((( THIS IS AN AU WHERE THE LORAX DEFEATS THE ONCE-LER WITH THE POWER OF LOVE THUS SAVING THE TRUFFULA TREES AND RUINING THE ONCE-LERS EMPIRE THANK YOU FOR READING! ANY OTHER QUESTIONS LEAVE COMMENTS )))
It was a dark and stormy night.
The forest twinkled, the slick leaves reflecting the moonlight. Such a sight would take the average individual aback, astound them with the beauty of nature. The man currently walking through the forest was unimpressed.
He must have been the only human being for miles, he thought. But he couldn't go back. No, that fucking...thing...It triumphed over him. The thought disgusted the man - that an individual of his stature, a proper capitalist, a young entrepreneur of such brilliance and promise, a man who, by his very birthright, should have been capable of any task, any career, of achieving any goal..that a man like that could lose to such a disgusting, worthless, ugly creature. He had to leave. He didn't care where. Anywhere but there.
"Why am I walking?"
Despite this question constantly lurking in the back of his head, he couldn't bring himself to do anything but. He didn't know if it was his way of punishing himself or something worse still - but he knew he needed to make this journey on his own. During his ivy league days he had picked up some basic survival skills - some of the more adventurous types had started a survivalist club, and he had seen value in participating. Such foresight! In truth, he suspected a true collapse in government would lead to an 'open season' by the rabble on those that ran the economy. He suspected he would need to retreat into hiding until after the dust had settled, after the disgusting majority realized the truth of social darwinism, that the men like him were predestined to reign - and then he would emerge from his woodland home, no longer a Prince but a King, being one of the last living 'ubermensch' - yes, he thought, he would instate a republic..
"What am I saying?"
He remembered now. He was no superman. He was beaten by a filthy, disgusting, putrid, dirty, hideous animal. And that is why he is walking. He is walking to rediscover his inner Alexander, to bring back his conquering spirit, to do what is necessary to become the Roark-like giant he always thought he could be. And walk he will.
Three months pass.
"What am I even doing anymore?"
The snow fell. It fell in sheets. The survivalist club never taught him how to deal with this. A rabbit - he takes aim, misses, and loses his chance entirely. Fucking snow. In a flash, it's gone. He is going to starve to death.
"No. I will not die here."
A cabin. Is this real? Another trick? No. It's there. It's real. Is it a cabin? More like an igloo..The walls are so covered in snow it's impossible to tell the material used in its construction. It's something. It's shelter. It's..
...home. For now.
The man opens the door with some effort, pushing aside a large mound of snow - he considered the possibility of becoming snowed in but decided the risk was one he had to take. He threw off his pack, kicked off his worn, holey shoes, and examined his facial hair in the mirror - disgusting. He looked disgusting, he thought, like he belonged on welfare. He spent a moment looking around the cabin, but it was dark. He had to fix his temperature problem. A fireplace of sorts sat in the room's center. It looked unused. Luckily, he had tinder in his pack along with his trusty Zippo lighter, passed onto him by his father and emblazoned with the crass, but effective words "FUCK COMMUNISM." After a bit of effort, a fire was going, and the room lit up. He pressed his hands together and moved his face closer to the fire - the warmth radiated through his cheeks, and relief was instantaneous.
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?"
From behind the man came the voice, the voice of a creature, a different kind of creature than the one who had taken everything. It was small and inhuman, made of round balls of what appeared to be snow, with tree branches for arms and a carrot for a nose. There was no mistaking it - it was a snowman. The snowman was speaking to him
"Oh, it's finally happened. I've lost it. I've completely lost my mind."
"Yes, you have, asshole! Now put out that fire - I'm sweating like crazy! Are you trying to kill me? You'll find I don't die so easily!"
The snowman put up his branches in an amusing way, as if a fight between them would be anything but a minor annoyance for the man, as hardened as he had become through his travels. Yet he obeyed and put out the fire - afterall, it was the snowman's house, and if the man did turn out to be crazy, he didn't want to live much longer anyway. Yes, this seemed like an all right place to die - alone and defeated in a cold, dark cabin, like a wounded animal crawling under a house. He could be left alone, here with his snowman, and he would pass, and that would be it. No more.
"Hey, sorry about gettin off on the wrong foot here. What brings you here? Are you feeling all right?"
That fucking snowman won't just let me die in peace, he thought. Oh well, if he was going to have some lunatic delusion, some conversation with his subconscious on the brink of death, he might as well play along.
"I am not all right. I am hungry. I am freezing. I am exiled. And now I'm talking to some representation of my inner consciousness, and it's the dumbest looking thing I've ever seen in my entire life."
"That's rough. I don't appreciate the last comment, though. I am very much my own autonomous being. I represent only myself, proud to say."
Fuck this. The man reached out and in one smooth motion snatched the carrot off the snowman's nose. He bit into it, expecting nothing, but instead tasting...actual carrot, frozen as it was. What he was eating was real.
"WH-HEY! Listen, buddy, you've gone too far. You came into my home when I was sleeping, you tried to kill me, and now you've eaten half my god damn nose. Give that back - the rest of it, right this instance."
He obliged. The implications swam through the man's head: Maybe this is real. Maybe this snowman can help me. Maybe I can...Maybe I can survive.
"Listen, I'm sorry. I just had to be sure. I'll get you another carrot. What's your name?"
"My name? I'm shocked that you care, but it's Olaf. And it's very rude to demand an introduction from someone you haven't introduced yourself to yet."
"Quite right, my dear new friend Olaf, and my apologies. I am.."
Who am I now?
"...Once, I was the Once-ler. I'm not sure I have the right to that name anymore, however..."
"Rough. Well, Mr. Once-the-Once-ler, it seems like you could really use some food, given what you did with my nose."
"An astute observation. Perhaps you could help me procure some?"
"I don't eat human food, Mr. Once-ler. But I can traverse the snowstorm, and I could get you something. Possibly. Maybe. But you seem like a good capitalist. You should know - nothing in life is free."
This was a turn of events he did not expect. The Once-ler expected the threat of potential death at the hands of a creature much larger than itself to be the driving motivator for Olaf - but he realized that, despite what he thought originally, Olaf really was holding all the cards. Sure, he could try to use the last of his energies to dismantle the fucking snowman - and then he'd die alone in the cabin. Or he could give him what he wanted, and live to take back the forest.
"I have nothing, but I am willing. What can I give you, Olaf, that would convince you to save my life?"
"Punishment."
Punishment?
"You bit off my nose. Luckily, I keep a few spare - but they're treasures here. Do you think carrots are everywhere in this landscape? I have to replace them as they rot, though, so I always keep a few around. But you, you just made my life much more difficult than it would have been previously. You can't just get away from that and expect me to save your life in return."
"...What punishment am I to recieve?"
"Take off your pants."
The snowman's demand caught the Once-ler by surprise. Just what was happening? But how could he refuse?
"...Okay."
"Good. .. Good. Now I need you to lay down on your stomach and prop your behind up slightly."
This was becoming too much. The Once-ler had half a mind to turn around and stomp the impudent snowman, to teach him to humiliate a God, but he had to admit...something about this situation was...exciting him. He followed his instructions.
"Now take your punishment.."
Olaf repositioned his nose to a..lower area. Without warning, he penetrated the Once-ler's chocolate rosebud with his vegetarian Jiminy Cricket. A scream of pain and pleasure, beautifully mixed into one brilliant cry, escaped the Once-ler's lips.
"I won't be able to .. use this as a nose anymore, so I .. might as well get to have some .. fun with it," said Olaf, gasping between thrusts, his branch arms propping his body off the floor, but clearly struggling to maintain a rhythm.
The Once-ler had to admit, the pleasure was intense. Like nothing he had ever felt before, far beyond what any human had ever done for him.
"I should note that .. I maintain some control and feeling over pieces of my body. So I felt .. that bite. I felt the .. pain, the pain of having my nose bitten in two. And now I'm going to pay you back .. in reverse," gasped the snowman. The carrot suddenly began to twitch, to vibrate, within the crevices of the Once-ler's body. The stimulation was too much. Maybe he really was going to die tonight, he thought, crying out. Die...of pleasure.
"I know you want to finish .. to shoot your hot glue out all over my floor. Well, go ahead now .. it's not like you haven't already made this your home, anyway.."
The Once-ler had to admit, he was close. The stimulation of his prostate pushed him over - he released his love mucous all over the floor. His baby maker goo coated the cabin, and only then did the snowman remove his ding-dong from the Once-Once-ler's ho-ho. The man collapsed, and Olaf proudly affixed his nose back to his face - not even caring to clean it.
"I'll be back soon with food for you, my pet. Feel free to light a fire while I'm gone. We can...have more fun later."
The world was a haze to the Once-ler. He heard the cabin door slam. Time passed - how long, he wasn't sure. An hour? Two hours? Half an hour? Again, the cabin door swung open..
"I knew this was too good to be true..What's this all over the floor?" muttered a foreign voice. No...That's not Olaf. Who else, now? Who could be here? The Once-ler looked up. It was a familiar face.
"Once-ler? What are you doing here? I haven't seen you for years!"
"Frank? Frank Reynolds? How...how did you even get out here?"
"Nevermind that - where are your pants? Cover yourself, child!"
The Once-ler spent several hours catching up with his old friend from his college days. Frank had often been at Paddy's, a regular hangout for the Once-ler in his younger days. Frank was unaware, but he was the real reason the Once-ler had always insisted on visiting Paddy's...Something about his body drove the college age Once-ler to .. hunger.
Frank confided in his old acquaintance he was trying to meet up with a certain Ukrainian internet "babe," but seemed to have taken a wrong turn. Lost in the snowstorm, he stumbled into Olaf's cabin looking for shelter for the night. But of course, he hadn't met Olaf yet - so he assumed the residence belonged to the Once-ler, who didn't bother explaining his own circumstances. It's simpler for everyone, thought the Once-ler, if I just let him project whatever story he wants onto me, and he's too self-centered to ask for the real story anyway.
Not that self-centeredness was a bad thing for the Once-ler. No..like any good objectivist, the Once-ler actually found himself turned on by a truly selfish personality. The gears began to turn in his mind.
"Frank, why don't you stay for dinner? We might be having bear tonight ... "
(((( CONTINUED IN PART 2 )))))