If They Had Computers . . .
By: Twist
A/n: Completely bizarre. Don't read it if you don't want to be disturbed. This was an incredibly oddball idea that struck me while I was typing "Lord Vetinari, Meet George Dubya" and annoyed me so much I just had to save and type this up. Praise, flame, review even, but at least read it if you've bothered this much.
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DRUMKNOTT:
Vetinari: Do you have that report I asked for?
Drumknott: I'm, er, looking for it sir. *shifts uncomfortably*
Vetinari: You aren't, are you?
Drumknott: No, sir.
Vetinari: What is it, then?
Drumknott: Um, well, it's the hamsterdance, sir. *turns monitor around and looks guilty*
IGOR:
*While the computer is booting up*
Igor: It's alive! It's alive! My creation lives!
Scraps: Woof?
(Sorry, that was stupid.)
VIMES:
Vimes: Carrot, why are all of these words underlined in that red line? Makes the bloody thing impossible to read.
Carrot: That would be the spell check, sir. It shows those words are spelled wrong.
Vimes: They were never wrong before.
(See: Guards! Guards! Personally, I was shocked by our hero's spelling. But that's just me.J )
LADY SYBIL:
Sybil: All it takes to operate it is a firm look at the screen and a good smack with a newspaper when it's bad.
LORD DOWNEY/ASSASSIN OF YOUR CHOICE:
Downey/AoYC: *points crossbow at the tower* No more errors. And it's just a small fee.
Yes, you too can employ the services of the Ankh-Morpork computer troubleshooters.
DEATH:
Death: IT CANNOT READ MY SYMBOLS OR RUNES. AND THE DAMN SCANNER'S BROKEN AGAIN.
LORD VETINARI:
His Lordship: What is this 'Sim City?'
*three hours later*
Vetinari: Must lower taxes . . . Earthquake prevention ordinance . . . Why does East Point keep trying to sell me water? I've said 'no' about seven hundred times! Godsdammit, Drumknott, what is it now? Taxes are down to 2% and I just had a tornado! The stress!
Drumknott: And I though I was bad with the hamsterdance . . .
THE GODS:
Io: Here is a game called 'The Sims,' created for mortals by mortals. I think we must investigate, hmm?
Offler: The boxth thayth that you can control their liveth . . .
The Lady: And it's right, too. This is better than our board game!
Urika: Perhaps someone can adapt it to our holy needs? So we can use real people?
Topaxi: May it be so!
DIBBLER:
Dibbler: Now, when I put the numbers into the spreadsheet I can find that – oh – sales have been down 15% this month but I'm planning to aim at the juvenile market so that should make the business skyrocket!
THE TIMES:
Goodmountian: See, William? All you have to do is plug the cord in and press that little button there. That way we can actually read what you've written and typographical errors will be reduced by an estimated 20%. The truth shall no longer make ye Fred. It's a new and nearly magical way of writing.
William: *in awe* This is printing, isn't it? . . .
End, for now.
A/n: Oh, the stupidity! Anyway, if you for any reason at all think this is good and have a suggestion to make, please do so. If you don't like it, tell me so nicely. I'll take it down if I get ten requests for it. Or I'll update. *evil grin* Please tell me how you feel about it though.
Disclaimer: Characters belong to pTerry. Some quotes belong to pTerry. Games belong to Maxis, spreadsheets belong to Microsoft Excel, and the hamsterdance belongs to the hamsters.