EDIT (24/11/2012): - So any older readers of this fic will have realised I've changed the name - it used to be called Awkward Situations. Ever since I first wrote this the title has been bothering me so I asked my friend Sugar what I should re-name and she recommended this one. Also this has given me the chance to edit this story a little.
Note: Again, not a reveal story. Also, this was intended to be non-slash, but if you have your shipping goggles then feel free to slash it up a bit. Happy reading!
Mouth-to-Mouth Is Not Kissing
By Justine Themis
"I really think you're getting worked up over nothing, Arthur," Merlin said, rather nonchalantly, as he and Arthur were walking through the forest beyond the borders of Camelot, like any other normal day between Prince and manservant.
Except for the fact Arthur was keeping a very unreasonable distance between himself and Merlin as he walked on ahead – wide enough that Merlin had to shout after him, but not so wide that Merlin lost track of him all together. Not only that but Arthur was seething, every step he took looked like the the angry stomping of a stubborn child. Which in itself wasn't very new, Arthur had been angry with Merlin (because obviously he was angry at Merlin) many times before.
What was new was the fact that both Arthur and Merlin were dripping wet from head to toe. They both reeked of dirty water and weeds, with bits of seriously-don't-want-to-knows stuck to their skin and clothes.
They were dirty and wet and Arthur did not look pleased.
Merlin, on the other hand, was balancing on a line of amusement and boredom. Sometimes he would be grinning to himself, and other times sighing with exasperation. Though not all was lost; the day was sunny and warm, so Merlin was glad he wouldn't be freezing to death as he and Arthur walked back to Camelot. They would still smell and the dirt caking in his clothes and hair would take a while to get out, but at least the would be dry and warm soon.
"Arrrrrthur?" Merlin tried again, his voice a little louder. He wasn't going to bother catching up with Arthur. Not with wet shoes. Merlin sighed for the umpteenth time, "Don't you think you're over-reacting just a little bit?"
That got Arthur's attention. Arthur stopped walking all of a sudden, turning sharply to Merlin – who had decided best to stop a few safe feet away – and glared at him through his shaggy wet hair, "I am not over-reacting, because there is nothing to react over!"
Merlin rolled his eyes as he ran a hand through his wet hair, pulling at the tangles. "See? You're doing it again. Over-reacting."
Arthur turned away again, stomping off even louder than he had been before while shouting something back at Merlin that would have made any decent mercenary blush.
But Merlin couldn't help but laugh as continued following behind, "Now Arthur," Merlin teased, "that's not very princely language-"
"I swear to God, Merlin, I will drag you across the forest floor by your stupid neckerchief if you do not shut up!"
Merlin ignored him. He rarely had the chance to tease Arthur - usually it would be the other way around. What was even better was that Merlin wasn't really as effected as Arthur was by what happened, so Arthur couldn't even turn the situation on him in revenge later. He was going to have his fun until Arthur took him up on his threat.
Merlin carried on in a sing-song voice while removing his neckerchief from around his neck (Not because of what Arthur had said... well, maybe a little) and began wringing the water from it between his hands. "And if Gwen knew, well…" He let himself trail off and couldn't help but grin when Arthur stopped walking at the mention of Gwen's name. But it faltered when Arthur turned to face him, taking a few very dangerous steps towards Merlin.
"Don't. you. dare." Arthur bit out, pointing a finger at Merlin as if meant to threaten him, "mention any of this to Guinevere. Or God help me Merlin, I will feed you to the dogs."
Merlin blinked once. Twice. "Okay," he said finally. Merlin tried to smother his grin and look serious but it was hard. Arthur looked like a cat who was angry with its owner for throwing it into a tub and was acting like girl who had had her maidenly virtue taken. But he could see Arthur was near enough ready to strangle Merlin so decided best to stop. "Not a word. Zilch. Nada." And he pretended to button his lips.
Arthur glared at Merlin for a few more seconds before sighing in frustration, turning without a word, looking as if he hadn't dried at all in the sun and was still as furious as ever. Merlin guessed the Prince's heavy wet clothes and chainmail were not the most comfortable attire for a walk and it was days like these he was glad of his thin clothes, as they dried much quicker.
For a while they walked in silence; one both strangely comfortable but awkward all the same. Though Merlin only felt awkward because Arthur was being awkward. Very awkward. Like a child nearly. An awkward, stubborn and prattish child.
It had been funny at first. Watching Arthur's expressions change from confusion to realisation to disbelief to utter disgust was quite possibly the funniest three seconds of Merlin's life. But now it was starting to become slightly more irritating. And boring.
So, in order to rid some of the boredom, Merlin decided to try and spark some conversation, "The weather's been really nice lately." Weather conversation. Perfect. "Gaius was saying the other day that the Comfrey plants would be in season soon…" he trailed off slightly, just remembering that Gaius did need to restock on some of his herbs.
In front of him, though not so far ahead of him anymore, Arthur laughed. Though not a humorous laugh; more sarcastic, insulting and big-headed, really. "Flowers, Merlin? Really, you are such a girl."
Merlin frowned at him slightly. Well, he frowned at the back of his head, because they were still walking, and Arthur will still pretending not to acknowledge him, but frown he did. He bit back his usual retort of calling him a prattish jackass – as well as an explanation that a Comfrey plant was a herb; though it did look like a flower. It was a herb… in disguise – and instead grinned, "Well, Arthur, I think all things considering-"
Merlin would have finished had Arthur not thrown something large and blunt at his head (a rock maybe?), just narrowly missing the top of his head. And while he had flinched slightly, Merlin couldn't help but sigh inwardly - as even when he was carrying the hunting gear (or what was left of it), Arthur was still the dangerous and threatening one.
Arthur was glaring at him now from where he stood, giving him a look that could kill an undead army (…if only), "Shut up, Merlin-"
"I didn't say anything." Merlin mock-protested, still grinning slightly.
"Just shut up!"
Both men stood facing each other. Arthur still glaring – to a point the warlock though a hole would burn through his skull – and Merlin still grinning. Though it was fading, slowly being replaced with mental exhaustion. While Merlin did enjoy their little banters, this one was becoming tiresome…
Finally, after another sigh, though this time in defeat, Merlin broke the silence;
"You do know, Arthur, that mouth-to-mouth resuscitation isn't really, well, anything? If I hadn't done it, you would have drowned?" He said it matter-of-factly, as if it couldn't be any more obvious. The fact they were both still wet (well, Arthur more-so) should have been enough to explain to the stubborn prince.
Arthur's glare only deepened, though he also look revolted, "Of course, I do. It was just disgusting." He looked away from the warlock, as if he couldn't even look at him anymore (which was both funny and offensive to Merlin).
Merlin suppressed a laugh, instead giving a fake and highly-exaggerated offended look, "I'm insulted."
Arthur didn't bother to look at him, "Good."
"I didn't think it was that bad."
"I would have rather drowned."
A pause. "You do know it was technically your fault?"
Now Arthur looked at him. Eyes wide and full of new anger, "What?"
The warlock shrugged his shoulders, "Well, if you hadn't fallen off the bridge-"
"I did no such thing!" Arthur interrupted, "It broke apart beneath my feet!"
Merlin rolled his eyes, "OK, fine, if you weren't so fat-"
"Merlin!"
"-the bridge wouldn't have broke, you wouldn't have fallen ten feet into the river – after knocking yourself unconscious on what was left of the bridge, mind you – meaning I wouldn't have had to jump in to save your sorry ass- "
"I should throw you in the stocks for this!" the Prince yelled, almost out of habit really. He was the prince. He should not be spoken to in such a way.
Merlin scoffed humourlessly, folding his arms across his chest, "For what? Saving your life?"
Silence.
"..."
"..."
Arthur suddenly found the trees very interesting to look at, casually clearing his throat in the process as he pushed some wet strands of hair from his eyes, "About that…" he began, slightly awkward, "um… thanks…"
After a brief moment of surprise, Merlin smiled, "… You're welcome" he said, genuinely happy with the appreciation, albeit a reluctant and awkward one, but still. "See? Was that so hard?"
Arthur turned away from him, "Shut up," he said finally before walking off, though not in the angry sulk he had before and this time Merlin managed to catch up. Still walking behind, but at normal distance - as master-servant-friends – rather than because a wide distance meant asafe distance.
And despite being drench, tired (and in Arthur's case, sparing a slightly painful lump on the back of his head) the walk back to Camelot was reasonably calm…
"I hope you know you are to never speak of this again, or I will-"
"Feed me to the dogs. I know, Arthur, I know."
Three days later, Gwaine found out what had happened from Merlin.
(Merlin swears it was an accident.)
Apparently Gwaine cannot keep a secret and thought appropriate to tease Arthur.
Both Merlin and Gwaine were thrown into the dungeons several hours later.
They were not to be let out until futher notice - or until Arthur felt like it.
Gwaine thought it was worth it.
The End
Thank you for reading. Any CC is highly welcomed and appreciated. :)
Justine Themis