How to explain...? My sister sent me a link to the video of Amanda Palmer doing What's the use of Wond'rin? and said "Write a Scott and Bailey AU fic: I dare you." Then someone suggested it should be a musical. So, after I finished screaming at them, this is what happened... I can only apologise wholeheartedly.
The 'songs' should be sung to the tunes of What's the use of Wond'rin?, The Turtles' So Happy Together, and the nursery rhyme Round and round the garden.
Janet stares at the body at her feet. No blood oozes from it to make a mess on her beautiful wood flooring. Everything is quiet now. Everything is still.
She smiles.
She knows exactly what to do.
.
Rachel brings the jelly. She also brings sweeties. This is a celebration. They deserve a treat. She has dressed up for the occasion and so has Janet.
They share a special smile.
This is where the fun begins.
.
Janet draws Rachel into the kitchen. They dance. The radio plays an old tune and Janet sings to her.
Imagine me and you, I do
I think about the things we do, when they're untrue
And think about the fun we have and I'm not blue
So happy together
.
Rachel holds her around the waist and swings her, waltzes her, twirls her. Janet pauses, poses. They smile. Rachel sings back.
If you should call me up, all in a stew
And you say you you did something that one shouldn't do
Imagine I'll be here within a min or two
So happy together
.
They turn in together close and grasp hands. Fingers interweave and they dip their heads together, forming the perfect shape. The music slows and sighs, segues seamlessly into sweet romanticism. Together they whisper out the final words.
Oh what's the use of wond'rin' if it's me or if it's you?
Or if you gave his head too hard a twat?
Oh what's the use of wond'rin' when the blood rushes anew?
He's your fella and you killed him. That's all there is to that
.
Rachel kisses Janet's forehead as the chords fade. Janet gives her a coy smile. She looks fragile, like a china doll. Janet sways in Rachel's arms and sinks to the floor.
Her perfectly cut dress reveals the bruises. She touches them one by one to remind herself why they are there.
.
Rachel lowers her gently then stands back. She waits for Janet to show her. She already knows what happened, or knows enough. Rachel has been in Janet's position before. It is how this ritual developed. The first time laid the pattern for this occasion.
.
Janet lifts her left arm and gestures with her right hand. She walks her fingers up the fingertip imprints slowly.
Round and round the victim
Like an iron clasp
One pinch, one punch
Think she's in your grasp
.
Rachel sits beside her. She curls her body in close, copying Janet's position. Rachel strokes Janet's hair back from her face. She lifts her right hand and extends her arm to show the matching set of marks. Rachel raises her eyebrows and pouts her lips to show she is sad.
.
Janet leans her head on Rachel's shoulder. She stretches out her arm fully and twists it so that the full circlet of fingertips are visible.
Round and round he held me
Thought he had me fast
One twist, one turn
He's fought his very last.
.
Rachel raises Janet's hand. She kisses her palm.
.
Tears sparkle in Janet's eyes. Slowly, she frees her hand and very slowly she peels back one shoulder of her dress. This bruise is much larger,. It is already darkening. The broken blood vessels stand out blue-black threads.
.
Rachel touches the bruise, ever so softly. She touches her own place, where the stains have faded now.
.
Janet remembers too. She can't help it, she starts to cry.
.
Rachel wraps her arms around Janet's head and holds her tenderly. She sings to their own special refrain.
Common sense may tell you that we're breaking common law
And we'll have to face a punishment one day
But what's the use of wond'rin' when he nearly broke your jaw?
He hurt you and you stopped him, that's all there is to say.
.
Janet nods. Rachel helps her up. Together they clear the table and lay out all the special things they brought. As they prepare, Janet tells Rachel how it happened.
How she came home and he was there.
How she made sure they were alone.
How he wouldn't listen.
How he kept pushing her.
How he got angry when he couldn't have his way.
How he held her arms.
How she kept very quiet so nobody else would know.
How she still said no.
How he hit her.
And how she got him back.
How his body went down with a dull thud.
How clean it was, how quiet then.
How Rachel was the first person she called.
.
Something made him the way that he was
He tried to blame it on you
But something told you he was wrong because
He didn't have a clue
.
Rachel runs her hand down Janet's arm, stands close to her. She reminds Janet about the first time, in her old flat.
She remembers the calm that descended when it all went quiet.
She remembers the phonecall.
She remembers Janet holding her.
She remembers how pleased they both were, after the initial shock.
She remembers how tender Janet was with her cuts and bruises.
She remembers that it seemed like the only logical, fitting thing to do.
She remembers how lovely the table looked when they were ready.
She remembers what a big clean up job they had to do afterwards.
.
Me and you and you and me
No matter what we must go through, it has to be
The only ones who understand, are you and me
So happy together
.
Janet lays out the cutlery.
.
Rachel pours the wine.
.
Janet selects one shiny red apple for the finishing touch.
.
Rachel goes to examine the body. It is ready.
.
Janet knits her fingers with Rachel's. They smile. Together they strip the body and lift it, stagger through to the dining table. It is lighter than Nick's was and less slippery.
.
So when he tries to hurt you you will do what must be done
And afterwards you'll wear your party dress
And any time she needs you, you'll go round there at the run
You're her girl and she's your best friend that's all you will confess
.
Together, they sit, close, side by side. Rachel touches Janet's cheek. Janet purses her lips.
They raise their glasses in a silent salute.
To friendship.
To love.
To not taking it lying down.
To getting away with murder.
Together, they smile.
.
I can't see me needin' nobody but you
For all my life
When you're with me, baby the things that we do
Are all my life
.
Janet and Rachel pick up their carving knives and forks and survey the body that they used to call Andy. The light gleams. Now, where to begin...?
So happy together
We're in this together
...