Video Game Village 2: Hijinks & All That Jazz

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters used in this fic other than Clyde, the hobo agent.

Chapter One

Welcome Back To Video Game Village

It's been two years since the incident that nearly drove me to insanity. Since then, so many people have arrived that we've needed to remodel the entire place, making it more of an urban hell instead of a rural one. Welcome back to Video Game Village…

(Two paddles and a ball appear on a black screen. The ball goes past a paddle and that camera pans out, showing Greedy and Warhead playing Pong.)

"Goddamn it!" Warhead begins laughing evilly. "Now I am the Pong champion of the world!" Greedy shakes his head and walks off. "Come on. Let's start the meeting." Within minutes, the entirety of the bad side of town had reassembled in the their newly-built Grand-Hall-Of-Doing-All-Things-Not-Good.

Warhead, who stood a tiny podium, banged a small gavel. When no one quiet down, he threw the gavel at Greedy, who fell over. "Finally, now, Death Adder, if you will…" Death Adder from Golden Axe walked up and pulled out a sheet of paper as Warhead sat down. "To…to…to…di…todi…"

Warhead grew increasingly inpatient until… "Today, asshole!" Death Adder stomped his foot in a very gay manner. "Dammit, you know I can't read." Warhead walked up and looked Death Adder in the face. "The word, dumbass. The word is today."

Death Adder started, then started over. "Today… W…w…wi…" Warhead screamed then began strangling Death Adder. All of the other bosses took five minutes to pry Warhead off of him. "Okay, fine!" Warhead stomped up to the podium and waited for everyone to quiet down. "Today, we gather here to discuss a very important issue: the good guys aren't dead yet!" Everyone in the hall gasped melodramatically.

"Any ideas?" Warhead suddenly looked down, picked something up, and put a Lego version of Darth Vader onto the podium. "Well?" Darth Vader then began making a bunch of hand motions while mumbling. "Care to repeat that… IN ENGLISH!!!"

Warhead screamed so loud that Darth Vader fell apart. His torso picked itself up and slowly reassembled into a full body. "Anyone else?" Jetpacks were heard as four barbers wearing jetpacks slowly drifted down. "What?" The barbers cleared their throats."

"We…"

"Have…"

"An…"

"Idea…"

"So do I. Stop singing."

"There is a new guy in tooooown. And we should take him dooooown."

"Who is this new guy?"

"He calls himseeeeeeeeeeeeeeelf…. Master Chief."

Everyone, even Warhead, gasped. "My God…" Warhead shook his head slowly. "I know. We're pretty fucked." Dr. Nefarious jumped to his feet. "What do you mean?" Everyone turned to him as Warhead stomped up. He looked down at him, then smacked him across the face. "Let me put it this way. He makes Mario look mortal. In other words, in video games, he is God." Nefarious thought about this. "Isn't Mario already mortal."

(The camera changes to a view outside of the Grand-Hall-Of-Doing-All-Things-Not-Good. A loud scream is heard, then clattering followed by frenzied yells. The camera changes again to the inside of a mansion. The doorbell is rung and Rouge walks up.)

"Sonic. Shadow. You're favorite lovechild is here."

"He's not our lovechild, Rouge. He lives 200 years in the future."

"Spare me."

"What do you want, Silver?"

"Well, to say hi. And to come in."

"Yes to the first. No to the second."

"Why not?"

"I'm in the middle of something."

"What?"

Shadow ran down the stairs and aimed a bizarre-looking gun at Sonic. "There you are! Haha! My latest invention, The Rotten Egg Bazooka, has a range of fifteen feet, but the explosion wipes out three square miles!" Sonic gasped. "Egads! I can't stand up against that. Actually, I can."

Sonic pulled out another bizarre-looking gun. "Behold, the Acidic Squirt Gun. Mach Two!!" Shadow gasped. "This calls for a temporary retreat!" Shadow ran up the stairs as Sonic took chase. Rouge sighed and quickly dialed someone. "Yes, Suicide Hotline? Yeah, they're at it again. No, I haven't attempted suicide since…"

Rouge lowered the phone. "Knuckles, when was the last time they did this?" Silver sweatdropped and slowly backed away from the door. As he walked off, he noticed a hole in the wall of the second floor. With every passing second, more of the wall was melted away. Sliver shook his head and walked off.

Meanwhile, Cool Spot and Pac-Man walked through the woods and reached the main gate of Video Game Village. "Well, that was fun." Pac-Man shrugged. "I guess. Though I really don't like World 2." Spot turned to him. "Why not?" Pac-Man shuddered. "Too much cheap, retarded, and just downright not fair crap."

Tifa then ran by in a frenzy. "Cake! Cake! Where the fuck's the cake?!" Spot and Pac-Man looked to the right to see a cake of a large size, just big enough to not be seen. Spot cleared his throat and Tifa spun and smiled. "Ah! Cake!" She picked up the enormous cake and began running away with it.

Spot raised an eyebrow and lowered his sunglasses slightly. "What's up?" Sonic quickly ran up. "Rouge was on the phone with Suicide Hotline (don't know why) and she got another call. The new guy's coming!" Pac-Man shrugged. "So?" Everyone stopped what they were doing as Sonic walked over and smacked Pac-Man. "It's Master Chief!"

A second passed by before it sunk in. "Why are we just standing here?! Run!!" The two quickly join the panicked rush as Master Chief, both Captain Keyes, and that one black guy walked up. "The fuck's going on here?" Trees were on fire, frosting was everywhere, Tifa was holding up the top part of a giant cake, which was falling off, and Billy Hatcher launched himself out of a cannon.

Master Chief cleared his throat and everyone froze. He waved as Tifa waved back, causing the top of the cake to fall onto her. Master Chief walked over and pulled out a bag of something and shoved it into the cake. He then walked up to Solid Snake, whispered in his ear, and was handed a box of something as it appeared out of nowhere. He shoved that into the cake, picked it up, and began walking away with it. "The hell?"

Everyone followed him as he crossed into the bad side of town, put down the cake, walked away, and rang a bell. Elsewhere, things were just calming down in the Grand-Hall-Of-Doing-All-Things-Not-Good when about twelve people heard a bell. "I hear cake!"

Everyone followed the twelve as they flew through the air and landed by the cake. "It's so big!" Warhead looked around it, saw Master Chief wave, then watched as he pushed a button. The grenades and C4 in the cake exploded, sending frosting everywhere. "Running Riot!"

Sonic started, then began looking around for the source of the voice. Master Chief tossed the detonator aside and walked back to the group. "That was good cake. Now, I require hospitality." Everyone, who was covered in frosting, all pointed to a mansion that was not-to-far away. "Excellent." He went to walk off, but paused briefly. "It's got cable, right?" Tifa nodded. "Excellent. Er."

Next time: Everyone gets a bad case of 'Finish Him!'.