A/N: Three years on this blasted site and I'm just now starting up a fic. I can't guarantee high-quality chapters or fast updates, but I promise I'll do my best.

This is for Birdie, my real life Naruto, haha, I hope you like this uncreative piece of oddness.

"What the hell!?" Naruto's voice echoed down the large hallway. "Baa-chan!"

Tsunade pinched the bridge of her nose. "Your father set this up brat, not me. If you want to take it up with him, start praying to the Shinigami. This isn't even a stipulation for your heritance, it's been set up since before you were born."

Naruto waved her arms around comically, trying to formulate a coherent sentance. "But... an Uchiha?"

"Do you even know an Uchiha? Because there's only three. And one's in prison." Tsunade resumed her brisk pace, leaving Naruto to stumble after her briskly.

"Well... no," Naruto defended, "but Uchiha Corp... it's known as one of the biggest companies in Japan, right? Isn't the CEO super shady or something?" Her long ponytail bounced as she jogged after Tsunade, who'd stopped at the elevator.

"Exactly. This will be good for Namikaze Industries, Naruto. I know you're not exactly happy, but this is business, and an exceptional deal for us that's been a long time in the making. So shut up and deal with it. And the Uchiha is secretive, not shady."

"Same difference." The petite blonde pouted, stepping into the elevator as it opened. She inhaled deeply and tried to get ahold of her rampant emotions. "I hate business."

"And I hate my life, but we all have to buck up and move forward or else people run ahead without us." The busty doctor checked her phone as the elevator made its descent, shoving it back into her pocket as the bell dinged. "You can't keep following me around my hospital, Uzumaki. Don't you have a new company to take over?"

Naruto scowled deeply. "Not for a few months. The old pervert is taking care of things for now. He told me I should take more courses on business management before I even start thinking about taking Namikaze Industries as my own." She chewed on her lip for a moment. "Hey, this will all work out, right? There's no way I'd lose this against-"

"Didn't I tell you to shut up?" Tsunade asked rhetorically. The tall doctor turned to face her younger counterpart, placing a hand on top of the Uzumaki's shoulder. "You've got this thing in the palm of your hand, kid. Now scram before I kick you into the next exam room."

The heiress let out her signature grin and actuaries away, barging through the large hospital doors before screeching to a halt, turning tail and running back in. "Baa-chan! When do I meet him?"

"Whenever he wants to. This entire thing rides on his terms, not ours. So try to watch that mouth of yours for once, yeah? Jiraiya will give him your personal contact information, he'll talk to you when he wants to. If he doesn't within a month, ask the old pervert about it and he'll do something." Tsunade walked out of sight, raising a hand in a farewell motion.

Naruto let out an admittedly childish groan and made her way out to the hospital lot. She meandered along the sidewalk until she realized she needed to hail a taxi, and from there on she sat in a slight daze until the full gravity of the situation hit her.

"What the hell!" She screamed for the second time that day, gnawing on her abused lip again. The startled driver swerved to the side of the road, narrowly avoiding a black cat.

"Is everything alright?" The nervous driver and stuttered, making eye contact in the rear view mirror. Naruto slid down her seat with a muffled scream, trying to resist the urge to make an even bigger scene.

"Just peachy," she growled. The two sat in an awkward silence until the driver pulled up at her stop. Naruto paid him, all but running into her apartment. She toed off her heels and flopped onto the couch, grabbing her cat and squeezing it tightly. "Kurama!" She wailed, "my dad was an asshole. Who sets up arranged marriages anymore!? I haven't even dated anybody in my life! And who the heck even is this guy!?"

The old cat hissed and wriggled free, leaving the distressed woman alone to her thoughts. Naruto shuffled to the fridge, draping a blanket over her body as she opened the freezer door to reveal several pints of ice cream.

Picking up the small pint with an offended huff, she pried the lid of with the tip of her spoon and dug in, using her free hand to dial a number. "Hinata-chan," she whined as soon as the call went through. "Kill me. Or have Neji kill me, he'd be happier to do it. Give my obituary please," she finished dramatically, letting her head thud against the back of the couch.

"Naruto-chan? What...?" The soft voice of her friend filtered through the speaker, and Naruto chomped on another bit of chocolate ice cream viciously, wincing as her teeth clacked against her spoon. "Is something wrong?" Hinata finally asked, choosing her words carefully.

"My life is ruined. Demolished. Destroyed." Naruto told the other girl flatly, spreading out in the couch. She peered sadly down at the empty ice cream carton and took aim at the nearby waste-bin, moaning sadly as it fell short of its mark. "So if you'll send your cousin to finish me off tomorrow, I'll make sure to bless your life for the remainder of your years."

"Just tell me what's wrong!" The usually shy purple-ette exclaimed, patience finally wearing thin. "Sorry. I can't help you until I know what's wrong though, and you know it." Naruto absentmindedly wondered how paused off Tsunade would be about her spreading the news so quickly, but a petty, childish part of her found a small amount of delight in the idea.

"I..." she paused for dramatic effect, "am getting married to Sasuke Uchiha."