Written for Suppis Tenshi in response to a challenge.

Of Dust and Rainbows

-

Oh, God of dust and rainbows, help us see

That without the dust the rainbow would not be

-'Prayer' -- Langston Hughes

-

The door opened quietly, and artificial light flooded into the dark bedroom. The golden glow played with the features of a small boy lying perfectly still on the bed wrapped in cotton blankets. The tall dark figure slowly and quietly closed the door and made his way to the double bed on which the smaller was lying, and removed his jacket before carefully climbing in bed and falling asleep thinking he had gone unnoticed once again.

He hadn't.

Bright violet eyes shined with unshed tears in the darkness, staring at the undistinguishable form of his darker half who was sleeping peacefully with a smile on his face. He at least was happy. He had friends, Yuugi's friends. Friends that didn't belong to him but to the lighter version resting next to him.

Yuugi couldn't bring himself to say anything, though, his heart wouldn't let him. He was content knowing Yami was happy, and if that meant he was alone once again then so be it. But this didn't stop the tears from falling.

The hikari sobbed into his pillow while the yami slept on; oblivious to the pain he was causing the little one.

-

Beep beep beep be-

Yami turned off the alarm and sat up, yawning widely. He smiled as the morning sunshine flooded into the room and lightened up the atmosphere. He was feeling happy this morning, better than happy in fact, and he couldn't quite explain why. Turning to the other figure in the double bed he immediately saw that his happiness was not contagious. The light was still lying down and was rubbing at his red-rimmed eyes, giving the impression he had been crying. He was also quite pale, and still looked tired.

"Yuugi? Are you-"

"Yami! Are you up yet? Don't you have to meet Anzu at the mall in an hour?"

Yami sighed and called out to Solomon that he was getting ready now. He turned to resume his conversation with Yuugi only to notice the bed empty and the en suite bathroom door closed. Sighing again he tried to open the door only to find it locked and the shower running full blast. They never usually locked the door.

Blinking Yami used the other bathroom; he really didn't want to be late, not today. His spirits were dampened now, after seeing the distressed state of his hikari. Something was bothering him, but what? Yami mulled the thoughts over as he stood under the shower, tepid water gliding over his bronzed muscles. Yami turned off the water and wrapped a towel around his waist, making for their bedroom once again.

Yuugi was finishing getting dressed. His hair was brushed and spiked, and he was pulling on a black tank top to match the leather trousers. Yami licked his lips as he caught sight of his aibou's pale, flat stomach…until he was greeted with questioning amethyst orbs.

"Yami?"

The darker smirked and pulled him closer, his hot breath tickling Yuugi's neck. The smaller smiled at the attention and was about to respond when a female voice called from downstairs.

"Ready Yami? I had to pass here on the way to the mall so I thought we could walk together."

Yami glanced helplessly down to Yuugi who plastered on a fake smile, urging him to 'go have fun'. Yami's smile was forced too, he really didn't want to leave Yuugi again; he had been doing it far too often recently. He just wanted the world to leave him alone for five minutes so he could spend some time with his aibou. But he could not. So he settled for kissing Yuugi quickly and grabbing his jacket before leaving with Anzu.

Yuugi watched his koibito leave with a tear in his eye, though he refused to let it fall. He simply wiped it away roughly and stumbled downstairs to help his grandfather in the shop.

-

Many hours later Yami and Anzu were sipping milkshakes at the mall. The blue eyed girl had several shopping bags at her feet, it had taken quite a while to assemble the perfect outfit for tonight; her father was coming down to visit her and her mother. She hadn't seen him in years and wanted everything to be perfect, hence having to go in every shop at least twice.

Yami hadn't minded, when she had asked him to accompany her last week he hadn't hesitated it saying yes, but with Yuugi acting strangely he just wanted to go home. He began to play with his straw, the conversation dwindling. Anzu only spoke up when Yami accidentally flicked milkshake at her.

"Is something wrong? You've seemed a little…I don't know…off? You want to talk about it?"

"It's Yuugi. He's been acting differently for a few days now. At first I didn't really notice that much -- I was too busy. But now…" He trailed off helplessly, and stared intently at the straw as if the plastic tube was going to provide an answer to his problem. Anzu's eyes softened, she had seen the change in the hikari too; all of his friends had. But they just assumed it was a passing thing.

"Maybe he needs some space? Perhaps he just wants to be alone?" Yami looked doubtful at this, and Anzu agreed as the smaller boy had been spending an awful lot of time on his own. "Well then maybe it's the exact opposite and he's lonely?"

"Then why would he encourage me to go out?"

"Because he wants you to be happy. You should know Yuugi well enough by now; you're going out with him for crying out loud! He's upset about something, and I suggest that if you don't want it the situation to become out of control you go spend time with him. Yuugi will be the last one to tell you if he's hurting, you know that."

Yami was at a loss of what to say, thankfully Anzu helped him.

"I think you need to go shopping."

-

Yuugi picked up a few boxes of cards, placed them on the pile and picked up some more. No, it wasn't fun, and no he wasn't enjoying it but it had to be done.

Solomon looked over from where he was taking a stock check; his grandson was looking a little pale, and seemed to be lacking energy. His movements were very lethargic and he just didn't seem to be bothered. He had been like it all day, and Solomon was getting worried, the small boy would just take orders and do what had to be done in complete silence.

Yuugi sighed heavily and wobbled slightly, catching himself on the freshly polished counter. Solomon rushed to his side and steadied him, checking his forehead.

"Yuugi why don't you go get some rest? You look exhausted; I can take care of everything down here."

Yuugi nodded and made for his bedroom, his light footsteps on the worn carpet told Solomon that he had gone to the bathroom first, though. The elder man shook his head and went back to labelling a box when his attention was caught by the window; outside the once fairly clear and pleasant sky had become a threatening shade of grey, a low rumble in the distance promised a storm too. A few drops of water splashed innocently against the window pain and Solomon absently thought of how Yami was going to get home, but dismissed the thought and went back to the box.

-

Yuugi stared at his reflection; there were dark shadows under his now dull violet eyes. He had just been sick again, though no one had noticed. Yami was out again, with Anzu again. It was the same routine every day. Yami had the fun; Yuugi sat at home helping and studying.

He sighed and opened the medical cabinet, grabbing the paracetamol package as he had the mother of all headaches. Downing them dry he replaced the packet and his hand brushed against Yami's razor kit. The box fell to the floor with a light thud and spilled the contents everywhere.

"Just not my day…"

Yuugi began fitting the things back into the cardboard box but as always with these kinds of things there wasn't enough space for everything. He resisted the urge to bang his head against the wall as he began to take everything out and try again. The rain became louder, and he was sprayed with water from the open window. But he didn't care. He was busy trying to make the blades fit right.

Finally everything was in and he put the troublesome box away. Deciding to go to bed as Solomon had suggested he turned and stood on something cold and sharp. One of the razors was smugly embedded in the cream carpet, laughing at him. Rolling his eyes Yuugi picked it up and promptly cut his finger along the sharp edge.

"Ah!"

He dropped it again and quickly put his finger to his mouth, attempting to stem the non-existent blood. He looked at the cut, it wasn't very deep or long, and a single bead of blood seeped out. It wasn't that bad actually, didn't hurt as much as he had imagined. He was disappointed to see only the single bead of blood though, but if he could get that much by accident, maybe if he did it intentionally.

He glanced down to the metal blade; it shined in temptation screaming for him to pick it up. He complied and held it over the pale flesh of his wrist. He had heard about this many times before, but had never considered doing it himself. He pushed the blade against his wrist but pulled back as soon as he felt the cold metal. Trying again he brought it down…and pulled away.

Growling in frustration he tried again, tensing his muscles he felt as the metal sliced in, felt the thin, sharp blade penetrate his skin. And instantly pulled it away. Blinking at his reflection he couldn't believe what he was seeing; he, Yuugi Mutou, had a razor blade held to his wrist. A few more beads of blood appeared this time, and began to slide down his wrist. He felt his breath quicken and tears forming. He didn't want this, not really, so what if no one cared; it wasn't worth dying over…was it?

-

Anzu hugged Yami and opened the door of the taxi for him, he handed her some money for his part of the fare, grabbed his single shopping bag amongst the sea of plastic bags and ran to the Game Shop. Even the ten metre jog managed to get him fairly wet. He waved her goodbye from the doorway and turned to let himself if.

"Sshhh!"

"I didn't say anything."

"Just warning you in advance to be quiet; Yuugi's asleep."

Yami nodded in understanding and showed his purchase to Solomon who smiled.

"That should cheer him up a bit, he's seemed so unhappy lately, you don't know why do you?"

"No idea, Anzu suggested that I should spend more time with him and I agree, but if he's sleeping I'll just go get changed and help you down here for now."

Solomon nodded as the soaked Yami made his way upstairs, the lights flickered slightly as a flash of lightning illuminated the room. Yami shuddered; he didn't like storms at all. They were always used in films when something bad was about to happen and therefore always made him think the worst of things.

He reached the room he shared with Yuugi; the light was off so he felt his way to the wardrobe and pulled out some more clothes. He changed quietly then made his way to the double bed expecting to see his koibito lying there. But a helpful flash of lightning showed the bed to be empty.

Panicking slightly Yami tried to calm himself.

"He's probably just gone to the bathroom…"

Yami checked their en suite bathroom but it was empty, so he made his way back into the brightly lit hallway and to the closed bathroom door. He knocked lightly and the door swung open to reveal Yuugi standing in front of the mirror with a razor blade at his wrist.

Yami panicked.

He rushed to Yuugi and grabbed the blade easily, throwing it to the floor. He quickly inspected the wound and after deciding it wasn't too serious pulled Yuugi into a hug wrapping his arms tightly around the small boy. He felt tears falling onto his shirt, and knew that Yuugi was crying though he was surprised to find that he was crying too.

"Yuugi don't ever do that again, please aibou, I love you."

"Love me? Still? But I tried to…to…"

Yuugi burst into fresh tears as his yami gently rocked them back and forth. He kissed the lights forehead and wiped away a few tears.

"Why Yuugi? What the hell were you thinking?"

"I don't know. It didn't hurt though, it just felt right. Maybe I was right, maybe I should just end it all, would that make everyone happy? I just want you all to be happy…"

"Yuugi stop it, stop it right now! Don't ever think that, your friends don't want you dead, I definitely don't want you dead…why would I be going out with you if I wanted you to die? Why would I wake up next to you every morning?"

"Pity?"

"Yuugi, I don't do it out of pity. I do it because I love you. Do I need to spell it out? I L-O-V-E Y-O-U. So when I come home to find you with a razor in your hand…Yuugi I was so scared."

"But why?"

"If you died I don't know what I would do. I love you too much to even think about it. Without you, I don't think I could exist, you mean so much to me Yuugi. Please don't ever do anything like that again."

Yuugi didn't respond verbally, instead pressing his lips to Yami's in a breathtaking kiss. When they parted he rested his head on his Yami's shoulder, and felt cool tears dripping gently into his hair. Yami picked them both up and sat him on the edge of the bath. He bandaged the wrist with the small cut on it and rubbed in some antiseptic cream just in case. Kissing Yuugi softly on the forehead he gathered a very sleepy Yuugi into his arms and carried him to bed.

"Stay wi'me?" Yuugi looked up through half-lidded sleep hazed eyes.

"I wasn't going to leave anyway."

Yami lay down next to him and cocooned them both in blankets; Yuugi fell asleep instantly while Yami stayed awake listening to the rain beating against the window. He unconsciously tightened his grip on Yuugi as he thought back to the earlier events; the blind panic he had felt when he saw Yuugi with the razor was still clear in his mind. Nuzzling into Yuugi's hair he felt the smaller boy shift in his sleep, mumbling something incoherent.

"I'm here Yuugi…don't cry…"

Yami fell asleep to the sound of Yuugi's warmth and even breathing.

-

To Yami there was nothing better than waking up and being greeted by Yuugi's bright shining eyes and beautiful smile. So when his eyes slowly opened and were rubbed of sleep he was pleasantly surprised to see Yuugi also awake and beaming at him. He was then treated to a kiss from the hikari.

"Why are you so happy all of a sudden?"

"Am I not allowed to be happy? You want me to be sad?" Yuugi pouted.

"No! Definitely not."

"Then quit complaining and make me breakfast! Jiichan said I wasn't allowed out of bed."

"He's been in here this morning?"

"It is eleven o'clock, Yami. Most people tend to get up before then."

Yami grumbled and rolled out of bed, completely forgetting that there was a good two foot drop to the floor. He pulled on some trousers and a shirt that looked clean and after kissing Yuugi again he made his way to the kitchen just as the doorbell rang.

Yuugi smiled brightly, and began to pick at the bandage on his wrist. He felt a little silly for doubting Yami and his friends; it was just recently it seemed everyone had been avoiding him. But after Yami's heartfelt words last night he felt much better. He was the reason Yami existed. No one else. He was reminded of something he had read in a literature class years ago, one line stuck in his mind; without the dust the rainbow would not be. Yami was the rainbow, and he the dust. The rainbow could not exist without the dust. The darkness could not live without the light.

"Yuugi!"

Yuugi was pulled from his thoughts by a blonde blur. Jounouchi had apparently heard about what had happened and come round instantly, and was now glomping Yuugi to death.

"Yuug, don't ever scare me like that again, man! When your grandpa called me and told me what you tried to do I almost had a heart attack!"

Yuugi who was virtually unable to breath as he was being held so tightly merely made a sort of strangled noise in response. Jou loosened his death grip and stared seriously into his small friend's eyes.

"Please Yuug; promise me you won't try that again?"

"I'm sorry for all the trouble I caused; I didn't mean to make you worry…"

"Always apologising…it's our fault too, we should have noticed something was up. Forgive me?"

"Always."

-

Yami finished burning the toast to perfection and started spreading the golden brown bread with raspberry jam; Solomon entered sipping from a mug of steaming coffee. Yami felt the elder mans presence and didn't bother to turn around.

"How is he?"

"He's fine, I think. He genuinely seemed happier this morning, and seeing Jou will probably lift his spirits a little more too."

"What are you going to do now?"

"Just be there for him, what else can I do?" Yami finished with the jam and replaced the lid. "I'll never leave his side."

Solomon smiled as Yami turned around with their breakfast in hand.

"Go tell him that."

Yami nodded and made for the stairs just as Jou was leaving. Solomon replaced the jam in the cupboard and cleaned the knife; Yami was not the most tidy of people. Upstairs he could hear Yuugi giggling and thanking Yami for the breakfast, then a gasp when obviously Yami had presented Yuugi with the present he had brought yesterday.

Shaking his head he tried to block out the noises as they became more seductive. Maybe there was something good on TV?

Owari

Please review.

-Written: 25th July 2004

-Dagger