Love & Sanctuary
A/N: A sadly AU piece set around end of 3.5. Distraught and angered by the fact no one listened Dr Clarkson goes to Isobel for comfort and finds an unexpected understanding and sanctuary as they discover love.
Edith followed Dr Clarkson out into the hallway.
"I'm truly sorry Lady Edith," he whispered, "I am sure I could have saved her given the chance."
"I know all too well what it's like when no one listens to you, Dr Clarkson," Edith said gently, "I have had a lifetime of that but in my case it has never led to anyone dying. The fact is that Mama and Tom don't blame you because they saw how hard you tried. Do you want me to drive you home?"
Clarkson shook his head.
"Thank you Lady Edith but you should stay with your family; I shall walk,"
He walked out of Downton and Edith sighed for she knew exactly how he felt.
He walked down into the village; the skies were lightening and it was chilly and damp.
He thought about going home and getting drunk but that wasn't the answer; the idea of being alone with his thoughts and intense feelings was not good. He spent too much time alone as it was.
The family would be consoling each other. Clarkson was grateful for what Lady Edith had said to him.
He wondered who he might confide in; in truth there was only one person he wanted to talk to and be with at this time. He had been thinking about Isobel Crawley rather a lot recently and he did not know why. They often argued vehemently but he admired her passion. She had a good heart and the thought that she might console him spurred him on. He suspected she may still be waiting on news for Matthew had been far too preoccupied to have telephoned his mother.
Dr Richard Clarkson had never felt so desolate or alone as he did right now and he knew that Isobel retained some kind of distance from the family. The thought of being in Isobel's arms came unbidden to his mind and he was shocked by the intensity with which he found he wanted this.
Ethel had gone to bed and Isobel was drinking tea. Matthew had called to tell her that Sybil had had a baby girl and that Sir Philip Tapsell and Clarkson had bickered constantly during the waiting time. Isobel had not gone to Downton that evening; she felt angry that Clarkson, who had delivered all of Lord Grantham's daughters, had been supplanted by an eminent titled doctor who knew nothing of the family or its medical history. Isobel had been enraged on Clarkson's behalf. She found herself thinking about him again and dismissed the thought from her mind. Isobel was a fiercely independent woman and felt she had settled reasonably in Yorkshire although it was a world away from the life she had known in Manchester. Now she filled her hours with good causes and volunteer work but she had realised in recent months that this was to try and avoid facing the fact that she was desperately lonely. She missed having someone's arms around her; her life was empty and she suspected that Clarkson worked long hours for exactly the same reason. But she had Matthew and, as far as she knew, Clarkson had no one to care for him; no one to cook him an occasional meal or sit and talk with him of an evening.
.Isobel was shocked to hear a frantic pounding on the door.
She went to open it; despite warnings from Matthew against opening the door at odd hours but Isobel did not care for it was almost dawn and Ethel would soon be up.
She felt her heart flutter when she found Clarkson on the doorstep; he was pale and looked like he had been crying for his eyes were red-rimmed.
"Richard," she gasped as she stood aside to let him in, "What on earth has happened?"
"Oh Isobel," he sighed, "Tapsell would not listen to me and as a result Lady Sybil died of eclampsia not one hour ago. I have never felt so helpless in my entire life,"
"Oh that dear sweet girl," tears came to Isobel's eyes for she had been very fond of Sybil.
He sat in Isobel's small sitting room; she pressed a glass of whisky into his hand and he smiled at her.
"Tell me what happened," she said gently as she moved to sit beside him. The smell of her perfume intoxicated him much as Isobel was aware of his faint antiseptic and cologne smell which comforted her. She felt touched he had come to her.
So he told her everything; including how helpless he had felt seeing Sybil in the horrific fits brought on by the condition he had tried to make himself heard over. Isobel sensed both rage and quiet despair in his voice and made up her mind that she would not let him down.
Before he had finished his body was tensed with sobs and his face awash with tears. Isobel put her arms around him and held him close. She said nothing but let him cry as she soothed him; gently stroking his hair and back with tenderness he had never expected. Being so near to him made Isobel realised he needed her and she realised with a shock that she needed him too.