Ron stood at the end of the aisle, facing before him but looking at anything other than before him. He had been standing there for several minutes, unable to move his legs even one step. He considered finding someone to talk to, but knew that if he did they would drag the conversation to what he didn't want to talk about. He busied himself with observing the room, sometimes looking at vases of flowers until he had memorized the lines on the petals before moving on to something else. Eventually he noticed Rose and Hugo standing in the corner of the room looking at him, but pretending not to. With that, he decided it was time, and he began to walk forward.
Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared beneath the stars above
The walk seemed to take forever, and there were several points were he almost turned back. He had never been more scared to stop moving in his life; he had always spent every day moving forward, but right now he felt that if his legs stopped, everything would stop.
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye
His legs finally stopped before the rosewood casket, and he looked inside before he meant to. She was only seventy; much too young for a witch to go. He could still see the youthfulness behind the laugh lines she'd hated so much. She always said they made her look old, but he always said they made her look happy. Lying there, she did look happy, happier than Ron thought he'd ever feel again. Seeing his Hermione lying there, motionless, peaceful, made his heart break in two as tears flowed down his cheeks faster than ever before.
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end, the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance, I could have missed the pain
But I'd've had to miss the dance
They had spent almost every day together during their adult lives, though now it felt like they'd had far too little time. How could it have been just last week that they sat down for their anniversary dinner? 'Order everything you want,' he had said to her, and she did. Their table was filled with steaks and puddings, and she had laughed across the table at him as he pretended not to care about the bill. At the time, it felt like nothing could go wrong, and he looked forward to many more years of laughing with her. Now he wished they had done that every night, just so he could have more memories to cling to.
Holding you, I held everything
For a moment wasn't I the king
He'd woken up the next morning to find her lying beside him looking as happy as she always did; so happy that it took him a while to notice that something wasn't right. That moment of realization seemed to last forever; longer than the moment he held the ring out before her and waited for her answer, longer than the moment he watched her walk down the aisle towards him in her white dress, and longer than the moment he waited for their first child to cry for the first time. But even that wasn't the hardest part; the hardest part was realizing that after that moment ended, life would have to go on...go on without her.
But if I'd only known how the king would fall
Hey who's to say, you know I might have changed it all
How could he ever find the strength to walk away from her? Just getting out of bed the past week proved near impossible, and now he had to realize that he was seeing her face, her beautiful face, for the very last time, and that he was the one who had to walk away from it. He remembered back to his youth, back to when he wanted to be with her more than anything, and even after everything that happened, he found himself wishing the very same thing now. It seemed so unfair that they had such a short time to build a life together and an even shorter time to sit back and enjoy what they've made. He never expected her to go this soon; he wished he had known before that this would happen, that he would be robbed of her before he was ready to let her go. But if he had known, would he have done anything differently? He'd like to think that he'd have spent more time with her, but he already spent every day with her. If he had known, he wouldn't have done anything differently, because he had done everything he could, and he was glad to have had the time with her that he did.
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end, the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance, I could have missed the pain
But I'd've had to miss the dance
He grabbed her hand and willed himself not to sob out loud in front of all these people. Her skin felt as smooth as ever, and he was shocked to find that she was not grabbing his hand in return. With that realization, he lost his resolve, and buried his head in her chest, sobbing uncontrollably. He stayed like that until the tears subsided, and then raised his head to look at her. He began to feel like the time to leave was coming, and that if he didn't do it now, he never would. Squeezing her hand for the last time, he bent down and kissed the corner of her mouth, right over the laugh lines that she'd hated but he loved, and stood up straight.
"Goodbye, Hermione."
Yes my life is better left to chance
I could have missed the pain, but I'd've had to miss the dance
As soon as I began writing about her laugh lines for the first time, I too lost my resolve. This took me much longer to write than it should have, because I kept having to stop to clear my eyes so that I could see the screen. This song was partially inspired by the song, and partially by the recent loss of my grandfather, and by having to see my grandmother cry over his casket. I couldn't imagine what that must have been like for her, and it made me grateful to have had my fiance for the past five years. Anyway, I tried to capture that emotion, as sad as it is, with Ron, and here it is. Thanks for reading.
~Izzi