Surrender to Me

by Miyabita

Disclaimer: The Forbidden Game and all its characters belong to L.J. Smith, not me. The song "Your Surrender" is the property of Neon Trees. No money is being made by this. Trust me. I'm poor.

Author's Note: Yes, I'm still working on "Breaking the Silence". I definitely don't intend to abandon that fic. (I've just been super busy that last few months.) Recently, though, I picked up my copy of The Forbidden Games and fell back in love with Julian's character. This song, which I actually associate with another pairing as well, came on the radio and just really resonated Julian's frustration with Jenny.

This takes place during the part in the first book where Julian gets pissed and has a bunch of bees land on Jenny. ^^;;

I hope you enjoy. Feedback is always welcomed. =)

I got close to your skin while you were sleeping
I taste the salt on your hands
I reached out to touch you, the morning light disarms you
Won't you let me in?

I become your shadow, I'd love but don't know how to
I'm always lost for words
You look like a thousand suns, I wanna be
The only one left when your day is done

Oh, how long till your surrender to me?

-"Your Surrender" by Neon Trees-

It wasn't that he wanted to be cruel to her; it was simply that he wanted her at all costs, winner take all.

And he wanted to win. He always wanted to win.

But the way she resisted his advances, the way she talked about Tom, the way she cared more about her friends than him… True, that kind of sweetness and loyalty was one of the things he loved most about her, made her glow with an inner radiance, made her positively alluring to him. But he wanted that smile - that dedication - directed towards him. He wanted her to look at him with the kind of soft eyes she reserved for the people she cared about.

But just when he thought she'd surrender, those eyes opened and he saw nothing but resolve and anger. And it infuriated him beyond belief.

So, he had sent the bees.

He knew how Jenny hated bees, knew it was no way to win the heart of the one girl he loved, but he didn't care, because he wanted her. And once he had her, there'd be plenty of time to beg forgiveness, to make her see that really he'd done it all because he wanted her to see how much he loved her.

The bees descended on her one by one, and he watched her body tense, felt the fear radiating from every pore of her skin. He lived off that kind of fear, nourished by the nightmares of mortals. But Jenny's fear was different. Her fear made him sad. And for a moment, he debated making the bees disappear.

But doing so would only make him look weak, and weakness had no place in a game he intended to win.

She cried, silent tracks of tears running down her face. The bees moved their feet as if shaking off the teardrops. He sucked in a breath, wishing she would change her mind. Wishing with all his might.

"Say the word, Jenny," he said softly.

And, ever-so-slightly, she shook her head no.

Kept resisting.

He turned from her and pounded his fist against the wall in frustration, knowing she wouldn't be able to hear it over the buzz of the bees. It didn't have to be this way between them. Why couldn't she see that? Why did she keep denying him?

Why couldn't he figure out how to win her smile?

An angry buzzing sounded from the bees, and he lifted his head. Jenny was falling, losing consciousness, and the motion of her falling body was irritating the bees he had summoned. With a wave of his hand, he bid them gone, and they disappeared the second before her body hit the ground.

For a few seconds, there was silence between them. He watched the slow rise and fall of her chest from a distance, as he always did at night when she was asleep.

But, after that kiss, after being able to touch her, he wanted more than simple watching. He wanted to hold her in his arms. He wanted her to smile and whisper his name in her sleep. He wanted so many things he knew, deep down, would never happen between them.

Slowly, he rose to his feet, closing the distance between the two of them in a few steps. She didn't stir as he knelt over her.

"Jenny," he whispered, burying his face in her hair, "I love you."

He stayed like that for a few seconds, breathing in the scent of her hair, listening to the rhythm of her breathing. Then he pulled away, just enough to brush his lips against her forehead. His fingers trailed over her cheeks, following the path her tears had taken. He brushed away the remaining teardrops from her eyelashes with the pad of his thumb, softly, so as not to disturb her.

It was hopeless, wasn't it, to want this creature so badly. She'd known him less than twenty-four hours, and already he'd done things to make her hate him. He'd trapped her friends, taken away her boyfriend, and taunted her when she wouldn't yield. Really, he wanted to send her friends away, spend hours touching her, running his fingers through her golden hair. He'd had years to look at her, to watch her, to think of the ways in which he could prove how much he loved her, how they'd fit together. He'd known when he created the façade of the More Games store that afternoon how innocent she was, how the Game could break her. But he'd hoped she would be ready, that his show of devotion to her would be enough for her to forget Tom and come to him.

Instead, it made her hate him.

His fingertips trailed down the incline of her neck. He'd misjudged the situation then. He could see it now – an endless circle. He would pursue her, she would resist, and he would continue to hurt her, in hopes that she would finally come to him. How else did he make her love him?

"Say it," he whispered again, his fingers back in her hair. "Tell me, Jenny. Say that you love me." He leaned down, his lips brushing up against her ear. "We can put an end to this if you'd just admit it."

He waited, hovered over her, listened to her heart beat and his, which seemed entirely too fast. But his anticipation of something was in vain, as all he received from Jenny was silence.

With a low snarl, he quickly rose to his feet, turning away and striding towards the door. He felt his fingers clench and unclench. For a moment, he contemplated turning around, shaking her awake, and forcing her to say the words he wanted to hear so badly. But all he did was slam his fist against the wall once more. He hated to see her in pain; wasn't that why he had shadowed her all these years… to keep her from harm? Why then, was he so determined to cause her pain now?

He shook his head. There were too many emotions. His nature, the very essence of his being, warred with the part that was so utterly in love with the girl. He couldn't figure it out. All he wanted was her. Why did it have to be so complicated?

His hand rested on the doorknob, and for a second, he looked over his shoulder, his eyes drinking in her form. It didn't have to be complicated; he could simply take her, like he had taken so many other mortals over the course of his existence. He could fold her into his arms now and take her away to his home, dress her in riches, kiss her until she forgot Tom's name, make her completely his like he had dreamed about for years. And wasn't that what he wanted?

No, he wanted her to come to him willingly, to surrender willingly, to love him and smile for him without coercion. The game he played with her, had always played with her since the moment he'd fallen in love with her, was different from the Game they played now. Jenny had no idea that she held all the cards, that he was a prisoner to the moves she made. It was her choice. It always had been.

He turned the doorknob.

"Julian…"

His head snapped back around, and he looked at the figure still lying on the ground. She clearly wasn't awake. Had he imagined the sound of her voice calling his name so sweetly?

"Julian…"

In an instant he was next to her, kneeling down beside her, touching her hair, her cheek, letting his eyes drink in every inch of her as if he would never see her again. She looked strangely peaceful, not irritated or frightened. Was she dreaming of him, then? Was her subconscious admitting to him what she consciously would not?

"Julian… I…"

A rustle sounded just outside the door, and he froze. There were footsteps and voices.

"It's locked."

"Here, let me try. I'm pretty good at picking locks."

A scraping noise sounded from outside, and he knew he didn't have much time, would never hear what she was about to say to him. Quickly, he pressed his lips to hers, soft and sweet, feeling her begin to respond underneath him. She was beginning to wake then.

"I love you, Jenny. I will always love you. Only you," he breathed in her ear.

The lock clicked open, and he pulled himself away from Jenny just as the door opened, melting into the shadows.

Later, when Jenny awoke and studied her body for signs of sting marks, she had the oddest sense that she was forgetting something. Something important. It filled her with longing and regret, and there was a slight pain in her stomach, as if her soul was hurting. But then her friends were pulling her to her feet, and she forgot everything but the resolve to win.

To win against Julian.