Hi there everyone! I'm back...but not for long. I recently got a review for this story and she told me that it was a bit flat. Well seeing that its my aspiration to be a writer for a living and even though its fanfiction I figured I ought to do something to fix that little problem. So thank you very much La-Reina-Ahoui for pointing that certain aspect out. I owe you one! Hopefully I kept the tense in the correct oder. Also a special thanks to Alucard Van Hellsing for uploading these fics for me. For you see, my puter-san crashed the other day so I'm forced to write this on my step dad's compie and he doesn't have Microsoft Word therefore I can only write in my e-mail. But thankfully I have a good enough friend to upload this for me. Thanks Rou-kun!

Hope you all like this revised version much better than the last because I certainly do! Enjoy Alucard's twisted obsession with his love for Integra and please remember to review ! Constructive criticism is always welcomes of course, but could you please not mindless flame me? For they will be used to burn smelly gym socks. Happy night everyone!

-L!z

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own Hellsing. It belongs to Kohta Hirano...lucky bastard.

Prologue

Love...

...Ah, yes love...such a fickle thing if you stop to properly observe it. I remember love, quite fondly in actuality for a monster such as I. I remember the gentle strokes of soft hands on my body. Caressing, teasing, and holding such a loving warmth to them it was almost surreal. The delicate scent of skin that was so soft and so smooth to the touch. How it arched up towards me in craving of my spindly hands attention. The fragrance of delicately oiled hair was always lovely to bury my nose in as I nuzzled into them. Brushing my lips across a bare shoulders and holding such a well sculpted body had always been a treat.

But their bodies were not all that I treasured. I treasured the smiles countless women gave me. Relished in delight as they curled up next to me and demanded my attention. Craving me, wanting me, desiring me, and being happy to be with me. I remember the way it made my heart soar with utterly happiness as they laughed pleasantly with me. And the courting! It made the feelings of 'butterflies in my stomach' become like a chaotic vortex of giddiness that had me pacing around my castle in a quest to make them mine. To this day I even remember the punch-drunk feeling as I danced under the stars with my mate, my love.

Yes, love...such a beautiful concept...



...And such an ugly one as well.

As I recalled with much despair the feelings of complete and utter sadness as each and every one of them left me. At first -if memory serves me right- I remember the feelings of fury at their defiance. How dare they leave me?! Just who did these wenches think they were? But that fury soon subsided quickly into a complete state of depressive sadness. And soon over time developed into nothing more than outright bitterness. Though despite everything I cannot help but remember how each and everyone one of them left me.

Sometimes it was quietly in the night. With the shuffling of clothes being stuff quickly into a bag and a small note of parchment left next to me on my bedside table. Other times it merely ended up in a bit of a shouting match. A few -but rare- times I actually caught them lying with another (that one remains a personal favorite of mine.) Oh and let me not forget the countless arguments and strains I had with them just to end up with a slap to the face and a door slamming in the distance. So many endeavorer's, so many betrayals...sometimes women purely disgusted me. You could not win with them and yet you could not seem to live with them.

Recounting it now, I suppose in reality only a handful of women in my five hundred years have ever stood out in the crowd to me. Whilst all the others, their features did nothing more than blend in with the next one. And their personalities were all the same, nothing new, nothing fresh. And even with the few women who had stood out in my eyes it had ended up in nothing but mere disaster. I suppose, looking back on it now, that it was just not meant to be. Either that or God has a sense of humor.

After many years of searching for the right one, it hit me...women are ruthless, cruel, evil, destructive, and ultimately the downfall of men such as myself. No wonder why so many men committed themselves to the Church. It gave them an easy out, of course...that just had to be the reason. Because I knew for sure, I was better off without them altogether. But, being what I am; lust -of course- got the better of me. I shared the bed of countless women so many countless times. It gave me gratifying pleasure to know that it was I who stripped them away of their innocence. And the sensations of pure joy to take them each one by one. Though, it was nothing more than one night stands...nothing more and nothing less. For I had shared my bed but never my heart. For it had become far to delicate, like the tenderness of a flower skin.

But then she came along.

Sir Integra Fairbrooks Wingates Hellsing, head of the Hellsing Family and director of the Hellsing Organization. She is a woman of great power and confidence and a pillar of strength and intelligence. She was my master who used her wits and cunning on an hourly basis. With the ability to keep me in place whether by force of harsh words or a silver bullet was a gleeful prospect. For any contact with her...any form of 

acknowledgment made me want her all the more.

For you see, Integra was the women whom I had lusted for for many years now. To think of the feel of her body on mine made me giddy. To have her caress my hair and whisper sweet honeyed words in my ear made my eyes glaze over. To be able to touch her skin with freed hands and to loop my hands through my hair had been a reoccurring fantasy of mine. I wanted her to smile at me loving, to laugh happily with me. And in turn, I would give her the world. Anything she desired: lands, wealth, castles, servants...it didn't matter. It would all be hers if she so wished it. I would go so far as to give her my soul if she truly wanted it. And as I closed my eyes late in the day I would envision us together for all eternity. Dancing and frolicking under the stars. Just us - forever and for always.

But I knew it could never be. Who would ever want a monster such as I? But still, one can dream up such perverse make believe worlds. Can we not? Yes, yes we can. For dream I do. For who has the power to decide what we dream? Just who tells us what we may or may not do? Humans? Dogs? Society? God? Humph! God...now that's rich. And as I wander the mansion of that drab mansion alone in the night. Or sitting upon my throne alone with nothing more than a glass of fine blood-wine. Or even if its sitting out atop the roofs and gazing up at the beautiful moon I cannot help myself. I still dream of her...in my own make believe world.

Though sometimes I wish desperately that I could end those horrible dreams. Dreams of kissing her soft peach lips or twirling her hair through my fingers. And even perhaps simply nuzzling her shoulders or neck with my nose. Oh how I longed to catch her lips in mine with a passionate kiss. How I longed to pull her close to me and simply hold her and indulge in her bittersweet fragrance of lilac and cigar smoke mixed in with the destructive smell of gunpowder. I wanted to end them badly, to bore the images from my mind and be at peace. But the twisted insanity in me wished they would never end. That I would never wake up and stay in the dream world with her forever and for always. For I knew it was my only sanctuary from the true insanity that threatened to overwhelm me daily. And what's more, it was as close as I was going to get to her. To that lovely and absolutely gorgeous specimen of a woman.