Words by: Shakira
Music by: Shakira and Lester Mendez
Fic by: Anji and Emmy
[You have to swear
You've got love to love me
aah aah
That will last forever
aah aah
We must have a story
Aah aah
With a happy ending
So don't ever go away
And never put aside
The things I'm gonna say
Cause these are the rules for us]
The room was cold. Oddly cold. It was really cold that night. Saitou had gone on a mission to do some investigation shit in Kobe. Yeah... that would be why it was so cold. It was only around seven, and there was a long night ahead. Was I pathetic? I never thought I was that dependent on him, but this one night really had shown me how foolish I was when it came to that man. I stood up from the seat I had taken in the dining room, and limped over to the bedroom, quickly collapsing onto our futon.
I pulled the crisp blanket over me and exhaled. My body hurt from a fight I had picked when I was a little more than stone drunk. That might not have been the best thing to do, really.
Rolling over to my back, I heard a light knocking on the door, which I ignored for a few minutes. Saitou had warned me that when he was gone, never to answer the door. Damn, he was too fucking paranoid. I stood up for the sole reason of his paranoia pissing me off.
I walked to the door and saw an older man handing me a note. I cocked my head and took the piece of paper that was addressed to Sanosuke Sagara. I thanked the man and locked the front door once again, hopping back onto the futon with a thud.
I tore the envelope open and read:
'Sano, didn't I tell you not to open the door? I guess it doesn't really matter. Matters in Kobe may take a little longer than expected and I didn't leave enough food there, so take some money in the upper drawer of the cabinet in the bedroom, but make sure to use that money for food only. No gambling or drinking. Food.
-Saitou'
I glared at the note and felt my heart fall. Sure, I wasn't expecting more than an invoice when I got the note, but I had gotten a bit excited when I recognized Saitou's penmanship. Then all it was telling me was that our time apart had been extended. I growled to myself and stood up, pulling my jacket on and walking out. At least the Akabeko would hold a little more comfort. I heard that Kenshin and the Missy were heading that ways anyway.
-------------------------
Kenshin blinked a few times when I walked up to their table and took a seat.
"Sano, I thought you said that you weren't coming tonight, that I did."
"Yeah, when we offered you just gave us a smart-ass no, Sanosuke!" Kaoru growled and Kenshin patted her shoulder, trying to get the raccoon to calm down.
"Change of plans," I muttered. I didn't really want to socialize-- that is with anyone but Jime. Like that was going to happen any time soon. This was driving me insane, this being alone. I needed someone. Anyone to concentrate only on me. Kenshin and Kaoru didn't count, they had each other; no time for me. Saitou...
[Use your eyes
Only to look at me
Use your mouth
Only to kiss my lips
We are branches of the same old tree]
Dinner didn't help. Nothing could help me fight the knowledge that I was going to be alone for a very, very, very long time. It would seem like eternity.
All this time was giving way to upsetting thoughts. What if he met someone else in Kobe? What if he never came back? How could I live without him? Separation had proved to me that I needed him. If a week was such torture, a life time... well, let's just call it unbearable. Maybe I needed to close my heart up. Being tied to someone is a weakness. There was no room for weakness in my life-- damn, I was starting to sound like Jime. But still, I had to find a way to detach myself, even if it was only by--
My thoughts were interrupted by a soft knock on the door. Jime...? No, Kenshin. What did Kenshin want?
"Sano," he said, letting himself in as I opened the door. "I--I was worried about you. You were acting strange at dinner, and you left so abruptly. I was just wondering if you were doing okay."
I couldn't tell him about Jime. It was bad enough knowing about the dependency myself, but to have Kenshin know was worse. I couldn't let anyone see me like this. Not even Kenshin, as much as I trusted him.
[You can laugh
Only if you laugh with me
You can cry
Only if you cry for me
Don't forget that you're condemned to me]
"It's not that important..." I slapped on a smile and tried my very best to fool him. But then again this was the Battousai, whose sword skill relied on reading other's emotions...
"Sano, I'm worried about you," He stated, placing a hand against mine that was set on the floor. I felt a blush rise to my cheeks as I looked back up to him, from the contact. "Please tell me." He begged silently as I shook my head.
"I told ya, I don't really wanna tell anyone. Just know that it has nothing to do with you and it's something that I may be stuck with for a little while..." I trailed off and shook my head flippantly.
"Can I help?" He asked hopefully, taking my hand into his and giving a reassuring squeeze. It felt nice, and Kenshin was always there for me...
No! I couldn't be thinking of Kenshin like this! I missed Jime. I loved Jime, and we both knew that. I was worried about him meeting someone in Kobe, but wasn't he worried about me meeting someone in Tokyo? This was wrong... but wasn't that what I was asking for?
I gulped and turned back to Kenshin who was cradling my hand to his chest. I tried my very hardest to think of some way to reassure him besides concentrating on the warmth of his touch. Damn, for someone that had practiced swordsmanship all of his life his hands were pretty damned soft... not like Jime's. Jime's were rough with the callouses. I had seen that when we first meet... before he decided to shove a sword through my shoulder. Yeah, what a nice lover...
"I don't know Kenshin... honestly..."
"Just let me help, can you do that?"
I gulped. Hard. I could tell what that look on his eyes was, and I didn't know if I shoulder give in or resist. He didn't know about Jime and I... he didn't know anything. He was just following his heart. And I was about to break it. I guess because I didn't respond, he took that as a yes and leaned up to me, covering my lips with his.
He drew back after a moment and looked at me with those soulful violet eyes, waiting for an answer. I sat there, immobile.
"Sano?" He asked softly, and I closed my eyes, closing the space between our lips on a hunch.
[Oh can't you see
You always were
You'll always be]
Idiot! Idiot, stop it right now! What do you think you're doing? How can you be doing this, stop being stupid! Pull away! My mind and conscience furiously told me. But I didn't. I kept kissing him, I kept digging my grave deeper; I kept destroying everything I had worked for with Jime.
Betrayal. How could I betray him like that? I was worrying about him meeting someone else while I myself was "meeting someone else" if you wanted to put it like that. But hadn't Jime betrayed me? He was off working without any regard for how I was doing, and in his only letter to me there was nothing but criticism. Nothing about missing me. Nothing about loving me. But wasn't that to be expected from Saitou? Kenshin, on the other hand, was kind, and caring, and emotional.
I slapped myself internally. Stop making excuses! Stop kissing him! Just STOP!
But I couldn't stop. Kenshin was exactly what I needed right now. Comfort. Warmth. Love. Why couldn't I get my mind of Saitou? Why couldn't I stop feeling like I was using Kenshin as a replacement for Jime? Because I was. I was using Kenshin and it was wrong. As much as his heart would be broken be rejection, it would be worse when Saitou came home and he was left behind.
My lips were still on him, but abruptly I pulled away. "Kenshin," I whispered, "I-- I'm involved with someone."
My heart must have broken as much as his when I saw the look he gave me. A mixture of intense sorrow, disbelief, and, though very slightly, anger. Without a word, he stood up and started walking to the door.
Shit! I had to do something, I couldn't just let him walk away and our relationship be ruined. I grabbed his arm. "Don't go, Kenshin! I just..."
[You used to say
I should see a doctor
Aah aah
Who would keep me busy
Aah aah]
He spun around, looking at the floor, and not me. "Sano... if you're really involved with someone you shouldn't be unfaithful. If I knew you were then I never would have..." His words were choked and I shook my head.
"Kenshin... I'm sorry. All I know is that you're my best friend and I didn't want to loose you when you found out... What I do know is that... I want you now and it's up to you to do what you want to do..." I trailed off, but didn't loosen my grip on his wrist. Yeah... this is what I wanted, but I didn't want to hurt him. If he knew what was going on then it was up to him about what he wanted to do. It was fully up to him.
When my grip didn't slacken, his eyes met mine with a fire. "Sano... who is it?"
My mouth went dry... how could I tell him? I was involved with his worst enemy... How could anyone deal with that? But then again, if he knew who it was, and now that I had told him that I was with someone, I had to let it all go and tell him.
"It's Saitou."
His eyes widened significantly and it was then that instead of kissing me or leaving, he embraced me. "Sano... how could you stand that cold bastard?!" I rubbed circles along his back with a smile on my face.
"... Some times I wonder..."
He pulled away and kissed my lips tenderly. His hands wrapped around my neck as I walked back into the house, shutting the door tightly. "Sano... I can't believe that you would just devote yourself to someone like him..." Kenshin commented as I laid down on my futon, redhead on top of me.
"I'm not exactly doing that right now." I corrected him, loosing the knot at his hakama sash. Kenshin chuckled into my chest. I finally got the knot undone and loosened the tucked in kimono, slowly slipping it down his shoulders, leaving him bare from the waist up. He pulled my jacket off and kissed down my chest, giving special attention to that scar that Saitou had given me. It must have been his way of trying to make up for what Jime did.
"Sano, I'd never hurt you like that, you know."
"Heh, I dunno, you've given me a coupla good beatings!"
"But I'm going to make up for it tonight, OK?" He grinned and lapped his tongue around the wound for a moment. I leaned my head back as he worked his way over the sensitive flesh, moaning and rocking my body. Simultaneously running his skilled hand over the bulge in my loose silk pants.
"Kenshin... I want you..." I moaned and leaned up to kiss the redhead's forehead as he nuzzled his face in the crook of neck. I could feel his breath trickling like hot spring water onto my neck.
"I know, Sano." He mumbled and came back up to kiss my lips. "I want you too..."
"Please Kenshin... Take me..."
[Cause a jealous woman
Never makes it easy]
The mission had been canceled due to unforeseeable luck, and Hajime Saitou was walking the dark streets home. He had told the young rooster head that it would be a while, but in the end it had only been two days. When he finally arrived home, the first thing he noticed that there were no shoes on the inside end of the door, and he couldn't sense another's presence throughout the entire house.
"So the ahou's not here?" He thought out loud and then sighed. The young gangster must have gone back to that rat infested shack of a home at the Ruffian Row Houses. He was too tired to retrieve the boy now, but he was going to head there tomorrow and let the boy know that he had returned home early.
[Ahh, Ahh
And you know I'll do for us
Whatever seems right
But it may take awhile
Before I change the rules]
The bed was warm. Oddly warm. Jime wasn't there. The bed wasn't supposed to be warm. Why was it so warm? Because Kenshin was there. Kenshin. Lying next to me. Without clothes.
A distant noise broke me away from my melancholy mood. What had happened the previous night? That was obvious. But what was going to happen was the more elusive question. What would Jime say when he told him? Was I going to tell him?
Kenshin stirred. More noises outside. The sound of footsteps. Footsteps at the door. Someone was there. Maybe they would just go away.
Whoever was out there was knocking now. Just go away. They didn't go away. I stood up from the bed and quickly threw one of my garments that had been tossed on the floor last night on. Whoever was knocking was persistent; they continued even though I took quite a while in making sure everything was covered.
I was in a slightly pissed of mood that I finally opened the door. Not so much that the person would see the bed, just enough so that I could see the person, who happened to be Jime.
JIME?!?! Why was Jime there? Why now? Why was he hours too late? Why...?
[Use your eyes
Only to look at me
Use your mouth
Only to kiss my lips
We are branches of the same old tree]
"Jime..." I breathed silently, my jaw open and my eyes wide.
"I can see that you're not alone, ahou." His voice was cold and collected, eyes flashing gold.
"I- I..." I couldn't make words, my mouth being useless.
"You weren't supposed to be here until--" I couldn't finish, but he cut me off anyway, helping me out a little bit.
"The mission was completed ahead of schedule due to the fact that we found the groups common ground. The arrests were made and the mission drew to a close. But I can see that you were busy in that time."
"Jime, I'm sorry..." I tried as Saitou glared back. "It's not like I... It's just that..."
"Well?"
"Saitou. Sanosuke doesn't need to answer to you, he doesn't owe you anything." A new voice perked up, arms circling from behind my waist, and sunset red hair dripping down his shoulders as he peered from behind my back, eyes tinged gold.
"Battousai, I'm afraid that he does." Saitou voice was calm as he pulled out a cigarette smoothly. I cursed to myself, wishing that Kenshin would just let go of me. "I will talk to you about this when you're more decent, Sanosuke." Saitou stated and walked the other way smoothly.
"Wait, Jime! Stop!"
"Let him go, Sano." Kenshin's sultry voice stated, pouring into my ear.
"Come back to the house tonight. I'll be waiting there." And with that, he disappeared.
[You can laugh
Only if you laugh with me
You can cry
Only if you cry for me
Don't forget that you're condemned to me]
It had been stupid. For one moment of passion I had ruined everything with Jime. Everything. It was all gone. Kenshin stood there with his arms around me for a moment, before drawing me back in to the room.
"Come back in. It's getting cold."
I just stood there watching Saitou's retreating back. Kenshin tugged. I stood.
"Sano... it's okay. You don't need to worry about what he's going to do to you. I know his temper's not that small, but he won't hurt you. Just don't go tonight."
I turned to face him. "Kenshin, you should... you should probably leave now. I--" I paused, "I don't know what happened last night, but what ever it was... it shouldn't have happened."
I felt a stab of pain at the tragic look he gave me. It would have been better if he had yelled, but the look of hurt on his face... it was too much.
He dressed and then walked out the door. I was all alone. Again.
----------------
I didn't do anything that morning. I didn't eat or drink, I didn't talk to anyone. I just sat and thought. By mid-day I had thought enough that I had formed a conclusion in my mind. I knew what I had to do. There was nothing else.
I sighed, looking around my surrounding for something to do about it. I didn't have a sword, and a fist through my chest would be a little bit more trouble than what it was worth. I stood up and walked for my door. I knew just where I could go. Some place that I would be welcome, and I would take as a welcome relief. However, before I could leave, a figure crowed my doorway and watched me with amber eyes.
I nearly choked as he watched me.
I knew that he might get pissed, but I didn't think that he would come after me.
We waited for minutes, sizing each other up with our gazes. He really was going to kill me, but I deserved it.
He leaned in and I closed my eyes, waiting for the pain that promised to follow.
But for some fucked up reason it never came, and his arms wrapped around me in a tight embrace.
I was frozen to the spot as he held me, and I began to melt myself. But I didn't deserve to melt, it was my fault, he was supposed to hate me... why did this feel so good?
"I'm sorry, Jime..." I said, my statement slightly muffled from the wool of his police uniform against my mouth.
"I know, ahou."
"You're not gonna kill me?"
"I toyed with the idea." He flippantly remarked.
"So what ARE you going to do?"
There was a pause.
"I haven't figured that out yet."
Silence.
"What are you doing here, Jime?"
"I had to see you."
I smiled. But I really had no goddamned right to.
"Sanosuke, I can forgive, I love you."
And there those words came. I was so shocked, I couldn't believe it... but for me, there was only him. I loved him too, and he knew it.
"Now all I have to do is teach you not to do that again, wouldn't you say, ahou?"
I smiled and nodded. And I guess.... from him there was only me.
[Oh can't you see
You always were
You'll always be]
-----------------
OWARI