I stood watching my mother talking on the phone, she smiled and laughed at what my dad said on the other end of the line. I walked to my moms side and tugged at her shirt. (I only came to her waist.)
"Mommy, can I talk to daddy? Please, mommy?" My childish voice rang out in a way I knew would get my moms attention, even if it was only to tell me to be quiet. "Pretty please! Moooommmmyyyy!" My voice rose to a whine on those last words.
My mom looked down at me. "Cam, please be quiet. I'm talking to daddy right now." Her voice was impatient.
I pouted a little, my lower lip trembled slightly. "Mommy." I let my my voice quiver on this last plea.
My mom gave an exasperated sigh. "Come here then, kiddo." She reached an arm out and scooped me up so we could both listen. And to my dad she said. " Yeah, she's here." And whatever he said made my mom laugh girlishly again. Now I wish I hadn't taken that for granted.
But I had. Like every child, I had.
(Later that week.)
Mommy had been gone for a couple days now.
I was staying with Aunt Abby, she had taken me to the carnival that was in town. We had made jewelry, rode the ferris wheel, and ate so much cotton candy we thought we'd be sick later on!
It was just the two of us. I was so happy that day.
Little did I know that just a few hours later my world would be turned completely upside down.
"Aunt Abby?" My small voice called out to my aunt. "Will you tell me a story?"
I heard my aunt talking to somebody just outside my bedroom door. My curious mind wondered who it was. (whether it was a childs curiousity or just my soon to be spy brain)
"Aunt Abby!" I called her again, louder this time. I didn't feel like getting up out of my nice, soft bed.
Just as I was getting ready to say something again my aunt darted into the room.
I barely caught a glimpse of her face as the golden light from the hall outlined her face for a split second before she stepped into the shadows of my bedroom. I thought for minute something might be wrong. Her face normally the very picture of calm had looked...upset?
My little brain didn't comprehend that expression on my aunt so I decided to ignore it.
My aunt spoke to me playfully out of the far corner of the room, she made her voice a ghostly whisper. "Caaammmie, can yoouuu guess wheeerrrree I aaammm?" It sounded a little forced, but again I ignored this and felt my mouth turn up at the sides at my aunts crazy antics.
" Aunt Abby!" I laughed. "You're just in the chair by the closet!"
"Wrooong Cammie daaarling!" Her ghastly voice now came from beside my bed. I sqealed with delight and tossed my pillow in the direction of her voice. I heard a, "Ooph!" From my aunt knowing I'd found my target.
My bedside lamp flicked on then and my aunt offered said pillow with a deep bow.
"My Lady." Her normal voice returned. She plopped down on the end of my bed. "And what story would the princess like to here tonight?" My aunts eyebrows arched upwards in question on her forehead.
So she had heard me. I scowled at her.
Aunt Abby seemed to know what I was thinking and reached for me and gently smoothed the frown from my face. "Would you like to hear a story about a beautiful princess who falls in love with a handsome prince? Or maybe about a big, scary dragon that-"
I interrupted my aunt with a grin. "No, what I want to hear is a real story, Auntie!"
"What is a reeeaaalll story, kiddo?" She drug the question out to make her voice sound more childlike than mine.
I didn't hesitate to speak. "Like one of daddy's stories! About spies and bad guys and-"
My aunt spoke up hurriedly. Her words suddenly seemed strained. "Come on Squirt, you don't want to here about those boring old things. How 'bout I tell you..."
"Pleeeeaaassse Aunt Abby? I want to here about the spies like daddy!" I pleaded.
The woman sighed and leaned back resting her head on my pillow. "Alright, but you have to promise to keep quiet for me and try to sleep or else you're mom'll have my head for keeping you up so late." With these last warning words my aunt started in on her story.
"Once upon a time..." My aunts voice started and I let my head fall back on the pillow beside hers. "there was a little girl named..." She paused and thought for a second. "Cameron." I smiled.
"Who's daddy was a spy," Her voice dropped a little. I felt myself drifting off to sleep. I'll stay awake just another minute. I thought.
"And he loved his daughter very much." I felt a her lips brush against my forehead with a goodnight kiss. And just barely heard her whisper. "Goodnight, kiddo." I was fast asleep.
The most restful sleep I would have for awhile it turned out.
(This next part is a songfic to David Cooks song Lie...The song lyrics are in **)
I sat straight up. Suddenly wide awake out of a dead sleep, my heart was racing. Why? I asked myself and tried to remember what had woken me. A dream? I wondered. I shook my head, that hadn't been it.
And then I heard something. Voices. I vaguely recognized my moms. My feet hit the floor almost without thinking.
"Mommy!" I spotted her by the door of my aunt's apartment. My speed didn't let up until my aunt stepped between me and my mom and I slid into her.
"Hey, slow down there squirt." My aunt caught me before I fell in a heap at their feet.
"Cammie?" My moms voice reached me, but it sounded different. Strange.
I stepped around my aunt and this time she made no move to stop me. If I had looked up I would have seen a look pass between the two adults and seen my mom nod.
As it was I catapulted myself into her arms and gave her a hug. Her arms held on a bit longer than usual and she stroked my tangled bed hair back from my face. I heard her sigh. She finally pulled back but still kept her arms around me and I looked up at her face for the first time.
My brow wrinkled in confusion. "Mommy whats wrong?" Her face looked red, and kind of splotchy. She shook her head and pulled me back against her.
"Nothing kiddo, I'm just tired." She whispered in my ear. I didn't like the look in her eyes, it scared me.
*You whisper that you were getting tired*
*Got a look in your eye looks a lot like goodbye*
I started to ask her another question, but stopped having changed my mind.
Instead of arguing I just said. "Ok." She could keep her secrets for now, for some reason I didn't mind.
*Hold on to your secrets tonight*
*Don't want to know I'm okay with this silence*
*It's truth that I don't want to end*
My aunts smile this time was defininetly forced and it was...sad, regretful. She was just holding back tears like my mom.
*You're hiding regret in your smile*
Something in their eyes kept me quiet. I wasn't sure why.
*There's a storm in your eyes I've seen coming for a while*
Looking back at that moment if I had known what would be said later on I would have held onto that moment longer than I had.
*Hang onto the past tense tonight*
*Don't say a word I'm okay with the quiet*
*The truth is gonna change everything*
My aunt pulled me away from my mom and said to my mom.
"I'll take care of her for tonight."
My mom just shook her head biting her lip hard she spoke. "Just...give me a minute, I have to tell her." My mom seemed torn.
"Tell me what?" I piped up. "What's wrong?" I tried to keep the tremble out of my voice. "Are you okay, mommy?" I felt tears rise in my eyes. I was torn between wanting to know and terrified to know what had happened.
My mom dropped to her knees in front of me and looked me in the eyes. Placed both hands on my shoulders.
"Baby, nothing is wrong with me. Everything will be fine, I promise." I could hear the lie in her promise, but made no objection to it.
*So lie to me and tell me that it's gonna be all right*
*So lie to me and tell me that we'll make it through the night*
*I don't mind if you wait before you tear me apart*
*Look me in the eye lie lie lie lie lie lie*
"Go back to bed for now, get some sleep." She hugged me again. She managed a thin smile. "I'll come tuck you in after I get a shower, Ok Cam?"
I nodded and hesitantly started back to my bedroom, my aunts arm around me, guiding me.
When we reached the door to my room I looked up at my aunt. "Aunt Abby?"
She glanced down at me with that same regretful smile she'd had minutes before. "Yeah, Squirt?"
I froze not sure what I wanted to say or ask. "Nevermind." I whispered and slid silently into my bed. I knew that once I asked again and if they answered me there would be no turning back from their answer. I didn't want to know just yet.
*I know that there's no turning back*
*If we put too much light on this we'll see through all the cracks*
*Let's stay in the dark one more night*
I wanted to stay blind until my mom could tell me.
15 minutes later
I had tried to doze while I waited for my mom, I hadn't been successful. So instead I sat in silence with only my bedside lamp on. Waiting.
*Don't want to know I'm okay with the silence*
*It's truth that I don't want to end*
I didn't hear her coming, I just spotted her slight silhouette in the doorway. She paused as if checking that I was awake and maybe hoping that I was.
I heard in my mind the lie she'd told me a little earlier and repeated it to myself.
Everything will be alright, I promise.
*So lie to me and tell me that it's gonna be all right*
*So lie to me and tell me that we'll make it through the night*
"Cammie," My mom came and sat on my bed. She reached out to hold me. But I pulled away and finally asked because I couldn't take her silence any longer.
"Mom, what is it?" A sudden horrible thought made my blood run icey cold with fear. Dad. I forced my panic down. No. I refused to think like that.
*I don't mind if you wait before you tear me apart*
*So look me in the eye and lie lie lie*
My mom was watching me closely, she turned her head when she caught me returning her stare, so I couldn't see her expression. I heard a muffled sob as my mom tried to compose herself in front of me. I reached out suddenly wanting her to hold me.
She did. And whispered in my hair. "Cammie, I'm so so sorry." I felt the tears burning my eyes but didn't let them come just yet. Something told me the night couldn't handle both of us crying at the same time.
"Mom, is it Daddy?" I forced my worst fear into words.
She pulled back again to look at me. "Cam, Daddy isn't coming home.
No, No, No. I screamed inside. I refused to believe it.
*Don't want to believe in this ending*
*Let the cameras roll on keep pretending*
*So lie to me and tell me that it's gonna be all right*
"No." I said simply. My mom hugged me tighter and I felt another pair of arms circle us as my aunt sat down with us. My mom and aunt were both crying. I felt a single tear escape.
*So lie to me and tell me that we'll make it through the night*
*I don't mind if you wait before you tear me apart*
"But its not true!" I said and then uncertainly to my aunt. "Is it?" Was it some cruel trick?
My aunt looked at me solidly. "Yes, babe." She hugged me and they both cried and I cried a little but mostly I just felt strange.
We all stayed on my bed until the early morning light started peeking through the only window my room had. I sort of wished it had all been some mean trick, for whatever reason, but it hadn't.
It was real.
*So look me in the eye lie lie lie*
*So lie to me and tell me that we're gonna be okay*
*So lie to me and tell me that we'll make it through the day*
Dad was gone.
I vaguely heard my aunt ask me if I wanted my favorite waffles for breakfast. I remember nodding.
My mom sat next to me with her arms around me.
"Oh, Cam." I hugged her back.
I heard the phone ring. My mom stood up to answer it. I didn't really hear her answer just expected it, I guess. Probably somebody calling to say their so sorry about dad. I thought bitterly. My dad.
Shaking my head I felt those tears I'd held back for the last 4 hours welling up, I choked back the first sob. I hurriedly stood and just like the nickname my dad had given me. The Chameleon I dissappeared to the upstairs attic.
I wanted to be alone. Didn't want to have to be so weak in front of my mother while she was so low.
*I don't mind if you wait before you tear me apart*
*So look me in the eye and lie lie lie*
My view from the dust covered attic window revealed people running to and fro, running errands. Probably going to their jobs.
The only thing I could think was, my dad would never again be among them.
Right then I promised myself something, well mostly I promised my daddy.
I will be just like you, Daddy, and I will protect Mommy.
A childish promise maybe.
But it was as true as anything any grownup had ever said.
Let me know what you think!