How the Doctor Tried to Make Christmas
The whole crew of the Starship liked Christmas a lot
But Spock, the Vulcan science officer did not!
Spock was not fond of Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
For it did not abide by his logic and reason!
He did not see the point of the old celebration
It distracted the crew from their space exploration
But I think the most obvious reason of all
Was that his green-blooded heart was two sizes too small.
But, whatever the reason, his heart or his science,
The Doctor was tired of Spock's noncompliance,
Staring out from Sicbay into the corridor
He stood and pondered, and began to consider
Spock needed some spirit, he needed some joy!
And he'd get it, all thanks to Dr. McCoy!
He had an idea! An awful idea!
McCoy got a wonderful, awful idea!
"I know just what to do!" McCoy laughed in his throat.
"I'll make a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat."
And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a wonderful trick!
With this coat and this hat, Spock will think I'm Saint Nick!"
"All I need is a reindeer." The man looked around.
But the best he could find was a Denebian hound.
Then he put on his coat and his Santy Claus features
He replicated a sleigh and he called to the creature
He hooked on the reigns and the sleigh started toward
the part of the ship where many things were stored.
McCoy gathered up gifts, and a Christmas tree, too
And decorations colored red, green and blue.
Then he hopped in a turbolift straight to Deck 5
Nobody noticed him when he arrived.
Into the room the good doctor peeped.
To make sure the Vulcan was really asleep
Then he slipped through the door, and made sure it was locked
The last thing he wanted to do was get caught.
"These star charts," he said, "are the first things I'll take!"
In their place the Doctor left a fig pudding cake!
Then McCoy crept about with his alien dog,
Taking all of the instruments, sensors and logs!
He replaced them with pop guns, pampoogas, and drums!
Checkerboards, bizilbigs, popcorn, and plums!
Then in the replicator he programmed a feast!
Complete with some pudding and lots of roast beast!
"Now," grinned the doctor, "my task is complete!
I'll go tell Captain Kirk of my marvelous feat!"
He was still on the bridge, to the doctors delight
So McCoy went to tell him what happened that night.
"Why, Doctor, why? Asked the bewildered Kirk
"Why did you think that this scheme would work?"
Then Dr McCoy said "We'll just have wait.
If it doesn't work, it will at least irritate."
It was 600 hrs. The crew wasn't yet up.
But soon Spock would see what McCoy had set up.
"Soon, soon!" the doctor said, evilly humming.
"That hobgoblin will find out that Christmas is coming!
He's just waking up! I know just what he'll do!
His mouth will hang open a second or two!
An possibly then the Vulcan would cheer!
That's a noise," McCoy said, "that I simply must hear!"
He paused, and he stood with the door to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low, then it started to grow.
But- wait just one second-
this sound wasn't glad!
The utter lack of reaction was sad.
Spock did not seem surprised by the strange decorating
He just raised an eyebrow and said "Fascinating
It appears that somebody came in and took
All my tricorders, instruments, sensors and books."
He thought and he puzzled, he tried and he tried
But Dr. McCoy couldn't figure out why.
He had all the food and the Christmassy stuff.
Maybe the presents just weren't enough.
Maybe Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from ship's store.
Maybe Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more!
Christmas is something no Vulcan can know,
It's not represented by presents or bows.
Christmas is something in our hearts
But it cannot be scanned or found on charts.
Christmas Day will always be
After all it survived twenty-three centuries
Welcome Christmas while we stand
Heart to heart and hand in hand.