to greet her, wants to give her the best wishes in the world, wants to make her happy. After 3 years being together in that day, this is the first time they come back to the old days: spending birthday while being apart half of the world.
Sitting in his office, looking at the photo frame on his desk - a photo of them being together in the Academy, the day she graduated from the Academy, Steve can't help smiling. Being born in April 22nd makes Catherine a Taurus girl. He hasn't believed in things like horoscope, for God's sake, in his whole life. So it totally surprises him when Steve realizes what he's doing. The most goofy thing he could ever imagine. Googling "Taurus" in the Internet. He has to burst into laughing when he sees a question popping up in his laptop screen: "Why are Taurus women damn stubborn?". Just exactly his type of girl. His Catherine. He still remembers clearly the day he showed up in the airport, he called her Stubborn, and she had the brightest smile on her face, something he would embrace forever in his mind.
He scrolls the screen to read the whole article. Luckily, he doesn't get involved any case today. Normally, since the day Catherine stayed in Afghanishtan, he has thrown himself at work, jumped in any case or mission he run into. He didn't want to let himself miss her that much, didn't even want to spend a moment to think about the worst possibility of her not coming back. It hurts. It kills him within a moment. But not today. She is everything he can think of right now.
Strength: Persistent, loyal, patient, generous, dependable. Weakness: Stubborn, laziness, possessive, self-indulging. He reads thoroughly everything he finds in the Internet though he cannot believe he would actually do something like this. Steve reminds himself to lay low, otherwise Danny will really give him a hard time.
The more he reads, the more he misses her.
He misses his girl.
Catherine Rollins.
Afghanishtan. April 23rd.
Coming back to her small shelter, Catherine is nothing but sore and exhausted. She had a bad day today. She got injured from a gunshot to the arm, almost got captured by the Taliban. Luckily, though as much sacratic it sounds, a dog literally saved her. The moment the Taliban heard a strange sound behind the warehouse, they sent a Taliban soldier to scan the surroundings. She was so close to be captured, that's when a dog coming from nowhere appeared, getting the Taliban's attention. They thought it was the dog making the suspicious sound. She tried to keep herself as quiet as possible, until she knew they're all gone. She must be so lucky today. There are not many people in this world considering getting shot is lucky though. Just she and Steve. Thinking about him made her wound less painful, gave her enough strength to make it to her "base", though it is just a small shelter with the worst condition she could ever imagine.
She truly misses his Smooth Dog.
She knows how to take care of her wound, but it doesn't make her any less sore, tired, exhausted, lonely and... vulnerable. Her eyes are brimming over with tears just thinking of not coming home to him. She promised him that she would be careful, and she will. She's here all alone. More than anything else, she misses Steve's voice.
She takes out her calendar from her bag to cross out another day. That's her way to keep track of how long she's been here. It isn't until now she realizes yesterday was her birthday. She has been so busy recently to remember this, plus it's not really important right now. After all, she's alone here. This isn't the first time she has to spend her birthday alone, but it doesn't make it any less difficult to deal with this loneliness inside her. She's trained to overcome these depressing feeling, yet considering her current devastated state, she can't keep her guard anymore. She pulls out her phone, and dials the familar phone numbers. In these situations, she enjoys dialing each number of this series instead of choosing it from her contact list. While waiting for the other end to be picked up, she jogs her momery of all of her previous birthdays since she met him. 10 years, 10 birthdays, 3 birthdays being together, 5 birthdays when they were apart, 2 birthdays when they were not in a relationship but he called her to tell her a simple Happy birthday, then they kept silent for almost 30 minutes without hanging up the phone. How time flies! They've been through a lot. Even she's pretty sure about the answer, she still wonders if he remembers her birthday this year. "Maybe he's in the shower", she guesses after around 1 minute and he's not answering her phone call.
Finally. The other end is picked up.
"Hey".
Steve's been a little drunk tonight. That's why he doesn't pick up the phone immediately. He thought that was Danny who calls to check up on him after seeing him at work these two days. To be honest, he just wants to be alone today, because he knows for sure... there's a girl who is much more alone than him somewhere in this world.
Hearing Catherine's voice right now is totally music to his ears. Just what the doctor ordered. Steve smiles. He wonders why she could be that amazing. Just a single word coming from her mouth can lighten up his whole world.
"Hey princess". It just comes out from his mouth, like the most natural thing in the world. It sounds beautiful. He likes it.
"What? Steve? Who do you think you're talking to? Princess?"
"Princess Rollins. My princess."
Steve isn't the type of person who enjoy using artful phrases and flowery words. Suddenly hearing these words from him, Catherine doesn't know what to say. She just keeps silent, simply savoring this moment, when she is actually able to hear his breath instead of dreaming about it, when she knows he still exists somewhere, for real.
"I know that's you. I didn't expect anyone else, any other girl... at this moment. You know..."
It's already over 12pm of April 22nd here in Hawaii, which means it's 23rd in her place. He cannot say Happy birthday to her in the right time, which means it's likely she hasn't received any birthday wish this year. And truthfully, it kills him just the thought of it. He doesn't know if it's the effect of alcohol making him become emotional like this or not, but he is incredibly sad for her.
"Steve... are you drunk? To my ears... Deny it.", finally she speaks up. Her voice is a little bit happier. She likes it when Steve's drunk, though he's a very controlled human being, he doesn't let himself drunk often enough. Part of Navy SEAL thing. Steve is normally extremely cute when he's affected by alcohol.
"Yes. A little."
"That's why you call me Princess. I know it."
"Wrong answer, princess. I'm a little drunk, but I've thought about this word the whole day, not because of the stupid wine I drank tonight. Yesterday Mary and Joan stopped by. Before going to bed, Mary asked me to read Joan a story. I doubt that she can actually understand the story, but yes, I did read her. You will not believe this, won't you? Me reading fairy tales just doesn't feel right. That's a secret that I just wanna share with only you."
"Yeah, that's cute. Great Uncle Steve right there.". Hearing him telling simple stories make Catherine's pain and exhaustion almost disappear. And it makes her feel better when he wants to share things with only her. Such a nice thing to hear. He is hands down her best therapy.
"I remember when I was a little boy, my parents also told me tons of stories like that. Yesterday, I kinda missed them. Cath...". He doesn't know why he says that. It's not his intention to make her feel sorry for him, considering how lonely she already is.
Catherine feels so helpless right now, when there's nothing she can do to comfort her man. Steve deserves better than this, having a girlfriend being half the world away from him. He doesn't have anyone be there for him after he wakes up from terrible and haunting nightmares... Catherine is trying her best not to cry, but she knows her tears already secretly make their way to her chin.
"Steve..."
"Anyway, when I was reading that story for Joan, every single time I read the world "Princess", I thought about you, though I've never thought Catherine and Princess would be put in a sentence. The princess is beautiful, admirable, humble, selfless, kind, trusting, faithful, classy, elegant, gorgeous, noble... just like you".
"Haha, sounds nothing like me. I'm nowhere near "beautiful". Plus I don't have maids, I do everything on my own, I wear dirty clothes, live in a small shelter, haven't washed for at least 3 days, don't wear any make-up. And the worst: I even play with guns. I don't consider myself anything like a princess."
"You know what... just my type of princess. And you ARE beautiful."
"Now you're totally drunk."
"No, I'm not." He defends himself.
"What do you feel when I call you Princess? Cliché? Corny? No?" Steve decides to tease her a bit before giving her the birthday gift he has on mind. Surprise is a big element, even though he hates surprises so much, he loves doing that to her, just like at Christmas 2 years ago. He enjoys teasing her, then seeing her pouty face, which is the cutest thing ever. He loves hearing her laugh when she finds out about his real plan, loves the content smile on her face when she's happy with what he does for her.
"Surprised actually. There ain't any princess here. But you really should find a princess, someone who always be there for you. This fake princess right here is not available right now. Oops." Catherine tries to make her saying cute and funny, but she knows it hurts both of them. Even her painful arm aches more, let alone her heart.
Steve cannot believe what she's just said. She's always like that. Selfless. Sometimes Steve just wishes she could be a little bit more selfish. She's always put other people's interest in front of hers. Just like when he insisted on staying in North Korea, she insisted on coming with him. And Amir's situation. Now this. Now he knew how she felt years ago, when he suggested they should end their so-called relationship, because every mission he entered was way too dangerous, and he wasn't sure if he could come back to her or not. That wasn't fair for her. That's exactly what he said. Now it's Catherine's turn. He totally understands what she's thinking, but it still hurts like being stabbed by a sharp knife right into his chest. He tries to change the subject:
"Joan knows how to pronounce your name. I taught her that. I'm a good coach, huh?"
"Steve..."
"Catherine Rollins. Don't ever say that to me again. It hurts. It's not funny... at all. You hear me?"
The line goes into an absolutely silent mode, even none of them hangs up the phone. Each of them pursues their own train of thought. Normally they don't talk too much over the phone, because the battery of sal-phone doesn't last so long. But today is unordinary. Both of them need this.
"I love you."
"I love you."
Both declaration of love come out simultaneously, causing these two laughing out loud a bit. They both feel so much better after saying the L-word one more time since the first time. They can't wait to finally say it to each other's face.
"Cath, just for the record, I don't want to hear a "But"."
"I won't say a "But". Can I use "However?"? She smiles.
"I'm serious, Cath". His voice is a little louder than before.
"Okay".
"Do you remember the first time you said it to me, Steve?"
"Over the phone? Yeah, the most stupid thing I've ever done in my life".
She doesn't take it as any offense, but right after Steve said that, he feels unsecure that he feels the need to explain more clearly: "No. I mean I shouldn't have done that over the phone. That was the best thing I've ever said to somebody else, but I said it in the most stupid manner."
"No. Actually I'm talking about the literally first time, unofficially first time. When you thought I was sleeping like a baby, the night right before when you broke up with me, years ago."
"Ah, that...". Of course, Steve will never forget that day. One of the most difficult decisions he's ever made. It suddenly dawns on him that all of the most struggling decisions of him are related to Catherine.
"By the way, I have my hair cut". Steve sounds so excited while breaking the news to her, which actually makes Catherine chuckle a bit.
"How does it look?"
"Stupid, I think."
"Uh huh". She tries to imagine his face right now. Imagines her hand travelling in his hair. God, she misses that feeling. She can also imagine his gentle kisses over her injured arm.
"Why don't you laugh at me?"
"The last time I check, you don't like to be laughed at, especially by me. Remember, on the beach, with Danny and your team? After we came back from North Korea?"
"I dont know... I just wanna hear you laughing at me, you know... Everytime I do something stupid, you always make fun of me. When I cut my hair, I imagined how you would react. I seriously miss your sarcastic. I don't realize how much I like it until you... are not here."
"Is the drunk-Steve or the sober-Steve saying now?", she finds it very amusing.
"It's Steve saying. Catherine, I miss you. Desperately miss you."
"Steve...". His pain is probably killing her more than her injured wound. His emotional voice makes her sniffle.
"Sorry... I didn't mean to... I get it, I get your job, Catherine. I didn't mean to... Hey, wait for a minute, okay? Don't go anywhere."
About ten seconds later, a familiar melody travels to her ears, which brings tears into her eyes once again. It's the sound of Chicago song: "You're the Inspiration".
You know our love was meant to be
The kind of love that lasts forever
And I want you here with me
From tonight until the end of time
You should know, everywhere I go
You're always on my mind, in my heart, In my soul. Baby
You're the meaning in my life
You're the inspiration
You bring feeling to my life
You're the inspiration
Wanna have you near me
I wanna have you hear me sayin'
No one needs you more than I need you
And I know, yes I know that it's plain to see
We're so in love when we're together
And I know that I need you here with me
From tonight until the end of time
You should know, everywhere I go
Always on my mind, in my heart in my soul
"Is it romantic now? Happy birthday, Cath!"
There is something in the way he pronounces her name makes her cry even more. So much love, so much affection. She manages to utter: "Steve, you're amazing. You know that?"
"Chicago makes everything better, right? Sorry for the late birthday gift."
"Don't be sorry. And no, it doesn't."
"What?", Steve seems so nervous.
"It's you. YOU... make everything better, Steve. Oh... I miss you more than anything else in this world. I'm tired, I'm injured. I'm sore. I'm exhausted. I'm lonely. I'm devastated. I just want to be at home, with you, but I just can't...". Catherine has a real bad day today and has no one to talk to. It's time for her to release her emotion. No wonder she kinda rambles.
"Catherine, I understand." Steve weeps his silent tears when he hears her voice. It breaks him to see Catherine like that. He whispers quietly, trying to comfort her: "Hey, princess...". But his voice makes her cry even harder.
"You know what, everything I do, I do it for you. When I tease you, you're supposed to laugh. When I give you presents, I want to make you happy. Don't cry. I don't want to make you cry. I just want you to be happy, at least for today. Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?"
"Sing for me?", she chuckles. She's pretty sure he won't sing. From Steve's point of view, singing is considered as a form of brutal torture.
His reaction is totally beyond her expectation. He started singing, regardless of how much he hates singing, while she doesn't even force him to sing. Just a suggestion, more like a joke, hope he doesn't take it as a challenge. Of course, one of Chicago songs. It is true that he was listening to them with her everytime she played Chicago album at home, but she doesn't have any idea he actually paid attention to the lyric, let alone he can sing those songs.
Shadows were hiding what I couldn't see
Out in the dark - she was calling to me
Calling to me with a voice I'd never forget
She was a vision I couldn't believe
I held her close so that she wouldn't leave
Suddenly helpless - hopelessly falling in love
I remember the feeling, I remember the was
She came up and wrapped her arms around me
Told me that she cared, said she'd always be there
Taking me places that I've never been
She had the beauty that comes from within'
Was dreaming was it too good to be true
I was a man all alone in the night
She came along and she showed me the light
I was confused then she told me the way
I was alone and I begged her to stay
She was alive I was caught by the fire
She brought emotions that filled my desire
His voice is so heart-warming, probably the most soothing and pleasant sound to her. For the first time today, she finally laughes with all her heart. Without any fear, without any worry. Totally free.
Steve doesn't tell how relieved he is after hearing her laugh. He doesn't tell her his eyes are brimmed with uncontrollable tears, just like after their first conversation over the phone when he just got back to Hawaii.
"Steve. Thank you. I'm truly grateful. I couldn't ask for any thing better than this in this particular situation. You gave me the best. Thank you."
"I'm glad, Princess."
"Now I'm thinking if you will invent a whole new fairy tale about Princess named Rollins."
"Don't think I won't. Such a great idea. I will work on it and tell Joan next time she stops by. About an exceptional brave, beautiful, selfless, stubborn, intelligent, sexy, attractive Princess Rollins."
"Still, doesn't sound like a princess. At all."
"To me it does."
"Steve, you're so amazing. I always know that, but you keep surprising me. Have you ever hated me? Just be honest, okay?"
"Yes, I have. You didn't call last night. You didn't remember your birthday, did you? I hate you because of that."
"To be honest, it totally slipped my mind. Plus remind me, where am I now? It doesn't matter, Steve."
"No, Catherine. It matters, for me, Cath. April 22nd is important to me, maybe even more important than my own birthday. You didn't call last night, considering it's your birthday, I was freaking out. I was afraid something bad happened to you. I couldn't concentrate on my job, I couldn't keep my calm. I was scared... There're countless times I wanted to book a flight and fly to where you are. And I..."
"Steve, you know that isn't a good idea, right?"
"Cath, can you do me a favor? Then I'll never ask you to do any favor... I promise."
"God, I can't believe this. Commander, how can I help you?" She starts her sarcastic mode.
"Just fulfill your promise. Take care of yourself. Be safe. That's all I need."
Catherine is deeply touched. Her reply "Yes" is so soft that it can barely be heard.
"Steve, I should let you sleep. I should go now...". She finally speaks up after a while.
"I... don't want to let you go. But you should rest. Even it's your birthday, I'm under an impression that it's my birthday. And I've just got such a meaningful birthday gift from my girl."
"And what's that?". She will never tell him how much she likes it when he calls her his girl.
"Hearing your voice. Just that simple."
"One more question: Which one do you like better: Princess or Lieutenant? I don't know right now... I miss seeing you in cammies, but now I'm start imagining you in a fancy dress."
"Oh god, Steve, you're totally drunk. Give my normal Steve back. You're not my Commander!", her laugh makes him grinning from ear to ear like an idiot.
"You won't have him back. Sorry."
The connection is getting weak, so she says quickly. "Steve, good night".
"Just one more thing, yesterday Mary wanted to say hello to her sister-in-law."
"Steve, are you...? Are you...?" Catherine is totally taken back by Steve's final words. She almost can hear her own racing heartbeat. Her whole body is hotter than ever, even hotter than she's in bed with him. Her cheeks are blush and she can't stop herself from grinning.
"No, I won't say a word, until you get your ass back here. Doing it over the phone is not the way I've imagined it and how it's supposed to be. Mark my word, Rollins. By the way, Happy birthday, Princess!"
With that, he hangs up the phone. For the first time since they dated, he hangs up on her first, but for a good reason.