Every Little Thing
Reba walked through the door of her bedroom with a glass of wine in hand. As she moved across the room, the light grey house coat she wore danced around her body as the cool fall air billowed in from the open window. She should feel chilled from the breeze as she only wore a light night gown underneath her house coat, but she didn't. She was numb. The pain that flowed throughout her veins numbed her to the rest of the world. He was gone.
Reba sat in the chair next to the window, her leg curled underneath her and a blank stare on her face. She brought the glass of wine she was holding up to her lips and took a sip, closing her eyes as the cool liquid met the back of her throat. It was the same wine they had shared on their anniversary a few months ago. She let her tongue caress her lips as she remembered that night and the way his wine-soaked lips had tasted against hers. A flash of pain radiated throughout her chest and she held her eyes tightly closed, trying to rid her mind of the thought. She took another sip of her wine, desperately needing something to dull the pain.
Reba opened her eyes and stared at the entrance to her bathroom. Suddenly, she could see him walking out and into the room like he had done on countless occasions. He'd adjust the cuffs of his dress shirt and then he'd smile as she approached him. He'd bring his hand to her cheek and kiss her on the lips. She brought her hand to her cheek and held that very spot, she remembered the warmth of his touch and the look in his eyes. Love.
She took another sip of her wine. The pain seemed to flow freely inside of her and it hurt. She ran a hand roughly over her face, trying so hard to stop the memories in their tracks.
After a moment, she stood from the chair and set her wine glass on the stand next to the bed. Her glass was the only thing that occupied it, the drawers empty and no sign of anything ever occupying it was left. She remembered how cluttered it had once been.
Reba sat down on the edge of the bed and focused on the window in front of her. Orange, yellow, and red leaves fell from the trees above and she watched as they floated to the ground. She could see him looking out the window. He'd turn with a smile on his face when she'd call him to bed, his blue eyes echoing the love he had for her inside. She laid back on the bed and stared at the ceiling above. She tried, once again, to rid her mind of these memories and then it hit her. His scent on the pillow that rested below her head, so strong it was as if he were standing next to her. She closed her eyes as tightly as she could, the world around her going black. She wanted to shout at these thoughts, tell them to go away, but she remained silent.
She could feel the mattress shift under the weight of his body and the sheets tighten against her as he climbed in. She could feel the movement of his body as he searched for comfort and the draping of his arm around her waist once it was found. She could feel the heat of his body outlining hers and how perfectly the two fit together. The pain that was flowing inside of Reba now pooled in her chest, the sting quickly becoming unbearable, and a ragged breath escaped her lips.
If the night was right, the hand that fell gently at her waist would move to her outer thigh and she'd feel his palm slide softly against her skin as he traced the outline of her body. He'd pull the night gown from her body and slide his hand across her stomach, pulling her back close against his chest. He'd touch his lips lightly to the back of her shoulder and he'd move the hand that rested on her stomach to her breast. She could feel it as plain as day and knew she would shiver against him because he'd know exactly what he was doing.
Reba tried so desperately to stop her mind, but when she opened her eyes she saw him hovering above her body. Scared at how vivid this all seemed, she shut her eyes, hoping, wishing, praying this would all end right at that very moment. But she felt the warmth of his touch against her cheek and his thumb trace down her lips, gently parting them before pulling away. She saw the look in his eyes playing like a movie on the back of her eyelids. The look he gave her right before he was about to make love to her, the one that told her how much he loved her.
She jumped up and stared horrifically at the bed in front of her, walking backwards until she was leaning against her closet door. A hand flew to her mouth to muffle the cry that escaped her lips and as she closed her eyes, tears stained her cheeks. Over the noise of her sobs, she could hear the sound of their hearts beating as one and the feeling of his hot flesh against hers.
Before the memory could go any further, she grabbed her wine glass from the night stand and walked into her bathroom and without a thought, she through it into the sink. The sink turned red for a moment as the wine contrasted against its white colour and shards of glass danced all around. A quiet sob escaped her lips and the crash of the wine glass echoed through her ears. Everything seemed to be happening in slow motion and it felt as if she was watching the scene unfold from a distance. What had she just done?
Reba gripped the edge of the counter and bowed her head, trying to get a hold of herself. She breathed in the air around her and exhaled after a moment. She lifted her head and stared at her reflection in the mirror. Her eyes were a different shade of blue or perhaps they just looked that way because they were surrounded by red. She couldn't stand to look at herself any longer so she shifted her attention to the sink below, what a mess she had made.
At that very moment, she could feel his strong arms wrap around her waist and as she brought herself to look into the mirror once more, she could feel his face resting on her shoulder and his blue eyes staring into the reflection of hers. She remembered it like the last time he had done that was yesterday. No. Please.
Reba couldn't handle the memories that were plaguing her. She slowly backed away from the mirror and quickly exited the bathroom. Just as her bare feet hit the carpet of her room, her toe snagged the pillow, his pillow that had fallen to the ground causing her feet to fumble and her knees to hit the floor as she fell. She swung her legs around into a sitting position and pushed herself back against the wall for support.
The tears streamed down her cheeks and her body shook as she emptied the pain that had built up inside of her over the past few weeks. If he was there, he'd sit next to her on the floor and wrap his arms around her shoulders. He'd hold her without words until the crying stopped and then he'd lift her into the air and move her to the bed, their bed. He'd hold her body against his for the rest of the night, never letting go until morning. But he wasn't there; he'd never be the one to do that again. He was gone. He was with her.
As the tears finally slowed, she lifted her head and leaned it against the wall. She wiped her cheeks dry with the back of her hand and tried to focus her eyesight on the dresser in front of her. However, rather than settling on the dresser, her eyes narrowed in on the picture that sat above it. A wedding picture. She wore white and he wore a smile, how had everything changed so quickly? His "I do" echoed through her head and she felt the pain sting her chest at the realization he didn't, not anymore.
Reba absentmindedly reached for the jeans on the floor next to her and removed the cell phone that hid in the back pocket. She flipped it open and pressed the button without thinking twice. She held it to her ear and listened as it rang, the sound getting louder and louder every time it hit her ears. And suddenly, she heard his voice on the other end of the line.
"Hello, this is Brock Hart."
She wasn't prepared to hear his voice and she felt a tear silently slip from her eye.
"Hello?" The familiar voice said again.
"I guess you forgot what you told me." Flashes of their wedding day played through her mind as she spoke; the look on his face as she walked down the aisle, the promises that fell from his lips and latched onto her heart, and the hand on her waist leading her out of the room and into their future. The one they were supposed to spend together.
"Reba?" He couldn't mistake that voice anywhere and she was quiet for a moment.
"I remember every little thing, Brock." Two more tears slipped down her cheek as she stared at the wall, expressionless.
"I don't understand, Reba, what do you me – " But before he could finish, she hung up the phone and let it drop to her lap.
She would do anything to not remember every little thing.