Why I didn't go for her?
Chapter 1.
He still didn't understand why he didn't go for her. He told himself that it was because she asked for them to not go for her, he told himself it was because Morgan has gone to them telling them she was safe in The Kingdom, he told himself it was because he was angry that she has left her farewell letter to Tobin and not him, he told himself it was because he was angry at her for her leaving them.
But it was not because of those reasons. He was ashamed of himself, he knew he has failed her, all of them have failed her. No one saw that she was depressed, he didn't ask her why she wasn't okay, no one cared that she was sleeping with a guy she didn't even know... no one cared for her, they were all so lost in their own pain , in their own world... But he knew that even if he wanted to blame Rick, or Maggie... he was the one who failed her. He was her best friend, he has always protected and now he has failed her.. he has taken her for granted...Fuck.
So, when Morgan came to told them that she was in The Kingdom and Rick asked him that if he wanted, they would go for her... he said no. He didn't want to face her, he didnt' want to see her pain.. he didn't want to that he has lost her...
And now, six months later, he had her in front of him. And he wished that he would have gone to her.
...
She was.. stunning. Goodbye to that Alexandrian clothes, goodbye at her depressed face... she was just so gorgeous and so fucking incredible that it hurts to see her.
She was in the porch of the central house in the Kingdom with the other leader, Michael. He had heard they were the leader since the death of the former leader in Negan's hands, Michael and she have managed to save the Kingdom and since then, they ruled the place.
She was now Known as The Queen of The apocalypse, and she looked as one. She wore a leather jacket and tight jeans and black boots. God, she was so sexy and her hair was longer and more wild. She looked like a rock star and seeing the looks of that guy, Michale, she was his rock star.
And it hurts so much to see that. He saw the way he looked at that guy, he saw the way he hold her waist and the way they looked at each other. He didn't saw love on her eyes but he saw admiration and happiness in them, and in Michael's eyes, he saw real love. Poor guy, he has fallen in love with her. He was going to suffer so much.
He looked then to his own group, he saw Abraham looking at her open- mouthed and Sasha looking at him angrily and saw Rick's face which was a mix of pride and relief and surprise. He noticed Morgan moving towards them, he leaned and speak to Rick's ears and him.
- She's a good actress,isn't she? She doesn't trust Michael,she thinks he's a spy from Negan ... - said Morgan
Fuck. He looked at her again and then he saw it,her smile was the same that in alexandria when she thought Michael was looking but when he wasn't looking at her, she looked like the Carol he knew. He saw in her eyes that she was acting, she was thinking hard about something..
He looked at Rick who tried to keep smiling but he saw in his face that he was worried. They neede to talk to her, alone.
And he wasn't sure how he was going to react to having her close.
...
They gave them two houses, he decided to stay with Rick, Michonne and the children. Carol would come to see them soon but some Kingdom man said that she was busy right now helping in the infirmiary. His girl always so helpful, sacrificing her time to help others. Yeah,she was his girl even if she doesn't know it.
It was almost night when she appeared in the hall, she looked so beautiful that he couldn't react to her presence until she has hugged both Michonne and Carl. Then she came to the sitting room holding Judith, to talk to Rick and him.
He saw Rick hugging her and he was surprised to see him crying a few tears after that.
- Oh Rick- she said caressing his hair
- I went for you with Morgan... but- he started to say
- I know sunshine, I know, but you did good- she said- I've missed you and your children so much, Judith looks so much as Lori...
- Yeah.. you know she would be so proud of you... and we've missed you too.. I've missed having someone like you around.. you were brave enough to disagree with me.. and at the same time, you loved me..- he said smiling
- Oh .. yeah.. love you..-she said laughing and hugging him. Then she looked at him since Rick's shoulders. He saw them a lot of emotions in her face, he saw happiness to see him, relief and surprise.
She separated from Rick and after she gave him Judith, she came to him. She moved like a .. fairy. He has always loved the way she moved,she was so delicate. But then he saw in her face she was afraid of his reaction.
She stood in front of him, her eyes were shining with tears and she smiled shily at him. He knew she thought he was angry at her.. he could have let her think that. But that was cruel.. and he never wanted to be cruel to her.
He took a step toward her and he caught her chin like that day when she was abducted for the Saviors. He caressed it softly, she was expecting him to say something.
- You are a rockstar now, aren't you?- he said and then she let go a laugh.
She hugged him then and he hugged her back, he saw Rick smiling at knew how much he has missed her, he was the one who knew his feelings for her, he has confessed one day when he got so angry for missing her that he almost shot Aaron in the he noticed her breaking the hug and he leaned at her ears.
- We need to talk, seriously- he said and she nodded
- Well- she said looking at both- We need to talk
...
She told them everything. Morgan saving her,the people from the Kingdom saving them, how Michael and she became the leaders... she was more badass than before. If that was even possible. He saw her eyes when she talked about Michael, and he decided to ask her the question he wanted to ask since they got here.
- Are you with him? - he said and he saw Rick covering his face with his hands
- What?- she said surpised
- Are you sleeping with him? or he just devored you with his eyes because you don't let him make a move?- he said
God, he has left her heard her sigh.
- Okay, we need to tak about something... and no one else can know. - both Rick and him looked at her worried- the reason I know.. he is not .. exactly who he said he is.. it's because.. well..- she sighed again- He reminds me of Ed you know? He is so good looking and so charming ( as Ed was once) but he is too... temperamental.. I saw him having a fight with the former leader.. and it was a rough fight.. a few days later the saviours killed him.. he said he could't save him because he wanted to save me and the rest of the people. But he knew I was able to do it alone... and he .. well has tried to .. make a move on me... in fact one night he came to my room and ..- she looked afraid
- Tell me didn't do ... I will kill him- he said
-Oh no, no, do you really think I would let him? oh come'on, you know me- she said smiling- It was his reaction what afraid me.. he started to shout at me and he saw the same look that all the saviors had... he apologised later on.. and since then he treated me with devotion... but it's like a play.. you know? We are both actors, and I'm trying to see if he is a bad guy or if he is the villain...
After she finished her story, they stood there in silent. Rick and him was shocked to hear all, they really thought the Kingdom was a safe place, and to know that the leader was... could be a savior.. But if he was sincere, he was thinking about her. He needed her alone to talk to her, he has missed her so much.
...
After that they didn't see her again, he hope that he would see her during dinner. But she didn't appear. He decided to look for her.
He found her in one of the gardens in Hilltop, she was with was talking to her so close and he could see how she was listening to him but looking for some escape. He went closer to them, listening to their conversation.
- Hey sweetheart, we need to be together in this. I know they are your family but... they didn't come for you...- said Michael while caressing her cheek
- I asked them not to come for me- she said faking a smile
- I would have come for you either way.. I couldn't live without you...- he said leaning toward her but she separated from him
- I'm sorry Mike, I really am...- she said
- Don't worry my dear- he said tooking her neck a little too hard- Think about it..
And then he left. He saw her then sat in a bench and covered her face with her hands. He went to her, making noises to let her know he was there.
- Hi stranger- she said smiling at him
- What was that? I almost lost my mind when I saw him catching your neck...- he said as he took softly her chin
- I'm fine... You wanted to talk with me.. come'on .. walk with me, I've missed so much my pookie- she said holding his hand
He let her hold his hand, in fact he caressed it briefly.
To be continued...