Gone
He wondered when it had begun.
At first, he had just wanted to take a look at how she was doing, not even knowing it was her. That it had always been her.
A little peek into the pink room had revealed her sitting on her desk, working on some design of hers, and he couldn't help the small sigh that escaped him. Confused, he had stopped, wondering why he felt so conflicted.
On the one hand he had been glad her life seemed to be continuing like always, but on the other hand it had pained him to no end, knowing his existence had so little influence on her.
Thinking about it had only made it worse, the hollow feeling that was eating at his heart spreading. Clenching his chest, the small sob escaped him at first. But the sudden silence awoke him from those thoughts. Frowning, he got closer to the small figure on the chair and as the distance lessened, there was no way he could miss it.
Tears welled up in his eyes, the pain taking over again. Her sunken shoulders, her small, pale hand clenching her design's fabric, her left hand silencing the cries of pain, which seemed to come from a place no words could describe. His ring, hanging on a necklace from her throat.
And at that moment he couldn't contain himself anymore. Crying out her name he clenched at her, letting all those withheld tears fall in her hair while nuzzling his nose into them. "Marinette."
But with a small sniff and hands rubbing away her tears she pushed herself out of the chair, finding herself a towel to dry her face, not even noticing the translucent figure that just stood there for a couple moments before it broke down, shouting at the heavens with inhuman noises, even more tears dripping on the carpet without getting it wet. It was only then it fully hit him – he was no longer.
The days, weeks, months and even years felt all the same as he stayed, unchanging.
He couldn't bear leaving the small girl that slowly grew into a woman. He never left her, neither when she cried herself to sleep nor when she fell asleep working on a design of hers.
However, he couldn't put a blanket on her, he couldn't comfort her, he couldn't even bring her hot chocolate, goddammit. All he could do was watch and give her a goodnight's kiss she wouldn't be able to feel. And he felt useless. Why had he never noticed her when he was still… Why did he never care more about his body and life, when he still had the ability to dedicate all of it to her, for all her life? How could he have thought that she would be happier if he threw it away, even if it was protecting her? Never would he regret saving her, but there would have been another way for sure!
But that was just wishful thinking. All the regret and pain would never undo what happened and the tears he sheds will never be known.
And life continued without him. The Ladyblog was dedicated to Ladybug only, his classmates graduated, his friends married and even Hawkmoth was beaten. Relationships were lost and relationships were build, Marinette moving out and marrying a sweet guy who loved her and their children.
He tried to take in everything he could for the day, that was hopefully far away, when one of his loved ones would join him, so he could tell them how great they did, that he had been with them all this time.
Because even when they stopped crying and mourning, he would sometimes catch them smiling fondly at a picture of his, or telling someone of their friend, who had left way too early.