He seriously didn't choose to be here.
"You did well", Reiji nodded as he dismissed him, talking with the other lancers.
He liked to brag how strong he was, but here, in this dangerous place, he could admit he was the weakest of them all.
"So you managed to stay alive", Shun gave a look that clearly read disappointment, "Luck is the only thing that made you survive until now, but if you don't stop being weak you're going to perish sooner or later"
He flinched.
"Hey Sawatari, how everything went?", greeted Yuya, looking slight concerned.
"…Fine", he answered dropping his gaze.
"She's back", voices whispered.
Yuzu took few steps, taking the cape that covered her slim arms and folding them as well as taking the duel disk from her arms that had gashes from wearing it for too long.
"How was everything?", Shun asked as soon as she entered.
"Everything went fine", he nodded, showing several purple cards, "I got some of the enemies's weapons"
He stared at her small frame as everyone crowded around her, inquiring about her well being and about her mission.
She must have noticed his gaze, as she looked at his direction.
"I'm tired", she blinked, smiling as she gave the cards away, "Sorry for not being able to talk right now"
It was his cue.
He waited until she disappeared to the innermost part of the base, the dormitories.
Yuzu didn't say anything as he walked by her side, her steps faltering from time to time as she blinked furiously.
She was dead tired, but because she was one of the most competent duelists she was constantly summoned to deal with the most dangerous missions.
He felt slight torn if he should hold her hand in case she fell or not, but before he could decide what to do they arrived at their destination.
"Open the door", she asked him, which he complied, opening the heavy metallic door as she entered the small room and dropped on the bed, closing her eyes and breathing deeply.
He took a seat nearby and sat close to her bed, while she stood there for a few moments, still.
"You went on a mission alone", she finally spoke, eyes still closed.
"Yes"
"Why didn't you bring anyone with you?"
"Heh, if you noticed, I'm not really well liked here", he scoffed.
The LDS Aces, Shun, and the others looked down on his abilities. Yuto glared every time they met(which made sense as he once threatened Yuzu).
As ironically as it sounded, the only people that seemed to care for him were the people that had the most reasons to hate him.
Yuya was pretty carefree, so it wasn't exactly a surprise. He never accused him or tried to belittle him for things he did(to which he could admit now that he did petty things).
Yuzu's help was the unexpected part, he wouldn't find strange if she plain ignored him and treated him like garbage, but she was still nice to him.
"Well, not half bad, it means you could hold on your own"
While she always told him to get stronger after he whined she never told him that he was weak. On the contrary, every time he managed to win on his own she acknowledged that as if he improved, so he felt less insecure when he need to battle alone or was cornered.
… Speaking of that, he remembered how at the beginning he constantly freaked out and he needed to be rescued by either Yuya or her(the only willing to do so), so he got used to feel more at ease whenever they were close by. Between the two duelists he only felt more comfortable with Yuzu because she was the one that tended to rescue him the most while looking cool at it.
How many times she just interrupted the enemies' duels just to tag with him and help him? He couldn't even count.
How many times she also supported him while he was the least injuried of the two and she was struggling to stand?
"Tche, you and Yuya are too nice", he mumbled, "… I don't deserve any of that"
"I still haven't forgiven what you did to us", she replied, which made him hang his head in shame, "But I'm not the kind to just leave you to die, for now we are comrades, and that's enough reason for me to want to protect you"
She opened briefly her tired eyes and reached for his hand, placing her hand on top of his.
"… You improved a lot since we first met", she spoke quietly, struggling to not fall on the realm of dreams, "Continue like this and we will find it in our heart to forgive you"
She yawned.
"Sorry, we can talk later", she closed her eyes again, curling herself to sleep, "I need to rest"
"It's fine", he nodded, "Sleep as much as you want"
She weakly nodded, and curled even more as she breathed slowly, sleeping on the spot.
Shingo stayed on the same spot for a couple of minutes, admiring her peaceful expression as well as how her breath slowly left her parted pink lips, which he seriously felt drawn to.
… Recently he caught himself having these thoughts, and he didn't know how to react at first, so he went on denial, but time proved that it was an useless attempt, so he kind of accepted it as normal now.
He quickly got up and took some blankets to cover her, and struggled to fight the urge he always had to hold her, every time his conviction faltering little by little.
Ah, screw it.
A hug wouldn't do bad to anyone right?
So he held her, something that he would never dare to do while she was awake, while he embraced her he let himself bury his face on the crook of her neck, the strong sweet scent from her body filling the air he breathed and the skin warming quickly to his touch.
He let a bitter laugh.
He finally crossed the line he was teetering around.
He wanted her badly. He wished he could always be able to held her like this and be as special to her as she made him feel.
If they didn't meet under those circumstances … But he couldn't even hope for that. If he even managed to make her truly forgive him he would be lucky.
Yes, there was no point wishing for the impossible.