warning(s): none (hopefully)

additional notes: sets few years after Mika joining up with Yuu's team. ignoring the canon plot progress; let's just say the war hasn't ended yet even after five years.

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The Future in Which I Might Not Exist

Owari no Seraph © Kagami Takaya

This is a work of fanfiction, simply written for the purpose of enjoyment and entertainment. I gain no financial profit from writing this.

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The man named Hyakuya Yuuichirou wasn't someone you could consider an intelligent one. But, if decided upon the amount of time he spent in the library, anyone would think he could answer any questions you threw at him.

He used to complain about bad weather and having to stay indoors. Yet now, even the clear sky outside―which would be the perfect weather to train―wasn't enough to make him budge from his seat. His friends' invites didn't interest him that much anymore. He'd rather spend his time in the library, flipping over the books he had probably re-read ten times by now. Ever since a few months ago, his visits were getting more frequent and he stayed longer that he even slept in the library over night.

Everyone knew what started him. But the way he's doing it lately seemed like he's being chased.

As if there's a time limit.

Thick hardcover books were scattered messily on his desk, while the rest were stacked up tall; still untouched.

Whenever a line from the book piqued his interest, he scribbled them down on his notebook. It was a pocket-sized book, the cover was torn and the edges of the papers were rough. The notes he wrote in there were highlighted in some parts. Not everyone could read his notes. Partly because it's complicated, while the rest because of how messy it was.

After reaching the last page of the book he's reading, he closed it and put it aside. He stretched his stiff back after staying in the same position for hours.

"You're here again, Yuu-chan."

The familiar voice resounded in the silent room, startling Yuu who thought he should be alone in that huge room. He knew that voice well, his lips curved into a smile, "Mika! What's wrong?"

"Your lunch is ready. You should go join them," Mika informed. He eyed on the mess Yuu created and sighed. Shaking his head, he collected the books on the desk, "I'll clean up your mess."

Yuu leant back on his seat and grinned, "I'll go later, there're still some things I want to check." His eyes followed after Mika for a while before picking another book from the stack. "Rather than that, aren't you hungry, Mika? It has been quite a while hasn't it? Do you want to drink mine?" He tapped his own neck.

Mika shook his head, "No, I should still be okay."

He returned the last book in his hand to the shelf. The only ones left were that one tall stack. Since he had helped Yuu quite a lot of times before, he automatically knew which books Yuu had finished and which he still needed.

Yuu resumed reading and he took a seat across from Yuu. He got himself a book from the ones Yuu hadn't touched. He scanned the book cover, "... Progenitors and... Nobles?" He rested his chin on his palm and continued, "What's the point of checking the books you've read before? You won't find anything here, Yuu-chan." He flipped over the pages without paying full attention on them.

"You never know, I might've missed something."

Mika didn't raise a word after that, and so did Yuu. It was tranquil. They kept minimum movements to maintain the mood. The sound of flapping pages quietly rose and fell constantly. And with his heightened senses, the sound of their slow breaths completed the music for Mika's ears.

This was not the first time.

Each time Yuu had time away from their training schedule, he could only be nowhere but here. And Mika would always come to find him here. A fleeting moment Mika had enjoyed way too much. He didn't care about the lack of communication between them. All he ever cared about was staying by Yuu's side. Sharing each other's presence, sharing the same oxygen―that's all he needed.

Yuu would read his books, and Mika would sit across from him.

He's satisfied even though the time they had flowed like the wind; it came suddenly, with a squall and left you breathless, then disappeared a second after.

"Ouch!" Yuu pulled his hand away suddenly.

"Yuu-chan!"

Yuu checked his finger, "A paper cut..." Yuu stopped for a second, then grinned and showed his finger to Mika, "Mika!" The red blood seeped through the thin cut. A drop was left hanging at the edge of the wound. But when Yuu pressed his other finger around it, it dripped down, leaving a trail of red on his hand.

"Do you want?"

Mika turned away, "I said I still don't need them."

He already had his meal two days ago, it should last him for another few days. But of course, if tempted with blood―especially Yuu's―it would still be hard to hold himself back. The aroma trickled the tip of his nose and the sight of them was enough to make him swallow hard.

He took another glance at the small drop of blood on Yuu's hand, but quickly turned away again.

Yuu shrugged and licked off the blood from his hand. When he pulled away, more blood came out. He let them run down his finger and drop on the desk.

He lowered his hand to his side.

"If... If I drink your blood... will I become a vampire, too?"

Yuu avoided Mika's gaze and had his eyes fixated on his messy notebook.

Mika never expected that kind of question to come out from Yuu's mouth. The usual Yuu wouldn't have compared himself to a vampire, moreover thinking of becoming one. What brought him here, then?

Mika opened his mouth―about to answer, but Yuu laughed it off and stopped him from his words.

"Forget about it. Moreover, help me put these books back. I'm starting to get hungry." He stood up and closed the book he read halfway. He didn't even care if he hadn't finished the book; he needed to avoid the heavy atmosphere just now. How stupid of him to start that topic. He walked up to the shelf and put them back according to their categories.

"Yuu-chan..." Mika called out. "Why are you so desperate about this?"

Mika waited for a while, expecting that silvery voice to answer him. But he didn't get any. He glanced at Yuu from the corner of his eyes; Yuu stood still with books still in his arms. His eyes unfocused while looking to his lower right side, lips sealed shut.

Yuu probably didn't want to talk about this, Mika didn't want to force an answer out of him either. He picked up the remaining books and returned them to their place.

"I thought it would be okay even if it takes a long time."

Finally getting a response, Mika turned to Yuu.

Yuu continued, "As long as we're together, I don't care if it takes long to turn you back." He sighed and resumed his cleaning, "But I realised it's not that simple."

Mika came up to Yuu and put his hand on Yuu's cheek. He smiled, "In the first place, I never thought returning human is even possible. No one knows if there's even a way. So, I don't care any―"

"―But I care!" Yuu yelled.

He took Mika's hand with both his hands and held it tight. "Do you realise I've grown taller than you now?" He shut his eyes and bumped their forehead. "I don't want to grow old alone, Mika."

The thought of him dying before Mika scared him. The cause was not the death itself; it's the thought of leaving Mika alone in this wretched world. If he died, Mika would have to join the vampires again. Yuu might not know if Mika would enjoy his immortal life with those other vampires, but he didn't want to bet on something uncertain.

If he stayed by Mika's side, Mika will never be alone. That's all he knew.

"I believe a way to turn you back exists somewhere. But, I just don't know when we'll find them."

He placed his head on Mika's shoulder and shifted his hands around Mika's body, hugging him in a tight embrace. He didn't want to let go.

When Mika felt wet sensation on his shoulder, he returned the embrace and brushed Yuu's hair gently with his fingers. To be honest, he didn't care anymore about being a vampire ever since he knew Yuu would accept him no matter what he is. Sure, it scared him sometimes knowing he could lose control anytime and drink someone dry. But by staying with Yuu, he was positive Yuu could help him snap out of it.

Yuu tugged on Mika's coat, "Mika... let me drink your blood."

Mika pushed him away. Yuu fell down since he didn't have enough time to grab anything to keep him from falling. Mika stepped back and curled his arms around himself. "What are you thinking, Yuu-chan!? You hate vampires so much and now you said you want to be one of them!?" Mika raised his voice despite knowing he shouldn't have. They're in a library, after all. But no one would care, since the two of them were the only ones in that huge library.

Yuu bailed his fist and gritted his teeth. "But if I become a vampire, I don't have to worry about time! If you live forever, I will too! If you turn back, I will too! We can grow old together!"

He didn't realise it since they had always been together. Looking at Mika in front of him never struck anything on him. But that one time, he was standing side by side with Mika in front of the mirror and saw their reflections. It dawned on him that Mika didn't change a bit since five years ago. They looked like two people born in years apart.

Time kept flowing for him, but not for Mika.

He pulled his knees closer to his chest and buried his face between them. "I won't leave you alone anymore, Mika."

Mika averted his eyes. He knew it; he knew it would come up like this one day. He fathomed out how Yuu's feeling, what Yuu's thinking. He had known Yuu since forever, he believed himself to be the one who understood Yuu the most.

It was too obvious by the way Yuu even suggested becoming the vampires he despised. He did it all to stay by Mika's side, to make sure Mika would never be alone anymore.

Mika snorted. That kind of feeling... there could only be one word to describe it.

And it was―

"―Guilt."

The word came out together with Mika's breath. He closed their distance and knelt down. He ran his fingers along Yuu's hair trying to get the other guy to raise his face. But Yuu stayed in motionlessness with constant jolt to his shoulders. He hadn't stopped crying.

Mika breathed out with a tight-lipped smile.

"Yuu-chan... You don't have to feel guilty towards―"

"It's not guilt!" Yuu cut off Mika's words and lifted his head, his face all flushed and wet of tears. He repeated his words once more, but this time in a much lower volume, "It's not guilt..."

Seeing Yuu so displeased with how Mika addressed his feelings, he nodded slowly. He didn't want Yuu to keep being burdened by the past, he didn't want Yuu to blame himself for leaving him with there that day. He was supposed to be dead; Yuu's decision was the right one. But he had probably concluded it wrongly as guilt.

Mika scooted beside Yuu and pulled him to lean on his shoulder. "If you become a vampire, you'll have to worry all the time whether you'll wake up one day with someone dear to you near you and losing too much blood."

"I'm positive you could help me snap out of it if I stay with you."

Mika raised his eyebrows and glanced at Yuu. Those words... were the exact same thing he thought when he thought he's fine settling down as a vampire. He chuckled, they both were definitely different but sometimes they would be thinking of the same thing. He decided to continue, "You... won't be able to digest anything other than blood anymore."

"We can exchange blood, and I'm sure your blood tastes a lot better than Shinoa and Mitsuba's cooking."

They both laughed.

They held hands and intertwined their fingers together. They held on tight, reluctant to let loose. They always loved holding hands; Mika enjoyed the warmth Yuu shared with him, while Yuu enjoyed being the one to share the warmth to Mika's cold hands. They enjoyed each touch they shared.

If Yuu also turned into a vampire, they would be able to spend eternity side by side. Mika wouldn't have to let go of this hand, he could held onto this warmth forever. And by living for so long, they need not care about the state the world was in anymore. They could run away―like his original suggestion―and live far away from this.

And even if the world was destroyed, or if the world was restored; they would live through it together. Then, when they finally found the way to turn back humanl; they would grow old together, and die together.

Mika smiled. What a beautiful dream.

He slowly opened his eyes, "If after a few years later you still want to become a vampire, then... let's think about it later. For now... I want to stay like this."

Even though it was an ideal projection, Mika didn't want Yuu to turn into something he loathed. Although Yuu said it was okay, he just wanted Yuu to live normally―as a human.

And also, this way... he could make sure Yuu would never be alone anymore. Staying alive for 90 or so years was a lot easier than staying alive forever after all. In the end, Mika had the same feelings as Yuu―he also didn't want to leave Yuu alone in this wretched world.

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End.

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a/n1: I had hard times with the ending, spare me. I only had planned out how to start this story and progress it, I'm really clueless on how to end this one.

a/n2: Mika and Yuu give off the vibe to be the type who 'I want to live longer so he will not be left alone after I died', especially Yuu―since he left Mika alone that time at the start of the series. they know the pain of being alone, so they don't want their partner to feel that same loneliness.

a/n3: I hope you enjoyed this. I used so many same vocabularies on repeat and such ugh.

a/n4: thanks for reading!