Landslide.

For Emma and Olga who gave us Frenny, who may never read this, but whom it is dedicated to nonetheless.

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Frieda Petrenko sat enveloped in darkness; her overalled knees pulled up to her chest as she sobbed and her trembling hands resting underneath her now shivering body. Tears cascaded down the olive cheeks still caked in the blood and dust that permeated the atmosphere of the hellish wreck that once again lay before her, leaving clear salty trails that glistened under the lights being used by the emergency workers clearing the tracks of the debris that had earlier that day cruelly come to extinguish and tear apart so many lives.

Her shoulders shook as she cried, as she watched the fire crews removing the twisted metal that had once made up the trains carriages; the piece which lay before her part of the very carriage under which Penny had died...a beautiful redhead who only that morning had been so vivacious and full of life...a redhead who had meant more to Frieda than she had ever been able to express out loud. She had died alone, and probably terrified at the very spot that lay before her, and ever since Frieda had seen Michaels face when he had taken the phone call just an hour or so before she had begun to berate herself for not looking for Penny sooner...for letting her die in a horrific way so tremendously and completely devoid of the comfort that would have been there should two of her closest friends have realised that her precious life was slowly drawing to its close.

As soon as the American and Malick had taken Ollie away to give him the news of his sister's death Frieda's legs had given way from underneath her and she had dropped to the floor in a display of physical and emotional agony. It was as if her heart was at that moment actually breaking in her chest, for it was then that she realised that the woman she loved had really been so cruelly stolen away. She remembered hearing a noise at that moment, a primal scream that had stopped everyone else in the hospitals corridors completely in their tracks, some looking at her, some looking at the floor, Marie-Claire attempting to walk over to her but freezing as the reality intertwined with the sight in front of her completely overwhelmed her too. It was then that Frieda realised that noise was emanating from her...It was coming from her lips. It was the death knell of the beauty now lying in the morgue, the first person at Holby who had ever tried and succeeded to really befriend her...the first person in her life whom she had ever truly loved.

When she had seen the look on Marie-Claire's face...the tears...the sympathy and the complete anguish for her fallen colleague and indeed for the woman in front of her, that had been the moment when Frieda had ran, her face and her overalls still covered in the remnants of other people's pain and of the days immense sorrow. She knew that people's eyes were following her as she dramatically made her way through the hospital shedding uncharacteristic tears but she didn't care. All she knew was she needed to get out of there, she needed to be as far away from the place as possible...she needed to be here, at the spot where Penny had been lost to her so that she could say her piece...so that she could say how sorry she was that she hadn't been there with her like she should have been at the end because nobody...nobody should have to die alone.

From the moment that she had arrived at the crash site and had once again begun to make her way down to the tracks, numerous members of the police and fire services had taken it upon themselves to try and stop her. She remembered their words of thanks for her work earlier that day and had heard their many warnings in regards to her safety, but as hard as they tried to keep her away from the very place that her beloved had met her maker she had argued and fought and against them, even when they had tried so hard to hold her back, even when one police officer had carried her to his car and sat her in the back seat in her increasingly tearful state in an attempt to calm her down.

"Penny Valentine died here today." She had whispered, looking down at the single white lily that she clasped in her trembling hands. "A beautiful and brave Doctor died in the very spot I was trying to go to while she was here saving a life. She die alone." She told the anonymous Officer. "She die alone when I was just metres away from her. The woman who love her but never tell her so. I wish her a painful death just weeks ago and not mean it...but she die one and I was here...right here but not where I should have been. I was not with her. We didn't even know till we back at hospital. How could we not notice that she gone?" She had whispered looking at the ground. "Please just let me sit near where she...I will not go near wreckage. I need to say sorry. I really need to say goodbye." She pleaded as her voice broke with emotion.

The policemen had gently helped her up out of the car and led her to one of the fire fighters. She didn't even hear their conversation as she was so numb and so filled with an all consuming grief. All that she could register were the looks on their faces, the tortured expressions and their concern for the young Ukrainian Doctor who was barely able to stand at their sides. The next thing she knew was that she was being helped into a sitting position upon a grass verge near where Penny had passed away; a young policewoman barely older than her sitting a few metres away from her, making sure that she was safe.

"You had to make dramatic exit didn't you Valentine?" Frieda had whispered through her tears as she gently placed the lily on the grass in front of her. "It such a you thing to do, to go out with bang...to go out a hero." She had said softly, watching the large shards of metal being pulled away from the tracks. "Everyone will be talking about your bravery...how you save that person life before you lose your own. I however...I shall just miss you." Frieda admitted to no-one, her words floating out on the breeze.

"I so sorry that you...that you die here all alone Penny." Frieda admitted as the tears began to fall even harder. "I sorry that the American and I...we should have been with you. We should have told you to come out...one of us should have been in there instead because you...you so much more promising than either of us will ever be." She remarked angrily, thumping the ground with clenched fists. "But then you always were stubborn and make stupid decisions. I should know, I tell you enough." She commented with a small smile, remembering some of their characteristic banter. "I just wish...I wish that you hadn't made one that cost me you." She added softly, wiping her wet cheeks with the back of her hands.

"You were my first friend here Valentine you know that?" Frieda said softly, as she looked at the petals of the white flower which were now sparkling with teardrops. "The first person who ever took time to get to know me regardless of me being major pain in your ass. The night at the bar when I bought you drink, when we had been working with John Doe was the night that I realise I love you even after everything we been through, even after how much we try to hurt each other in the beginning. I just wish...I wish I said it to your face...that we had time together...that I could hear if you were able to say it back...because I was always yours and now...now I no-ones."

Frieda placed her head in her hands, brushing stray pieces of unruly hair away from her eyes as she did so.

"I already miss you so, so much Valentine. I miss you while you away from hospital but this...this so much worse. I am so, sorry Penny...so sorry that you were alone and scared when you leave us. Please never think you meant nothing to us because we left here without you...please know that my heart is broken because we did that and now you never coming back."

As Frieda's body convulsed with grief she barely registered the sound of soft footfalls behind her nor the gentle hand that began to rub comforting circles on her back. It was only when she heard his soft American tone whispering words of comfort to her that she realised Michael Spence was now sitting there with her, and when she looked up into his eyes she saw her grief mirrored in his own.

"I love her. I love her and she gone." Frieda admitted for the first time to another person, expecting shock to appear on his face but instead seeing sympathy and knowing registering in his eyes.

"I know you did. She loved you too." He told her gently as he stared out at the wreckage, tears burning behind his brown eyes. "I left the hospital just after you did you know, I just couldn't...I saw her in the morgue and had to get out of there. Her body may be at the hospital, but here...here is where it seems right to say goodbye."

Frieda nodded in understanding.

"She was yours for a long time you know? Long before the day when you and that brother of hers convinced her that I had asked her out on a date. On some level I guess I was asking that because Valentine...she was an amazing woman, although I think a lot of us realised it a little bit too late. I cared about her a lot...a lot more than I could ever admit to her...a lot more than I should be admitting to you...but still I knew it was futile because you were the only one she had eyes for. No-one else at that hospital even came close." He admitted quietly, looking down at the overalls he was wearing, which like Frieda's were still covered in flecks of blood.

"I wish I had told her so many thing you know American? And that if what you say is true, she had told me how she felt." Frieda remarked as she played with a blade of grass. "Because if I known that she loved me back I never would have let her come here. I would have protect her to make sure we have tomorrow because I do not like to think of her dying alone. "

Michael shook his head.

"Me neither Sputnik. Me neither." He soothed, placing a white rose that he had brought with him down next to Frieda's lily.

Frieda smiled at the gesture.

"You know when I got here they wouldn't let me come to this spot. Said they'd already had a Doctor kicking off because she needed to say goodbye...someone who wouldn't take no for an answer who put up a hell of a fight. You have balls Petrenko you know that? More than I do, more than even Malick. You fought to be down here to say goodbye to the woman you loved. They only let me down here because I said I wanted to make sure you were all right."

"Even though you love her too?"

Michael blushed but nodded regardless.

"I just...I couldn't do morgue. Usually it fine, it not bother me, but today..."

"Today someone we care about is lying lifeless in there, someone who we were just metres away from when she...who we didn't even notice wasn't with us until we got back to the damn hospital." Michael replied guiltily, getting up and kicking the grass verge angrily.

"Does she...does she look bad from injuries she sustain?" Frieda then found herself asking, hating to think of Penny broken beyond recognition... of her beautiful body shattered and torn.

"She looks like she's sleeping. Peaceful even." He replied, remembering the moment he had seen her lying still in the morgue. "Almost angelic." He added with a sigh as his knees began to shake.

"You believe that she could be an angel now?" Frieda asked him quietly as he settled down once again upon the grass beside her.

"I don't believe she could be anything but." He told her honestly, wiping a hot tear from his cheek as the offending bit of carriage was finally completely removed from the track. "She was when she was alive...why not when she..." he started, but was unable to finish his thought.

"I hope that she is. That she somewhere now that she feel no pain. That she at peace." Frieda commented quietly, her vivid green eyes still full of unshed tears.

The flowers lying before them rustled in the breeze and Michael looked at Frieda with a small smile, taking her hand in his own and giving it a reassuring squeeze as much for himself as for her.

"I think she is Sputnik." He told her softly, putting his free arm around her shoulder as she once again began to cry.

"Me too." Frieda replied sincerely, looking up at the starlit sky as her head rested on Michaels shoulder. "Goodnight Penny Valentine." She then called out softly. "Sleep tight."
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