Yes, I was crazy when I wrote this. The idea actually came to me many years ago, but it was only recently it occured to me that I should finish it, because on the 21st, some of this might not be funny anymore (SNIFFLES). I got the idea from Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, by Judith Viorst. Not quite cronologically correct, but who cares? Hope you like!

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is owned by JK Rowling, and ATHNGVBD by Judith Viorst. I own nothing but a twisted sense of humor.

Harry Potter and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

By Ichigo2491

I went to sleep with a chocolate frog in my mouth and now there's chocolate in my hair. And when I got out of bed this morning, I tripped on my Firebolt and by mistake I dropped my Invisibilty Cloak in the cauldron while it was full of Draught of Living Death and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

At breakfast Neville found a Remembrall in his sheep's blood pudding. And Dean found a Galleon in his sheep's blood pudding. But in my sheep's blood pudding, all I found was sheep's blood pudding. I think I'll transfer to Durmstrang.

In the Quidditch match, Madam Hooch let Slytherin have a penalty. Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw got penalties last time too. I said I was being mistreated. I said I was being ill-used. I said, "if you don't give Gryffindor a penalty I'm going to be broom-sick." No one even answered.

I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

In Transfiguration Professor McGonagall liked Hermione's raccoon-turned-tissue-box better than my half-racoon, half tissue box mutant hybrid.

In Care of Magical Creatures Hagrid said I sang to the chimaeras too loud. "They likes a nice, soft lullaby, 'Arry! Too much noise riles 'em! Oops, there goes Lavender… well, no one'll miss her, eh?"

In Potions Snape said I didn't turn to page 394. Who needs page 394?

I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

I could tell because Ron said I wasn't his best friend anymore. He said that Hermione was his best friend, and that Loony Lovegood was his next best friend, and I was only his THIRD best friend.

I hope you sit on a knarl, I said to Ron.

I hope the next time you get a Bertie Botts Every Flavor Bean, it turns out to be Polyjuice Potion flavored and you turn into Viktor Krum and land in Durmstrang.

There were 2 Pumpkin Pasties on Zacharias Smith's lunch plate and Malfoy got a Licorice Wand, and Ron's mum sent him a package with a cake that looked suspiciously like Errol with little coconut sprinkles on top.

Guess whose mum is dead and can't send him anything?

It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

That's what it was because after lessons, Ginny rushed me to the hospital wing because my scar was hurting, and they found a connection to Voldemort in me. "Come to the dungeons for regular mind-reading torture sessions… excuse me, Occlumency lessons, and I'll fix it," said Snape grudgingly (after Professor Dumbledore poked him in the side a few times).

"No thanks, you greasy git," I said, "I'd rather go to Durmstrang."

On the way down to the common room I got my foot stuck in the trick stair, and while Ginny was gone to get help, Peeves came along and threw me into a potted plant and made the corridor all muddy. And then while I was knocked out and had a nightmare about my parents being murdered by Voldemort, Malfoy came along and called me a cry-baby.

And while I was punching Malfoy for saying cry-baby (and just because of the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean), Ginny came back with Professor McGonagall, who scolded me for messing up the corridor and engaging in a "display of Muggle dueling!"

I am having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, I told everybody. No one even answered.

So then, we went to Gladrags Wizardwear in Hogsmeade to buy some pointy hats. Fred chose a red one with white stripes. George chose a white one with red stripes. I chose a black one, but since I bought mine new and theirs were secondhand, I felt very sickeningly guilty at my own good fortune.

When I went to see Dumbledore in his office he said I could break any of his possessions, since he has too many of them. But I guess I got carried away with shredding the socks. He also said to watch out for the copy of The Monster Book of Monsters on his desk, and I was careful as could be except for when I sat Fawkes on top of it. He also said, don't fool around with his Penseive. But I think I witnessed Dumbledore's first date with McGonagall (at a dance at Durmstrang… don't ask me why).

Dumbledore said please don't come up to his office for private lessons anymore.

It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

There was Cockroach Cluster for dinner and I HATE Cockroach Cluster.

There were people snogging in the common room and I HATE snogging. (Well, unless it's with Ginny).

Moaning Myrtle decided to get in my bath with me and she made me get soap in my eyes and my pocketknife, my last memento of Sirius, went down the drain, and I had to wear Dudley's old dinosaur pajamas, because Neville had to borrow my good ones, and I hate Dudley's old dinosaur pajamas. When I went to bed Ron took back the pillow he said I could keep, and I let him because he can't afford another one, and then all the lights mysteriously went out, and I bit my tongue and my scar started hurting again. Crookshanks wants to sleep with me (what happened between him and Mrs. Norris, anyway?). It has been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Dumbledore says some days are like that.

Even in Durmstrang.

Well, folks, little purple button, you know what to do!